Sweet Mother of Fudge! 2/15 A Goodbye Summary~Pimples and Farts

[Honeymooner04]

Hmmm, how can I put this.....You're Funny!

Keep up the great work, I'm loving your trip report.

 

[mimiloveswdw]

Love your trip report!! Keep up the great work!!

Love,
Mimi

 

[DisneyJo]

Yep just as funny as the first

So pleased your Poppy survived the surprise He sounds like a wonderful man and your pressie sounded perfect

 

[Mother the King]

You described the party to a tee. What a funny piece. It is the best part of our day. I read it to Dad. The Uncles speech story was the best and exactly as it occured. Every chapter becomes my new favorite. Your the Best!

 

[Mr._The_King]

I am going to ask Mr. The King to throw some pictures up for me.

Here ya go
Scootering in

Where's a microphone?

Partying

And a P.S. for Mr. The King~ 11 years today you said "I do" and you are still here. I can only truly breathe when you are next to me.

I love you too as I always have and always will



Next Chapter Here...Goofy and a Mallet

 

[lazydoxy66]

That update was wonderful. What a way to celebrate a great man's life. You are so lucky to have a great family that is so much fun!!

 

[LITTLEKID58]

Luv the pics .. TFS

 

[reelmom]

Thanks for sharing the party and the pictures with us. It made me cry and laugh.

 

[ZZUB]

I won't tarnish your excellent Trip Report by saying it's all good. Especially since it's a little strange and mostly hysterical with a hint of pensive and a touch of Cocoon to boot.

Gosh we are weird. Typing up our weirdness like a term paper really sheds some light on our bizarreness.

Ah, yeah . . . the thing is, it's good to keep your internent pseudonym. That way you won't feel bad when one of us bumps into you and casts a sideways glance and wonders why this woman tortures her poor children with senior citizen soft-porn instead of letting them splash in the Hippy Dippy Pool.

Plus the no shaving thing is perhaps as embarrassing as the compulsory visit to the Canadian restrooms. Or not. We can leave that for others to judge. Point is: NEVER TELL US WHO YOU REALLY ARE!!!!!

Where am I going with this? Well, as usual, I am going to talk about my body hair.

That's just a funny sentence.

Now in our defense, Mr. The King and I were only thinking about ourselves.

And so is this one.

The Greatest Lesson….Make a huge impression on your granddaughter, so that when she thinks of you she smiles
I am so proud to be your granddaughter. I love you very much.

All of the things you posted about your granddad were really cool. Made me miss my grandfather very much.

I am going to ask Mr. The King to throw some pictures up for me.

Is your cooking so bad that your husband has taken to eating pictures? No wonder he's vomitting them up! Photopaper can be toxic.

Then, bless him, he launches into a description of his own medical problems.

And then breaks down crying.

Loudly.

Into the microphone.

For a while.

Where do you look during a display like this? Is it appropriate to take a sip of soda when it occurs to you that the speaker is going to cry for a really long time? I mean, getting up to fetch more food from the buffet was obviously poor manners, but could I continue eating?
Does a grown man crying about himself into a microphone warrant the respect of say, a preacher?
The crying continued on.
I tried to cut into my delicious looking ham slice.
Without moving my arms.
Then, I pretended to sneeze, using the motion to fling the fork with the ham towards my mouth.
I chewed using little tiny chomps.

Every family has one. In our family, her name is Aunt Barbara. She's the one who can, and does, eat through anything. We have no Uncle Bob. Thankfully.

But, as is known to happen with septuagenarians, one of the ladies got rowdy. She had to top the rest of the woman by simulating a lap dance. Which became a scooter Dance. After someone helped her get her leg over the scooter.

The only thing more horrendous than this was the picture you posted of the disturbing event. I am numb. But I laughed like a 16 year old drunk on Mad Dog 20-20 for a long time when I read this.


Hilarious as always! Thank you for posting this.

PS. Mrs. ZZUB, it has been almost 13 years since you said "I Do" to me. I know you regret that decision terribly. But at least I don't drag you to retirement community birthday parties where scary old women of questionable values (Hi Mel!) climb on board distinguished old veterans and commit unspeakable acts in front of our children. In other words, it could have been worse.

 

[whogirl'smom]

This was so sweet and poignant (yeah I had to google that after I typed it to make sure I spelled it right ). Just as you had me all ready to cry, here came the lap dance!

So.... are you going to scrapbook those pictures???

 

[jll45]

I had to come in and say that I found your TR and can say I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Thank you for that. The comments from ZZUB are priceless. I too have body hair issues. Is winter here yet? This summer thing has added way too much time to my daily shower ritual.

I hope when my DH and I have been married as long as you have we can still bring out sentiments such as you have.

 

[jewjubean]

haha zzub is giving you a run for your money...or maybe a drive for your money

 

[Mrs. The King]

Loved this update. Your grandfather sounds like an amazing man...your uncle

Can;t wait to hear more

Poor Uncle Bob.
Thanks for reading!

I like you - I do. But right now I am crying. May I have my Uncle Bob moment in peace, please? Thank you.

I recognize the love you have for your Grandfather. I have it for mine. He's been gone almost a year now, but not a day goes by that I don't think of him and love him just the same. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story.

OK, the Uncle Bob moment comment had me peeing a little. I think you have a little king in ya!

You grandfather sounds like he has been well remembered <me and you and our grandpa's

I am happy to hear your Poppys party went so well! I love the surprise parties! Can't wait to hear more about your trip! I am really enjoying reading along.

Thanks for being here, and more importantly, staying!!!

Your grandfather sounds great! How nice that he has so much energy and love for fun in him at that age.

He is a great example. Thanks for reading.

What a wonderful tribute to a wonderful man. He sounds truly fantastic. It sounds like your grandparents really live life to the fullest

Thank you for sharing this!

you are welcome

Awwww. Mrs. The King. And here I thought you were just funny. But, you're not...funny...only. No sirreebob. You're sweet, and articulate, and a beautiful writer. Your children are so lucky to have experienced such a wonderful family gathering...with a wonderful mommy...and a wonderful poppy.

The lap dance...how can I respond to the lap dance...

And...Happy Anniversary honey. May you and Mr. The King have lots of lap dances...just the two of you.

You just flat out rock.

Hmmm, how can I put this.....You're Funny!

Keep up the great work, I'm loving your trip report.

I was worried there for a second. Glad you settled for funny!

Love your trip report!! Keep up the great work!!

Love,
Mimi

Thanks Mimi

Yep just as funny as the first

So pleased your Poppy survived the surprise He sounds like a wonderful man and your pressie sounded perfect

Aww thanks Aunt Jo. You still talk with an american accent in my head

You described the party to a tee. What a funny piece. It is the best part of our day. I read it to Dad. The Uncles speech story was the best and exactly as it occured. Every chapter becomes my new favorite. Your the Best!

Mother the King! Thanks for torturing Dad with reliving "the moment".

That update was wonderful. What a way to celebrate a great man's life. You are so lucky to have a great family that is so much fun!!

They are big balls of fun.

Luv the pics .. TFS

You are welcome!! Thanks for looking.

Thanks for sharing the party and the pictures with us. It made me cry and laugh.

I am glad you enjoyed them

This was so sweet and poignant (yeah I had to google that after I typed it to make sure I spelled it right ). Just as you had me all ready to cry, here came the lap dance!

So.... are you going to scrapbook those pictures???

I google my words all the time!! Google does better than spell check. SC comes back with "no guesses found" all the time.

Those pictures are a testament to how high a lady can kick her leg at any age

I had to come in and say that I found your TR and can say I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Thank you for that. The comments from ZZUB are priceless. I too have body hair issues. Is winter here yet? This summer thing has added way too much time to my daily shower ritual.

I hope when my DH and I have been married as long as you have we can still bring out sentiments such as you have.

I am so glad you laughed!!! That's what I am always hoping for.

I am not wearing my glasses, did you say Zzub is a Princess ? Interesting...

haha zzub is giving you a run for your money...or maybe a drive for your money

Princess Zzub is giving me a ride for my money. I think my has some turbo. It's diesel powered.

 

[Mrs. The King]

I won't tarnish your excellent Trip Report by saying it's all good. Especially since it's a little strange and mostly hysterical with a hint of pensive and a touch of Cocoon to boot.

It seems, after all the Hoop Dee Doo review about your comments, I must take a more... personal approach to your input.

Ah, yeah . . . the thing is, it's good to keep your internent pseudonym. That way you won't feel bad when one of us bumps into you and casts a sideways glance and wonders why this woman tortures her poor children with senior citizen soft-porn instead of letting them splash in the Hippy Dippy Pool.

Senior Citizen soft porn is half price and served really early.

Plus the no shaving thing is perhaps as embarrassing as the compulsory visit to the Canadian restrooms. Or not. We can leave that for others to judge. Point is: NEVER TELL US WHO YOU REALLY ARE!!!!!

Princess Z, there is no hiding who I am. Within minutes of meeting me, almost everyone says "I bet you write internet stories about your bowels and body hair". I am sure you can relate.

just a funny sentence.

And so is this one.

All of the things you posted about your granddad were really cool. Made me miss my grandfather very much.

I'll bet he was a wonderful man.

Is your cooking so bad that your husband has taken to eating pictures? No wonder he's vomitting them up! Photopaper can be toxic.

Please Princess Z, the man has been married to me for 11 years. The least disgusting thing he faces everyday is dinner.

Every family has one. In our family, her name is Aunt Barbara. She's the one who can, and does, eat through anything. We have no Uncle Bob. Thankfully.

Were you crying when you wrote this? Uncle Bob was very moved by his speech, ya know.

The only thing more horrendous than this was the picture you posted of the disturbing event. I am numb. But I laughed like a 16 year old drunk on Mad Dog 20-20 for a long time when I read this.

I bet your tiara was askew throughout the bout.

Hilarious as always! Thank you for posting this.

PS. Mrs. ZZUB, it has been almost 13 years since you said "I Do" to me. I know you regret that decision terribly. But at least I don't drag you to retirement community birthday parties where scary old women of questionable values (Hi Mel!) climb on board distinguished old veterans and commit unspeakable acts in front of our children. In other words, it could have been worse.

Now you have gone and done it. My chapters are not finished until you have responded. I hope you don't regret getting on board this hot mess.

 

[Mrs. The King]

Chapter 5ish
Where were we? Oh, that’s right, HEADED TO DISNEY!!
Tinkerbell made her last round of tooting, and the kids gleefully opened the pile she brought them. My van was in such disarray. Too much traveling, too much hunting and pecking from me. The night is black in front of us. We are following Grandma and Grandpa.
Finally, Disney property, Disney signs, Disney foliage, Disney smells.
We pull into our parking lot at POP. Our home for the length of our stay. We grab bags and head towards to hotel room. It is so late at night, 11:30 pm or worse. The kids were shuffling. We were shuffling. The grandparents are perky.

We stop for a minute to stare at the seen in front of us. Glittering, Huge bowling pins reflecting off the man made lake. Instead of garish and tacky, like any everyday item made that big should be, it makes us sigh with contentment.

Here.

We are here.

You can’t do this twice. It happens once a visit. You arrive. You are the lucky souls walking into the resort. Clutching the folder, sorting through maps to find your room. For the rest of your time in Disney, your feet will do this walk without having to ask your head for directions. You won’t have to count buildings or guess which is faster, the stairs or the elevator.

Breathe it in.

The Disney air is so much sweeter. It is full of promise.

We find our room, just one away from Grandma and Grandpa. Grandma signs up to monitor the shower for the kids.

Grandpa, Mr. the King, and I go get more bags like the men we are. The room is sooooo far away from the parking. Our bags have somehow reproduced in the van. Little lizards scatter out of our way.
Finally, we are in the room. We say goodnight to the grandparents. Grandma has the kids tucked into the bed.

I face my husband. Between us there are 4,836 bags. I won’t sleep until each one is unpacked and sorted. I must know where everything is. There must be order.

At 1:30 am the room is ready for me to go to bed. Mr. the King’s pupils are shaped like two hidden Mickeys. He turns his brain off like a robot and joins the kids in dreamland.

Mrs. The King is keyed up. My eyes blink around the dark room trying to grind my thoughts to a halt. It is heading towards 2:00am.
The only early plan we have for the whole trip is tomorrow. Because of the cast black out we must use hard tickets my parents get from Disney as a gift once a year to get into the Magic Kingdom. The rest of the parks we can be let in on their “Main Gate pass”.

We have 8:30am reservations at Crystal Palace. What was I thinking? Tomorrow is also the only Magic Kingdom Extra Magic Hours. So we want to stay until they kick us out.

The kids are going to be dog tired from the big party, all the traveling.
As I lay here at 2:00am knowing I have to get up at 7:00am, I am regretting the super early morning. But Mr. the King would love to take pictures of an almost empty Main Street. I would love a family picture on an almost empty Main Street.

Any picture we have taken in the past, in front of the castle, always has had an angry, sweaty fourth dayer (guest who has comandoed Disney for four days) glaring at our photopass photographer and standing near enough to us that when showing the picture to friends ,they say “Who’s that, your sister?”.

Dang, that was a long sentence.

So, I am hoping for Dream picture. No tourists, no fourth dayer faux sister

2:15am Close eyes!!! Close!! For all that is good and Holy quit being awake!! I need to be on my game. Disney.

2:30am Damn it.

I start thinking. Always a bad move.
Remembering. Mr. the King and I pull up to a local Chick-fil-a, kids waiting for lunch in the back of the van.
Now, Mr. the King was batting a hundred because even though he used the high pitched squeal he saves for ordering from Drive through speakers, the chick on the other end of the speaker forgot to address him as “Mam”.
Which happens.
A lot.
To him.
And it makes me laugh.
Now, she didn’t call him “sir” either, but I keep the observation to myself.
We pull up. Respectable. Reasonable.
She looks him dead in the eye and says in a really loud voice

“WE ARE JUST WAITING ON YOUR NUGGETS, SIR”

Now that comment is just too much.
Come on.

So many jokes I want to crack.

Loud, inappropriate jokes.

Mr. The King won’t look at me. He knows what I am brewing. I start nose laughing.

He is still avoiding me. I am surprised at his self control. Because he probably already knows what jokes I am telling.

In my head.
And they are good ones.

This past Father’s day, I let PS pick out Mr. The King’s father day gift all by herself. She found a T-Shirt with a squirrel on it. She insisted on it. I did try to steer her in other directions. His face was precious when he opened it.

So only comment, after we were clear of the hard working chicken girl, was. Well, your nuggets are big.

2:45 am Still. Looking. Around.
Recently. A bra of mine. A Favorite actually, has started creaking. Like the door into a really haunted house. It is so awkward, in a group of grown ups, to creak. Loudly. Every time the twins move, the door creaks. It puzzles people. Need to fix that bra. Or throw it out.

2:55am I call down to the front desk and request a mallet to the head to put my ridiculous head to sleep. Goofy shows up with a smile.

7:00am the alarm on Mr. The King’s cell phone rings.
Blast out of bed. Dress the groggy kids. Pack the bagalini. Antibacterial, check. Band aids, check.

PS gets her hair brushed out very carefully. I pack her brush and her entire Cinderella dress in an extra bag (with a jewel encrusted Mickey head).

Did I forget to mention? At the last minute, before we left, I made a Bibbity Bobbity Boutique appointment for my little girl! And they had room in the castle. I was so excited. She was mildly impressed and willing to go along with it. I read a few (actually a lot) of bad reviews.

Can you imagine? What grinch gives the Cinderella experience in the Castle at the Magic Kingdom a bad review? Pish Posh. Party poopers. This is going to be great. What a great moment for my girl. First Main Street empty, Crystal Palace and my friend Pooh, then moving onto the Transformation for my little princess. So lucky to get it early in the morning so it can last all day.

The Kings mobilize. We are ready. Point my nose towards my castle. I am on my way home Mickey.


Up next: Mrs. The King gets angry. In Disney. Oh My.

Chapter solid 6 Sweet Dreams are made of bacon. Come'ere Piglet!!

 

[winkers]

I was sure that you were kidding about the lady giving him a lap dance..............I think I'm going to have nightmares tonight!

I love the story about Poppy coming to PS's rescue when she was singing for him!

 

[PrincessV]

Turn up the Bose Radio
The Lesson: The music sounds better when it’s loud

Grandpa rocks!

So what does a 90 year old man do when you give him a large shock?

Well my favorite 90 year old zooms in on his scooter one hand held high and does doughnuts like a Nascar racer

Love it!

I think I am going to use that lotion a lot!!! On my dogs!!!

WHY haven't I thought of that for my cats?!

GREAT pic!

We have 8:30am reservations at Crystal Palace. What was I thinking? Tomorrow is also the only Magic Kingdom Extra Magic Hours. So we want to stay until they kick us out.

I've got nuthin! Just a whole bunch of nose-laughing. And some quivering.

You brought it AGAIN - the F-U-N-N-Y, that is!

 

[walkerag]

May I just say, your trip report is AWESOME

Creaky bra, I've had one or two of those myself!

 

[jcc0621]

Chapter 5ish
Where were we? Oh, that’s right, HEADED TO DISNEY!!

We stop for a minute to stare at the seen in front of us. Glittering, Huge bowling pins reflecting off the man made lake. Instead of garish and tacky, like any everyday item made that big should be, it makes us sigh with contentment.

I can't wait until I am there next week

The Disney air is so much sweeter. It is full of promise.

Because of the cast black out we must use hard tickets my parents get from Disney as a gift once a year to get into the Magic Kingdom. The rest of the parks we can be let in on their “Main Gate pass”.

When were you there that there was a black out on the maingate pass?

2:55am I call down to the front desk and request a mallet to the head to put my ridiculous head to sleep. Goofy shows up with a smile.

Oh no

7:00am the alarm on Mr. The King’s cell phone rings.
Blast out of bed. Dress the groggy kids. Pack the bagalini. Antibacterial, check. Band aids, check.

Isn't it amazing how lack of sleep doens't bother you as much when you are in Disney

Up next: Mrs. The King gets angry. In Disney. Oh My. [/SIZE]

This does not sound good

 

[ProudMommyof2]

Aw! Why did Mr the King get mad- Did Chip & Dale show him theirs?