Sweet Mother of Fudge! 2/15 A Goodbye Summary~Pimples and Farts

[mkluvsmickey]

Wow on the outfits! I am really impressed as I can barely iron my own clothes. I especially love the one for your Grandpa's party - very sweet!

 

[whogirl'smom]

I'm a total slacker this time--I just bought dd and me matching pooh and tinkerbell shirts. The grandpa shirt is so sweet!

 

[Mrs. The King]

Dude, the Jiggler stories never get old.

But. I'm still partial to The Ding. Or more specifically, the Great Manure/Festiva Incident. That's good stuff there!

Perfect title!!! That's just what it needed

We're doing the DEEP this time, too,--five AYCEs, but it wasn't intentional. I just don't want to stand in character lines this time. Live characters, mind you. That story reminded me of Feasting on Asphalt when they had the stuffed porcupine in the drug store.

Fellow Deeper!!!That last sentence might require some drinnking to understand

Funny stuff! Thanks, I needed an afternoon pick-me-up.

You are welcome!

:
Did she really post this. (I must cut....and paste....and save for future reference.) LYMI
-MR.TK

Awwwww. Funny sappy is always good.

Competitive eating...good advice!

Now where's this thing headed next??

In the toilet, as usual

At this point, that could be the title of this Trip Report.

Excellent line. If I said I was DED, would that mean anything to you?

Sounds like you just had dinner with the ZZUBS.

What an incredible thing to write about your dad! I have two daughters and I pray that when they are older they speak as well of me. I pray that I'm the kind of dad who deserves the kind of praise you've given your father.

I see your DED and raise you a TFI. All in.

Your girls will have wonderful things to say about you.

Awwww, Mrs. the King what nice things to say about your dad.
Honestly sounds like mine!! We're very blessed!! Glad to hear he is doing well.

Lucky girl

Crazy funny, so love the visit to the library. I laughed, and cried again. They say laughter is the best medicine, apparently you plan on healing the world. Thank you.

Hopefully, I can heal the world without having to give a salve or an enema!!

Wow, will the entire King family be joining the DIS?


I second ZUBB. (did I really say that?). In 25 years or so, I hope that I have left such an impression on my children.

If the whole family comes in here I suggest you run. And fast!

My parents did it right. If you like potty humored disney freaks.

Great chapter(ish)! I went from snort laughing to tears in my eyes! I feel the same way about my dad, and I can't imagine what it must be like to live so far away from him.

Looking forward to more!

Denise

Thanks Denise. Give your Dad a big hug for me and you!

My first time reading one of your reports and I can't stop laughing. I even called my wife on the Tinkerbell toots and read it to her.

Subbing and can't wait to read more.

How romantic! Tinkerbell toots brought you silly kids together!

Darn - I must've replied to the last-last update just as you were posting the latest update... I missed it! Until now...





Oh sure, make me laugh AND cry in the same post!


Yay!

Question: If Tinkerbell farts in a forest, but no one smells it, does it still smell like vanilla?

No. But the trees get presents!

This is going to be a great report! I can't wait to tell my daughter about the Tinkerbell toots!

This mother-daughter moment is brought to you by Mrs. the King ixiedust:

Dear Mrs. The King.

Could you have a little bit more respect for those reading this at work?

As a general rule, my boss doesn't tend to think me not working is quite as funny as I find it.

*Sigh* Entirely too funny for work.

Enjoying this/can't wait for more/Going back to read the cockroaches,

Kelsey

Dear Kelsey,

I will be happy to visit your boss at work and use the miraculous jiggler to mesmerize him into thinking disboard reading is work!!

Wow on the outfits! I am really impressed as I can barely iron my own clothes. I especially love the one for your Grandpa's party - very sweet!

The Grandpa bow was my favorite. I wanted to make a Jiggler bow, but it's hard to pick the colors for that type of thing

I'm a total slacker this time--I just bought dd and me matching pooh and tinkerbell shirts. The grandpa shirt is so sweet!

You are never a slacker. Matching shirts for the whole King family next time!

 

[jewjubean]

ok so picture this...im sitting watching Law and order svu and it got to this part where its so sad and mom's sitting on the couch boo hooing because a girl got killed and im laughing....she's looking at me like.....dont you have a heart.this child was KILLLED ..i was like Im reading Mrs. the king's TR and its so funny needless to say mom's not a diser and i got the look for the rest of the night...

 

[nitsirk987]

Ok, it's 11:23 pm, everyone else in the house is sound asleep... i'm sitting here at the computer reading your trip report, and totally start cracking up when i read the following~


“Kids, if you have to fart, try not to squeeze the cheeks, because that turns them into screamers!”

Oh my lord, that is great~

Can't wait to read more!

 

[Mrs. The King]

ok so picture this...im sitting watching Law and order svu and it got to this part where its so sad and mom's sitting on the couch boo hooing because a girl got killed and im laughing....she's looking at me like.....dont you have a heart.this child was KILLLED ..i was like Im reading Mrs. the king's TR and its so funny needless to say mom's not a diser and i got the look for the rest of the night...

Wow. That's a first. Mrs. the King makes murder funny

Ok, it's 11:23 pm, everyone else in the house is sound asleep... i'm sitting here at the computer reading your trip report, and totally start cracking up when i read the following~


“Kids, if you have to fart, try not to squeeze the cheeks, because that turns them into screamers!”

Oh my lord, that is great~

Can't wait to read more!

It really will turn them into screamers

 

[Mrs. The King]

Ahhh summer. Isn’t it fantastic? The kids are home making a constant cacophony of childhood noises. Here we have long nights filled with firefly catching and frog trapping. We invested in a larger pool. I think it was $250 dollars. Which means we have paid about .50 cents an hour for the pleasure of having it. Mr. The King, being a teacher, has the summer off. Usually, he is working a part time job for extra money. But this summer we luxuriated in decadent time. It has been so worth it.

The kids have dragged their Dad out for the games of “Dr. Tentacle arms” (we have paddles with suction cups on them left over from some game I bought at Wal-mart, Mr. The King tries to suction the paddles on the kids Beach Ball of Power while they pummel him and push him under water, the game is loosely based on Disney’s Phineas and Ferb ) “Big Whirlpool” (which is easy to figure out) “Giant Storm” (huge waves) “Volleyball” (we play volleyball).

Gosh we are weird. Typing up our weirdness like a term paper really sheds some light on our bizarreness.

Back to pontificating about summer, summer here in the middle of the country is much different than our beloved Florida.

When you leave in your van, the sun is hot and way high in the sky, like it is supposed to be. When you get out of the van in Florida, the sun actually walks on the ground next to you, like a person. The sun wears pants and a hat and throws his flaming arm around you. Instead of just hot, the Florida sky shoots fireballs, which explode all around you. When indulging in summer in normal parts of the country, your body becomes 3-D , every spider vain or stray hair visible. You must slather on the sunless tanner to make everything on your body palatable.

But our friend, Florida Walking Sun , makes your body 4-D. It burns through your sunless tanner, leaving you a shimmering ghost of body mistakes. In the Florida sun people can see your veins and what you had for lunch. And what you think you might have for dinner

Where am I going with this? Well, as usual, I am going to talk about my body hair.


In normal world there is always time to take care of business. Keep things to a respectable level.

But in Florida we are always in a rush. Showering all the members of the family, getting them dressed, sun blocked, right shoes, towels if we are going in the pool, ear plugs for our infection prone son, favorite floaties. All this takes time. And wasting Florida time is inexcusable. There is only one place I can cut down on time. My own personal maintenance must suffer. Bye sunless tanner, Bye carefully applied Bare Minerals.

Let the Body Hair Triage begin.

Now, as in any triage, there are various priorities. I will outline the procedure below:
Each of the three main body hair areas receive a “toe tag” to establish who needs action first. The tags are colored (in my head)
* Minor priority #3 the area feels rough
* Delayed priority #2 the area would have looked great in the sixties
* Immediate priority #3 People will mistake this area for a spider and start slapping it with magazines.
* Black tag (no number) all numbers are present, only go swimming at night, alone.

In a Florida shower, I must use all my sharp focus and body hair horror knowledge. Reaction must be quick, efficient and fearless. In the end, only #3 is attended to. And the black tag? Well, it just isn’t safe to swim alone, so I can't let it get that bad.

I am sorry I had to share that. Another thing I am finding lately is that all my personal hygiene products must be labeled “Clinical Strength” or “Prescription style” to work effectively. But that is neither here nor there.

We spent our time at my parents. The kids got spoiled. I repacked all of our bags.

Next up: Grandpa’s Surprise 90th Birthday party.

This party is also functioning as a family reunion. One of my aunts had never met PS and PC was 6 months old when she met him. I was excited to show off my beautiful, well mannered kids. They are for sure the nicest thing that ever got removed from my body.

This meant getting up early, getting dressed to the nines, and driving three hours to his house. We would be going right past Disney to get there. Mr. The King and my Dad came up with a great idea. We would drive into Disney, go through the check in process, and then head to Poppy’s house. We all thought this was a time saver and very smart. When checking in using the cast discounts, it can sometimes take longer than usual and we would not be back to POP until late that evening. This way, when we arrived we could march right in. Great. Wonderful. Perfect.

Anybody else see something wrong with this plan?

That’s right, we are planning on taking the kids to Disney, through all the signs, the heart pounding excitement, marching into their favorite place to sleep ever, which is the gateway to the World. And then we are leaving.
We are peeking at Disney. And than running. To go to a birthday party in a retirement park.

Now in our defense, Mr. The King and I were only thinking about ourselves.
This quick stop was sharpening our Disney pencil of excitement. It was the cherry on top of the Disney flavored ice cream Sunday.

Grandma and Grandpa often stay in POP when they are contracting in Orlando, so it is very normal for them to do this.

But the kids, well, turns out, when you take them to Disney World, they want to actually go in.


PC took the news very well, being that he is a 65 year old man in a 9 year old body, he agreed with the logic.

PS, my little tinkleberry, was not seeing the logic of anything but the Hippy Dippy pool. And maybe an airbrush tattoo. Trying to explain things amongst giant yo yos and bowling pins essentially puts a mommy voice on mute. How can I blame her? Sandwich Disney dangling in front of her with many hours in the van, top with a sprinkling of lack of sleep and I am looking at a very persnickety six year old.

It is 10am and our day has not even started. Poppy’s party is an elaborate ruse that will take many hours. First we are arriving for our visit at 12:30 which he is expecting. Trickling in at that time as a pre-surprise “surprise” are his three daughters and their families, and his wife’s family. Just a smorgasbord of unexpected people. Then at 4:30pm, we head up to the clubhouse where a party of about 70 of his closest and oldest friends would be treated to dinner, music and fun.

I was doing the Math on that while looking at PS. How much can I expect from her? She is a real trooper, but the lack of sleep is scaring me. She cries as we get in the van to head for the party. We have a few hours left to travel. I am hoping she will nap in the car.

By the way, in the little room for kids in POP by check in they had the Disney Channel playing on the TV. I really missed the old time cartoons. I guess I want to flush the real world down the toilet at Disney. I don’t want to see anything I normally see at home. Except my family. Well the body hair could go down the pooper. That would be better for everyone.

Up Next! Let’s surprise a 90 year old man!!!!


Chapter 4ish Senior Lap Dances

 

[HomeschoolMama]

I agree. No wasting time with daily shaving for me at Disney!

 

[jcc0621]

I have read as promised!

IS it really a good idea to surprise a 90 year old

 

[Mrs. The King]

I agree. No wasting time with daily shaving for me at Disney!

Thanks for double checking this one for me

I have read as promised!

IS it really a good idea to surprise a 90 year old

That is a great question. And I have the answers






Fockers Rock

 

[PigletsPal2]

I'm here! Sorry I'm late - I had to get a cockroach butt-bite attended to. Oops, I mean a PALMETTO bug butt-bite! The PBs and the gecko/cicaks/lizards whatever-you-call-them are planning a palace coup in my yard and I've been busy laying in provisions to wait out the seige. Your TR will keep my eyes averted from the little suckers crawling up the outside of my pool screen...I THINK they're outside!

Quick, I can still see them - write more!

Queen Colleen

 

[HomeschoolMama]

Fockers Rock

 

[rachel3]

you are too funny!!! luv the body hair triage!!!

 

[jcc0621]

Fockers Rock

 

[myrsfmly]

I don't even bother with the facade of bringing a razor anymore...

 

[ncsjodi]

I don't even bother with the facade of bringing a razor anymore...

I agree, but then I have to remember to actually shave right before we leave home, so it will last all week....

 

[Goofyluver]

OH honey. I would rather walk out wearing spandex than not shave. I would prefer to be totally hairless...well, except for my eyebrows and head hair...

 

[princessjv]

I have read as promised!

IS it really a good idea to surprise a 90 year old

I really was thinking this very same thing...


btw, lots of mommas have extra hair.

just do.

 

[teacher2525]

I thought your name Mrs. The King sounded familiar but I wasn't sure. As I read and you mentioned the jiggler it all came flooding back. This is the only Trip Report that makes me laugh out loud: , my kids think I'm crazy (not that crazy is a bad thing )

 

[winkers]

How in the heck did I miss that you started your tr? In the words of my mother............"do you need a special invitation?" I guess the answer is yes, I do!