Swapping engagement ring/wedding band for anniversary band only

[Paradise18]

I'm planning to stop wearing my wedding set (engagement ring and wedding band that are soldered together) and start wearing a simple diamond anniversary band instead. When I mentioned this to a co-worker she had a rather strong opinion against the idea. She's recently engaged and quite a bit younger than me.

My husband isn't bothered by it and my co-worker's opinion isn't swaying my decision, but I'm interested in hearing what others think.

 

[sonnyjane]

I only wear my "real" set a few days a year. If I were to wear it to work I would destroy it. Instead I wear a gold rolling ring as my wedding ring. Not a big deal in my opinion at all.

 

[Kimberlyann11]

I think it's fine. Your coworker is a weirdo.

 

[leebee]

I couldn't ever do that. To me, my engagement and wedding rings symbolize our promises and vows to one another. An anniversary band is just a gift to celebrate an anniversary, not a stand-in for the rings that symbolize our marriage and life, past, present, and future.

 

[jacki123]

We have been married for 32 years and probably haven't worn our rings for the last 5 or 6 years. My husband took his off when he started doing mountain biking and I stopped wearing mine when I started getting nerve pain in my hands. It doesn't change our love or commitment to each other one bit. I think the idea of wearing the anniversary ring is perfect. Its not what ring you wear its what you feel about it.

 

[disykat]

I haven't worn my wedding set in years. I wear a simple gold band instead. I'm sure when I was younger I probably thought I'd wear it always too. 25 years later, comfort wins. Comfort and the ability to flex and change have been a big part of what have made my marriage so great.

 

[Disneylover99]

I've been wearing only my anniversary ring for the past six months now. Truth be told, my engagement ring/wedding band is a bit too snug.

OP, do whatever you like. Don't worry about what other people think.

 

[sonnyjane]

I couldn't ever do that. To me, my engagement and wedding rings symbolize our promises and vows to one another. An anniversary band is just a gift to celebrate an anniversary, not a stand-in for the rings that symbolize our marriage and life, past, present, and future.

Are you also against upgrading/changing wedding sets, since that's not the "original" over which you said your vows? Or if you were to lose your wedding ring and had to replace it with another, does that mean your marriage is no longer as valid since it's not the "original" ring?

You're entitled to your opinion, but I think it's the minority, at least among my circle of friends.

 

[MIGrandma]

OP, it is none of your co-worker's business. Period.

Personally though, I do like your idea. I've been wearing my engagement ring/wedding band that are also soldered together for almost 40 years. A few years ago the diamond (engagement ring is a solitaire) fell out. Miraculously and thankfully I found it on the rug in front of the refrigerator that same day, so was able to take it to our local jewelry store and had it put back in and the prongs redone. Fast forward to now, that jewelry store has long since went out of business and I'm starting to feel concern that the prongs could wear down again and I'd lose the diamond again. And maybe next time not be able to find it. So, I've been seriously thinking of asking for a new band (an anniversary band would be ideal) for Christmas and just wear that, and put my engagement set in our safe.

DH hasn't worn a wedding ring in years. His original almost ripped his finger off when he got it caught on a ladder on a piece of machinery (he's a farmer) and had to have several stitches. The finger has scar tissue so the ring wouldn't fit. Got him a new one one year for Christmas and he wore it in the winter, but in the spring he put it away (farming season again) and just never put it back on. It doesn't bother me. Doesn't mean we're any less "married." He's more comfortable without it.

 

[gwynne]

Why discuss this with anyone except your husband? The only two people who matter in this are you and him.
Otherwise, you're bound to get a ton of irrelevant opinion.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

I've been wearing just my 10th anniversary band for the last 15 years or better. My original set stuck up much higher and I was always worried about catching it on something. My anniversary band has the diamonds channel set and is much simpler. No one has ever said anything to me about it. There's actually alot of sentimental value to this band as the jeweler that picked it out for my husband was a good friend who passed away just after we celebrated our 10th anniversary.

 

[lsyorke]

I never had an engagement ring, but also switched from my original wedding band to my 10 year anniversary band many years ago.

 

[Wendy31]

I also wear something other than my original set. (I know many other women who wear something besides their original sets as well.)

For our 17th anniversary, DH took me to a local jewelry store to pick out an anniversary band. Originally, I was looking for a 3-stone ring.

Instead, I found a 3-stone ring w/ a matching band that I loved. The set kind of has an "art deco"/vintage look. And, coincidentally, the set together has 17 diamonds... which I didn't plan, but it ended up being perfect. Love, love, love my new set!!

Also, my original set was gold, & the new set is platinum which goes better now w/ the other jewelry I wear most frequently. And, since I was going from gold to platinum/silver, DH got a new wedding band as well so that it would "match."

And we don't feel our marriage vows mean anything less since we're not wearing our original rings. DH doesn't even wear his ring to work.

I kept the diamond from my original engagement ring & plan to have it incorporated into a mother's ring eventually.

 

[minnie mum]

Do whatever you want providing your DH doesn't mind. When DH gave me my first anniversary band, I simply added it to the first 2 rings. I've been wearing the 3 of them together for over 25 years. This year he gave me me a second anniversary band that has a full circle of diamonds. I'll probably only wear it occasionally, since cleaning it would be a pain if I wore it daily.

 

[DisneyNutMary]

I was 22 with skinny little fingers when I got married. Twenty years, two kids and quite a few cocktails and bake sales later, my original set no longer fits. My DH couldn't stand for me to not wear a ring, so he bought me an anniversary band for Christmas a few years ago. This band fits better with my current taste in jewelry, and is less likely to get damaged at my current job.
I love it and wear it daily. OP go with what is comfortable for you, that's all that matters.

 

[leebee]

Are you also against upgrading/changing wedding sets, since that's not the "original" over which you said your vows? Or if you were to lose your wedding ring and had to replace it with another, does that mean your marriage is no longer as valid since it's not the "original" ring?

You're entitled to your opinion, but I think it's the minority, at least among my circle of friends.

I wouldn't upgrade or change my engagement or wedding rings. To me, they'd no longer be my engagement or wedding rings; they'd just be pretty jewelry. I've never lost my wedding ring, so I don't know if I'd replace it or not. Now that I think about it, that might be one of the reasons I'd change rings- if mine somehow became lost or damaged beyond repair. However, I never inferred or said that replacing rings would invalidate your marriage. Where the heck did that come from?

You know, I said it's how I felt, for me. But thanks for giving me to permission to have my own opinion. After all, isn't that what the OP asked for?

 

[CyndiLooWho]

In the OP case, I bet the age of the coworker has a lot to do with it. I felt a lot different at 18 than I do at 48.

Over the last 30 years, I've worn a succession of rings on my wedding band finger. My engagement ring alone, then with the thin gold wedding band. Around 7 yrs married, my dh bought me a double-sided wrap ring with baguettes and small stones on both sides. I wore it until it was too tight (2 kids, weight gain), then purchased an set of 14k gold replacements, set with Diamonique stones. I've also had multiple anniversary style rings set with both real and simulated stones, again with weight change, age, and style preferences. As long as I have something I like and dh likes on that finger, I'm happy. And also happy to say that with weight loss over the last few years, I am wearing my engagement ring and diamond wrap again, with one of the nicer anniversary rings on the opposite hand.

Dh has also had several wedding rings, due to weight gain and me bending one of them into an oval during labor. For our 25th anniversary last year, he let me buy him an upgraded ring in yellow gold and platinum, to show that we made it so far. Whichever of those rings he wears over the rest of his life doesn't much matter to me. I just like that he cares enough to show the world we're married.

And I do know a number of folks who work in jobs where a ring is dangerous. A lot of them have lovely tattoos to symbolize their marriage. I even know a few couples that exchanged 2 sets of rings - one set with lots of diamonds and one plain set, so they could wear what was appropriate to their activities.

The thing is that this is personal. As long as you are happy with it, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

 

[unhinged]

I'm planning to stop wearing my wedding set (engagement ring and wedding band that are soldered together) and start wearing a simple diamond anniversary band instead. When I mentioned this to a co-worker she had a rather strong opinion against the idea. She's recently engaged and quite a bit younger than me.

My husband isn't bothered by it and my co-worker's opinion isn't swaying my decision, but I'm interested in hearing what others think.

I think this is one thing that is highly subjective. Everybody has a different level of emotional attachment to certain things or a different situation as evidenced by the responses here and no one opinion is right or wrong.

I have friends that upgrade their diamond in their ring every so often. I have other friends at the other end of the spectrum that would be horrified to change out the original stone or change the original ring. I have friends that won't even take the original ring off for anything except a surgery. Do what is best for you!

For me, I have been married for 31 years. I wear my original set on my left hand and my 10 year anniversary band and 25 year ring on my right. However, there was about a year in there where the prongs on my original set needed to be tightened and I didn't get around to it, so I just wore my anniversary rings on my left hand. With a channel set band and a 3 stone ring, they look just like a wedding set.

 

[Meriweather]

Do what you want.
DH wears his original wedding band.
I don't. I took the diamond out of my engagment ring, diamonds out of my mother's engagement ring and anniversary ring and diamonds out of my grandmother's rings and had a ring made for me with them all. It is a band with the diamonds scattered. That is what I wear when I leave the house. I don't wear any rings when at home.

 

[Paradise18]

Why discuss this with anyone except your husband? The only two people who matter in this are you and him.
Otherwise, you're bound to get a ton of irrelevant opinion.

You're absolutely right.

DH and I did discuss it and I'm not swayed by anyone's opinion. My co-worker and I were discussing engagement and wedding rings as she recently became engaged and she asked about why I had my rings soldered. She asked how long we have been married. We're celebrating 15 years in a few months and I mentioned that DH wanted to buy me an anniversary band. She asked if I planned to wear it with my wedding set and I told her no. Like a few other posters I feel my commitment to my husband and our marriage is solid despite the ring I am wearing/not wearing. I posed the question out of genuine curiosity and not because I needed my opinion to be validated.