Super Picky Eater Kids -How do you handle this?

[Hisgirl]

If you have an elementary school age child who is super picky about food, how do the families handle when he will only eat one brand of something or one ice cream from a certain store. And you're in a large group who wanted to go somewhere different and eat something different.

Do you go to the place the picky eater wants to go? Do you go to two places?

Do picky eaters go without if you go somewhere else, do they ever try something new?

I bought chocolate covered eskimo bars which he likes, but I got the wrong brand so he threw it away.

Please share how you handle this. it gets frustrating to see a large group of people not getting what they all want because one person is driving the decision.

Happy to hear your experiences with picky eaters and if they ever broadened their horizens and if so, how did you help lead to more choices. Right now the only foods eaten are sweets, and meat. No dairy, no fiber, no fruit nor vegetables.

 

[mjkacmom]

Food therapy?

 

[Moliphino]

I was a picky eater as a kid (still am, really). For times we went out to eat it was on me to find something on the menu I'd eat or go without until we got home. We did not always go to my choice of restaurants.

For dinners at home it was eat what my mom made or fend for myself (bowl of cereal, make a sandwich or a can of soup, stuff like that).

 

[georgina]

If you have an elementary school age child who is super picky about food, how do the families handle when he will only eat one brand of something or one ice cream from a certain store. And you're in a large group who wanted to go somewhere different and eat something different.

Do you go to the place the picky eater wants to go? Do you go to two places?

Do picky eaters go without if you go somewhere else, do they ever try something new?

I bought chocolate covered eskimo bars which he likes, but I got the wrong brand so he threw it away.

Please share how you handle this. it gets frustrating to see a large group of people not getting what they all want because one person is driving the decision.

Happy to hear your experiences with picky eaters and if they ever broadened their horizens and if so, how did you help lead to more choices. Right now the only foods eaten are sweets, and meat. No dairy, no fiber, no fruit nor vegetables.

Was he always this way? Did he once eat dairy, bread, fruit? I was picky and still am, but this is extreme and sounds like more is going on either physically or psychologically. I agree therapy of some kind might be called for.

Generally, with moderately picky people, no, they don’t always get to drive the choices. My kids could always get a PB sandwich if they didn’t want to eat dinner, but that has some nutrients.

 

[Smugpugmug]

Is your child on the spectrum? I ask because my sister has autism and as a kid she was EXTREMELY picky with food. She was a chicken nuggets and mac and cheese kid during the elementary school years. Certain fruits were also a no go. Also foods could not touch each other when they were on the same plate or else she would freak out. She is way better with food now though there are certain things she will not eat.

I also had a roommate in college who was extremely picky with food and we always tried to accommodate them when going out to eat, but they were so picky with what they ate (wouldn't eat anything other than chicken fingers and pizza) that we ended up telling them that we're going to this place and if you can't find anything to eat, then you don't have to come.

 

[Hisgirl]

Yes to spectrum. I do understand this is normal. But again, spectrum or no, does this child drive the food decisions of a large group?

 

[TwoMisfits]

Yes to spectrum. I do understand this is normal. But again, spectrum or no, does this child drive the food decisions of a large group?

They should not. But you should have the food they will eat, at least some part of it, brought with you if nothing at the restaurant will appeal to them.

You'd also be amazed what restaurants will do for you if you call/write ahead and ask. PF Changs made absolutely plain noodles for my daughter (she was eating 4 foods at the time). Another restaurant gave my nephew a plate of celery (he was only eating 3 foods at the time). As long as you are okay with whatever the cost is, they will try to work with you if they have the ingredients and the time to see if they can make it work. Or they will okay you bringing something.

 

[TwoMisfits]

As for "do picky eaters ever try anything new", the answer is yes. But it's normally with no pressure and no pushing.

On his last trip here, I got my nephew to try blueberry muffins, a baby carrot, and a chocolate chip cookie (muffin totally failed, cookies were an absolute success, and baby carrot was okay and went in his rotation)...I had all his "regular foods", but I also made what his family asked for, and kept a lot of simple, non-touching things around. We had roast beef, separate jus, sliced strawberries, baby carrots, sliced pineapple and the 3 things mentioned above, plus his norms (chocolate milk, minute rice microwave cups, and celery).

His best friend is my son, so as my own kid would grab foods, now that my nephew is older, he decided to try something with my son each day...he's gotten to the age when my kids got less picky, so I thought he might, too. And he did. Just a little. And added 2 foods to his rotation.

My kids all were picky (some super picky like my daughter, some less so) and I got them through by always making delicious meals they could smell and see, and then having their backup foods always around for them to eat instead of the meal. Eventually, they wanted to try something that we were eating (around age 7-10). And eventually they wanted all of it.

Now, some of my kids are expansive eaters, while some are still a little picky...working with them where they are, with no pressure but keeping their health up (my nephew gets vitamins, my kids always had a fruit or veg they would eat so I ALWAYS had it) at the same time, worked.

PS - I have also never made any kid finish a meal...ever. Bad memories from my 1st grade childhood teacher on that point. So, I don't force food...ever.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Yes to spectrum. I do understand this is normal. But again, spectrum or no, does this child drive the food decisions of a large group?

I agree they should not be completely driving the decisions of the larger group. I would call ahead as suggested above, and always bring one of the child's "safe foods" with you so if they can't find anything they will eat, you have something for them (even if they eat it in the car after the others are finished, if you're not allowed to bring in outside food.)

Happy to hear your experiences with picky eaters and if they ever broadened their horizens and if so, how did you help lead to more choices. Right now the only foods eaten are sweets, and meat. No dairy, no fiber, no fruit nor vegetables.

My DS was mildly picky when he was elementary-age. Then we went to a friend's wedding where instead of the fancy dinner everyone else was eating, the groom had a grilled cheese sandwich. DS decided he didn't want to be that guy when he grew up and started trying more things. There are still a few foods he doesn't like/can't eat, but he made significant progress after that!


My advice in your situation (if this is your child we're talking about) -

1. Talk with his doctor if you haven't already, both to address any nutritional deficiencies, and because sometimes kids avoid certain foods because of actual allergies.
2. Make trying new foods a game, separate from actual meals, because it takes the pressure off somewhat.
3. If you're on Instagram, follow myarfidlife (about a brave little girl named Hannah trying new foods) and show your son her posts.

If this is not your child:

1. Understand that this: probably has a lot to do with the restrictive eating habits.
2. Stop buying things specifically for the child. (It was rude for him to throw the ice cream away when others could have eaten it. I hope his parents addressed that separately from his deciding not to eat it.)
3. Decline invitations to eat out with this family if you don't want to go where they go.

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

Don't flame me but this is the type of thing that I think the old fashioned way may work best.
They eat SOMETHING from where you're going or they go hungry until they arrive back home.
And that's coming from a picky eater myself.
My parents (boomers) took us kids to many restaurants as kids and my mom still tells me they never would have if we did not behave and try something on the menu.

And if you don't want to be that "cruel" then ok bring something for them but it should be something that is minimal effort on your part and only be from out if its on the way to the other location.

As for getting the "wrong" brand maybe you need to create a list of the foods and specific brands and if say the store doesn't have that exact brand don't buy it.
And again this should be something from home vs say running to the grocery store to pick up a little container of ice cream because doing things like that only shows that your child thinks this is something that can go on forever.

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

Yes to spectrum. I do understand this is normal. But again, spectrum or no, does this child drive the food decisions of a large group?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

 

[barkley]

Yes to spectrum. I do understand this is normal. But again, spectrum or no, does this child drive the food decisions of a large group?

my son is on the spectrum. he is 27 and was (still is to an extent) very restrictive in what he would eat. he did not 'drive the bus' on where we went as a family or for groups. if we were going out to celebrate his birthday or something like that then he got to choose. i would tell him where we were going, try to find a menu (much easier these days w/on-line stuff ) and help him find something in advance, if he could'nt then he needed to eat before we went (when he was very young restaurants were understanding of us bringing outside food but by elementary they wanted their local health laws followed wherein outside food could not be consumed). we strongly felt he had to learn that while we would do our best to accommodate his wants and needs he had reccognize that other people have wants and needs so no making the meal miserable for others by pouting and complaining.

Happy to hear your experiences with picky eaters and if they ever broadened their horizens and if so, how did you help lead to more choices

with my son it was having him first try variations on what he would already eat-

he initialy only liked steak so i introduced roast beef as 'steak before they cut it into the steak pieces', ground beef as 'ground up steak', shreaded beef as 'torn up steak'. then it was what flavors he liked. he liked taco seasoning so ground beef and shredded beef were seasoned but gee, you need something to pick it up and eat in so that moved him into tortillas and taco shells. ground beef could become a burger but he soon learned he liked holding it in a bun vs. eating it plain on a plate. he liked marinara sauce so i introduced pot roast as 'torn up steak w/marinara', meatballs as 'ground up steak with marinara seasoning, eventualy meatloaf after meatballs became a favorite as 'meatball loaf' (used marinara instead of catsup on top. we ended up progressing up from chicken nuggetts to chicken parm, grilled chicken and surprisingly chicken noodle soup this way. he's still not a big pork fan unless it's in the form of italian sausage, bacon or honey baked ham (it is the ONLY brand name i will not deter from cuz we only do it twice per year, otherwise if there's a tremendous price absent quality or taste difference then brand names are not given in to).

he got better over the years esp. when he had options for hot lunch at school. he could/did take a packed but could opt to get hot if something appealed to him. it got him to try some things he never would have tried at home.

what does his pediatrician say about his general health-is he underweight or vitamin deficient due to his diet? my son's health was always deemed fine by his doctor(s) but i've known other kiddos on the spectrum that had to take supplements and in severe cases-be monitored for pre-diabetic symptoms (esp. when sweets are a large componant of their day to day diet).


best of luck-it's challenging.

 

[TwoMisfits]

my son is on the spectrum. he is 27 and was (still is to an extent) very restrictive in what he would eat. he did not 'drive the bus' on where we went as a family or for groups. if we were going out to celebrate his birthday or something like that then he got to choose. i would tell him where we were going, try to find a menu (much easier these days w/on-line stuff ) and help him find something in advance, if he could'nt then he needed to eat before we went (when he was very young restaurants were understanding of us bringing outside food but by elementary they wanted their local health laws followed wherein outside food could not be consumed). we strongly felt he had to learn that while we would do our best to accommodate his wants and needs he had reccognize that other people have wants and needs so no making the meal miserable for others by pouting and complaining.



with my son it was having him first try variations on what he would already eat-

he initialy only liked steak so i introduced roast beef as 'steak before they cut it into the steak pieces', ground beef as 'ground up steak', shreaded beef as 'torn up steak'.

Ahhh, this reminds me of my son - when we were in Disney, he only wanted to ride the monorail. Great - no problem. We got into the Magic Kingdom on his 1st day in the evening (after swimming all day b/c our 1st EPCOT day was a disaster) and he loved it. Would have kept riding it, but I found the train, and I said that's like the monorail, and I did that with him and his baby brother for over an hour. Yes, over an hour, round and round, while his sisters rode stuff with their dad.

Then we needed to go back home...and the monorail was down after fireworks. So, we rode the "water monorail" back and hoped he wouldn't realize it was just a boat. That description saved us b/c he could see the real monorail, but decided he wanted to try the water version...and it was dark...so we got on quick and just kept up the "water monorail" language...

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

it gets frustrating to see a large group of people not getting what they all want because one person is driving the decision.

Yes to spectrum. I do understand this is normal. But again, spectrum or no, does this child drive the food decisions of a large group?

I think it might be helpful to know what you mean by this and what your relation is to this child.

Driving the decision makes it sound like their parents (or guardians) acquiesce to the child's food issues so I get that but who is part of the larger group? Is it the parents and siblings and then you? Because that to me would be approached differently than say 3 sets of families or adults (be it with or with out children) and then the family with the child with food issues. In the former you're technically outnumbered but the latter you're not.

As far as handle it would be important to know what the relation is to the child, a grandchild probably would get a different mentality as opposed to a casual friend you see once in a while.

 

[georgina]

I really like hearing these stories of parents who are willing to work with their children to help them grow. I have seen the opposite - punishment and refusing to compromise or understand the child. And yep, I remember having to sit at the dinner table for hours because I wouldn't eat something. (I never did eat it!) My picky DS who took the exact same packed lunch to school every day for years went to Japan on study abroad and came home a lover of sushi (I do not eat sushi)

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

I think it might be helpful to know what you mean by this and what your relation is to this child.

True. I just assumed OP was the parent but now reading it back through it does give off a vibe of this is not the parent and they are annoyed that the kid didn't want the "wrong brand" of ice cream but OP didn't even know that what brand was given mattered.

To be honest it almost sounds more like it was only this one incident and the OP was just very irritated by it because OP wanted to go to a specific place and the child did not...

I still stand by my answer but if OP is not the child's parent/guardian then they really have no say in how its handled.

 

[barkley]

My picky DS who took the exact same packed lunch to school every day for years went to Japan on study abroad and came home a lover of sushi (I do not eat sushi)

i have to share with you-

a friend's son was rather restrictive in his eating (very meat and potato/basic). as a young adult he was to go on a religious mission trip and ended up being assigned to japan. his mom talked to him about how he needed to try and open himself to eating more of the foods he would encounter, that he would be largly reliant on church members for food and needed to be appreciative and accepting of what he was offered. soooooooo for several months she works with him on trying different veggies (he was NOT a veggie consuming kid), maybe a bit of fish, some broths and hopes for the best... the son goes to japan and reports to mom that the 'food is awsome, some of the best i've ever had, just fantastic...'. mom is elated, imagines when he returns finaly being able to integrate more veggies in the household meals... asks what he's been eating....son replies 'the best ever fried chicken, mashed potatos and gravy, mac and cheese, apple pie-it's like heaven here'. apparantly the church members who hosted the young missionaries wanted them to feel at home so they always defaulted to what they identified as the traditional american meal which closely resembled the kfc menu my friend's veggie dreams were dashed.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I had a very varied food diet until I was diagnosed with cancer at age 4 and started chemo for 20 months. It just turned me off to a lot of food and caused a lot of food aversions. I give this background to say it would have been really easy for my parents to just give in to me all the time. They absolutely weren't going to cater to me, but this was also not a hill my parents were going to die on. If we went out to dinner and I just ate the bread that was fine. They just didn't make an issue of food. Cereal or a sandwich was always an option at home. It was always everyone else that had/have a lot of comments or opinions on it which is annoying, but people often feel it's their place to comment on things that have nothing to do with them.

I'm in my 40's now and still a very picky eater. I don't like my food to touch. I don't eat fruits or vegetables. I don't eat eat seafood. Many sauces are tough for me. Textures are a huge issue. Etc. I'm pretty good with any plain protein or carb. I NEVER expect people to work around my food weirdness. I just would appreciate it if they kept their opinions and comments to themselves because I do not complain about what is being served nor do I expect a separate meal. However I do appreciate if I'm going to someone's house for dinner and they hold some food plain aside for me if they are cooking a meal (like don't put sauce on pasta because I like it plain). I have also gotten comfortable speaking up and advocating for myself at restaurants so I can usually find something I can manage to eat. My food issues cause me a tremendous amount of anxiety and embarrassment and if I could change it then I would, but at this point I've accepted it is what it is.

Long story short (too late)....it's appreciated when some small accommodations can make it easier for me to find something palatable, but I certainly don't expect it. And I actually find it really uncomfortable when my food preferences are driving a restaurant choice for a group of people. I don't want this issue to be the center of conversation.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Big hug to all and extra to Tinkerbellandpeterpan. I am also a very simple, plain eater. I know the experience both as a kid and adult of having what I was or wasn't eating become a topic of conversation. To me what matters is the blessing of the food period and the gift of being able to dine with others especially people you care about. I am not a parent but have been graced to be a teacher and work with kids at church. I have found encouraging kids to help choose, learn about, and also be offered food in a matter of fact way often works very well. Enjoy your dinner everyone

 

[dreamer17555]

My DD had food aversion (also due to time with a physical medical condition). Therapy helps and there are some great resources for introducing foods very, very slowly (starting with just allowing them on plate in front of them, touching, smelling, tapping on teeth, squishing, all well before taking a bite).

Like with many needs it takes some planning on a parent's part to deal with it and that can look different. It can include them being fed before going out or being fed as soon as they are home. It can be things like packing safe foods (and safe means safe- correct brand and all). And maybe part of it is not going out in big groups right now. A child is displaying a need and it should be met. I think of it this way- I have a peanut allergy so that means my need is to avoid places like Texas Roadhouse where peanuts are everywhere. I wouldn't expect a group to adjust for me (I would just not go) but at the same time if you care about someone we are often willing to give something up to help them.

The harder you push them to eat foods they are adversed to the more they can dig in their heels. They are not being ungrateful. Food and eating can be stressful and even cause trauma response in those who have severe aversions and difficulty with food.

It seems like you are frustrated and as someone who has raised kids with needs (and one who is ASD) I get it but that is when I suggest therapy for the parent as well- to give them a safe space to vent and help them when it is hard to see the bigger picture. It really helps.

Remember your child is not an adult with bad intentions (trying to purposely ruin everyone's time at a restaurant); they are a child with a need and they need support and love.