Suicide Prevention Ideas

[Pea-n-Me]

A couple of things I haven't seen mentioned:

Someone's spirits can be lifted once they've decided to end their lives. So if someone who's been down, depressed, disengaged, etc., turns happy or cheery all of a sudden, that can be a warning sign.

They also may begin giving things away, or making amends with others. These are signs to watch for.

A story to illustrate. Someone I know was a store manager. A previously employed teen came in one day to tell him he had stolen from the store. He apologized and returned the items. Manager thought it seemed unusual, but that was the end of it. The next day, the teen jumped in front of a train.

Food for thought, in case anything like this ever comes up in our own lives: Is there anything that could've been done differently with what we know about suicide today? For discussion's sake - Tina, how would you handle?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

This is powerful. It's Kevin Hines, mentioned above. He jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and lived to tell about it, devoting his life now to Suicide Prevention.

http://www.kevinhinesstory.com/

 

[LilyWDW]

Definitely not saying this is for everyone, but my mom got me a cat / basically something I’d be responsible for taking care of... a reason to stick around. In my specific case it worked. Studies have shown that people with pets live longer in general anyway.

I am very open about the fact that my cats saved my life. After I lost my mom (right after I graduated Grad school) and then had to put my dog down a month later, I had no will to get out of bed or take care of myself. I had nothing to live for. No reason to even try (in my mind).

I ended up adopting fur baby #1 and then fur baby #2. They gave me a reason to get up. They needed me and I needed them. Even now, when things get really bad and dark, they keep me grounded.

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

I haven't yet read all responses, but I have personal experience with this so will add the following:

If I could change one thing right now, it would be the news coverage following a high profile person's suicide. Some outlets are worse than others. If coverage focused less on lionizing those who have made this choice and more on those they leave behind in their wakes, perhaps we wouldn't see the spike in suicides observed after such a high profile death.

And while all of the advice is well-meaning about "talk to them... be there for them... etc, etc.", it can also leave the impression that loved ones of those who commit suicide are in some way responsible if they don't manage to prevent it. That can be corrosive enough, trust me.

 

[ronandannette]

I haven't yet read all responses, but I have personal experience with this so will add the following:

If I could change one thing right now, it would be the news coverage following a high profile person's suicide. Some outlets are worse than others. If coverage focused less on lionizing those who have made this choice and more on those they leave behind in their wakes, perhaps we wouldn't see the spike in suicides observed after such a high profile death.

And while all of the advice is well-meaning about "talk to them... be there for them... etc, etc.", it can also leave the impression that loved ones of those who commit suicide are in some way responsible if they don't manage to prevent it. That can be corrosive enough, trust me.

Thank you. And it can make one feel quite desperate, given that it's a frequent comment by those thoughtful and brave enough to share their own struggles that they won't tell you they're on the edge, will even purposely hide it, and actively reject help and support when it's offered.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I haven't yet read all responses, but I have personal experience with this so will add the following:

If I could change one thing right now, it would be the news coverage following a high profile person's suicide. Some outlets are worse than others. If coverage focused less on lionizing those who have made this choice and more on those they leave behind in their wakes, perhaps we wouldn't see the spike in suicides observed after such a high profile death.

And while all of the advice is well-meaning about "talk to them... be there for them... etc, etc.", it can also leave the impression that loved ones of those who commit suicide are in some way responsible if they don't manage to prevent it. That can be corrosive enough, trust me.

Thank you. And it can make one feel quite desperate, given that it's a frequent comment by those thoughtful and brave enough to share their own struggles that they won't tell you they're on the edge, will even purposely hide it, and actively reject help and support when it's offered.

I am posting this link again, because it shows clearly that there are many variables when it comes to suicide, so not every case is going to be exactly alike.

https://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/suicide/

I think when they look at information gleaned from people that survived, or examine things like circumstances and suicide notes of people who were successful, they learn certain things about their thoughts, and that is where the recommendations come from. It certainly doesn't mean that people are to blame or that some people will not be open to support, necessarily. It just means that they feel those are things that may have helped some people. There will always be a number of cases for which nothing would've helped, unfortunately.

I do like MickeyMinnieMom's thought that perhaps we should hear more from the people left behind, but I think that, in practically, it's difficult to ask that of people who are already in so much pain. Some are willing to share, of course, and it might be good to focus more on those people. I am fearful for how many people are going to see suicide as a good option now after all the news coverage of recent events. (Will we ever know if Kate Spade's suicide influenced Bordaine's?) I think we have a lot of work to do as a society given that suicide rates have been rising for the past few decades, but many disagree on so much these days that it's hard to even start the conversations at times.

Good thread, Pollyanna Mom, btw. Opening up the dialogue and talking about it may help.

 

[barkley]

If I could change one thing right now, it would be the news coverage following a high profile person's suicide. Some outlets are worse than others. If coverage focused less on lionizing those who have made this choice and more on those they leave behind in their wakes, perhaps we wouldn't see the spike in suicides observed after such a high profile death.

along the same lines-i have an issue with schools allowing memorial plantings, benches....by well meaning family and friends of young suicide victims. the same goes w/schools hosting public memorials. making special mentions at graduations and devoting entire pages in yearbooks.

my reasoning is that there is a population of young people who, already potentially inclined to consider suicide, feeling isolated and (for lack of a better word) insignificant. in this mindset the idea of being the center of attention at a big public memorial service and forever memorialized at their school and being significantly featured in their yearbook can prove appealing enough to push them over to make the last/worst decision of their young lives.

i take this stance based on personal experience. some 20 odd years ago a friend's teen son committed suicide. the investigation found that it was in actuality planned to be a double suicide but thankfully the young man's girlfriend chose not to. while both teens had their individual mental health issues that contributed to their plans it was discovered that a tremendous appeal was a rash of teen suicides in the town they lived in-each met with increasing media coverage, public events, memorial items placed at the high school and plans for dedicated yearbook pages to the victims. as these teens watched this occurring around them while they were struggling with their own feelings of not being important in the world/worrying about post graduation life/afraid they would never amount to anything it became a HUGE APPEAL to achieve some type of notice/notoriety. 'if x got this coverage/memorial i could get an even bigger one-no one will ever forget ME' 'my classmates will be sitting on MY memorial bench next year and i'll be the one they place a song for at graduation'. it was found that some of the previous suicide victims had also made comments about the attention the previous victims had received in what in hindsight could be interpreted as envious.

yes, talk about it, bring it out into the open to help others but watch out for the message that's being communicated.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I just watched the video. - Wow!

 

[PollyannaMom]

along the same lines-i have an issue with schools allowing memorial plantings, benches....by well meaning family and friends of young suicide victims. the same goes w/schools hosting public memorials. making special mentions at graduations and devoting entire pages in yearbooks.

my reasoning is that there is a population of young people who, already potentially inclined to consider suicide, feeling isolated and (for lack of a better word) insignificant. in this mindset the idea of being the center of attention at a big public memorial service and forever memorialized at their school and being significantly featured in their yearbook can prove appealing enough to push them over to make the last/worst decision of their young lives.

This is a good point. I think the "copycat factor" definitely plays a role in some cases.

 

[lovemygoofy]

A couple of things I haven't seen mentioned:

Someone's spirits can be lifted once they've decided to end their lives. So if someone who's been down, depressed, disengaged, etc., turns happy or cheery all of a sudden, that can be a warning sign.

They also may begin giving things away, or making amends with others. These are signs to watch for.

A story to illustrate. Someone I know was a store manager. A previously employed teen came in one day to tell him he had stolen from the store. He apologized and returned the items. Manager thought it seemed unusual, but that was the end of it. The next day, the teen jumped in front of a train.

Food for thought, in case anything like this ever comes up in our own lives: Is there anything that could've been done differently with what we know about suicide today? For discussion's sake - Tina, how would you handle?

One of the things I teach is to look for change in behavior. If someone is quiet more introvert then suddenly someone is extrovert and talking to maybe everyone at the store or in a class, it is completely out of the wheel house. Ask what is going on, what has caused the change in personality.


I read upthread about someone talking about glorifying the death by suicide afterwards and causing contagion suicide. Those people feel someone's death is being remembered and glorified is likely lonely, alone inside and depressed and feel that will be the only way to "feel loved" is to be dead.

Contagion suicide is a very big thing within teenagers or those that have influence. I imagine that the national hotline is going off the hooks the last few days with so many news stories about suicide and sharing of the hotline phone number because some people will feel that if the "rich" doesn't have it all together the "poor "never will.

 

[PollyannaMom]

And while all of the advice is well-meaning about "talk to them... be there for them... etc, etc.", it can also leave the impression that loved ones of those who commit suicide are in some way responsible if they don't manage to prevent it.

Another important point! Nobody should be made to feel responsible for someone else's suicide.

And no individual should feel responsible for keeping someone from committing suicide, either. - I've heard of teen girls afraid of breaking up with a boyfriend for just this reason.

 

[lovemygoofy]

18 months ago my 22 year old nephew died by hanging himself. There was nothing that could be done. He had 2 previous attempts. People have free will and some will kill themselves. My nephew battled demons and felt his parents were better off not having to deal with him.
I teach to at least TRY, DO SOMETHING, ASK and be prepared to listen...

 

[PollyannaMom]

@lovemygoofy

 

[neverlandsky]

More love in the world. DS just had a friend commit suicide a few weeks ago. No signs at all.

So the other day at school, a male student in his class banged on his desk then flipped his desk and walked out of the classroom. DS immediately went to go find him and asked him, Are you OK? The kid didn't answer him. Yet I was proud of DS who's a fellow peer for caring to even ask. Other students afterwards also asked the kid "Are you OK?"

It's a rough world out there. Personally I want too see more Mr. Rogers in the public eye.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Personally I want too see more Mr. Rogers in the public eye.

Me too! In fact, I just saw a TV special on him a couple of weeks ago, and I definitely want to see this one:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entr...ogers-documentary_us_5b1abf90e4b0bbb7a0dc7d2c

 

[JimMIA]

along the same lines-i have an issue with schools allowing memorial plantings, benches....by well meaning family and friends of young suicide victims. the same goes w/schools hosting public memorials. making special mentions at graduations and devoting entire pages in yearbooks.

my reasoning is that there is a population of young people who, already potentially inclined to consider suicide, feeling isolated and (for lack of a better word) insignificant. in this mindset the idea of being the center of attention at a big public memorial service and forever memorialized at their school and being significantly featured in their yearbook can prove appealing enough to push them over to make the last/worst decision of their young lives.

i take this stance based on personal experience. some 20 odd years ago a friend's teen son committed suicide. the investigation found that it was in actuality planned to be a double suicide but thankfully the young man's girlfriend chose not to. while both teens had their individual mental health issues that contributed to their plans it was discovered that a tremendous appeal was a rash of teen suicides in the town they lived in-each met with increasing media coverage, public events, memorial items placed at the high school and plans for dedicated yearbook pages to the victims. as these teens watched this occurring around them while they were struggling with their own feelings of not being important in the world/worrying about post graduation life/afraid they would never amount to anything it became a HUGE APPEAL to achieve some type of notice/notoriety. 'if x got this coverage/memorial i could get an even bigger one-no one will ever forget ME' 'my classmates will be sitting on MY memorial bench next year and i'll be the one they place a song for at graduation'. it was found that some of the previous suicide victims had also made comments about the attention the previous victims had received in what in hindsight could be interpreted as envious.

yes, talk about it, bring it out into the open to help others but watch out for the message that's being communicated.

Unfortunately, I think you are right on the copy-cat effect -- at least with very young people.

Teenaged kids really don't have the life experience to sort out which problems are REALLY critical, and they are also very much a part of the Instagram/Snapchat/Facebook moment mentality. Adults hopefully would think things through more, but a 15 year-old boy won't realize that he will have forgotten that ex-girlfriend's name long before he's 40!

I haven't researched it, but I also suspect this lack of life experience is a factor in some of the school shootings. It's a lot tougher to be a teenager now than my time.

 

[ronandannette]

Another important point! Nobody should be made to feel responsible for someone else's suicide.

And no individual should feel responsible for keeping someone from committing suicide, either. - I've heard of teen girls afraid of breaking up with a boyfriend for just this reason.

Oh, that is such a manipulative, evil thing to do - try to control somebody by threatening to harm yourself. At that point, my sympathies totally flip. If my child was ever put in a situation like that and I knew about it, I would hunt down the parents of the SO, alert them and make sure my DS ended the relationship immediately. What happened to their daughter from there would not be on my conscience and I would do anything to ensure my son felt the same way.

 

[ronandannette]

Unfortunately, I think you are right on the copy-cat effect -- at least with very young people.

Teenaged kids really don't have the life experience to sort out which problems are REALLY critical, and they are also very much a part of the Instagram/Snapchat/Facebook moment mentality. Adults hopefully would think things through more, but a 15 year-old boy won't realize that he will have forgotten that ex-girlfriend's name long before he's 40!

I haven't researched it, but I also suspect this lack of life experience is a factor in some of the school shootings. It's a lot tougher to be a teenager now than my time.

I completely agree. And it's these aspects that make suicide such a complex, multi-dimensional issue, beyond just trying to address the effects and potential risks of those with chronic, profound depression.

 

[lorijohnhill]

And no individual should feel responsible for keeping someone from committing suicide, either. - I've heard of teen girls afraid of breaking up with a boyfriend for just this reason.

Adults pull this #%@$ also. As a child, while visiting step grandparents I had only met once, by myself, I was invited to go to an amusement park with their family friend. My grandfather said if I went he would die and it would be all my fault. I chose not to go.

As an adult, I can see this as manipulative, dangerous behavior. As a child, I believed it. As parents we have to be a part of our children’s lives. We have to pay attention to the little things and do the best we can to protect them from these “traps”. It’s certainly not easy. There is always that lingering “what if”.

 

[kuhltiffany]

I took a course once on how to quickly assess someone to see if they are serious about attempting it, I still remember it years later. It was based on the CPR model, C for current plan, P for prior plans, and R for resources/reason to live. We were taught to ask about the first 2 to see how "real" the threat was, then use the last one to talk about support, family, friends, animals, dreams, etc.