suggestions on how to explain to my dd

[Briar Rose 7457]

12 year old has taken to describing things as "retarded" to signify somehting is stupid, uncool, etc. I am very NOT HAPPY. I've said so several times, but she ignores me.

how do I drive the point home that this word is unacceptable?

 

[PandyPaws]

how do I drive the point home that this word is unacceptable?

When you figure it out....would you PLEASE tell me??? I hear it a lot from DS 10, and it does NOT make me very happy

 

[Gail T AGAIN]

I hear that from a few adults I know. I don't think it is a phrase that really is attacking the mentaly challenged. I think it may be a phase and I look at it if that is the worse thing she is going to do in her teenage yrs that isn't bad at all.

 

[Blondie]

My kids are currently using the term "gay" instead of retarded.

Here's an example;

"I don't want to go to school!"

Why?

"Because it's gay!"

"I hate that game!"

Why?

"It's so gay!"

Etc.

As much as I tell them not to use the word gay in those terms, they just use it more.

I have no answers or solutions, I'm sorry.

 

[mrsv98]

Hit her in the pocketbook....impose a fine of $.50 or $1.00 everytime she says it. Keep track of hpw often she says it and take away privileges for every five occurances. Take her to a Miseracordia Home and let her see "retarded" people so they have a face and a meaning beyond the word. Just some ideas, hope this helps!

 

[grinningghost]

Around here it seems both "retarded" and "gay" are horribly misused - at least from the middle school crowd. DD knows I hate it, so she tries not to say them to me - but she does slip now and then. From what the middle school principal told me, "gay" is all she hears in the hallowed halls of her school. Everything is "so gay". I can't stand it from one 13 year old, I feel sorry for the people that have to work with hundreds of them.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

I heard "gay' from the younger dd, told her I didn't like it, and she stopped --- at least, in front of me.

 

[Princess_Aurora]

It could be worse...at least she's not using certain four-letter words.

 

[Girls Scout Leader]

Just as bad as a four letter word, honey. Or worse. Becasue its personally hurtfull.

 

[Kallison]

I work in a middle school and I hear the" it's gay" a lot. I tell the kids unacceptable. Most of them seem surprised that anyone would find it offensive. I explain to them why it is not to be used and if they use it again they will be sent to the office. Sorry but using the term "retarded" should not be accepted or tolerated as - "well it could be worse, it's not a four letter word". What will happen when they are in high school or young adults and say it's retarded in front of someone who may have a child or relative who is mentally handicapped. One of my son's classmates brother is mentally retarded and he is the sweetest boy on the planet, I would never allow my child to use that term and I think it is just as horrible as the F-word.

 

[dmslush]

Check with you local social services and find out if your community has day programs/care for the mentally retarded community members. If so, have her volunteer there for a while. Not only will it help her see that 'retarded' is real life, living and breathing (not just a term to toss around), but it will also help her to become an asset to the community by helping break down walls of fear and stereotypes.

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

I work as a vocational counselor for persons with disabilities. I also have an 11 yr old DD. She uttered the words, "That is SO retarded" in front of me. I about died!

I spend SO much time trying to explain to the work world and everyone I come in contact with that it is a hateful expression. A person is not their disability and to say something or someone is "retarded" is to imply that they are less of a person.

As for DD, we had a very serious talk and I have yet to hear her say that word again. I hope she has taken my words to heart and not spoken them when she is with her friends.

 

[newmousecateer]

I would explain what the word means, and then tell her that it is unacceptable to use that word, and that every time you hear her use the word, she will have to pay a penalty, wether it is time out in her room, or taking on extra chores, etc.

 

[CathyCanada]

I have a wonderful brother-in-law who is "mentally challenged". He has autistic tendencies, but was never diagnosed for reasons too long to go into. He is the kindest, sweetest, most gentle man that I know. He went through sheer hell in school because he was different. Not different enough to go to a special school, just enough to be the easy brunt of some horrible pranks from some very cruel kids.

The first time I heard my daughter call someone retarded, I asked her how she would feel if someone said that about her Uncle. She said she would be really mad. I told her that calling anyone "retarded" is mean and hurtful and told her some of the horrible things that my darling BIL went through. So the next time she thought about using it, to think about him. It stopped.

I'm not sure that helps you BR, but when kids actually see or know someone, it can make a difference.
CC

 

[Serena]

BR, you know I have my own problems with my kids. But, I think you need to talk to her. Tell her how you feel, tell her why it's wrong, and accept nothing less than her not ever saying that in front of you again.
She is probably just testing you to see if you really mean it, you have to convince her you do.

Goodluck.