Stuck between ex and dd....

[Lucky4me]

Based on his past history, this sounds more like a gift for them both, rather than a gift just for her.
Unless he is going to school as well, that money should not be used for his benefit. That's not how the GI bill is supposed to work. Whoever is in school should be getting the money. If there is a surplus, it should be put in an educational account to pay for her future school needs. Not be used as additional income for your ex.
I think you are doing the right thing. Why should he make money off his daughter, whether he re enlisted more years or not? He would still be getting a paycheck while enlisted, wouldn't he?
Based on all the information you put out there, my thoughts are he is a scammer and a jerk.

 

[Lucky4me]

Oh I just read it again. Now he's going to get to keep the full stipend?!
Oh boy. What a break for him. I doubt anything will ever happen to him doing this, but it's sickening to me that the bill can get abused this way.
It was meant for educational purposes only. Living expenses, books, computers, room, board, etc. At the end of her education, if there was money left over, it should go to her, not him.
It was never meant as additional income for the enlisted parent who was not going to school.

 

[kellyg403]

Oh I just read it again. Now he's going to get to keep the full stipend?!
Oh boy. What a break for him. I doubt anything will ever happen to him doing this, but it's sickening to me that the bill can get abused this way.
It was meant for educational purposes only. Living expenses, books, computers, room, board, etc. At the end of her education, if there was money left over, it should go to her, not him.
It was never meant as additional income for the enlisted parent who was not going to school.

No, he has never said he was keeping the whole thing, just a portion. He is giving her an allowance out of the stipend.

Regardless of anything, I really don't know how this whole thing works. So, instead of her taking the whole benefit, I will try and protect her and me and pay my 1/2 up front as the divorce decree states. Then, later on down the road if there is an issue with any part of the funds, there will be less to worry about. I think this is the best way to do things. I honestly believe in my heart, after this week of back and forth, that dad did not give this because he wanted her to, he didn't have his half. Because of that he is turning into something else. How he pays his half of her education is his story. He has known that I have done everything in my power the last 11 years to keep the kids on a college track. Going to college was very important in my eyes for them. They will need an education. I prepared to pay everything if I had to, it did not matter. And maybe that is why I am not jumping on the "dad is great" bandwagon with him. I was fully prepared not to get his money, he doesn't usually do what the decree states anyway, so who would have guessed? Its not like he called or was involved in the picking of what college she went to. Its not like he said this is the budget and this is where you have to go. Nothing. So, I just assumed that he wasn't planning on helping. So, while my initial reaction was how great he was for doing this for her, as time has gone on I just feel too many things could go wrong and that his intentions just weren't what I thought they were. Could it turn out differently? Yes..and I hope that they do. I had hoped that both of them doing this process together would be an exciting time for them. I enjoyed every single college visit, I enjoyed visiting her at Governor's school last summer, this whole process has been great as her mother. To see her thinking about the future and what she really wants to do and what her college should be like. And that is where I end up feeling bad for her..some of the excitement is gone because she just can't do anything right.

So, that is the jest of the whole thing..she is grateful. She is happy she gets to go to the school of her choice. He is giving her 1/2 of the college expenses as he said he would. Whether he reelists for just this or not, I don't know. He said he didn't. Whether he keeps a portion for himself..who cares. But he can't expect me to jump up and down anymore than any other normal person. Because technically, this is it. I pay for the 2 ds's myself because all of his benefit is going to dd..and him. Maybe I will get lucky and he will put his part in a savings account for the ds's. Maybe he won't but I can't count on anything.

Kelly

 

[Lucky4me]

Now I am really confused. The total amount of the bill should be applied to her tuition and if the school is 44,000 and the bill is 34,000, where is this stipend coming from?
Yeah I'm nosy. Sorry!

 

[kellyg403]

Now I am really confused. The total amount of the bill should be applied to her tuition and if the school is 44,000 and the bill is 34,000, where is this stipend coming from?
Yeah I'm nosy. Sorry!

Yeah...I am confused too! I guess there is an entitlement for school and books and then the stipend is to be used for housing, meal plan etc. I think that is correct. I have an appointment with dd at the VA in a few hours, hopefully that will shed some light on it!

Kelly

 

[Lucky4me]

Yeah...I am confused too! I guess there is an entitlement for school and books and then the stipend is to be used for housing, meal plan etc. I think that is correct. I have an appointment with dd at the VA in a few hours, hopefully that will shed some light on it!

Kelly

Oh I think they will enlighten you alright. I would ask exactly how this stipend needs to be used and if a parent can use it for their own living expenses. See what they say.
Good luck!

 

[kellyg403]

Oh I think they will enlighten you alright. I would ask exactly how this stipend needs to be used and if a parent can use it for their own living expenses. See what they say.
Good luck!

Honestly, I don't think I would/will even mention it because literally I have no idea WHAT he plans to do. Whenever that part of the conversation comes up he kinda dances around it. I don't want to accuse him of anything, he MAY have legitimate ideas. He may save it, he may spend it, he may keep it and dole the whole amount to her over time. Who the heck knows??? At this point I am just trying to minimize any damage, something I have grown really good at when he is involved. I don't question, I just analyze the worst case scenario, how much he will mad if it goes bad etc. Then I do what I need to do to keep my nose clean and avoid an argument with him. Its best. Trust me its best!

Kelly

 

[Ponygirl]

Kelly,

I'm not sure if things work exactly the same under each VA program, but the stipend was paid directly to my kids from the VA. There was no debate or asking that it gets rerouted. It is directly paid to the child who is attending school. Here is a link that may help you answer general questions:

https://www.gibill2.va.gov/cgi-bin/vba.cfg/php/enduser/std_alp.php

Good luck to you and your daughter!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

After looking at many different pieces of VA information about this, all I can say is good luck trying to figure it out.

There are different "levels" of the GI Bill, for example post 9/11 is the cream of the crop, but not everyone's entitled to those benefits (though it sounds like ex is). There is also a *whole bunch* of "levels" for service rendered and how it applies to the benefits one receives.This is why your ex only had to serve one more year; he'd already met most of the requirement. Also, different information came out at different times, and it's still out there - you have to search for the most updated info. Extremely complex, it looks like (not surprisingly ).

As best I can tell, as far as Transferability goes, a child that meets all the requirements (of naming ahead of time, age, diploma, etc) will receive tuition, a housing stipend, and a book stipend. There could even be a one time stipend if ex qualifies for that. These facts are pretty clear on all the websites.

The thing that is not clear is *who the stipend is paid out to*. We know that tuition goes directly to the school. As does the housing stipend if the child lives at school, and this is bound by the rules of that particular state. The $1000 book stipend? I'm not sure where this goes. THIS IS WHAT I WOULD ASK given that seems to be what much of the concern is about. Does it go to him, the Veteran, to disperse to her? Or does it go to the school, to go to her? Or does it go to her directly? This is the one bit of information I can't find anywhere.

I did come across this and I think it drives home the point I've been trying to make here, which is essentially that these are his benefits that he's giving to her.

Other important GI Bill Transfer notes

The military member can transfer up to 36 months of GI Bill benefits and can allocate them among eligible recipients at any time (but only once per month). The service member may also cancel a family member’s use of the benefits at any time. The benefits belong to the service member, and the intent of the GI Bill transfer program is not to change that.

http://themilitarywallet.com/gi-bill-transfer-rules/

I found this website to be helpful. Good luck looking it over, lol. http://www.defense.gov/home/features/2009/0409_gibill/