Strong Personality

[Angelhalo]

Yes - some of you guessed correctly. This has been said to me at work. Basically people are complaining about my strong personality and that my intelligence is too intimidating for others. I need to change my personality and I need to tone it down so I can stop making people feel bad when they do not know something. What? I have not been able to make heads or tails of this cause I have never had anyone say these things to me before. Believe me - I am no rocket scientist, but not an idiot either.

I work in compliance and my whole job is about telling others where they may have not followed the regs. I work very hard to do this in an extremely professional manner and treat every single person exactly the same. I am extremely busy and understaffed in my department so I do not always have the time to do the sugar coating and hand holding that seems to be the way this business operates. (Or maybe it is a southern regional way of doing business - not sure.) But I am ALWAYS professional in my speech and other communications.

What would you do if this was you? I am stymied and kind of feel personally attacked.

Sometimes being straight up "professional" just doesn't cut it here in the south. That is EXACTLY why the girl I work with is considered to be difficult....errrr....I mean... a strong personality. The other girl in her department is just as efficient and sweet as she can be. Everyone loves her. Actually she sometimes seems to be able to get more things done because people are more willing to accept her instructions rather than the "professional" orders of the other girl. So I think a little effort to sugar coat goes a long way.

 

[MyManGoofy!]

Sometimes being straight up "professional" just doesn't cut it here in the south. That is EXACTLY why the girl I work with is considered to be difficult....errrr....I mean... a strong personality. The other girl in her department is just as efficient and sweet as she can be. Everyone loves her. Actually she sometimes seems to be able to get more things done because people are more willing to accept her instructions rather than the "professional" orders of the other girl. So I think a little effort to sugar coat goes a long way.

I am nice when I interact with people. I say please and thank you. I smile. I just don't have the time to preface every interaction with "How's the family...what did you do this weekend...etc..." Like I said - I am completely understaffed. I have 3 people in my department doing what 7 people used to do. (Gotta love downsizing!)

So - it is a southern thing. People who are too efficient, professional and business-like are considered difficult pita-s. Hmmm. Interesting. That helps - believe it or not.

 

[NotUrsula]

The trick is being apologetic about the necessity without actually letting them think that NOT doing it the regulation way is an option. One phrase that you'll want to try to avoid is, "I need you to..." That one is fingernails on a chalkboard. Try staying away from the personal, and if possible, never mention the words need or want. Used judiciously, passive voice can be more effective.

Example: "Hi, sorry to have to bring this back, but the XYZ Dept. requires us to have the 123 information completely filled out before submitting this application. Please fill in all of the missing information in Section A and get it back to me by 3 pm. tomorrow so that I can get it in on time. Thanks in advance for taking care of this. -Sue"

 

[BroganMc]

Example: "Hi, sorry to have to bring this back, but the XYZ Dept. requires us to have the 123 information completely filled out before submitting this application. Please fill in all of the missing information in Section A and get it back to me by 3 pm. tomorrow so that I can get it in on time. Thanks in advance for taking care of this. -Sue"

The trick here is in shifting the blame. Bossy PITA people are seen that way because they are imposing their will on others without regard for the people they're subjugating. Assertive sticklers are people who are trying to ensure everyone's work passes some other 3rd party Bossy PITA's rules.

Everytime I've ever gotten in trouble for being "bossy" it was because I failed to explain that other impartial reason I was trying to get things done a certain way.

That and a little sweetness never hurt. Just make sure it's genuine sweetness. That may be developing a relationship with coworkers by knowing about their personal lives, or it can be sharing a company joke. The more human you are the less intimidating you appear.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Yes - some of you guessed correctly. This has been said to me at work. Basically people are complaining about my strong personality and that my intelligence is too intimidating for others. I need to change my personality and I need to tone it down so I can stop making people feel bad when they do not know something. What? I have not been able to make heads or tails of this cause I have never had anyone say these things to me before. Believe me - I am no rocket scientist, but not an idiot either.

I work in compliance and my whole job is about telling others where they may have not followed the regs. I work very hard to do this in an extremely professional manner and treat every single person exactly the same. I am extremely busy and understaffed in my department so I do not always have the time to do the sugar coating and hand holding that seems to be the way this business operates. (Or maybe it is a southern regional way of doing business - not sure.) But I am ALWAYS professional in my speech and other communications.

What would you do if this was you? I am stymied and kind of feel personally attacked.

Like Mary Poppins says, "A spoonful of Sugar helps the medicine go down". Sort of like how they mixed in a compliment when they called you intelligent at the same time they criticized you for your approach. See how it still leaves you with dignity even though you are a little off balance. You didn't like what you heard but you were accepting enough to consider there might be sme truth to it so you came here. It's not so much hand holding, as it is a way to make the other person more receptive to a critique. It's a useful skill not just for at work but everywhere in life.

I remember reading somewhere that a person needs to build up positive credit with a person before they will be tolerated to make criticisms. Something like a 5 - 1 positive to negative ratio will be tolerated by most people. Of course this is hard in business but it can be done. While you are picking up on the problems make sure to compliment people on what they ARE doing right. Also, make sure everything that comes out of your mouth and all expressions are positive prior to a complaint. I happened to read this somewhere when my kids were starting school and I have to be honest, it works like a charm. As long as I make sure the majority of my contact with the school is positive and I am careful about my very rare complaints, I can say almost anything and be heard. Of course, those compliments absolutely MUST be genuine. The thing is that positives really aren't all that hard to see once you start looking for them.

If someone comes at you with all barbs, whether they are right or not, you will shut them down... everyone does. Compliance isn't just about pointing out the defects, the reason you point out defects is to make the business better and to do that you need to be able to get other people to see your side and adopt the improvements recommended. People rarely remember what any of us actually say to them, they do, however, have an excellent memory for how other people make them feel.

Good luck and I really am sorry your feelings were hurt, it's never nice to be under the microscope.

 

[WOW! SERIOUSLY??]

I think of it as assertive. I think of it in a postive way.

this

 

[pigletgirl]

That's me!!! Very pig-headed, stubborn, and willfull.

But yes, it does typically mean, that the person can/is difficult to deal with.

 

[FireDancer]

The trick is being apologetic about the necessity without actually letting them think that NOT doing it the regulation way is an option. One phrase that you'll want to try to avoid is, "I need you to..." That one is fingernails on a chalkboard. Try staying away from the personal, and if possible, never mention the words need or want. Used judiciously, passive voice can be more effective.

Example: "Hi, sorry to have to bring this back, but the XYZ Dept. requires us to have the 123 information completely filled out before submitting this application. Please fill in all of the missing information in Section A and get it back to me by 3 pm. tomorrow so that I can get it in on time. Thanks in advance for taking care of this. -Sue"

This seems pretty high maintenance for a professional setting. If I need something I say I need it. I don't have the time or desire to massage your (not you, the general your) ego to get it accomplished. When the board or an executive need something from me I don't expect them to hand me the request with a velvet glove. Tell me what you need and I will get it. I expect the same in return when I ask for something. I don't bark orders and I phrase everything as a question as opposed to an order (even when in fact it is the later) but in the professional world it is about getting things done right and one time. Not making sure that everyone has their aura glowing the right color at the time you ask for something.

If I wanted to have to convince you to do your job I would have become a kindergarten teacher.

 

[Squirlz]

I think of it as being charismatic. Someone who knows what they are saying and can easily influence others. To me it is a positive description. If I have negative feelings about someone there are other words besides "strong personality" believe me!

 

[MyManGoofy!]

This seems pretty high maintenance for a professional setting. If I need something I say I need it. I don't have the time or desire to massage your (not you, the general your) ego to get it accomplished. When the board or an executive need something from me I don't expect them to hand me the request with a velvet glove. Tell me what you need and I will get it. I expect the same in return when I ask for something. I don't bark orders and I phrase everything as a question as opposed to an order (even when in fact it is the later) but in the professional world it is about getting things done right and one time. Not making sure that everyone has their aura glowing the right color at the time you ask for something.

If I wanted to have to convince you to do your job I would have become a kindergarten teacher.

Well - you must be a PITA too then!! lol.

Seriously though - this is my point. It is a business. I am not mean about anything I say to people. I always use please and thank you. When I run into people in the break room and in the cafeteria - I socialize and ask about more personal things. I just don't think it is necessary to sugar coat something like "Can you please make sure the client signs the legal document in the correct place? Thanks!" !

 

[Angelhalo]

Well - you must be a PITA too then!! lol.

Seriously though - this is my point. It is a business. I am not mean about anything I say to people. I always use please and thank you. When I run into people in the break room and in the cafeteria - I socialize and ask about more personal things. I just don't think it is necessary to sugar coat something like "Can you please make sure the client signs the legal document in the correct place? Thanks!" !

Yes but down here the sugar coating as you call it, is just considered - being a nice person. No one wants to work with the grump who never does anything but tell or ask you to do stuff, with no other pleasantries involved. They just get looked upon as a grumpy, no personality, meanypants, PITA. We walk away from the office door with our task in our hand feeling like we just got slapped and we mumble to ourselves "what a b****, she could have at least asked me nicely". It's just how the south works. No matter how understaffed we may be we always take the extra moment, to just do things in a friendly way. I'm not saying either way is "right" or "wrong" just that different ways work better in different regions. I'm sure you're a nice person, but just being curt and professional down here doesn't leave anyone feeling like you're a nice person, nor does it leave them wanting to do anything to help you out.

Regional differences are funny

 

[kellyg403]

I agree, sugar coating isn't my idea of what I need to do either. But, I do always say please or thank you. I live in the South, have always but never heard that you shouldn't say 'I need you to do such and such please'. Unless you started on the job 3 days ago, my thought is that you should already have an idea on what time management, expectations of the company are.

With that being said, though, I do think there are some people who just come across as that person who just wants it done today with no expectations of what your normal job includes and then gets a little miffed when you stop everything, do their task, and yours sits idle. But, I do not consider that a strong personality.

I really have never thought of 'strong personality' in an offensive way. More the loud, get it done kind of person.

Kelly

 

[NotUrsula]

Just FTR, the thing about not saying "I need you to ..." has nothing to do with the South. It is something that I've been taught in several corporate communications courses throughout the country.

It is one of those phrases that is very prone to negative interpretation, because people who are touchy about such things say that the phrasing reads as a power play, and that depending on tone of voice, it may sound confrontational.

I've always been taught that it is more effective to avoid personalizing an order, because when you do that you risk having the request perceived as less about the task than it is about you flexing your power to make someone else do as you bid. It is better to try to phrase it in a way that puts the emphasis on the importance of the task itself, rather than that of the person asking that it be done.

It seems really silly, I know, but over the years I've found that it works.

 

[kellyg403]

Just FTR, the thing about not saying "I need you to ..." has nothing to do with the South. It is something that I've been taught in several corporate communications courses throughout the country.

It is one of those phrases that is very prone to negative interpretation, because people who are touchy about such things say that the phrasing reads as a power play, and that depending on tone of voice, it may sound confrontational.

I've always been taught that it is more effective to avoid personalizing an order, because when you do that you risk having the request perceived as less about the task than it is about you flexing your power to make someone else do as you bid. It is better to try to phrase it in a way that puts the emphasis on the importance of the task itself, rather than that of the person asking that it be done.

It seems really silly, I know, but over the years I've found that it works.

Interesting...thanks!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Usually I mean that person can be overbearing and not always so much fun to be around. I suppose it could also mean that the person stands their ground and fights for what they believe in, etc.

If someone told me I had a strong personality, I'd probably not take that as a compliment.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Yes - some of you guessed correctly. This has been said to me at work. Basically people are complaining about my strong personality and that my intelligence is too intimidating for others. I need to change my personality and I need to tone it down so I can stop making people feel bad when they do not know something. What? I have not been able to make heads or tails of this cause I have never had anyone say these things to me before. Believe me - I am no rocket scientist, but not an idiot either.

I work in compliance and my whole job is about telling others where they may have not followed the regs. I work very hard to do this in an extremely professional manner and treat every single person exactly the same. I am extremely busy and understaffed in my department so I do not always have the time to do the sugar coating and hand holding that seems to be the way this business operates. (Or maybe it is a southern regional way of doing business - not sure.) But I am ALWAYS professional in my speech and other communications.

What would you do if this was you? I am stymied and kind of feel personally attacked.

If they're complaining, then it is, of course, a negative term.

I'm not sure what you mean by your "intelligence intimidates others."

I'm a fairly intelligent person and I love speaking with super intelligent people...if they're humble and kind. Know-it-alls don't get very far with me.

You're obviously coming across wrong. I know you think you're always professional in your communications, but maybe you need to step back and really take a look at things. If more than one person is complaining, it's very likely you're not being professional.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

When I have used this term, I have always meant that the person is not easily influenced by others. In other words, a person with a strong personality is someone who knows what they want, what they believe, and what is important to them. They are not easily swayed by alternative viewpoints.

IMO, other personality traits lead to issues - like an unwillingness to consider that other viewpoints are valid or a desire to convince everyone of your viewpoint.

One can have very strong beliefs without being obstinate or overbearing...

Edited to add that I cannot think of a single successful leader that did not have a strong personality.

 

[pilesoflaundry]

It would depend on who it is coming from and how it is said if I would be offended or not.

I have said it about people/to them and meant it both ways but the way I said it made it very clear how I meant it. My mom is a strong one, not the good kind!