Strong Personality

[MyManGoofy!]

When you tell someone they have a strong personality - what do you mean? I have listed the two main definition people tend to come up with. Which one do you agree with?


1) Someone with a strong personality is basically a bully. It’s a bully who is right all the time no matter what, pushes him or herself onto other people, makes unreasonable demands or expectations, forces others to comply with what he or she wants them to do whether it’s ethical or not, illegal or not, make threats in order to control someone, picks verbal or even physical fights, is just an all-around angry and intimidating personality that eventually nobody likes. Bullies have to be in control, so they prefer bullying people who they perceive to be somehow inferior to themselves.

2) A strong personality is assertive, not aggressive. Being strong and assertive doesn’t mean they go out picking fights with people. It means they have a backbone. They have esteem and integrity and good personal ethics, defend themselves and their beliefs, know their legal rights and basic human rights, can usually admit when they are wrong, and try to find common ground with others and negotiate and compromise in order to teach, learn, and solve problems. But often do not tolerate the lack of these traits in others very easily.

If you were told you had a strong personality, would you be offended or see it as a compliment? Do you think those that have strong personalities should have to change them to make others more comfortable?

 

[GoodFairies]

I interpret that phrase to mean simply that someone can be very difficult to get along with. No more, no less - so I can't liken it to either of your interpretations. However, I am more likely to associate it with the negative connotation.

 

[Disneycrazy!!]

I think of it as assertive. I think of it in a postive way.

 

[NotUrsula]

I think it depends greatly on who you are speaking to and how much power the person being described has over you:

If you're speaking to a 3rd party and trying to be polite, it means the person is a bully.

If you're speaking directly to the person in question and not afraid of him/her, it means the person is assertive and perhaps has a tendency to demand a lot of attention.

 

[hereyago]

I am the number 2 scenario of a strong personality. When I was younger up until 17 or so, I was a very very shy, sensitive person. People would misconstrew my being quiet as I was being stuck up. Would never stick up for myself.

And to answer your last question: there is no way I would tone it down to accomadate others so they can feel comfortable.

 

[FireDancer]

It can mean either. It is a bit like the difference between confidence and cockiness. It is hard to define but you know it when you encounter it. A confident person with a strong personality would fit #2, a cocky person with a strong personality would fit #1.

 

[kellyg403]

Funny, I think either could apply depending on the person! But, typically the second is the one that comes to mind first.

I am a pretty quiet, go with the flow kind of person. I don't tend to fly off the handle and stay calm in most situations. However, I tend to be one of those people when something comes about, I state my position in an assertive way without raising my voice and walking away. So, I really don't argue, just state my peace and move forward.

The first example, while it could apply in my mind I just don't call that a strong personality. My second example would be more the person who is an in your face, move move move kinda person. I have a friend like this. Very loud, her normal speaking voice too, always hurried, move over or I will run you over type of person. I define her as a strong personality. She is not mean, she is just a bulldozer. She has her eye on the end result and pushes right through and gets it.

Kelly

 

[LaraK]

I've been told that I have a strong personality since I was very very young. I think it means that your are distinctive in your actions and confident in your opinions....could be positive, can be negative at times like most other personality traits.

 

[Ceila]

When I've used the phrase, it wasn't a compliment (and therefore never said directly to the offending person). I've usually used to to refer to someone who tries to dominate every conversation and generally refuses to realize that other people have opinions that are just as valid as their own.

ETA: I do believe that this is one of those sayings whose meaning varies from person to person. For example, I would not use it to describe LaraK, based on her post above.

 

[Magic Mom]

I've been told that I have a strong personality since I was very very young. I think it means that your are distinctive in your actions and confident in your opinions....could be positive, can be negative at times like most other personality traits.

What she said.

 

[Disney Ella]

I have never used it, or heard it being used, as a compliment. Saying someone has a strong personality is more polite than saying they are a PIA.

 

[Keli]

I definitely don't think of a strong personlity as your #1 choice. I'd just call them a bully straight out.
IMHO, there is a difference in a bully and a person with a strong personality.
Your #2 choice comes closer to the mark for me. I think of a strong personality as someone that is logical and therefore is often right in their opinions but they have little or no finesse when putting those opinions across. But there is no intent to bulldoze over anyone else in the conversation, they're just loud and very confident (probably because most of the time they are right). Seems like they usually have trouble fitting in socially for these reasons and I tend to feel sorry for them.

 

[disneybound2010]

Growing up and all through high school and college, I was scared to death of my own shadow. I was the one beaten up and bullied constantly. Imagine my surprise,when not too long ago I was told by a friend that they were "intimidated" by me at first! I asked my boss,who has known me half my life, and she told me that I should take it as a compliment. I have become very outspoken and I tend to stand my ground now.I speak up if I feel something is wrong and I hold to it. I've come a looooong way from the girl I was!

 

[LuvOrlando]

OP, personally I agree that there are 2 types that get described with this term. I really like people with strong personalities. I can't stomach wishy washy people who like to be bossed around so they can blame everyone around them when they make a mistake. But I just as much despise bullies for trying to take away other peoples free will.

My favorite sort of person will speak their mind freely but genuinely respect other people's choice to be different and walk away if they can't handle it. So I suppose strong personality is a great big fat compliment when I use it.

OP, did someone use it around you, use it about you or did you use it and it was misinterpreted?

 

[paintnolish]

I think of it in two ways...your first reason sounds like a nice way of saying someone is a jerk! Your second reason sounds more like a true definition. I think I have a strong personality- I am the oldest of four girls. Currently, I work, go to school full-time (3.8 GPA), have 2 children, pets, a house, and a husband- there is no way I feel I could handle all of that if I wasn't an asserive, go-getter.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

I think if someone uses it to describe you...you think it's a compliment.

If you use it to describe someone else....it's not.

For the record.....I have been described as having a strong personality....and being so could care less if they think that's a good thing.

 

[MyManGoofy!]

Yes - some of you guessed correctly. This has been said to me at work. Basically people are complaining about my strong personality and that my intelligence is too intimidating for others. I need to change my personality and I need to tone it down so I can stop making people feel bad when they do not know something. What? I have not been able to make heads or tails of this cause I have never had anyone say these things to me before. Believe me - I am no rocket scientist, but not an idiot either.

I work in compliance and my whole job is about telling others where they may have not followed the regs. I work very hard to do this in an extremely professional manner and treat every single person exactly the same. I am extremely busy and understaffed in my department so I do not always have the time to do the sugar coating and hand holding that seems to be the way this business operates. (Or maybe it is a southern regional way of doing business - not sure.) But I am ALWAYS professional in my speech and other communications.

What would you do if this was you? I am stymied and kind of feel personally attacked.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

Yes - some of you guessed correctly. This has been said to me at work. Basically people are complaining about my strong personality and that my intelligence is too intimidating for others. I need to change my personality and I need to tone it down so I can stop making people feel bad when they do not know something. What? I have not been able to make heads or tails of this cause I have never had anyone say these things to me before. Believe me - I am no rocket scientist, but not an idiot either.

I work in compliance and my whole job is about telling others where they may have not followed the regs. I work very hard to do this in an extremely professional manner and treat every single person exactly the same. I am extremely busy and understaffed in my department so I do not always have the time to do the sugar coating and hand holding that seems to be the way this business operates. (Or maybe it is a southern regional way of doing business - not sure.) But I am ALWAYS professional in my speech and other communications.

What would you do if this was you? I am stymied and kind of feel personally attacked.

That may be your problem right there. I take it you are dealing with Southerners but are from another region? Take it from a New Englander who has lived in the South for 15 years.....you are speaking a completely different language!!! Seriously, I got that for years after I moved. What I saw as direct and professional they heard as curt and quite frankly, b**chy. Having been here for awhile....I kinda see their point. It sounds like that to me now too sometimes. I think since you are on their turf...as hard as it may be...you're going to have to be the one to adjust. When this happened to me.....and it was a while ago , I haven't worked outside the home for a while....I was honest and let them know that it was not my intent to be rude. Sometimes letting people know that goes a long way.

 

[Angelhalo]

I interpret that phrase to mean simply that someone can be very difficult to get along with. No more, no less - so I can't liken it to either of your interpretations. However, I am more likely to associate it with the negative connotation.

I agree. I work with someone who has a "strong personality" and what you wrote is how I would describe her. She's not a bully, she's just difficult. She can have the ability to steam roll people but not in a mean way. She is not fun to work with.

Because I don't enjoy working with this person whom I feel has a "strong personality", I would be offended if someone said I had a "strong personality".

 

[Angelhalo]

I have never used it, or heard it being used, as a compliment. Saying someone has a strong personality is more polite than saying they are a PIA.