Strict parenting can lead to obese kids

[Cass]

"Clean your plate or else!" and other authoritarian approaches to parenting can lead to overweight children, a new study finds.

Strict mothers were nearly five times more likely to raise tubby first-graders than mothers who treated their children with flexibility and respect while also setting clear rules.

But while the children of flexible rule-setting moms avoided obesity, the children of neglectful mothers and permissive mothers were twice as likely to get fat.

"The difference between the different parenting groups is pretty striking," said the study co-author, Dr. Kay Rhee of Boston University School of Medicine. The study of 872 families appears in the June issue of Pediatrics, released Monday.

Mothers and children in Lawrence, Kansas, were among those in 10 U.S. cities who participated in the study.

Rhee speculated that parents who show respect and warmth within a framework of rules may help their children learn to make good decisions about food and exercise. Or it could be that strict parents create a stressful household where overeating becomes a comfort and escape, she said.

Other studies have shown the flexible parenting style, also called authoritative, has other good results for children such as higher achievement in school and lower incidence of depression, said John Lavigne, chief psychologist at Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago.

Article

 

[disykat]

Oh, great. One more reason for parents to think they can't discipline their children! Honestly, I know lots of parents that some might consider strict - myself included - and not one of us makes our child clean their plates.

I totally agree with the author's idea that parents should be flexible and respectful while maintaining a clear set of rules - however, many many parents in today's society would define anything with a "clear set of rules" to be strict.

 

[lindakmonty]

My mom was very strict... I had to clean my plate and I was always UNDER weight! Now, with my son I never use to make him eat... but when my dh and I met...he is more strict and makes him clean his plate. I now make him do the same. He turned 5 in Feb. and he only weight 33 lbs. he's in the 90th percentile for his age...I highly doubt he'll ever be obese. He is built exactly like all of his fathers male family members. I am grateful my mom was strict. I see all my cousins that had both parents and no discipline... most have been to jail, don't keep a job, and have nothing... My sister and I are the only ones that have something to really be proud of. They had the same opportunities that I had. My Uncle got me a job...and I kept it...and excelled. I started making $22 an hour at 19 yrs old. They could have done the same... I have another 7 years left to pay on my house...and I'm 29, never been to college... I find it humerous that most of the people that write this stuff DONT HAVE KIDS!

just my .02!

 

[agnes!]

One parent's flexibility is another parent's wishy-washy/no-backbone .

In the last sentence, the author states "Other studies have shown the flexible parenting style, also called authoritative..." Well, I find the labelling used to be a tad confusing..."strict" & "authoritative" usually mean the same thing to me.
AND, according to this article, there are several parenting types, none of which, oddly enough, involve Dear Old Dad. Mothers & children ONLY participated in the study. "Flexible" MOTHERS(treating kids with Respect & Warmth & Flexibility *yet* having Clear Rules), Strict MOTHERS(Clean Your Plate! Stressful! Overeating!), Neglectful MOTHERS(No Dads?) and Permissive MOTHERS(again, where's Dad?)

But then, what do I know ? I'm just a parent, not a "real" expert .

agnes!

 

[challada]

Geeee....and I always thought WHAT you eat and HOW ACTIVE you are leads to size. Todays kids eat worse processed high-fat foods than ever AND sit on their rear ends more than ever....which I thought led to the increasing obesity rate. Silly me!


Frankly, as someone who works w/kids, my bigger concern w/kids and foods are the amount of children that have VERY limited diets. I see preschoolers that have two major food groups: chicken nuggets and french fries. I mean, these kids eat NOTHING else. When I explain to parents that their kids need different foods for nutrients, I get a dazed look from most parents and a "well, he/she WANTS nuggets and fries"....yea, I want a Corvette convertible, so can I have one every day too?

 

[MoniqueU]

I have a neighbor who is obsessively neat, always making her kids eat everything on their plates, fed her daughter juice constantly when she was little, was always fixing up snacks etc, putting their toys away and snapping at them about playing with them and telling them to get outside so they didnt mess up her house. 2 out of 3 of her kids are obese. The third is pushing it. Though they do get plenty of outdoor time, except the oldest one who has learned her place and I guess now sits and is quiet and doesnt make messes any more. So yep I can see how this study applies. This family is a real trip. Thats just the mother the step dad is like an army drill seargent on a case of budweiser fulltime.

 

[Chicago526]

Geeee....and I always thought WHAT you eat and HOW ACTIVE you are leads to size. Todays kids eat worse processed high-fat foods than ever AND sit on their rear ends more than ever....which I thought led to the increasing obesity rate. Silly me!


Frankly, as someone who works w/kids, my bigger concern w/kids and foods are the amount of children that have VERY limited diets. I see preschoolers that have two major food groups: chicken nuggets and french fries. I mean, these kids eat NOTHING else. When I explain to parents that their kids need different foods for nutrients, I get a dazed look from most parents and a "well, he/she WANTS nuggets and fries"....yea, I want a Corvette convertible, so can I have one every day too?

I cringe when I read posts on the vacation planning boards where parents state their kids will only eat one thing or another (and whatever it is usually isn't healthy). I know some kids will get on a kick for a week or two when they really want one type of food all the time, and there is nothing wrong with serving it to them a little more often than you might otherwise (even adults get cravings after all! ). But there is something wrong with letting little Johnny only eat nuggets, ever, because "he won't eat anything else". If the kid is hungry he'll eat whatever you put in front of him. If he still refuses, fine, he doesn't have to eat it but he (or she!) gets nothing else until the next meal time (and no desert, of course). A couple of missed meals won't kill them, and it should only take a few times for them to realize it's much better to eat what Mom puts in front of them than to kick up a fuss.

My mother never made seperate meals for us once we were old enough for adult food. We ate what she cooked, period. We didn't have to clean our plates but if we didn't, no desert and no snack later on.

 

[Crankyshank]

I have had a struggle and a love/hate relationship with food my entire life thanks to a controlling and strict mother.
I never was forced to clean my plate (the opposite actually) but every morsel I ate was regulated which resulted in emotional eating and sneaking food. I don't think being strict makes your child more likely to be overweight, but I do think strict parents are more likely to be rigid with what your child can and will eat and how much of it, which will often result in rebellion.

 

[RitaZ.]

I was a very picky eater as a child. I was extremely thin and only ate things that I liked, which were few. I've never believed in "cleaning one's plate", not as a child and not as a parent. I think that only teaches children to ignore their body's signals that they are full.

I'm now 41 and have come to like foods that I detested as a child. There are still certain foods that I find disgusting and will not eat, I don't care how "good" they are for me. BTW, I'm not overweight.

 

[MoniqueU]

Double Post

 

[MoniqueU]

I cringe when I read posts on the vacation planning boards where parents state their kids will only eat one thing or another (and whatever it is usually isn't healthy). I know some kids will get on a kick for a week or two when they really want one type of food all the time, and there is nothing wrong with serving it to them a little more often than you might otherwise (even adults get cravings after all! ). But there is something wrong with letting little Johnny only eat nuggets, ever, because "he won't eat anything else". If the kid is hungry he'll eat whatever you put in front of him. If he still refuses, fine, he doesn't have to eat it but he (or she!) gets nothing else until the next meal time (and no desert, of course). A couple of missed meals won't kill them, and it should only take a few times for them to realize it's much better to eat what Mom puts in front of them than to kick up a fuss.

My mother never made seperate meals for us once we were old enough for adult food. We ate what she cooked, period. We didn't have to clean our plates but if we didn't, no desert and no snack later on.

I so disagree with this. My parents tried to pull this on me when I was a kid. You know what. I just didn't eat. Not a bite not ever. My step dad would try and hold my mouth shut and make me eat and I would gag and spit it out. One time he tried to make me eat shrimp and I spit it out in a napkin and he smacked me across a room. I will not ever be waging war over food with my children, it just isn't a battle I choose to wage. To this day I don't care who it is I will not eat one bite of food that I do not like and I will go hungry for as long as it takes end of story. I am going on a cruise and I am sure they will have food that doesnt appeal to me so I am banking on losing some weight good for me.
As far as my children go they eat soooooooo many more things then I will. Because they were allowed to choose what they wanted. Not because they were forced. There is nothing like seeing their mouth water when their dad has a barbecue and out comes the corn on the cob and the watermelon and the steak and chicken. I won't eat any of those things but my kids will, good for them. All my kids are very active with our pool, skiing in the winter, football, cheer etc and just normal kid activity not from not eating because their parents were trying to play some sick mind games with them.


I so disagree with this. My parents tried to pull this on me when I was a kid. You know what. I just didn't eat. Not a bite not ever. My step dad would try and hold my mouth shut and make me eat and I would gag and spit it out. One time he tried to make me eat shrimp and I spit it out in a napkin and he smacked me across a room. I will not ever be waging war over food with my children, it just isn't a battle I choose to wage. To this day I don't care who it is I will not eat one bite of food that I do not like and I will go hungry for as long as it takes end of story. I am going on a cruise and I am sure they will have food that doesnt appeal to me so I am banking on losing some weight good for me.
As far as my children go they eat soooooooo many more things then I will. Because they were allowed to choose what they wanted. Not because they were forced. There is nothing like seeing their mouth water when their dad has a barbecue and out comes the corn on the cob and the watermelon and the steak and chicken. I won't eat any of those things but my kids will, good for them. All my kids are very active with our pool, skiing in the winter, football, cheer etc and just normal kid activity not from not eating because their parents were trying to play some sick mind games with them.

 

[Beth76]

Did anyone find it strange that only mothers were mentioned in this article?

 

[Chicago526]

My stepdad used to try and hold my mouth closed to get me to eat something.

Now THAT is just wrong!

Also, I'm all for choices. "Do you want milk or juice?" "Do you want brocoli or carrots?" Either way they are eating or drinking something good for them, but they get some control over what.

Also, there is a huge differance between not eating something you truely don't like, and only wanting to eat one thing, ever. If a kid is usually a good eater but refuses to eat lima beans, then you either don't make them eat them or just don't make them to begin with. I just can't understand making chicken nuggets for your child every single night because they just won't eat anything else.

What did parents do a hundred years ago when food options were much more limited, and a poor (or even middle class) family may not have much choice in what they ate? You had to eat what was available, which changed season to season as differant crops came in. Their kids ate what the family had and was grateful for it. Why is picky eating a such a big deal these days?

 

[RitaZ.]

Their kids ate what the family had and was grateful for it. Why is picky eating a such a big deal these days?

As a young child, I grew up in Cuba, the amount of food and the number of choices were very limited. You'd think that I would have eaten anything that I was given, but I didn't. It drove my parents nuts that I was such a picky eater, but I survived.

 

[disneymom3]

I so disagree with this. My parents tried to pull this on me when I was a kid. You know what. I just didn't eat. Not a bite not ever. My step dad would try and hold my mouth shut and make me eat and I would gag and spit it out. One time he tried to make me eat shrimp and I spit it out in a napkin and he smacked me across a room. I will not ever be waging war over food with my children, it just isn't a battle I choose to wage. To this day I don't care who it is I will not eat one bite of food that I do not like and I will go hungry for as long as it takes end of story. I am going on a cruise and I am sure they will have food that doesnt appeal to me so I am banking on losing some weight good for me.

Okay, but I don't think Chicago is talking about mind games and forcing kids to eat. I think she is just saying that being a short order cook and fixing your child whatever they demand is not in the cards. I agree with this approach. What I make for dinner is what I make for dinner and if you don't like it don't eat it. Now, that said, I always make sure there is something my picky child will eat--generally salad and bread. Sometimes it feels like that is what he is living on but I am not going to make him pb&j for every single meal.

I am personally sick of wimpy parents using every excuse in the book to not control and discipline their children. That article is the type of things that will be used for an excuse not to be the one in charge. (Monique--this last part is not addressed to you, just didn't want to start an entirely new post for it.)

 

[NMAmy]

This is one issue my ex and I totally disagreed on. He was a big member of the Clean Plate Club. I, on the other hand, think a taste of everything is plenty. If you don't like something or you're not hungry, don't eat it.

DD says when she's visiting at his house now, he fills the plates for the kids and they have to eat everything on it. Which would be one big reason why he, his wife, and her three kids are all overweight. He fills their plates like they're adults.

Oh, and at my house, it's perfectly acceptable to skimp on the main course to save room for dessert. I won't make a separate meal but dd has been known to make herself a chicken ceasar salad or a pb&j sandwich instead of eating what we're having. (She's 15.) DD, DH, and I are all thin.

I don't think it's a matter of poor parenting--to my mind, forcing kids to clean their plates is something I don't care to make an issue of. If they're hungry, they'll eat. If they're not hungry, I think they are a better judge of that than I am.

 

[noodleknitter]

Skipping a meal never killed anyone. I never made extra meals in my home, and have children who are adventurous eaters, athletic, and weight within the norm. If they didn't like what we were having, I would not fill them up with deserts. They could have some fruit, or a salad (we always have on hand) but not junk.

Someone mentioned serving sizes, and I think it is so important that parent's know what is appropriate for a kid.

 

[Maleficent13]

I'm kind of in the middle of both sides. Growing up, we had to pretty much finish our plates, BUT they were kid sized plates, not grown-up plates. If we really protested it, we were allowed to let it go, but no snacks later then. As we got older, we had more control over what we ate (and what the family ate too as we were assigned supper duty!). We are all thin and healthy.

One thing I have always noticed is the dessert issue. We never had dessert as kids. We'd get cookies or maybe ice milk for a snack on ocassion, but never as dessert. Dessert only happened on someone's birthday! I have noticed that DH and I continue that trend, and rarely eat dessert (unless we're eating out and then sometimes I can't resist!). It's just something odd I noticed about us as dessert is clearly a routine for a lot of people.

 

[NMAmy]

One thing I have always noticed is the dessert issue. We never had dessert as kids. We'd get cookies or maybe ice milk for a snack on ocassion, but never as dessert. Dessert only happened on someone's birthday! I have noticed that DH and I continue that trend, and rarely eat dessert (unless we're eating out and then sometimes I can't resist!). It's just something odd I noticed about us as dessert is clearly a routine for a lot of people.

That's one reason I said that at my house, it's perfectly acceptable to skimp on the main meal to leave room for dessert. We only have dessert a couple of times a month or more often if Grandma comes over for dinner because she always brings dessert.

What made me think to mention it was we went out for an extended family lunch yesterday at a Chinese restaurant. The portions were huge and my cousin's husband was teasing dd and I because we only ate about a quarter of our meal and then she and I split a piece of cheesecake. He told us we couldn't order it because we weren't members of the Clean Plate Club. That's when his wife told him that that was the reason we were skinny.

 

[chyam]

When I heard this I couldn't believe it, why would someone blame the parents and not society in general. Kids now days have to much access to junk food and their parents are not always around, nextly they are not as active as when I was a child, most are in front of a computer, in front of a tv or doing hours of homework! My generation (40's) our choices on tv were limited, we played in the yard til sundown, had a healthy meal prepared because our mothers most likely did not work and had the time to do it right, we had no video games so were "forced" to be active outside playing. I cannot believe that someone comes along and blames parents for yet something else! Most schools do not even have PE anymore for goodness sake, so who is at fault that the kids are overweight????the blame is not all on the parents.........