Strict, over-protective parent here...

[stemikger]

Posted by Princessmom29
I grew up like this and can testify first hand to the damage it did. It was so bad that our chuch youth director refused to take me on overnights b/c my parents would only let me go if he could guarntee I would never leave his or the female shaperone's sight the whole time. I was so scared to go of to college and miserable once i was there b/c of all the terrible things my mom told me could happen to me if i went to a aparty or out with my friends. I sat in a dorm room scared to do anything for my entire freshman year. I finally decided the second year that I just couldn't do it anymore. If something was going to happen to me it just would. I went a little wild before i found that happy medium. I just cannot and will not do that to my child.

I think part of the problem with me being too over-protective is I grew up the total opposite. My parents never gave me a curfew and never even knew what time I came home half the time while still a sophmore in high school. I did every drug known to man and in all reality should have been dead many times over.

For my 17th birthday my gift from my friends was an 8 ball of coke and I did enough to kill a 300 lb linebacker. I drove drunk and had guns pointed at me, etc.

Sorry for being so graphic and giving you TMI, but because I've seen the bad side of growing up, I find myself going the other way raising my daughgter. As an adult I hardley even drink any longer and when I think about the things I did I want to gringe.

However, I do have to let her live and hopefully she will not want to live the way I did.

 

[sk!mom]

I think part of the problem with me being too over-protective is I grew up the total opposite. My parents never gave me a curfew and never even knew what time I came home half the time while still a sophmore in high school. I did every drug known to man and in all reality should have been dead many times over.

However, I do have to let her live and hopefully she will not want to live the way I did.

I heard the other day (Dr Phil, I think), that the two groups of kids who rebel the most are those with overly permissive parents and those with overly protective parents.

Shoot for the middle ground was the advice. Not always easy to do but in general I think that if I'm keeping child from doing something that the majority of kids their age are allowed then I may need to look at whether I'm being overprotective. Or am I truly a better parent than 90 percent of the parents I know and they should follow my lead and keep their children from the activity in question(highly doubtful).

 

[princessmom29]

I heard the other day (Dr Phil, I think), that the two groups of kids who rebel the most are those with overly permissive parents and those with overly protective parents.

Shoot for the middle ground was the advice. Not always easy to do but in general I think that if I'm keeping child from doing something that the majority of kids their age are allowed then I may need to look at whether I'm being overprotective. Or am I truly a better parent than 90 percent of the parents I know and they should follow my lead and keep their children from the activity in question(highly doubtful).

I think this is a great piece of advice and put into words better than I could what I am trying to do as a parent. I work hard to find a happy medium between setting limits and letting DD make her own mistakes sometimes. At 5 her issues are a liitle more simplistic, but i have had to accept the fact that mommy can't fix everything and intervene in every playground disagreement. I have to let her find her own way in some situations, as had as it is for me not to step in and "fix it" for her.

 

[crisi]

I heard the other day (Dr Phil, I think), that the two groups of kids who rebel the most are those with overly permissive parents and those with overly protective parents.

Shoot for the middle ground was the advice. Not always easy to do but in general I think that if I'm keeping child from doing something that the majority of kids their age are allowed then I may need to look at whether I'm being overprotective. Or am I truly a better parent than 90 percent of the parents I know and they should follow my lead and keep their children from the activity in question(highly doubtful).

Its the topic of "Reviving Ophelia" by Mary Piper on raising girls - the book is about 15 years old now, but her research showed basically that, at least with girls - middle of the road parenting has the best chance of success. Overly permissive parents are likely to have kids who don't understand any boundaries and get in trouble fairly young. Overly strict parents tend to have kids that rebel - or don't know how to get along without parental guidance and therefore don't become successful adults.

 

[DISNEYNV]

I agree that I would not allow my DD or DS to go to a Park at 13 alone. I would be there with them, but not supervising every second of the time. I think Teens need to be allowed some FREE time without mom and dad in their face, but at a distance still watching over them. It would not be them I didnt trust, but the other hundreds of people at the park! My kids are little at the moment, but I do not trust anyone even at the playgrounds. Why would it be any different for my kids as teens? As a parent you want to keep them as safe as you can without being sorry! Do what best suits your parenting style and instincts as a parent.

 

[Princess Disney Mom]

I would never let my 13 year old at those parks with friends and no adult. You are in the right. It depends if you should say something to the Dad. How close are the girls? I will usually say," You know it is me, I am very cautious. I know the kids are great but there are crazy people out there." I don't judge the other parent.

 

[pweyl36]

I see it as YOU are the one who is too busy, too tired to parent your child.

If I want to let my 13 year old go to the waterpark without me then that is my choice. If you don't feel that way, that is OK, but then YOUR choice is to volunteer to take the girls so your dd can be with her friends, or you keep your dd home...as you have.

What? Are you saying that she is over protected and dosent have time for her daughter? Are you one of those parents that wants to be a friend first, the cool parent? I am over protected parent not my kids friend.

 

[Dopey's twin Dippy]

i would never let my daughter go alone with friends at that age. i think i would try to also take them and let them go off to have fun. but still being there. i also wouls not say anything to the other father

 

[Hannathy]

I need to ask the ones with little kids who say when their children are that age they will never let them go one question. Will you then not allow them to go on any school field trips in upper elem. or middle school? They go to amusement parks, water parks Zoos etc with very minimal adults present. Our middle school goes to a very large water park (larger than wet n wild) and they are on their own for the day. yes there are a few chaps but they don't go around with them. They also go to Chicago in middle school with the same ratio of adults.

It may be difficult to imagine when your kids are preschool that you will ever let go but it has to happen, they do grow up.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I need to ask the ones with little kids who say when their children are that age they will never let them go one question. Will you then not allow them to go on any school field trips in upper elem. or middle school? They go to amusement parks, water parks Zoos etc with very minimal adults present. Our middle school goes to a very large water park (larger than wet n wild) and they are on their own for the day. yes there are a few chaps but they don't go around with them. They also go to Chicago in middle school with the same ratio of adults.

It may be difficult to imagine when your kids are preschool that you will ever let go but it has to happen, they do grow up.

To be honest, I don't know. I am not a fan of the fieldtrip so I would have to think long and hard about a waterpark trip. Especially with so little supervision.

 

[ncmomof2]

I have not read the whole thread but I just wanted to say: My neighborhood pool wont let kids in alone until they are 14 years old! You are being smart. If your child can't see it, well, so be it.

 

[jodifla]

I need to ask the ones with little kids who say when their children are that age they will never let them go one question. Will you then not allow them to go on any school field trips in upper elem. or middle school? They go to amusement parks, water parks Zoos etc with very minimal adults present. Our middle school goes to a very large water park (larger than wet n wild) and they are on their own for the day. yes there are a few chaps but they don't go around with them. They also go to Chicago in middle school with the same ratio of adults.

It may be difficult to imagine when your kids are preschool that you will ever let go but it has to happen, they do grow up.

Yeah, it is really amazing how parents today want to keep their kids babies as long as possible.

A 13-year-old is about 2.5 years away from having a driver's license, and less than 5 years away from being a FULL-FLEDGED ADULT!

Now, in this case, you can make the argument that 13 is sort of on the cusp, and you could go either way about letting your child go alone or not, particularly if the water park has had trouble. But to complain about the OTHER parent is a bit much.

 

[JUJU814]

Yeah, it is really amazing how parents today want to keep their kids babies as long as possible.

A 13-year-old is about 2.5 years away from having a driver's license, and less than 5 years away from being a FULL-FLEDGED ADULT!

.

I don't get that argument at all. There is a HUGE HUGE HUGE amount of learning/growing up in the teenage years and 15 1/2 is WAY too young for states to be giving out a drivers license. Many states it's 17.

Five years from being an adult? Whoopie! A lot goes on in 5 years. While not a baby, 13 is still very very much a child.

I think parents should just do what they believe is best and not succomb to peer pressure on parenting methods and what they should/shouldn't do.

As far as speaking to the father, *personally* I would not, unless he was saying things to my daughter directly, then you can bet your bottom dollar I would speak with him.

Julie

 

[jodifla]

I don't get that argument at all. There is a HUGE HUGE HUGE amount of learning/growing up in the teenage years and 15 1/2 is WAY too young for states to be giving out a drivers license. Many states it's 17.

Five years from being an adult? Whoopie! A lot goes on in 5 years. While not a baby, 13 is still very very much a child.

I think parents should just do what they believe is best and not succomb to peer pressure on parenting methods and what they should/shouldn't do.

As far as speaking to the father, *personally* I would not, unless he was saying things to my daughter directly, then you can bet your bottom dollar I would speak with him.

Julie

And part of the learning is slowly being given more and more responsibility.

Again, maybe in this circumstance and in this place and for this young lady, 13 is not the right time. But that's not to say the other parent who does feel comfortable letting his daughter go to the water park doesn't want to parent.

 

[DVCLiz]

I don't get that argument at all. There is a HUGE HUGE HUGE amount of learning/growing up in the teenage years and 15 1/2 is WAY too young for states to be giving out a drivers license. Many states it's 17.

Five years from being an adult? Whoopie! A lot goes on in 5 years. While not a baby, 13 is still very very much a child.

I think parents should just do what they believe is best and not succomb to peer pressure on parenting methods and what they should/shouldn't do.

As far as speaking to the father, *personally* I would not, unless he was saying things to my daughter directly, then you can bet your bottom dollar I would speak with him.

Julie

I don't agree that every 15 1/2 year old is too young for a driver's license. Both of my daughters got a learner's permit at 15 and did/will be getting their driver's licenses at 16.

I'd be perfectly comfortable letting DD15 get a license and drive alone now if she could - we have 5 months to go and I am couting the days!! She's paid careful attention in her driver's ed course and she's practiced with me in the front seat sitting beside her for 6 months now. She's a cautious and careful driver who makes good decisions at pressure points like left-turn intersections, etc. I'm totally confident in her ability and I would never dream of making her wait until she was 17 to get a license. I think that would be ridiculously overprotective - because I see the moms who make their kids wait and they all, to a tee, fit the same mold. I'm not going to be that mom!!!

As far as the waterpark issue goes, I don't know what kind of crowd it draws or what kind of incidents routinely happen. If I knew it was dangerous for young teen girls (being hassled by strange boys, etc.) I would say no. If it was something the usual crowd did and there were no real dangers, I'd probably say yes. I'm more permissive, though.

I guess my point would be that if it were a matter of something known I'd be inclined to think another parent had a valid point but if most of the peer group was allowed and there weren't any "real" dangers, I'd think the parent was overprotective.

And yes, a lot does happen between 13 and 18 but there's something to be said for not waiting until 17 1/2 for a kid to make those first independent steps.

 

[crisi]

In North and South Dakota, they can get a license at 14. My kids - my son is eleven - is quite jealous of his cousin (currently all of FOUR years old) that he will get a license two years earlier.

 

[JUJU814]

I don't agree that every 15 1/2 year old is too young for a driver's license. Both of my daughters got a learner's permit at 15 and did/will be getting their driver's licenses at 16.

I'd be perfectly comfortable letting DD15 get a license and drive alone now if she could - we have 5 months to go and I am couting the days!! She's paid careful attention in her driver's ed course and she's practiced with me in the front seat sitting beside her for 6 months now. She's a cautious and careful driver who makes good decisions at pressure points like left-turn intersections, etc. I'm totally confident in her ability and I would never dream of making her wait until she was 17 to get a license. I think that would be ridiculously overprotective - because I see the moms who make their kids wait and they all, to a tee, fit the same mold. I'm not going to be that mom!!!
.

Well, some STATES it's the LAW that they have to wait...and no, it is not ridiculously overprotective. You have to be 17 in Mass...and I think that's wise.

I think it's ridiculously irresponsible for a 15 year old to have a drivers license..I don't care how responsible they are. I just think it's totally unnecessary. Of course, I live in the Northeast and see how we drive here...so maybe I'd think differently if I lived in a more rural area.

What exactly is "that mold" of the moms you will never be like?

I happen to think I am one awesome mom..and my 17 1/2 year old daughter agrees wholeheartedly. She is very responsible and will even be staying home by herself for a week end of this summer. I've always been "overprotective" by what I'm assuming might be your standards, but I'm proud of and confident in the decisions I've made with her and gee, her friends even think I'm the "coolest" of their friends' moms.

I see the moms who let their kids do everything, and they all fit the same mold to a tee...and I'm not going to be THAT mom! Now isn't that a ridiculous statement? Especially since I don't KNOW them.

 

[jodifla]

Well, some STATES it's the LAW that they have to wait...and no, it is not ridiculously overprotective. You have to be 17 in Mass...and I think that's wise.

I think it's ridiculously irresponsible for a 15 year old to have a drivers license..I don't care how responsible they are. I just think it's totally unnecessary. Of course, I live in the Northeast and see how we drive here...so maybe I'd think differently if I lived in a more rural area.

What exactly is "that mold" of the moms you will never be like?

I happen to think I am one awesome mom..and my 17 1/2 year old daughter agrees wholeheartedly. She is very responsible and will even be staying home by herself for a week end of this summer. I've always been "overprotective" by what I'm assuming might be your standards, but I'm proud of and confident in the decisions I've made with her and gee, her friends even think I'm the "coolest" of their friends' moms.

I see the moms who let their kids do everything, and they all fit the same mold to a tee...and I'm not going to be THAT mom! Now isn't that a ridiculous statement? Especially since I don't KNOW them.

In farming states, kids tend to get their licenses younger. They are doing farm work, driving tractors, etc.

That's the real world for many people, and it's not "ridiculously irresponsible."

 

[Colleen27]

First of all, I'm not an overprotective parent and I wouldn't allow my barely-teen child to go to a waterpark like Wet & Wild without an adult! It is too big and too busy, IMO, for me to be comfortable with unsupervised teens going there.

Second, I wouldn't waste my breath confronting the dad. Nothing good every comes of calling someone out on their parenting choices, and it just wouldn't be worth the potential aggrivation. He has every right to feel you're overprotective; you have every right to feel he's too lax. Live and let live.

 

[JUJU814]

In farming states, kids tend to get their licenses younger. They are doing farm work, driving tractors, etc.

That's the real world for many people, and it's not "ridiculously irresponsible."

I apologize..that "ridiculously" was more directed toward the super mom who said it would be "ridiculously" overprotective to make a kid wait till they're 17 and that she'll never be "that mom". Obviously we have opposite opinions!

I do realize in farming states the age is much lower..and I believe I said I live in New England where driving is much different and I might think differently if we lived in a rural area.

Also, I stand corrected. The age in Mass is 16 1/2 still...I believe it'll soon be 17.