Stressing and Need to Vent!!

[Queenie]

Hey girls,

I'm just having a major freak out over everything and as it's past 1am here, there's no one I can call to talk it out.

As freaked as you're all gonna be when you read this, I'm now at just over 3 days to go before the Big Day and I've never even said hello to my photographer. He is Scott's cousin and shot SIL 2B's wedding 3 years back at the same venue so I know he is reliable and capable but the whole thing is freaking me a bit for obvious reasons.

As I now will not be able to speak to him before the big day, I've decided to write him a letter outlining some specific stuff I want shooting at the wedding so Scott can give it to him that morning. I'm just hoping I don't come across as bossy but I need to know specific things will be taken and I doubt I'll be in any state to remember what they are this Saturday! Do you think it's a good idea to have the letter waiting for him?

Anyway I was just listing things and I got to our memorial table and I just broke down. I so want my dad and uncle to be there and it's not fair they won't be. Don't get me wrong, my brother in law who is walking me down the ailse and giving a speech instead will do a FANTASTIC job. I know him, have known him since childhood and totally believe in him, I just wish it was my dad doing it all instead and I'm sure he wouldn't mind me saying that. I'm supposed to get to dance with my father and I don't - I'm dancing with my sister's boyfriend probably or perhaps FIL - they're great guys but they're not my dad.

I'm just hoping I can get most of this out of me in advance *** crying like this will not do my makeup any favours!!

Dad and uncle Jim actually have place cards like the other guests on their special table - I may have to avoid that area *** I'm not sure I'll handle it well. I was hoping my priest would be able to mention them at the blessing (we're having a civil ceremony but were getting it blessed that afternoon) but he's stuck in Canada because of that airline going bust - long story - so now I don't get my blessing at all. Scott's not bothered, he's a complete atheist but I feel wrong not having God bless us that day.

Urgh, I just feel totally crappy today. I was noting other things and realised the 1st time my mother sees me in my dress will be when I step out of the wedding car at the venue. My own mother. No one in my family has seen me in my dress yet (I totally excuse my sister in this, we live several hours apart and she has had an awful pregnancy/new born baby all the time my dress has been in the shop). My mum however lives 1 hour away by train, doesn't work and yet couldn't find 1 day in which to come over?? I think she doesn't appreiate all this, we're the first people in my family to have a wedding BEFORE I got knocked up since world war 1! Everyone else (again barring sis who has no intention of marrying as far as I can tell) had rush job weddings on a shoestring to make sur ethe baby was at least born in wedlock. She keeps joking with me the last year if I'm pregnant yet - no, that's against my beliefs (plus MIL would have me shot! ) She just doesn't get it.

Sorry, this post has gotten so long but I just need to rant about some of this stuff so I don't wind up a crying ball of taffeta this Saturday. Aww, my cat just climbed on my lap purring - he's trying to help! ...or maybe he just wants food!

 

[Lisa]

Take a deep breath, and try to relax. You are stressing, but this is supposed to be one of the most wonderful days of your life. I really like to see you enjoy it.

 

[rlovew]

Relax and enjoy your day. I was told by my photographer they wanted a list of the most important pictures for me. I also had a list ready for them on my wedding day. I would think that would be helpful.

Rebecca

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Awe Queenie!!! I really wish I were there for you. It breaks my heart that you are having such difficulties on what should be your special day. I'm giving you the biggest virtual hug on the planet, can you feel me squeezing the life out of you yet???

Please know that Dad and Uncle Jim are there with you in every way. In your heart, in your words, in the deepest part of your soul. OMG, now I'm gonna cry! LOL I would suggest having the photographer take a pic of you sitting next to or standing behind your dad's chair. Some day you will want that picture, trust me. Here come the water works, hang on.....

breathe... breathe... Ok.

Ok moving on, now as for your mother, just let it go. She'll see you, you will look gorgeous and all will be well. So what if you broke the family tradition of being preggers before the wedding, there is a first time for everything!!!!

I totally agree on making a list for the photographer of what you want, then you can refer back to it if you remember something between now and Saturday.

And the last bit of advice is 2 little words. Waterproof Mascara!!!!!

I love you babe and I hope you have the day you have dreamt of forever. You have your Prince Charming, now go enjoy the fairytale!!!

p.s. and yes you do have someone to call at 1AM, all of us!!!!

 

[MazdaUK]

Aw Queenie, all weddings are really stressful. Doesn't help while you're going through it I know, but even a straightforward wedding (both Dh and I have small families so we thought there'd be no problems ) can have its moments - mine was phoning the church florist from work the Tuesday before the wedding and being told she wasn't going to do any flowers as she's had no deposit(she never gave us a price OR asked for any money, and was the ONLY florist permitted in our church!). Luckily the florist doing my bridal flowers stepped in and the vicar agreed she could do the church for us.

I absolutely agree what BAMB said about the empty chair photo - I wish I'd thought of that for my grandfather. Bad about your priest being stuck in Canada, but could Disney help? (They've been helpful for people stuck with TCD going bust). Or can you find a list of churches in that area who might have a priest? Obviously it won't be your special priest but you'll feel happier being blessed and you can get your "memoria messages" in as well.

As for the dress - maybe your mum wants a surprise? Is she the sort of person who's "glass half empty?" (My MIL is and I wouldn't show hr the dress before in case she said "why not have white" when bright white is not flattering on me, or "why not add a train/flowers/beading" etc without offering to do anything to help sort it.) If she thinks she would make some comment which would upset you, however inadvertantly, perhaps she's keeping away so she can't. Or maybe she thinks she'd cry because your father is not here and doesn't want to do that in front of you.

Absolutely agree wiht list for photographer, and it is completely usual - we did a list for ours, especially for particular uncommon groups e.g. if you wanted one with a choir, or a certain group of friends rather than just "friends of the bride"


My DSis and I feel blessed we married when we did - 6 months after my sister's wedding my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died when our two first-borns where 3 months old (in fact the day I went back to work after maternity leave). I can't listen to the song "Dance with my father" without becoming a big ball of mush.

Hopefully things are lookng brighter this morning for you - we're all wishing you luck, and while you acn't phone me at 1.00am (as I'm asleep ) if you want a daytime chat I'm working from home tomorrow so I can easily let you have my number if you want to talk anything through.

 

[Queenie]

Hey girls,

Things are indeed looking brighter this morning. I woke up to some very positive comments on my flickr account, daft but it made me feel better.

We've had an offer in on our house, but sadly that was for a silly amount below the asking price so we've had to instantly reject it. We're really hoping they were just trying their luck as the economy is so bad we might have been forced to accept silly money. Hopefully when it comes back a no they'll be prepared to go higher. I'd like to sell to this girl, she seems lovely, first time buyer and very excited about finally owning her own place.

I'm now waiting on 3 packages! Our video camera died on Monday (aaargh!) but my very kind MOH has leant me hers for the honeymoon and I've just paid out for a battery for it so there's a spare. Now I need to buy some mini DVDs so I can actually film something on it, she didn't have any left as she used them all on her vacation this summer.

OK, I'm feeling like I have some energy for once (I'm taking sleeping pills this week) so I'm gonna go finalise my table plan! I'll post a piccy once I'm done.

 

[ddavis860]

Glad things are looking up today!

Stressing before the wedding is soooo normal! LOVE the way you are honoring your dad and uncle! Real tear jerker, but will be amazing memories for you. Waterproof mascara is a MUST!! I needed it because I couldn't stop laughing. Sooooo many things were wrong on my day, that I just laughed. A list for the photog is a great idea I think. Since you can't meet before, either a letter that day, or an email is totally appropriate. And since it is your day, you get to be bossy if you want...that's part of it!

It seems no matter how organized you can be, that day you have to let go and hope that everything turns out OK. Then things that don't become the stories of "you aren't going to believe what happened on my wedding day"

Here are a few of my disasters...

My mother REFUSED to come...yup, I'm an only child but she refused to come because my dad was bringing my stepmom...who he had been married to for 5yrs. Sorry mom, put on your big girl panties, or don't come...she didn't come...her loss...

My limo didn't show up...yup, the !@#$%^ just didn't show. I paid for 3 hrs of time deposit, and booked him for all day. I called to confirm 2 days before (stressing ya know). Good thing my dad and step mom were still at the house, because we would have arrived in the old green station wagon...now wouldn't that have been a great pic? There was a note on my door when I got back from the reception, he had come, but had been an hour late. I had to take him to court and threaten sherif sale of this limo to get the deposit/court cost/interest back from him. I had to find the limo for the sherif too...let me tell you, I hunted that bad boy down, reported him to anyone who would listen...he was hiding, but I was on a mission

We had private precana with the head of the church...our schedules didn't allow us to take the classes. He was going to do the ceremony, and 2 weeks before, pulled out and dumped us on a new priest. I didn't like the new guy, but I didn't have a choice...2 weeks ya know. So when we got to the church, new priest was in the back in this black threads...that is how he greeted everyone...I was a little ticked that he wasn't being serious about my wedding...then he says really loud "Well, there you are! I was begining to think you weren't coming..." (the limo thing made us a little late)... Needless to say he was met with a frosty bride...

Other stuff happened too, but those are just a few. The main thing is that the wedding happened. Even though it wasn't the perfect day I planned, it was my day...bumps and all... and having my DF smiling at me and laughing along with me at the stuff made it great.... It all works out in the end...

 

[Queenie]

I can't believe you mum didn't come to her own daughter's wedding!!! Sheesh, some people really need to learn to put on the "big girl panties" huh? As you say, it's her loss if she couldn't be mature for one day of her life.

 

[Queenie]

Woohoo! The photographer just called me! He's doing all the stuff I want and has arranged to meet me at the venue the night before to go over my list of must do's. He's even coming out to the house in the morning to do pics of us getting ready, that'll be fun with one of the videographer's being there as well. Talk about a full house!

 

[ddavis860]

Things are really looking up!!

 

[New England Eeyore]

Glad you're feeling better about things today.

I love what Debbie said about things will work out, and if they don't, they will be great stories. So true.

The feelings about your Dad and uncle are totally normal - you are right that it's not fair. My mom passed away when I was 9 and I never missed her as much as I did when I was planning my wedding. The day of, I was fine until I was left alone in the limo until they were ready for me to come inside the church. I could see my bridesmaids and stepdaughters outside, but I didn't know how to open the stupid door to ask them to come sit with me, so I just started crying. I just missed my mom so much in that moment. When I got inside the church my Dad tried to make me laugh with stories of how we'd have to cross our fingers that DH's pants made it through the ceremony because apparently when he picked up his tux, they gave him pants 3 sizes too big! Thankfully one of the church workers performed some magic with safety pins. Anyway, he helped somewhat, but when it came time to walk down that aisle, I was crying again, trying desperately to keep it together. When I got to the point in the aisle where I could see DH, I just suddenly stopped. It is one of my favorite memories of the wedding, because it was probably the truest moment.

So hang in there these last few days, and on Saturday just try to relax and enjoy it.

 

[MazdaUK]

Why did I think you were having a Dinsye weddin Sorry!

Glad you're sorted with your photographer - each little tick you can make will make you feel better. Just remember this is YOUR day, YOUR dream wedding and enjoy it. As long as the two of you can tie the knot that it what counts.

And try to look at EVERYTHING - flowers, guests the lot. My firend was convinced three of her best mates didn't turn up (even though she spent an hour talking to them ) and would not be convinced til she saw photos and video

 

[Queenie]

Hahaha that's brilliant! Hopefully our wedding is small enough that I'll be able to remember everyone being there.

Scott just went and picked up the suits - they came in a day early. Luckily the best man has today off so he quickly called him and they met at the shop on Scott's lunchbreak. Most people can try on tonight, Scott tomorrow night and my BIl Friday night. Hoping we don't have any oversized pants issues - although it would be funny. Safety pins, what would we do without you? I have at least one bridesmaid pinning her dress to her bra to prevent anything moving about under there!!

Did I mention to anyone that I dyed my hair pillar box red the other day? It's sorta the colour of this butterfly --> It's gonna look amazing with the ivory dress and sparkly tiara in it! I also got my veil and it's full of little crystals. So worth the $160+

 

[pixiedustforever]

Glad to read things have taken a turn for the better!

As precious as the one day is to us , like Debbie said, stuff that happens will be stories. Our wedding was set for 10a on a Saturday. The pastor who married us was surfing on the internet & lost track of time.
He was late!!! "The music played on ... and on ... and on ..."
You can bet that's a page title in our wedding scrapbook!

5 1/2 years later, we still laugh about it and focus on the present day and the years ahead.

Best wishes on your upcoming day & many years ahead of you!

Marylee

 

[ddavis860]

The pastor who married us was surfing on the internet & lost track of time.
He was late!!! "The music played on ... and on ... and on ..."
You can bet that's a page title in our wedding scrapbook!

OMG how funny is that!!!!

On the day, you just gotta roll with it...and keep your sense of humor!

 

[Queenie]

If the woman marrying us is the one I met with a few weeks back then she won't have time to be surfing the net, she probably spends all her time trying to remove that pole she's got stuck up where the sun don't shine! Saying that, she actually seemed quite happy with it there!

 

[ddavis860]

Oh Queenie...I almost spit my coffee....that was just TOO FUNNY!!!!

Oh, and can't wait to see the pics with the new hair and the veil and such...sounds awesome!!

 

[MazdaUK]

I can't wait to see the photos - I love wedding photos. Knowing anyone in them is not necessary

Talking of trousers reminded me, at a wedding where DH was Best Man some of the blokes were messing about doing cossak dancing (long story but basically the bride wanted the meal put back to talk to poeple so there were 2 hours of drinking on an empty stomach ) and Dh split his trousers So we went off to the room where the wedding presents and the couple's going away stuff was stored and I made him take them off so i could repair them (it was that or have red boxers sticking through all night - it was only about 6pm!). Of course I was in the middle and DH was in his undies when someone came in with some more presents... and backed out hastily with an apology. I wonder what they thought we were doing....OK I know what they thought Turns out they'd given DH a size too small

 

[Raenstoirm]

I am right there with ya this week! Since we are destination, I have never met my hairstylist, makeup artist, photographer, videographer, JOP, any of it. Nervous about it...you bet ya.
And I am not seeing my final dress (custom made) till this weekend. Hopefully it looks just like I imagined it. When I tried on the "first draft" of it in July, it was great, but I wont be relaxed about it until it is on!

You and I will get through this though! It is the happiest day of our lives! Perhaps that day at least, the weeks before not so much!

 

[Queenie]

Yeah I could really do without all this. Especially trying to sell the house as well, I just had the estate agents call "there's some people outside who'd like to view the house can they come in?" as the house looks like a bomb's hit it with wedding stuff EVERYWHERE.