Strategies for not loosing kids

[jenpace]

Seriously. As a full-time stay-at-home dad, I'm finding all of the suggestions to find a mom with kids irritating and more than a touch sexist. I'd know exactly what to do with a lost kid, and am extremely adept at interacting with unfamiliar kids if they look like they need some kind of help.

I've always told my kids to find a mom if they get lost as opposed to a dad or parent. This is recommended by Gavin De Becker, an expert on personal safety and author of 'The Gift of Fear'.

"Teach your child to go to a woman if she is lost.

Why? First, if your child selects a woman, it’s highly unlikely that the woman will be a sexual predator. Next, a woman approached by a lost child asking for help is likely to stop whatever she is doing, get down to the kid’s eye level, commit to that child, and not rest until the child is safe. A man approached by the same child might say, ‘‘Head over there to the manager’s desk,’’ whereas a woman is most likely to get involved and stay involved.

Is what I’ve said politically incorrect? Maybe so, but the luxury of not running for office is that I don’t care if it’s politically incorrect. The fact is that men in all cultures and at all ages and at all times in history are more violent than women - and facts are not political.

‘‘If you are ever lost, go to a woman’’ works because it’s practical (there will almost always be a woman around) and simple (easy to teach, easy to learn, easy to do). Finally, teaching children to choose someone rather than wait for someone to choose them will be a useful lesson their whole lives. It’s the same advice I give to adult women."

 

[larina]

I've always told my kids to find a mom if they get lost as opposed to a dad or parent. This is recommended by Gavin De Becker, an expert on personal safety and author of 'The Gift of Fear'.

"Teach your child to go to a woman if she is lost.

Why? First, if your child selects a woman, it’s highly unlikely that the woman will be a sexual predator. Next, a woman approached by a lost child asking for help is likely to stop whatever she is doing, get down to the kid’s eye level, commit to that child, and not rest until the child is safe. A man approached by the same child might say, ‘‘Head over there to the manager’s desk,’’ whereas a woman is most likely to get involved and stay involved.

Is what I’ve said politically incorrect? Maybe so, but the luxury of not running for office is that I don’t care if it’s politically incorrect. The fact is that men in all cultures and at all ages and at all times in history are more violent than women - and facts are not political.

‘‘If you are ever lost, go to a woman’’ works because it’s practical (there will almost always be a woman around) and simple (easy to teach, easy to learn, easy to do). Finally, teaching children to choose someone rather than wait for someone to choose them will be a useful lesson their whole lives. It’s the same advice I give to adult women."

I'm sorry but this is totally off base! I could not agree less. And who is Gavin De Becker? Never heard of him before. As far as getting down to their level, commitment to a strange child and eye contact, women don't have the market on any of these things. In your scenario, the man handing the child off to a manager is the one doing the right thing. The woman wandering around with your kid is not.

I'm not concerned with your political correctness, or lack thereof. I am concerned with baseless facts about children's safety. There are lots of places where men outnumber women, so there may not be one around. Women molest and kidnap too!

 

[jenpace]

I'm not concerned with your political correctness, or lack thereof. I am concerned with baseless facts about children's safety. There are lots of places where men outnumber women, so there may not be one around. Women molest and kidnap too!

The mention of 'political correctness' in my above post is in the quote attributed to Mr. de Becker, not me

 

[larina]

The mention of 'political correctness' in my above post is in the quote attributed to Mr. de Becker, not me

Okay, we'll I'm not concerned with his political correctness either. I am concerned with e baseless "facts" he is presenting.

 

[Mom of three]

I saw something yesterday that was alarming. I was standing near Goofys Sky School waiting for my 6 and 14 year old children. I small boy, maybe 4 years old came and sat about 5 feet away from me, he was crying, arms crossed and obviously bothered. I smiled and he looked right at me making eye contact. I couldn't tell if he was just throwing a tantrum or if he was legitimately in distress. I looked around and didn't see any adults. Umm....???? I didn't want to approach the boy and scare him so I to myself I would wait another few minutes and then tell the CM standing near the ride entrance. Just then a man got off the ride and met up with the little boy. It was his dad. He left the kid while he and another child went on the ride. Then proceeded to "scold" the child for not waiting at the exit like he was told. Kid was crying hard by this time, he was scared. I felt bad for him. Wth is wrong with people???

 

[starshine514]

I saw something yesterday that was alarming. I was standing near Goofys Sky School waiting for my 6 and 14 year old children. I small boy, maybe 4 years old came and sat about 5 feet away from me, he was crying, arms crossed and obviously bothered. I smiled and he looked right at me making eye contact. I couldn't tell if he was just throwing a tantrum or if he was legitimately in distress. I looked around and didn't see any adults. Umm....???? I didn't want to approach the boy and scare him so I to myself I would wait another few minutes and then tell the CM standing near the ride entrance. Just then a man got off the ride and met up with the little boy. It was his dad. He left the kid while he and another child went on the ride. Then proceeded to "scold" the child for not waiting at the exit like he was told. Kid was crying hard by this time, he was scared. I felt bad for him. Wth is wrong with people???

Wow. I couldn't imagine doing that! When it's just the 3 of us in the park, DD8 knows she's not going to get to ride Screamin' (which DD6 is too short to ride). Even at 8, I'm not really keen on letting her SR it, but I sure wouldn't leave my younger child sitting outside alone while I rode a ride.

 

[Xenorye]

Thank you to whomever suggested the neon bracelets. Buying some today for our trip.

 

[runsandjumps]

My kids wore glow in the dark bands we had made around their ankles. They just kept them on the whole trip. I have experienced this fear before and I vote doing everything. Bracelets, discussing whom to ask for help, knowing phone numbers, et cetera.

In everyday life these are good topics not just for Disney. My kids wear their bracelets on field trips too.

 

[mrsmoku]

My sister wandered off at CA when we were younger and I couldn't find her anywhere. When I told a CM, he told me that they had started closing the exits and checking my description against other little girls. He also gave me his cell phone to call mine that was in her backpack even though I knew he wasn't supposed to. We ended up finding her about an hour later just wandering around taking pictures completely oblivious!

When I gave her description, the CM and security guard questioned me about her footwear. They said that usually someone trying to abduct/kidnap kids bring clothes and hats but not shoes. Just an interesting tidbit.

Also, stick a label inside the back of their shirt with all their info and your phone number(s) or attach something to their shoe. It's harder for kids to play with those making it harder to lose.

 

[Rubygoose]

My sister wandered off at CA when we were younger and I couldn't find her anywhere. When I told a CM, he told me that they had started closing the exits and checking my description against other little girls. He also gave me his cell phone to call mine that was in her backpack even though I knew he wasn't supposed to. We ended up finding her about an hour later just wandering around taking pictures completely oblivious!

When I gave her description, the CM and security guard questioned me about her footwear. They said that usually someone trying to abduct/kidnap kids bring clothes and hats but not shoes. Just an interesting tidbit.

Also, stick a label inside the back of their shirt with all their info and your phone number(s) or attach something to their shoe. It's harder for kids to play with those making it harder to lose.

Great tip about the shoes, and glad everything worked out with finding your sister. When I take a picture of the kids in the morning, I'll be sure to get their feet in the pic.

 

[Mousequake]

I've always told my kids to find a mom if they get lost as opposed to a dad or parent. This is recommended by Gavin De Becker, an expert on personal safety and author of 'The Gift of Fear'.

"Teach your child to go to a woman if she is lost.

Why? First, if your child selects a woman, it’s highly unlikely that the woman will be a sexual predator. Next, a woman approached by a lost child asking for help is likely to stop whatever she is doing, get down to the kid’s eye level, commit to that child, and not rest until the child is safe. A man approached by the same child might say, ‘‘Head over there to the manager’s desk,’’ whereas a woman is most likely to get involved and stay involved.

Is what I’ve said politically incorrect? Maybe so, but the luxury of not running for office is that I don’t care if it’s politically incorrect. The fact is that men in all cultures and at all ages and at all times in history are more violent than women - and facts are not political.

‘‘If you are ever lost, go to a woman’’ works because it’s practical (there will almost always be a woman around) and simple (easy to teach, easy to learn, easy to do). Finally, teaching children to choose someone rather than wait for someone to choose them will be a useful lesson their whole lives. It’s the same advice I give to adult women."

I think you're misreading his advice. He's not recommending that you find a mom with kids. He's recommending you find a woman as opposed to a man; he doesn't mention a 'mom' anywhere in that quote. Any parent with a small child, man or woman, has a much greater likelihood of connecting with a scared, lost child and helping them than a random adult without children.

 

[profa]

I right our #s on them and show them where and tell them why. I dress them in bright colors. Boy the one day dh wore black, what a PITA to find him in a crowd. I tell them never ever leave store,park, etc w/ o us no matter what. Kick/scream if you must.
we have a home phone that is a cell and we bring it and give it to our oldest child who was 8 last time we went.
I take a picture as well at the beginning of the day. And of course tell them to speak with a CM.

 

[profa]

These are simply suggestions from others that work for their family. They are not meant to be sexist or anything else other than offers of advice. Like anything else, find what works for you. If you don't like it don't do it.
I use the sharpie because it lasts several days and I don't have to remember more for the park. I like the wrist band idea as well as we already have several and I could add the phone number to them.

 

[SGDisneyFam]

http://www.mec.ca/AST/ShopMEC/Kids/Packs/PRD~5031-539/littlelife-safety-id-straps-kids.jsp
We just picked up some wrist band ID bracelets. Weve never lost a kid but you just never know! I did make dog tags on a previous trip but it was hard to remember daily to switch them to a new belt loop etc.

I have shared some great ideas from here with our kiddos now tho! Stay in one place, find a Cast member. My 6 year old is quite good with numbers so always remebers our hotel room number hopefully they could quickly look us up from that!

 

[SweetAlex]

http://www.mec.ca/AST/ShopMEC/Kids/Packs/PRD~5031-539/littlelife-safety-id-straps-kids.jsp
We just picked up some wrist band ID bracelets. Weve never lost a kid but you just never know! I did make dog tags on a previous trip but it was hard to remember daily to switch them to a new belt loop etc.

I have shared some great ideas from here with our kiddos now tho! Stay in one place, find a Cast member. My 6 year old is quite good with numbers so always remebers our hotel room number hopefully they could quickly look us up from that!

Those are great! I was at MEC the other day looking for a backpack for the parks. Wish I had known these were there! DH and I have been looking for some sort of bracelet to put on our kids and haven't had much luck. Ah well, guess another trip to MEC won't be too rough

 

[SGDisneyFam]

Those are great! I was at MEC the other day looking for a backpack for the parks. Wish I had known these were there! DH and I have been looking for some sort of bracelet to put on our kids and haven't had much luck. Ah well, guess another trip to MEC won't be too rough

We all have sling packs from MEC and love them!!! I love it because I can quickly flip it to the front To grab snacks ect without taking it off. Same goes for getting on rides. Just flip it to the front.

The bracelets are over by the kid packs hanging on the wall very hard to spot! They also ship!

 

[Pesky]

Seriously. As a full-time stay-at-home dad, I'm finding all of the suggestions to find a mom with kids irritating and more than a touch sexist. I'd know exactly what to do with a lost kid, and am extremely adept at interacting with unfamiliar kids if they look like they need some kind of help.

Perhaps but it's statistics. The majority of child predators are male. Don't get me wrong as there can be females who commit heinous crimes as we have read, including mothers. But in terms of predators, the stats say the least likely to commit an offense against a lost child is a mother. Hence the advice. Also found here:
http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/social/child-gets-lost/?page=1

I get that there are many caring dads like my own DH who would go well out of their way to protect a lost child. But given statistics, that is a hard judgment of personal ethics to expect a child to make. In choosing a mother with kids, the child is more likely to be right without making a judgement.

And for the other question asked later by someone else, Gavin de Becker is a famous security specialist who has assisted various governmental agencies from local to national.

 

[Amommy21]

Really if you can keep track of kids at mall or target it's the same thing.

When DS was small we told him to look for another mommy with kids if separated (or Disney a cast member)

As he grew we made rules like meet at a certain place in the land or at the exit to the last ride.

Really, if you have raised kids to be attentive and follow instructions you'll be fine.

 

[Jaina]

We didn't have any trouble with our 3 last week. The first day was the easiest, since we all had neon shirts on. We all wore coordinating shirts every day, which I know people make fun of, but when scanning the crowd trying to meet back up, knowing what color to look for did make it easier. I took the little wrist-leash for the 2-year-old and never used it. If we were going to be going further than one ride to the next, she jumped in the stroller. We did remember to write our cell on their upper arm the second day, and we told them to look for a cast member or a mom with little kids (and show them the number) if they got separated, but it was really a non-issue, thankfully.

 

[awdsmama]

teach the child to stay put if lost.
Don't go looking for mom, dad, cop - stay put

Yes, this exactly! I've always told my son - no matter where we are if we get separated and you do not immediately see a store employee/CM etc then stay right there and I will come find you and he is not to go anywhere with a stranger no matter how nice they seem. If it's not a CM/employee (name tag and uniform) then you wait right there for me.