Stepparent roles

[browneyes106]

I'm going to apologize to everyone here. I suffer from depression and bipolar disorder. I lost my other brother nine years which was a huge blow to my family. My other brother and I became close and when for awhile he first started dating my SIL we got along great. Back then my parents and I tried our best to include my sil and kids in things and over time they started spending more time with SIL's side of the family and during the planning of the wedding they focused more on SIL's side of the family. The wedding was hard because all the big and small roles were filled by SIL's family members My brother spending more time with his new family has taken a toll on me emotionally because I feel like I have lost a friend. It hurts to hear about the all things my brother and his new family do without us. I have heard the saying a son's a son til he takes a wife but it hurts because it seems like now my brother's birth family has become less important.I don't have many friends and the few friends I have are married with kids. I don't make friends easily. I do see a psychirast but she is basically a med montior who monitor my moods and how my medication helps me. I can't afford therapy because my insurance doesn't cover therapy by non MD therapist. I came here because I thought talking to strangers would help and I'm sorry for what I have done to everyone here. I know what I have done is wrong and I will probably spends long time regreting all the things I have done. I just wanted someone to understand me and comfort me.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We understand. We are old. As I said...BTDT.

We are trying to make you understand.

It is time for you to make your own life. That is the lesson here.

Things cannot go back to where they were. You must find a new way.

 

[Bluestars]

Browneyes, I am very sorry about your other brother. That must have been horrible for your family and I know that is a heartache that never goes away.

I still recommend talking to your brother and being honest about your feelings.

I also think that as hard as it may be, you should find some interests yourself. I know it's hard to make friends, especially for someone who is not an extrovert.

You should think about the things you really like to do that make you happy. I'm not talking about doing things with people who make you happy, I am talking about doing something that gives you joy. Do you like to paint? Hike? Take pictures? There has got to be something that you enjoy doing. Figure out what it is and sign up for classes somewhere.

Is there a community center nearby? If you join it, you can go there to exercise, swim, play tennis, and so many other things. Although I know you enjoy spending time with your brother and miss him deeply, you can't depend on someone else for your happiness. It's not fair to the other person. You have the power to make changes in your life and have new experiences that can bring you happiness.

Another thought is volunteering somewhere like an animal shelter, retirement home, or something similar. Often times when we reach out and help other people an amazing thing happens, we make ourselves happy doing it. You can do it.

 

[Clarice]

*hugs*

 

[Poohlovr]

I know it's hard, if you and your brother were as close as you thought, to feel that he's cutting you out of his new life. But, it is his life. Now you need to find your own.

If your psychiatrist doesn't allow you to talk about these things, you need to find a new one. They aren't there just to find out if your meds are working, but to help you find coping mechanisms.

When you go for your next visit, tell him/her what you are feeling regarding your brother. Let them know how you are reacting to the changes in his life and your feelings of isolation.

IMHO, they can't treat you effectively if they don't know what's going on.

Good luck.

 

[browneyes106]

Browneyes, I am very sorry about your other brother. That must have been horrible for your family and I know that is a heartache that never goes away.

I still recommend talking to your brother and being honest about your feelings.

I also think that as hard as it may be, you should find some interests yourself. I know it's hard to make friends, especially for someone who is not an extrovert.

You should think about the things you really like to do that make you happy. I'm not talking about doing things with people who make you happy, I am talking about doing something that gives you joy. Do you like to paint? Hike? Take pictures? There has got to be something that you enjoy doing. Figure out what it is and sign up for classes somewhere.

Is there a community center nearby? If you join it, you can go there to exercise, swim, play tennis, and so many other things. Although I know you enjoy spending time with your brother and miss him deeply, you can't depend on someone else for your happiness. It's not fair to the other person. You have the power to make changes in your life and have new experiences that can bring you happiness.

Another thought is volunteering somewhere like an animal shelter, retirement home, or something similar. Often times when we reach out and help other people an amazing thing happens, we make ourselves happy doing it. You can do it.

I don't thinking talking to my brother will work. My older sister tried talking to him sometime back and it didn't go over well. I do play the guitar and piano and I do spend a lot of free time learning new songs. There are several community centers nearby but I would weird joining them because they are mostly catered towards families than they are single people or people without families. I'm in a relationship right now but my boyfriend travels a lot and usually he spends a lot of time with his frends at sports bars, or they are either hunting or fishing. Today he went to watch the championships with his frat brothers from college and none of them take their girlfriends/wives with them. I know I can't depend on other people but I just feel too lonely right now to find ways not to be lonely. I do like animals but volunteering at shelter would brng me down because I know what goes on. A retirement home wouldn't work for me either because I don't click well with older people. I really don't what to do.

*hugs*

thank you

I know it's hard, if you and your brother were as close as you thought, to feel that he's cutting you out of his new life. But, it is his life. Now you need to find your own.

If your psychiatrist doesn't allow you to talk about these things, you need to find a new one. They aren't there just to find out if your meds are working, but to help you find coping mechanisms.

When you go for your next visit, tell him/her what you are feeling regarding your brother. Let them know how you are reacting to the changes in his life and your feelings of isolation.

IMHO, they can't treat you effectively if they don't know what's going on.

Good luck.

I'm starting law school in the fall mainly to learn business law for business management careers. But I'm having my doubts about that. I'm struggling right now to find my own life because I'm having trouble overcoming my illness. I don't see my doctor for another three weeks. I didn't see her this month because she took vacation time. In the past I have talked to her about it but she is more of a psychiarist that looks the mood swings pattenrs and depression episodes she doesn't look much to the causes or the enviorment/situation I'm in. It's hard to find other doctors because often they don't take my insurance.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I'm starting law school in the fall mainly to learn business law for business management careers. But I'm having my doubts about that. I'm struggling right now to find my own life because I'm having trouble overcoming my illness. I don't see my doctor for another three weeks. I didn't see her this month because she took vacation time. In the past I have talked to her about it but she is more of a psychiarist that looks the mood swings pattenrs and depression episodes she doesn't look much to the causes or the enviorment/situation I'm in. It's hard to find other doctors because often they don't take my insurance.

You need to see your psychiatrist for a referral to see a therapist. If you cannot afford a therapist on your own call your county mental health center to get some help. I hope the best for you and now you need to seek some counseling.

 

[browneyes106]

You need to see your psychiatrist for a referral to see a therapist. If you cannot afford a therapist on your own call your county mental health center to get some help. I hope the best for you and now you need to seek some counseling.

I responded in the other thread. I have thought about going to county but I have heard bad things about country services from other people in my area.

 

[Allison]

And that is what the whole issue is about. You seem to be jealous of this little girl, since she is taking the affections of your brother away from you (and your parents). That is problem between you and your brother - not between your brother and your step-niece.

Boy, I have to agree.

 

[Allison]

You really need to find someone who can help you start to feel better. Good luck.

 

[LBKB]

 

[DVC Sadie]

I responded in the other thread. I have thought about going to county but I have heard bad things about country services from other people in my area.

If your doctor is on vacation and no one else in the practice will see you, you may need to go to county for some services, during the interim. I realize that you do not know those people and may feel uncomfortable but it may be in your best interedt for the short term.

 

[browneyes106]

If your doctor is on vacation and no one else in the practice will see you, you may need to go to county for some services, during the interim. I realize that you do not know those people and may feel uncomfortable but it may be in your best interedt for the short term.

The practice I go to focuses mostly on family psyhchiatry and the other docters there only seen ped patients and their parents. I will go to county if I can't find any other services.

 

[browneyes106]

ty for the hugs

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

Please take care of yourself. As you grow older and wiser you will come to understand.

 

[EpcotBeauty]

Please take care of yourself. As you grow older and wiser you will come to understand.

Yeah, and let's hope the brother never finds out about this. This would be:
"never speak to said person again" material.....

 

[sunnyday123]

Please take care of yourself. As you grow older and wiser you will come to understand.

so true.....

how about any classes at your local community college? Fun classes, like photography,yoga...nothing stressful. It's a good way to meet people, too. I know in my profession it's all about building a relationship with people, and with strangers that can sometimes be hard. I've found that a smile can open a million doors.

 

[browneyes106]

Please take care of yourself. As you grow older and wiser you will come to understand.

Yeah, and let's hope the brother never finds out about this. This would be:
"never speak to said person again" material.....

Thank you both for the support and hugs.

 

[browneyes106]

so true.....

how about any classes at your local community college? Fun classes, like photography,yoga...nothing stressful. It's a good way to meet people, too. I know in my profession it's all about building a relationship with people, and with strangers that can sometimes be hard. I've found that a smile can open a million doors.

I might look into stuff like that but it depends on my work schedule. Thank you again for the support.