Stepmom

[RadioNate]

really, your parents still discuss issues? I guess that is just not how our family operates...IDK, 22, 25, 35...you are an adult...what parenting issues could your parents have unless of course you still live at home and are reliant on them?

Yep. It isn't frequent but they do. I'm currently going through a divorce and they will call each other on occasion to discuss the situation. For example, if my dad hasn't heard from me in a few days, he'll call my mom just to make sure I'm doing ok because he knows she talks to me more often.

Over the years they've discussed holiday plans with each other as it relates to me and my family.

They've also called each other to discuss the plans when I come into town to visit them. I live about 1000 miles away so if I'm coming home and staying with my mom. She'll call him or he'll call her to discuss any plans they have made with extended family so they know when the kids and I would be available to spend time with the other side of the family.

When my DS comes to visit them alone in the summer they frequently discuss his schedule for seeing both grandparents, and (gasp) even take him to do stuff together.

I'm glad they are able to discuss these things it keeps me from having to report back and forth between parents.

 

[angel5809]

really, your parents still discuss issues? I guess that is just not how our family operates...idk, 22, 25, 35...you are an adult...what parenting issues could your parents have unless of course you still live at home and are reliant on them?

thank you, thank you!!!

 

[Metsfan520]

Yes there may be parenting issues after 22, I was married at 18, had babies at 25, but, he is 25, if he wants to discuss certain things with his mom he can and if he wants to discuss certain things with his dad he can. My husband does not go running to her to talk to her about him!!! She just always trys to find ways to keep herself involved in my husbands life. She tries to tell us on how to run things at our house when it involves the younger son. She does not want to let go of her ex (may husband) even though she is remarried!!! And know you dont know what you are talking about. I am not self centered. I am the one that has always put everyone before myself!! I you new me as a person, then you would have not said that. You just sound hateful! Do you have any kids? Have you ever been married and divorced then remarried? Do you even know how any of this might feel? Why do you even bother posting anything if you cannot relate to this? Some people just need not respond and keep there mouth shut if they dont have any experence with the matter.

If you don't want advice from people, don't post on a public message board.

 

[Liberty Belle]

thank you, thank you!!!

I don't know. I have a 17 year old and I'd much rather he be graduating college at 25 and asking me for a ring, than married in a year.

 

[hereyago]

Basically, this time it's about there son telling his mom that he wants her to buy him a college class ring and when he graduates, he wants him, girlfriend, 2 dogs, 2 cats and a snake to move in with her. He has not mentioned this to his dad, but his mom has took it upon herself to discuss this with his dad her ex, my husband, and she wants my ex to pay for half the ring.

Um, if he is 25, he should have a job and pay for his own dang ring as well as a place, for him, his gf, 2 dogs, snake to live.

and honestly, if he is 25, and wants to bring that all to his DM''s house, then no I wouldn't figure she would want to discuss it with his DF. she may mention it as well as the DS to him, but that is really between the 2 of them at that age.

 

[RadioNate]

This is where you are wrong, his money in my money!!! My money is his money!!! We have a marriage, that is what you do in a marriage!!! And no I am not jealous!!! I just get tired of her trying to tell us how to run our home, which is not hers!!! She makes it point blank, what she does in her home is her business, but she seems to think that she has a say on what we do in our home!!!

ok!!! Now you just sound like you don't like your money going to the son. And like a troll, and like a teenager.

I'm going to guess either 1) troll or 2) there is FAR more to this story than ex-wife calls to discuss son with husband.

 

[lillygator]

Yep. It isn't frequent but they do. I'm currently going through a divorce and they will call each other on occasion to discuss the situation. For example, if my dad hasn't heard from me in a few days, he'll call my mom just to make sure I'm doing ok because he knows she talks to me more often.

Over the years they've discussed holiday plans with each other as it relates to me and my family.

They've also called each other to discuss the plans when I come into town to visit them. I live about 1000 miles away so if I'm coming home and staying with my mom. She'll call him or he'll call her to discuss any plans they have made with extended family so they know when the kids and I would be available to spend time with the other side of the family.

When my DS comes to visit them alone in the summer they frequently discuss his schedule for seeing both grandparents, and (gasp) even take him to do stuff together.

I'm glad they are able to discuss these things it keeps me from having to report back and forth between parents.

that makes sense...

for me, once I was on my own, that was it really, now I'm married and I see no reason for my mom or dad to call each other and discuss anything about me...(they are divorced), they could call me, or I them. Dh's parents are still married...but I really don't see what parenting issues they would still have, I think it will be soon turning into issues regarding us taking care of them.

 

[Pakey]

I'm divorced, remarried. My husband is divorced, remarried. We both have ex's and children with those ex's. So I do know what I'm talking about.

My advice is to stay out of it. When I married my husband, his children became my children and my son became his. I really do not understand your resentment. Your issues are with your husband, not with his ex or his son.

My current husband and I have been married for 26 years and I'm so glad I don't have this type of negativity dealing with our ex spouses or the children. What I do for my son or what my husband does for his sons is not a competition or tied to what our ex's do or do not do.

 

[GinnyEmma]

My folks talk to one another regarding gifts for the grands, they conspired to watch our kids for us to vacation several times when the kids were little. They were all involved when I had my car accident. Family is family. Even when they aren't married, if there are children involved there will and should always be pleasant involvment. It makes it nice for everyone. As long as there isn't someone sitting around looking to count every penny and complain about it.

 

[castmember19]

Um, if he is 25, he should have a job and pay for his own dang ring as well as a place, for him, his gf, 2 dogs, snake to live.

I'm glad somebody else said it. I didn't want to comment because my opinion doesn't exactly matter in this situation- I'm not a parent nor married, just a college student- but I was wondering about this as well. How did he afford to live with his girlfriend and animals before?

 

[RitaE]

Yes there may be parenting issues after 22, I was married at 18, had babies at 25, but, he is 25, if he wants to discuss certain things with his mom he can and if he wants to discuss certain things with his dad he can. My husband does not go running to her to talk to her about him!!! She just always trys to find ways to keep herself involved in my husbands life. She tries to tell us on how to run things at our house when it involves the younger son. She does not want to let go of her ex (may husband) even though she is remarried!!! And know you dont know what you are talking about. I am not self centered. I am the one that has always put everyone before myself!! I you new me as a person, then you would have not said that. You just sound hateful! Do you have any kids? Have you ever been married and divorced then remarried? Do you even know how any of this might feel? Why do you even bother posting anything if you cannot relate to this? Some people just need not respond and keep there mouth shut if they dont have any experence with the matter.

Oh! I get it now. She's making a play for your money AND your man.

You fight sister!!!!!!

 

[angel5809]

that makes sense...

for me, once I was on my own, that was it really, now I'm married and I see no reason for my mom or dad to call each other and discuss anything about me...(they are divorced), they could call me, or I them. Dh's parents are still married...but I really don't see what parenting issues they would still have, I think it will be soon turning into issues regarding us taking care of them.

See that is the thing, he has been living on his own since he was in college. He has paid for his own apartment and living expenses. He has always had a job and is in the navy reserves. He had his girlfriend move in with him and she has a job, and just graduated from college. He bought his own truck and just bought his own motorcycle. His dad has helped him out when he asked him to for college tuition but when he has asked his mom she never would, she said go as your dad. If he really wanted to know if his dad would help out with the ring then why did he not just ask him like he did his mom and when it comes to him moving in, if he wanted to move in with his dad then why didn't he just ask him. That is between him and his mom and not any of his dad's business. It is between her and her now husband on if he lives there or not.

 

[FredinFL]

 

[hereyago]

See that is the thing, he has been living on his own since he was in college. He has paid for his own apartment and living expenses. He has always had a job and is in the navy reserves. He had his girlfriend move in with him and she has a job, and just graduated from college. He bought his own truck and just bought his own motorcycle. His dad has helped him out when he asked him to for college tuition but when he has asked his mom she never would, she said go as your dad. If he really wanted to know if his dad would help out with the ring then why did he not just ask him like he did his mom and when it comes to him moving in, if he wanted to move in with his dad then why didn't he just ask him. That is between him and his mom and not any of his dad's business. It is between her and her now husband on if he lives there or not.

So why does he want to move everyone in to his DM"s house especially if he just bought a motorcycle, has really 2 jobs and want his df to pay for a class ring?

 

[RadioNate]

that makes sense...

for me, once I was on my own, that was it really, now I'm married and I see no reason for my mom or dad to call each other and discuss anything about me...(they are divorced), they could call me, or I them. Dh's parents are still married...but I really don't see what parenting issues they would still have, I think it will be soon turning into issues regarding us taking care of them.

It isn't frequent. Certainly, not daily or weekly. Currently, it's more but that is because of the situation here. Since I've been married I bet they would speak to each other maybe 6-8 times a year.

Over the years it has been less or more depending on what was going on. If there is nothing going on they certainly don't talk. But when I come to visit it is certainly easier for them to work out logistics together than have me constantly calling back and forth to make plans. Holidays and kids birthdays are easier for them to negotiate out instead of putting me in the position of having to say no to one or the other. Guess 30 years later they are still working out "custody" issues, lol. But it does take stress off me. It is much easier for me if they just figure it out and then discuss specific dates/times with me. Rather than me having to plan everything for everyone.

These days, generally if I'm not talking, my dad would rather bug my mom than me. He knows the last thing I was to do it talk about the divorce over and over. It is much easier if I cry/vent/whatever to one parent and have them relay it to the other than having to go through it 2x.

They both care about me so I don't care if they discuss me.

 

[angel5809]

My folks talk to one another regarding gifts for the grands, they conspired to watch our kids for us to vacation several times when the kids were little. They were all involved when I had my car accident. Family is family. Even when they aren't married, if there are children involved there will and should always be pleasant involvment. It makes it nice for everyone. As long as there isn't someone sitting around looking to count every penny and complain about it.

Well see this is one thing you don't understand. When we go to ballgames that his younger son is in, she has told my husband that she does not want us to sit anywhere near her. She will not even speak to us. She does not even like the fact that I except the boys as my sons. I may not have given birth to them but I do think of them as my children as well as my own two children. She has blocked the younger son from seeing my FB profle and my husbands (his dad). I am not the one that is jealous, or hateful. This is she. She only spoke to me the first time that I met her, since then she will not even talk to me, I have tried to text her about something when it comes to the younger son, and she will not respond, she has to call my husband, which if it was on the other foot I would respond to her. You guys just don't know the whole story.

 

[DisneyChula]

See that is the thing, he has been living on his own since he was in college. He has paid for his own apartment and living expenses. He has always had a job and is in the navy reserves. He had his girlfriend move in with him and she has a job, and just graduated from college. He bought his own truck and just bought his own motorcycle. His dad has helped him out when he asked him to for college tuition but when he has asked his mom she never would, she said go as your dad. If he really wanted to know if his dad would help out with the ring then why did he not just ask him like he did his mom and when it comes to him moving in, if he wanted to move in with his dad then why didn't he just ask him. That is between him and his mom and not any of his dad's business. It is between her and her now husband on if he lives there or not.

There is this amazing word - 'no' - my parents used it all the time and I am a better person for it! Did it suck to be told "Sorry, but if you want that you will have to work for it yourself." Of course it did, but I got over it and eventually got what I wanted myself!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Well see this is one thing you don't understand. When we go to ballgames that his younger son is in, she has told my husband that she does not want us to sit anywhere near her. She will not even speak to us. She does not even like the fact that I except the boys as my sons. I may not have given birth to them but I do think of them as my children as well as my own two children. She has blocked the younger son from seeing my FB profle and my husbands (his dad). I am not the one that is jealous, or hateful. This is she. She only spoke to me the first time that I met her, since then she will not even talk to me, I have tried to text her about something when it comes to the younger son, and she will not respond, she has to call my husband, which if it was on the other foot I would respond to her. You guys just don't know the whole story.

Ok. That's something to be bothered about. Not the fact that she wants to talk to your husband about what their son has said to her (your initial complaint).

 

[sunnyday123]

I'm sure most regular posters know who it is, anyway. She should have just posted under her regular name.

This is a poster that has a LONG history of "step" issues.

AHA! I knew this all sounded familiar! Wasn't it Cheermom?? I thought the step kids were younger though.....


Whatever. Let the rantings continue!

 

[ccgirl]

I may be wrong but ....

I thought the OP's biological son was 25, not her stepson? I thought her stepson was 22 and still in college (his last year). What does the financial/divorce agreement dictate? You keep saying that she has not paid anything for him. I see this often in angry step parents it seems. I believe you said he lived with her before college; correct? If so, who do you think paid the rent/mortgage, clothing, food etc.???

Just out of curiosity, how long have your DH and yourself been married? Have you not discussed this previously? You really don't expect him to have an amicable relationship with his children's mother??