Stepmom

[angel5809]

Ok, this is the first time that I have ever done this, but I need some input from someone. My husbands ex seems to feel that when there adult son goes to her and talks to her about certain things, that she has to turn around and get advice from him, even though she is remarried. I don't feel that she should be doing this. My husband in return feels like he should take it upon his self and talk with there son about these things for her. Is there anyone out there that can give me some advice about how to handle this?

 

[GinnyEmma]

Eh, if they are trying to be supportive if their son all the more power to them.

 

[BeefJerky]

I don't get it, so everytime your husband's sons ask for advice from their mom, she consults with her exhusband?

 

[NMAmy]

Ok, this is the first time that I have ever done this, but I need some input from someone. My husbands ex seems to feel that when there adult son goes to her and talks to her about certain things, that she has to turn around and get advice from him, even though she is remarried. I don't feel that she should be doing this. My husband in return feels like he should take it upon his self and talk with there son about these things for her. Is there anyone out there that can give me some advice about how to handle this?

I'm not really understanding your post. Are you saying that your husband's ex-wife calls your husband for advice on dealing with their adult son?

 

[angel5809]

Basically, this time it's about there son telling his mom that he wants her to buy him a college class ring and when he graduates, he wants him, girlfriend, 2 dogs, 2 cats and a snake to move in with her. He has not mentioned this to his dad, but his mom has took it upon herself to discuss this with his dad her ex, my husband, and she wants my ex to pay for half the ring.

 

[wvjules]

I don't see a problem with this?

 

[GinnyEmma]

Basically, this time it's about there son telling his mom that he wants her to buy him a college class ring and when he graduates, he wants him, girlfriend, 2 dogs, 2 cats and a snake to move in with her. He has not mentioned this to his dad, but his mom has took it upon herself to discuss this with his dad her ex, my husband, and she wants my ex to pay for half the ring.

Sounds appropriate to me. There also isn't any reason mom should cover the entire class ring cost.

 

[NMAmy]

Basically, this time it's about there son telling his mom that he wants her to buy him a college class ring and when he graduates, he wants him, girlfriend, 2 dogs, 2 cats and a snake to move in with her. He has not mentioned this to his dad, but his mom has took it upon herself to discuss this with his dad her ex, my husband, and she wants my ex to pay for half the ring.

Eh, I don't really have a problem with that. My ex and I will sometimes discuss who is paying for what even though our dd is 20. She's in college and we're both helping to support her. Why do you have a problem with her talking with her kid's father about expenses?

I'd be more freaked out about the possibility of a huge menagerie moving in with me.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Ok, this is the first time that I have ever done this, but I need some input from someone. My husbands ex seems to feel that when there adult son goes to her and talks to her about certain things, that she has to turn around and get advice from him, even though she is remarried. I don't feel that she should be doing this. My husband in return feels like he should take it upon his self and talk with there son about these things for her. Is there anyone out there that can give me some advice about how to handle this?

I don't understand what you're saying. Are you saying that everytime your stepson talks to his mother, she, in return, asks him for advice? Or do you mean your stepson goes to his mother and asks her advice and then she asks your husband for his input? Either way, I see nothing wrong with what she's doing (unless, of course, you left stuff out).

Your stepson is still your husband's son and it's natural for your husband to talk to his ex-wife (the son's mother, afterall) about him.

What specifically bothers you about it?

 

[ols386]

Don't see a problem with this.

I talk to my ex about our adult children sometimes.

 

[angel5809]

Yes, in some manner, I don't understand why she does not discuss this with her current husband, since it is there house and money and not my husbands, her ex.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Basically, this time it's about there son telling his mom that he wants her to buy him a college class ring and when he graduates, he wants him, girlfriend, 2 dogs, 2 cats and a snake to move in with her. He has not mentioned this to his dad, but his mom has took it upon herself to discuss this with his dad her ex, my husband, and she wants my ex to pay for half the ring.

I don't get why this is a problem. If your husband doesn't want to pay for half of the ring, the mom can either choose to pay all or tell son she cannot pay for it. I don't get why you're angry that she asked your husband about it.

And the moving in thing...why does it bother you that she talked to your husband about it? Did she ask if he could move in with you?

 

[ols386]

Yes, in some manner, I don't understand why she does not discuss this with her current husband, since it is there house and money and not my husbands, her ex.

Because it's not the current husband's kid.

 

[shortbun]

I don't see a problem with this?

Me either. They are his parents and always will be. Stay out of it because your husband obviously is going to deal with it. It's his child, his choice. You can always state your opinion but it seems like it's not a winning situation for you. I think the young man's mom is doing the right thing talking to dad. The boy is still in college. Not like he's married with children.

 

[DisneyChula]

After 3 years of fighting tooth and nail for my husband to have any relationship with my DSD, him and his ex are FINALLY communicating and working together as parents. (That's a whole other story - but they both finally grew up and started putting their daughter first rather than their feelings and emotions). I strongly encourage the communication. However, my DSD will be turning 4 in May so the situation is a little different. I generally try to stay out of it. This is their child and they are bound together for life because of that. I have seen what lack of communication can do and it's not good for anyone involved. OTOH - If your stepson is an adult, I don't see the need for a ton of communication between your husband and his ex. Have you spoken to your husband about how you feel about this? If you haven't, I would definitely talk to him. He may not even realize that this is bothering you. Either way, Good luck!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Sooo...if I get this right, you're upset/bothered/maybe jealous that she's talking to your husband? Even if it's about their son? Do you think she shouldn't talk to him anymore at all? It seems like that would be difficult when they have a child together.

I guess if she was calling him every night, or something, I'd be annoyed, but if it's once a week or so, I don't see anything wrong with it.

Is your husband giving you reasons to think there is more going on between them?

 

[Liberty Belle]

And, your stepson may be technically an adult, but if he's a traditional college student, he's still pretty young. I still needed help and advice from my parents when I was in college.

 

[DisneyChula]

Ok - more info was added since my last post. Sorry, but I don't see a problem if she's calling your husband in reference to issues pertaining to their son. They will always be his parents and it sounds as though he (although he may be considered an adult) is still at an age where he is relying on his parents and thus the need for her to call your husband. If my DSD needs anything my DH's ex knows that she can call and they will figure out a game plan. I would rather her call whenever she feels the need rather than feel as though she can't rely on him to be a father...just my opinion.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Yes, in some manner, I don't understand why she does not discuss this with her current husband, since it is there house and money and not my husbands, her ex.

So your husband shouldnt care about nor support his son anymore? That would be crappy. Get over your attitude and let them deal with their child. Grow up.

 

[marmalade]

Yes, in some manner, I don't understand why she does not discuss this with her current husband, since it is there house and money and not my husbands, her ex.

Seriously? She is discussing this with your husband because your husband is the father of the child. Your husband and his ex will be connected for the rest of their lives, you need to learn how to deal with it better.