Step-dad's and fathers day....

[Lisa loves Pooh]

So if they come into the home AFTER you have graduated from college and AFTER you are married..is it okay for your mother every year to remind you every year to wish him a Happy Father's Day b/c his absent daughter refuses to do so.


I have already wished him a HFD b/c I happened to call my mom today and she threw him on the phone--but I just checked my e-mail to see that she asked me and my siblings to call him and it irritates me. He's her FIFTH husband and 2 of us were long moved out of the house when he came into the picture and they got married one year after I did.

She asks us to do these pick me ups whenever his offspring is neglecting him. It is very irritating as we are not his children, he didn't rear us, we aren't very close to him to any stretch of the imagination but b/c she cannot make his daughter act properly, my mom wants us to make it up to him.

ETA: I refer to him as my mother's husband given the circumstances. So I don't even call him a step-dad.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I don't know maybe it has more to do with the gesture--You know the same way you would offer condolences to someone who lost a loved one even though you didn't know them personally!

He may just be your moms husband but he is a father so maybe just the offer of a wish for fathers day will do

She's not asking for expensive gifts to be bought just a token of acknowledgment for a man who otherwise would go unnoticed on this day!

 

[Stacerita]

Id be irritated too. He isn't your father, and it sounds like you were out of the house before he came into the picture, and you aren't that close. I think your mom is out of line to make you. If you had a good relationship with him and wanted to, that would be different, or if you remembered on your own and felt like it, I could see. But for her to put you on the spot and hand him the phone is not cool. I understand her thinking, but come on. You said he is her 5th husband, are you supposed to call the last 4 and wish them the same thing since technically they are your steps too. If you felt it, you would wish him Happy Day, if not, I wouldn't.

 

[chyam]

I don't know maybe it has more to do with the gesture--You know the same way you would offer condolences to someone who lost a loved one even though you didn't know them personally!

He may just be your moms husband but he is a father so maybe just the offer of a wish for fathers day will do

She's not asking for expensive gifts to be bought just a token of acknowledgment for a man who otherwise would go unnoticed on this day!

I have to agree with you on this one, I always say Happy Fathers day to men that I know are fathers and we usually bring in sweets for them on the day if we are working.
On the other hand I have a step father whom I consider my dad and he has always been there for me. But I don't think it takes to much to at least acknowledge that he is a father to someone, and perhaps make his day since his own children don't. It doesn't cost a dime to be congenial.

 

[AC7179]

I can definitely understand the irritation---but I would probably just wish him a happy father's day. Easier than arguing and no harm comes from it.

 

[kdibattista]

I can definitely understand the irritation---but I would probably just wish him a happy father's day. Easier than arguing and no harm comes from it.

Agreed... and it might just bring a bit of happiness to his otherwise sad day.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I have no problems with the gesture.

I have a problem with the request and the nature of the request.

I can't tell my mom b/c she'd have a hissy--so I cam here to vent. Her expectations are too high IMHO. We are not his children and we cannot be replacements for his child who fails to honor him in the way that she should.

There is no harm in extending the greeting...but I feel that the repeated requests and reminders are unnecessary (for things other than Father's Day).

She married him after we are out of the home and it is NOT our responsibility to be his surrogate family and that is what I feel her requests are asking.

 

[jimmalru80]

I love my Mom and her husband dearly, but I still refer to him as my mother's husband. He is a great guy and we get along well, but he is NOT my Dad. I lost my Dad nearly twenty years ago. DS was 2 at the time, he calls him Pop. Twin DD's (16) were just a glimmer in our eyes, so I have no problem when they refer to him as their grandfather. In my eyes, he is. It works out well for us.

 

[lsyorke]

As a step parent, I would not expect my stepchildren to do anything for me on Mothers Day. But they do. It comes down to the relationship that you have. I love my step children as my own, they return the sentiment, but it's their choice.