January 1, 2001, I resolved to lose weight and become healthier... by December 31, 2001, I had lost 85 pounds and was feeling my goal in sight. But in December, I had also become pregnant for the 6th time in 4 years. For some reason, although I tried to keep up with my routine, and in fact, despite recommendations from dr's. to stop exercising, I continued to do so at a moderate pace through a challenging pregnancy. I wound up gaining back all the weight. Fast forward to now... That baby -- my dd, just turned 2 -- last week, and despite lackluster efforts to lose the weight, I'm still tipping the scales in the wrong direction. I have been unable to regain my focus, motivation and sheer will power. For an entire year, I did cardio and weight training 5-6 days a week, sometimes 7. I passed up bad foods and never drank anything but water, protein shakes and an occasional glass of milk. I was so healthy. That has been the biggest disappointment. Knowing I was so close and spent such a long time losing, losing, losing -- and succeeding... only to be back at square one... I feel like I've wasted the past 2 years.
I am frustrated, and have been using excuses...
1... My knees hurt if I run to much or push too hard (this is true, but I could find ways around it).
2... I grab bad foods for snacks justifying that I'm having a challenging day or worst of all, just one bad snack won't make that much of a difference! Say that enough times to yourself and look where it gets you!
3... I am the mother of 4 kids... ages 5, 4, 3 and 2... none of which are in school full-time yet. It's hard to find the time, energy or motiviation.
4... Every morning I wake up and say, "Today will be the day," and then things go awry... for example, just this past week's events included celebating dd's 2nd bday, necessitating extra time being spent on housecleaning (excuse for shirking going to the gym), cake (well, I made it, and I had to at least taste it... didn't eat a whole piece though), then that same dd had to go to the dr. two days in a row for a scratched cornea... needed to wear an eye patch -- didn't want to take her to the gym while she was in pain and with the patch on. Very next day, dd age 4, was sent to her room for biting her brother and threw a major temper tantrum, kicking her dresser, causing the hutch part to fall and make a puncture wound in the back of her head, bad enough to cause an ER visit, 4 stitches, and lots of drama. The next night, I had plans to go out to eat for a friend's birthday, where food and drink were a huge focus of the night. I use these things as excuses. And I'm not looking for justification here simply because, if it were justifiable to use these things as excuses... I'd have excuses every day... This is a typical kind of week in my life (except that this is the only stitches ordeal I've encountered as a parent). I am just defining what it is I use for an excuse.
5... I have bad genes... slow metabolism... it's always been a struggle... if I'm not super active and super vigilant about food, I can't lose and keep off weight.
6... What's the big hurry anyway? My dh doesn't complain -- he wouldn't dare!
7... Here's a biggie for me lately... I have 4 kids... I should be spending all my time with them... I feel guilty for making them get up and go to the gym with me so I can work out... I should be spending time with them -- they shouldn't have to be in a busy babysitting room. Truth is, they've made a lot of great friends there! They usually don't mind going... don't get me wrong, if just one of them doesn't feel like cooperating, it can be an ordeal to go anywhere, but back when I had this as part of my daily routine and they knew they had no choice, it was just a part of our daily activity, like brushing hair and teeth... they went along with it. Here's where I feel I'm all askew. That whole year (2001), I never felt guilty for dragging them to the gym, even in snowstorms and torrential downpours... I don't know where this extreme maternal instinct is coming from? Maybe b/c I know that they are growing so fast? Or that this last baby is our last child and I want to savor my time with them? But to be ruthlessly honest... the time I would have spent at the gym, I usually spend cleaning the house or on the computer... both of which can wait, I guess.
And yet, I have to wonder if, why I'm so disgusted and so totally focused on wishing I was at a healthier weight, why am I not living it? According to Dr. Phil, there must be a payoff...I'm just not sure what it is... other than, maybe, it's just easier NOT to get up and get moving. That sounds pretty lazy to me though!
And so, from today on, I am renewing my dedication to a healthy lifestyle.
I will wake up and instead of making all the aforementioned excuses, I will replace it with a new mantra. From now on, I will recite to myself:
TODAY...
1. I will choose a healthy life.
2. I will use only healthy food to fuel my body. I will be very deliberate in my food choices and exercise self-control.
3. I will make exercise a priority EVERY DAY and NOT feel guilty because it sets a good example and I deserve to take care of myself.
4. I will take each obstacle or surprise as it comes my way and handle it to the best of my ability while not allowing it to deter me from my goals.
5. I will do this so I can be fully present and full of energy and confidence to care for my children and loved ones.
I invite everyone here to hold me accountable to these standards. Thank you for creating a place for me to start over and work toward achieving a standard of living I've been wanting for so long.
I am frustrated, and have been using excuses...
1... My knees hurt if I run to much or push too hard (this is true, but I could find ways around it).
2... I grab bad foods for snacks justifying that I'm having a challenging day or worst of all, just one bad snack won't make that much of a difference! Say that enough times to yourself and look where it gets you!
3... I am the mother of 4 kids... ages 5, 4, 3 and 2... none of which are in school full-time yet. It's hard to find the time, energy or motiviation.
4... Every morning I wake up and say, "Today will be the day," and then things go awry... for example, just this past week's events included celebating dd's 2nd bday, necessitating extra time being spent on housecleaning (excuse for shirking going to the gym), cake (well, I made it, and I had to at least taste it... didn't eat a whole piece though), then that same dd had to go to the dr. two days in a row for a scratched cornea... needed to wear an eye patch -- didn't want to take her to the gym while she was in pain and with the patch on. Very next day, dd age 4, was sent to her room for biting her brother and threw a major temper tantrum, kicking her dresser, causing the hutch part to fall and make a puncture wound in the back of her head, bad enough to cause an ER visit, 4 stitches, and lots of drama. The next night, I had plans to go out to eat for a friend's birthday, where food and drink were a huge focus of the night. I use these things as excuses. And I'm not looking for justification here simply because, if it were justifiable to use these things as excuses... I'd have excuses every day... This is a typical kind of week in my life (except that this is the only stitches ordeal I've encountered as a parent). I am just defining what it is I use for an excuse.
5... I have bad genes... slow metabolism... it's always been a struggle... if I'm not super active and super vigilant about food, I can't lose and keep off weight.
6... What's the big hurry anyway? My dh doesn't complain -- he wouldn't dare!
7... Here's a biggie for me lately... I have 4 kids... I should be spending all my time with them... I feel guilty for making them get up and go to the gym with me so I can work out... I should be spending time with them -- they shouldn't have to be in a busy babysitting room. Truth is, they've made a lot of great friends there! They usually don't mind going... don't get me wrong, if just one of them doesn't feel like cooperating, it can be an ordeal to go anywhere, but back when I had this as part of my daily routine and they knew they had no choice, it was just a part of our daily activity, like brushing hair and teeth... they went along with it. Here's where I feel I'm all askew. That whole year (2001), I never felt guilty for dragging them to the gym, even in snowstorms and torrential downpours... I don't know where this extreme maternal instinct is coming from? Maybe b/c I know that they are growing so fast? Or that this last baby is our last child and I want to savor my time with them? But to be ruthlessly honest... the time I would have spent at the gym, I usually spend cleaning the house or on the computer... both of which can wait, I guess.
And yet, I have to wonder if, why I'm so disgusted and so totally focused on wishing I was at a healthier weight, why am I not living it? According to Dr. Phil, there must be a payoff...I'm just not sure what it is... other than, maybe, it's just easier NOT to get up and get moving. That sounds pretty lazy to me though!
And so, from today on, I am renewing my dedication to a healthy lifestyle.
I will wake up and instead of making all the aforementioned excuses, I will replace it with a new mantra. From now on, I will recite to myself:
TODAY...
1. I will choose a healthy life.
2. I will use only healthy food to fuel my body. I will be very deliberate in my food choices and exercise self-control.
3. I will make exercise a priority EVERY DAY and NOT feel guilty because it sets a good example and I deserve to take care of myself.
4. I will take each obstacle or surprise as it comes my way and handle it to the best of my ability while not allowing it to deter me from my goals.
5. I will do this so I can be fully present and full of energy and confidence to care for my children and loved ones.
I invite everyone here to hold me accountable to these standards. Thank you for creating a place for me to start over and work toward achieving a standard of living I've been wanting for so long.
Welcome, Minmate. You will find a lot of help her. Motivation, hugs, understanding, (and stern words if you need a kick start.) 
