starting Kindergarten

[Happiest mommy]

Hello fellow DISers I know you guys will answer this question here goes.

My 4 yr old DD will be starting Kindergarten in Sept so today I went to tour the school to see if it would be a good fit for us, it's a private school and this is all new to me, the tour went beautifully and all my questions were answered except for one, when I asked the principal and the kinder teacher if I would be able to drop by and take a peek at her in her class (without her seeing me) they both in sterio said "no" the principal said I could call to check on her but that I could not drop by unexpectedly or even with an appointment tell me is this the norm in school private or public? I was a bit put off by this in no way would I want to disrupt the class but I guess I just wanted those first few days to just check up and peek to see that she was doing ok TIA

 

[taylor3297]

At all of the public schools I have taught at, parents were welcome to stop by anytime. Now the parents did have to check in at the front office so we knew they were on campus and for what reason (saftey issues). The only time a parent was not welcome was if they made a scene or was a nusciance. Then the principal would request for that parent to call ahead first.

 

[Minnie_me]

As a 20+year veteran Kindergarten teacher, I do agree with them. Since young children often have trouble separating from their parents, it can be extremely disruptive to have parents "peeking in" or "dropping in" to check on their youngster. A child who's getting along just fine may catch a glimpse of mom peeking in the window and start crying. Very often, the parents have more separation anxiety than the children do! We keep them very busy in the classroom, and their minds are occupied with lots of activities. While the mom (especially SAHMs) is lonely/sad/bored without the child.

If you would like to volunteer your time to help out in the classroom, that would be a nice way to keep an eye on your DD without being disruptive.

 

[mjkacmom]

I can't see our schools allowing that. Our doors are locked, you need to be buzzed in, and if you are bringing something to your child, you bring it to the office, and they bring it to the classroom. We also have no parental volunteers. It's mostly to keep nosy parents out (like the ones who will tell everyone that little Johnny was in the principals office).

 

[princessmom29]

Absolutely normal. I have never know an elementary school that allows it.
1. It is a security issue. Parents wandering the halls peeking in windows can be hard to distinguish from people who shouldn't be there.
2. There is no guantee she won't see you, and then you are gauranteed to disrupt whatever is going on it the classroom.
3. Many well meaning parents who want to "just take a peek" end up doing it way too often and/or disrupting the school day.
4. The school is seeking to foster independence in these kids. The idea that mommy will not just be "popping in" all the time helps them do that.
5. If you would like to spend time in the clasrrom, it would be much more productive to be a volenteer reader ect..

 

[daisyduck123]

Absolutely normal. I have never know an elementary school that allows it.
1. It is a security issue. Parents wandering the halls peeking in windows can be hard to distinguish from people who shouldn't be there.
2. There is no guantee she won't see you, and then you are gauranteed to disrupt whatever is going on it the classroom.
3. Many well meaning parents who want to "just take a peek" end up doing it way too often and/or disrupting the school day.
4. The school is seeking to foster independence in these kids. The idea that mommy will not just be "popping in" all the time helps them do that.
5. If you would like to spend time in the clasrrom, it would be much more productive to be a volenteer reader ect..

Exactly (1st grade teacher here , public school for 20 years)

 

[momofrrr]

I am not a teacher but I do work in the office at an elementary school and I can say that while we do have an open door policy we try our best to convince you that it is not the best idea. Sometimes kids, especially kinders, have a hard time separating and once they are in the classroom and working it can be very disruptive if they happen to catch a glimpse of mom, or anyone elses mom for that matter. Then it takes another 30 minutes to get everyone back on track and settled back down which is very counter productive. I know it is very hard, I have three kids myself and I have been there but you have to trust that if there is really a problem the teacher will contact you. Let them do the job they are trained to do, they really do know best.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

My children would NEVER attend a school where I wasn't welcome to stop in and check on them. It sounds like they have something to hide. Just a peek through the window the kids won't even notice. Just because my child is at school doesn't take away my parental rights. I also can't imagine a school that doesn't allow parent volunteers! What a waste of a valuable resource! With all the issues on funding you would think the schools would take advantage of parent volunteers. Of course at our school you have to stop in the office and sign in. You also have to wear a visitor tag. That makes it easy to tell if someone shouldn't be there. They wouldn't have a visitor tag.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

I am not a teacher but I do work in the office at an elementary school and I can say that while we do have an open door policy we try our best to convince you that it is not the best idea. Sometimes kids, especially kinders, have a hard time separating and once they are in the classroom and working it can be very disruptive if they happen to catch a glimpse of mom, or anyone elses mom for that matter. Then it takes another 30 minutes to get everyone back on track and settled back down which is very counter productive. I know it is very hard, I have three kids myself and I have been there but you have to trust that if there is really a problem the teacher will contact you. Let them do the job they are trained to do, they really do know best.

I have to disagree. As a parent volunteer who has spent a lot of time in the classroom, I don't think a good teacher would have to spend 30 minutes getting children back on track. I haven't seen anything like that happen.

 

[nmmom95]

My kids go to private (Catholic) school and we have to sign in at the office and be buzzed in. Parents also have to have a reason to be there...library volunteer, lunch parent, etc. It's for the safety of the children. All parent volunteers have to be fingerprinted, submit to a background check, and attend a Child Assault Prevention class. Beyond safety issues, it's disruptive to the class. Also, sometimes, especially in Kindergarten, a child who was perfectly fine will cry when they see their mom. I've seen parents have to stop volunteering because their child was inconsolable when the parent had to leave.

 

[Minniemama350]

Exactly (1st grade teacher here , public school for 20 years)

Also, your kid might not have a problem with you coming by, but another kid suddenly starts missing mom because they see you.

It doesn't take 30 minutes to get kids back on track unless someone is crying.However it can take 5-10 minutes even if no one is crying.What if this happens several times a day? It really starts to add up. We get interuppted by other things as well. Keeping the interruptions to a minimum is the best thing for your child. It is not because it is an annoyance. It is meant to protect your child and their education.

 

[nicki.momof3]

It would not be allowed in the public school I work in for all the reasons listed above.

 

[Mkrop]

My kids go to private (Catholic) school and we have to sign in at the office and be buzzed in. Parents also have to have a reason to be there...library volunteer, lunch parent, etc. It's for the safety of the children. All parent volunteers have to be fingerprinted, submit to a background check, and attend a Child Assault Prevention class. Beyond safety issues, it's disruptive to the class. Also, sometimes, especially in Kindergarten, a child who was perfectly fine will cry when they see their mom. I've seen parents have to stop volunteering because their child was inconsolable when the parent had to leave.

Another one with kids in a private Catholic school, and it is exactly how she describes it.

DS7 last year would have been a mess if I popped in. DS12 handled me volunteering in his classroom just fine in K. This year DS7 is totally fine with me being up at school. But I always have a reason for being there. I help with library, emptying school envelopes etc. Sometimes I see them if they are in the hallway if they are going to Art or Gym or something. I can wave, he waves back, and all the rest of his classmates say "hi MrsMkrop"

If you want to be involved in the school then see about volunteering. Find out which activities like library or helping in the classroom, lunch, etc. They you can see your child without disrupting instructional time.

 

[princessmom29]

My children would NEVER attend a school where I wasn't welcome to stop in and check on them. It sounds like they have something to hide. Just a peek through the window the kids won't even notice. Just because my child is at school doesn't take away my parental rights. I also can't imagine a school that doesn't allow parent volunteers! What a waste of a valuable resource! With all the issues on funding you would think the schools would take advantage of parent volunteers. Of course at our school you have to stop in the office and sign in. You also have to wear a visitor tag. That makes it easy to tell if someone shouldn't be there. They wouldn't have a visitor tag.

Parent volenteers in the classroom for a purpose and under the supervision of a teacher and parents roaming the halls for no reason are two very different things. Think about this for a minute: Would you want someone else's parent that you do not know who is "just dropping by" to check on their kid to have unsupervised access to your child, because this is inevitable when you have parents all over the school all the time. A teacher sends a child to the restroom or the water fountain and a parent is wandering the halls to "check on" their kid. A lot could happen. The school does not necessairly have something to hide, they may be doing what they think is best to safeguard the children. I would NEVER send my child to a school where random parents were allowed to roam the halls any time the see fit. I don't think it is safe. DD's school welcomes parent volenteers in the building on a dialy basis, but with a purpose and under the supervision of a school employee. They are required to check in and out and work with school staff, never alone with the children.

ETA: almost every time a parent peeks in a window, someone notices. It may not be your child, but one of the kids in the room is bound to look over and see you. The WILL say something at that age. It is disruptive to the classroom. period. Parents should never be "peeking in windows".The way I see it: If you want to come into my classroom, then do so, but don't just peek into my window, disrupt my class, and leave. If you come in I can use you as a guest reader, let you supervise a center, ect. It would be helpful to know in advance, but if you are want to spring it on me, so be it. I will deal with what I have. When I taught preschool it was really disruptive to my kids to have parents "peeking in". We had to stop what we were doing and address it wether the parent came into the room or not. At least if they came in, I could turn it into something productive.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

Our system has an open door policy....HOWEVER, our Principal does her best to discourage dropping in during instructional time. She won't tell you that you can't but there are multiple reasons why you shouldn't......and I agree with her. Are you allowed to occasionally drop in and eat lunch with your child? Our school definitely encourages family members to stop by for lunch.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Ds is in a private preschool, full day. He's 4.5. They have a 100%, anytime, open door policy. You can stop by for lunch. You can show up to pick up your child early, with no notice. BUT...if your child is disrupted, you have to take them home with you. That seemed reasonable to me.

Perhaps they are stressing this in response to your question because your child will be one of the youngest and because the first few days of K are always hard on some kids.

 

[Aristomommy]

In Kindergarten, DD was in private school with an open door policy. I volunteered often so I was able to see her in the group setting without having to make surprise visits. DS will go to public and they do not have an open door policy. I think that's ok since the half day is only 2.5 hours and I can't imagine the school being able to manage parents popping in just from security stand point. If you have a reason to be concerned, go with your gut and choose a different school, but the policy is likely to be at all the schools.

 

[Happiest mommy]

you have all given me much to think about and consider I loved the idea about having lunch together I don't know if they even allow that, but I do see the point a PP said about the parents wandering the halls and a child on their way to the bathroom its true many things can happen. I am currently a SAHM and also have a 6 month old so I don't think I will be lonely/sad or bored like a pp wrote it was just me wanting to see my child in the place she will be spending a large amount of time at, and I did'nt know if a closed door policy was the norm

 

[Mkrop]

you have all given me much to think about and consider I loved the idea about having lunch together I don't know if they even allow that, but I do see the point a PP said about the parents wandering the halls and a child on their way to the bathroom its true many things can happen. I am currently a SAHM and also have a 6 month old so I don't think I will be lonely/sad or bored like a pp wrote it was just me wanting to see my child in the place she will be spending a large amount of time at, and I did'nt know if a closed door policy was the norm

As a mom that makes total sense, but you also have to let go a little too, I know it is hard. IF at all possible see if you can volunteer for things at whatever school you choose. If you need to get a babysitter or something, I would give that a try. The kids do love to see you up there but from a safety standpoint it is not a good idea to just be in the hallways. Our school also has some things you can do and bring yournger siblings along. These are obviously fewer than if you can go up to school solo. Maybe make a follow up call to talk with the prinicpal or evan another parent and ask what you can do for the school.

I work on the Marketing Committee of our school and we encourage parents to call the prinicpal or one of us, or we have a list of parents willing to help a parent with any questions they may have as they make these important decisions for their childrem.

Good luck in choosing a school for your kids!

 

[jpeka65844]

I also work in a public school and, while it's certainly never discouraged, parent involvement in the classroom is kept appropriate.

We had a mom banned from eating lunch with her child because she'd drop him off, he'd be a mess for 2+ hours until lunchtime, she'd show up to eat, and it would start all over again when she left. He was a kindergartener and had ulcers. There was also the mom that showed up every day at lunch and SPOON-FED her kindergartener.