Spoiled Rotten Ungrateful 16 year old Help!

[Gretel]

My 16 year old daughter is so spoiled I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm the one who raised her this way so I'm the one who has to undo the damage. She is used to getting almost everything she wants. Ipod, cell phone, designer clothes you name it. Well, we just bought a new car and she assumes it should be hers. She is having a major fit about it. Our older daughter got a new car when she turned 17 but she also had a job to make payments on it. What 16 year old thinks she should have a brand new $18,000 car and her parents should drive a not new car? We had originally bought a used vehicle ( which was going to be hers, she had a cow cuz it was used.)and brought it back to the dealer and replaced it with new because it smelled like cigarete smoke. (So I can see where she got the idea) I am so tired of going around and around with her! Any advice?

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

This is a great opportunity to teach her that she can't always get what she wants. You & your DH should keep the new car for yourselves and she should not get a car until she pays for it herself.

 

[Kath2003]

Firstly, don't give her access to a car - she's clearly not mature enough for the responsibility if she's having fits about not getting her own way. I would also make it clear that your elder DD didn't have access to a car until she was 17 and neither will your DD.

Personally I would make it clear that use of a car comes under the same conditions as her sister - she gets a job and makes payments on a car. The type of car she gets to drive will be determined by how much she is able to pay towards it.

Also: give her a monthly allowance - work out what you would spend on her and then give that to her - EVERYTHING must come from that: lunch, shoes, clothes etc. You'll still be giving her the money but you're teaching her to manage the money: I wonder how fast she'll run out and buy the latest cell phone when she realises that means she can't afford go out with her friends for a month?

 

[mylilnikita]

Hi
Ok, don't have a 16 year old yet, she is 8 and asking questions about driving.
You have to nip that in the bud, quick. My DF bought me a pinto-yes, a white/ orange pinto that was not sure how old, this was in 1984 and I was 15. He told me if I wanted something else, I would have to work for it. You stated your oldest DD had a job and paid payments? Ok, well this will certainly suck for 16 yo, but tell her to get a job, even if it means for while you will have to take her to work and have her save a down payment or maybe half a down payment for a nice USED car and she will have to make payments and help with insurance.
She has to learn that you don't get nice stuff just because you expect it and whine until you get it.
Later on, she will thank you for instilling that she work for what she wants.

Good luck

 

[DISUNC]

Sorry...Just tell her my sad story!

At 16 I too EXPECTED my parents to buy me a car! If they LOVED me they would.

I am 47 am STILL WAITING!

My feet hurt!

 

[Loves Disney]

I would suggest letting her know that not all kids can have a brand new car at that age. My uncle gave my sister and me his old Miata. It needed to be completely fixed because it hadn't been driven in a while. Well, my parents fixed the car up and my mom gave me her used car while she took the Miata. I was SOOO happy to even have a car. As long as it gets her from point A to point B, I think she should be happy. None of the kids in my class have brand new cars. The only ones who do are the ones who bought the cars themselves.

(point of view from an 18 year old)

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I have some advice, but you may not like it. I have two daughters - one 17 and one 21.

Put your foot down. Be the parent. Set an example.

I don't know about you, but nobody ever handed me a darn thing on a silver platter (or a rusty one for that matter). Such is the way of a normal life. You're doing her no favors by spoiling her rotten. IMO, you're doing more harm that good.

Life is tough - she needs to learn to live it, realistically.

ETA: BTW, my 21 year old got a brand new car at the age of 17. My now 17 year old isn't even driving yet. My living situation changed, and she's rolled with the punches like a pro.

 

[mrsgus06]

My dad would tell me that a poor ride beat a proud walk anyday. I love that about him!

 

[jtnsami]

My dad would tell me that a poor ride beat a proud walk anyday. I love that about him!

I'll have to remember that one for when my kids get older!

 

[Lucky4me]

Practice saying NO to a photo of your daughter until you can actually say it to her face. Then say it all the time, no matter what she asks for. Eventually it becomes very easy and believe me, nothing that horrible happens when they hear that dreaded word. :lol

 

[mom2taylorandemily]

This is a great opportunity to teach her that she can't always get what she wants. You & your DH should keep the new car for yourselves and she should not get a car until she pays for it herself.

I agree completely!!!

 

[EthansMom]

I agree with the above poster(s) who said to tell DD that she can have a car when she is 17 and has a job to make the payments on the car. Sounds like you really need to have a discussion with your DD about how she is not entitled to everything she wants in life just because she was born.

BTW, I have to deal with the same kind of thing (on a smaller scale) with DS5 all the time. I'm constantly telling him, "No, you don't neen another Hot Wheels car. No, you don't need another computer game." Etc.... Lately, DS's been wanting a Gameboy. I told him, "You can wait 3 months and MAYBE get it for your birthday present or you can use all of the money in your piggybank (he just has enough for a Gameboy and a couple of games) to buy it now." It didn't surprise me one bit when he decided that owning a Gameboy wasn't such a pressing necessity if he had to part with his own money for it.

Personally, I think that having a child pay for some of his/her own luxuries (especially as they get older) has a lot of benefits. Would your DD's clothes cost as much if she had a set budget to spend on clothing? Would her cell phone bill be as high if she had to pay for it herself? Would she be demanding a new car if she had to make the loan and insurance payments?

It's much easier for kids to get a small taste of reality when they are still at home than to have no idea how to get on in the real world when they leave the comfort of home.

 

[aspcamhreditor2]

Sorry...Just tell her my sad story!

At 16 I too EXPECTED my parents to buy me a car! If they LOVED me they would.

I am 47 am STILL WAITING!

My feet hurt!

Wiping Coke Zero off my screen now.

Couldn't agree more!

 

[azgal81]

Just say no! Sounds like you have given in in the past and she is expecting you to do it again. Does she have a job? That would be a good way for her to save up and buy what she wants (possible car, etc.)

 

[dreamcometrue]

she may hate you, and not talk to you for a week (I say it like it's a bad thing, huh? ), but don't give in! I think it's ridiculous that she expects you to drive an old car while she thinks she deserves to have to have the new car! Don't give in!

 

[Papa Deuce]

Here's how I would handle it.

One morning, bright and early, I would say "Things around here are going to change... I am here to inform you that your attitude is number one on the list".

You may have caused the problem, but you can also be the one to fix it. You MUST be the one to fix it.

 

[Missy Mouse]

Honestly, does this even really need to be discussed? Reread what you just wrote and read it as if you were reading a post on the Disney board. You already knew the answer while you were posting the thread. Obviously you don't give in to your child. You are the parent and you need to make adult decisions because children, and yes, 16 is still a child, are incapable of always making smart, sound decisions. All you are right now is an enabler. Time to grow up. Boohoo, she can't get a brand new car. Unfortunately, my heart is not bleeding for her. I wouldn't even give her a used car by the way she's acting.

 

[Papa Deuce]

Honestly, does this even really need to be discussed? Reread what you just wrote and read it as if you were reading a post on the Disney board. You already knew the answer while you were posting the thread. Obviously you don't give in to your child. You are the parent and you need to make adult decisions because children, and yes, 16 is still a child, are incapable of always making smart, sound decisions. All you are right now is an enabler. Time to grow up. Boohoo, she can't get a brand new car. Unfortunately, my heart is not bleeding for her. I wouldn't even give her a used car by the way she's acting.

Exactly.

Heck, she may not even be allowed to BORROW the car....

 

[Missy Mouse]

Exactly.

Heck, she may not even be allowed to BORROW the car....

My kid would SOOO be taking the bus. And I'd make her pay for the pass, too. Kids hate you at that age no matter what you do for them. Might as well give them a good reason!

 

[Cass]

I'm surprised her older sister hasn't set her straight, after she worked for her car privileges.