Spin the Bottle at 10?

[RachelEllen]

My 9 year old step-son's birthday is coming up and he and his dad are planning his birthday at our house (His parents have been divorced for many years, and he's always had two birthday parties)

It's seems like overnight he went from "eww girls" to being very intrigued with them. He's been talking to his dad a lot about crushes and kissing.

Anyhow, he's wanting a sleepover at our house. Then he said he wanted to invite girls too, so he could play spin the bottle. His dad said he could invite girls, but they would have to go home at bedtime. (Already, not what I would have said, but not my call.)

Anyhow, I thought it would blow over, but DSS made the invite list last night, and its 6 boys (our limit for sleepover) and 6 girls. I was surpised that DH was still allowing this to go on, and I told him that although this is his call, I feel really, really uncomfortable with DSS having a coed party in our basement at that age.

I'm totally new at kids this age. Am I being an old fogey? Or are they still young enough that its harmless. Would you allow this? Would you allow it if a parent was in the basement at all times that the girls were there. (That's what I'm thinking of insisting on if they go through with inviting the girls.)

 

[mickeyboat]

Definitely too young for a co-ed party in the basement.

But I think it's o.k. to have a co-ed party. You need to supervise it and plan lots of activities for the kids to do. Have lots of food, too. I also don't think the girls need to be there more than a couple of hours - enough time for activities, cake and ice cream and gifts.

Good luck. My DDs are 8 & 9 and although boys aren't ewww, I don't think they have a clue what spin the bottle is.

 

[JessicaR]

I think its fine to have a co-ed supervised party. As far as spin the bottle - no way! I have two boys and when they were 9 they would have been mortified if that were suggested. Better watch that boy!

 

[RachelEllen]

Good luck. My DDs are 8 & 9 and although boys aren't ewww, I don't think they have a clue what spin the bottle is.

Thanks!

Enjoy it now. It seems like overnight he went from "what are girls" to "ewww" (as in, I think he doth protest too much) to this stage!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think a fully supervised co-ed party is fine at any age.
Spin the bottle is not an appropriate activity for a 10th birthday. Make that clear to your son and DH now (can you imagine the calls yo would get from the otehr parents?).
Good luck with your son and his girl obsession. I guess I am lucky, DD12 is only just starting to care about boys (and it freaks her out to admit it even to herself) and DS10 while always having more female friends than male friends doesn't appear to think about anyone in anything other than totally platonic way. I wonder how much longer I have

 

[Crystal0608]

I def wouldn't let them play spin the bottle or have girls sleepover, but nothing is wrong with a co-ed party at that age. My kids have always had both girls and boys at their parties and they are always supervised so not a big deal. My ds has had "girlfriends" at school since preschool and he had more girls than boys show up at his skating party in December. We go to b-day parties about twice a month and very rarely is it all boy or all girl.

 

[java]

Basement party at 10 needs supervision with the coed thing. My son had a sleepover when he was 10- boys only and they were playing football at 4am!

But no way would I put 6 "couples" in the basement alone especially since somebody's been talking spin the bottle.
My dd is 11 and I don't think I would let her go to a basement party at 10 coed- oh wait a minute I didn't let her go. It was the boy that brought up a spin the bottle type game being played and I said NO WAY. I forgot all about that. In fact none of the girls ended up going.

 

[SplashMtnCrew]

We don't have a daughter, but if we did there's no way we would allow her to go to this party. You mentioned that the girls would have to go home at bedtime, which tells me this would be a party at night, in someone's basement. If there are girls that he wants to invite then it seems a party during the daytime would be more appropriate. Also, it's your house as much as it is your DH's, so this should be a call you both make together. JMO.

OP, I think you need to pay attention to your gut instinct, remember, you ARE a girl, and you've been a 10yr old girl before, your DH doesn't have that inside track, but you do. Good luck.

 

[luvsJack]

DD10 has had nothing but co-ed parties, she has boys that she has grown up with that are close friends, cousins that are boys that live close by, and I am sure an object or two of her attention has been here. Last year did include a slumber party for the girls. But we supervise the party. There is always an adult nearby until the boys leave and not too far away after that.

And I have let her go to co-ed parties because I know the parents and I know they will be supervised; but I want them supervised regardless of whether it is co-ed or not. As long as the girls leave at a pre-determined time and you plan to be in the basement with them; I just don't see the problem. I wouldn't let them play spin the bottle though.

I, personally, wouldn't leave a bunch of 10 year olds unsupervised regardless of their gender. But I think that they can have a perfectly harmless co-ed party. He is starting to like girls, that's perfectly normal. Having a well supervised, co-ed party is a good way for him to learn to socialize with the girls in a safe environment.

 

[RachelEllen]

We don't have a daughter, but if we did there's no way we would allow her to go to this party. You mentioned that the girls would have to go home at bedtime, which tells me this would be a party at night, in someone's basement. If there are girls that he wants to invite then it seems a party during the daytime would be more appropriate. Also, it's your house as much as it is your DH's, so this should be a call you both make together. JMO.

\QUOTE]

Thanks for all the replies.

It's a tough dynamic at our house, since dad already said he could do this.

Personally, it's not the coed part that bothers me. It's everything you mention (night-time, basement, spin the bottle)

This started out as a boys only sleepover plan. DH and DSS have been joking about spin the bottle for a few months now. I think DH is still thinking this is "cute." When I brought out the "sexuality" word, he about flipped and said it has nothing to do with that. DSS brought up playing spin the bottle at his birthday party, and, stupid me, said, that's going to be kind of strange with 6 boys. Hence, the plan to invite girls.

Personally, I would have said coed party would be ok with an outside the house activity (swimming, bowling, something like that)

I hate to put other parents in this position, but I'm really hoping that the girls parents will say no. Maybe that will help wake DH up, because I can't seem to do it. (I know it's my house, but you can't really "put your foot down" when its not your child. All that does is turn it into cool dad vs ****y step mom.)

 

[mamamary]

Co-ed party - yes
No to spin the bottle - I'm sure my kids have no idea of what that is (I think anyway : )
I don't like parties where you stay until practically bedtime - just my opinion.
Parties need supervision at all times esp. with that many kids.

 

[luvsJack]

Thanks for all the replies.

It's a tough dynamic at our house, since dad already said he could do this.

Personally, it's not the coed part that bothers me. It's everything you mention (night-time, basement, spin the bottle)

This started out as a boys only sleepover plan. DH and DSS have been joking about spin the bottle for a few months now. I think DH is still thinking this is "cute." When I brought out the "sexuality" word, he about flipped and said it has nothing to do with that. DSS brought up playing spin the bottle at his birthday party, and, stupid me, said, that's going to be kind of strange with 6 boys. Hence, the plan to invite girls.

Personally, I would have said coed party would be ok with an outside the house activity (swimming, bowling, something like that)

I hate to put other parents in this position, but I'm really hoping that the girls parents will say no. Maybe that will help wake DH up, because I can't seem to do it. (I know it's my house, but you can't really "put your foot down" when its not your child. All that does is turn it into cool dad vs ****y step mom.)

I think I would sit down with your husband and go over some ground rules for this party. There is no reason not to let him have a co-ed party unless what you are wanting is to have a party that you don't feel you have to supervise. I don't get the girls being there until bedtime being an issue. Its not like that gives them some kind of forbidden invite. Sounds like dad is trying to be too cool but it also sounds like you are wanting to go too far the other way. Compromise. Co-ed party with constant supervision, no spin the bottle or any other games of that type. (BTW, maybe the kid is just wanting the chance to kiss a girl and talking about sexuality is a bit over the top. It would have been when my two were 10. Their curiosity stopped at kissing)

Most 10 year old boys will talk big about playing spin the bottle or post office or whatever but would run fast in the other direction if a girl came that close to them anyway!!

 

[mickeyboat]

I wouldn't have a problem with my girls going to an evening party at a boy's house. But for any party I would want to know it was being well-supervised.

Do you have a friend or relative who might be willing to come to be a third set of eyes?

Again - plan activities (other than spin the bottle) to keep the kids entertained and out of mischief.

 

[smartestnumber5]

I'm kind of shocked that a 10 year old told his dad about his plan to play spin the bottle!

But I do remember a party when I was 11 where kids were playing spin the bottle (I think I and a couple other people sat the game out). I remember one of my friends got her first kiss with her "boyfriend" that night. (Actually now that I think of it, oddly first thing she did when her mom picked her up was told her about it! ) Other than that I don't think a lot of kissing actually occurred. We weren't in the basement, we were on the 3rd floor/converted attic in the family room type area playing board games and watching TV.

What I find interesting about this thread is that people have fears about what will happen when the girls are at the party (kissing), but no one worries about all of the things that could happen overnight when the boys are all alone.

 

[RachelEllen]

Dss did have a sleepover last year, and it was very well supervised. We made homemade pizza, did cake and presents. I ran string all over the basement which the boys had to follow to find their goody bags. Then dh took them into the woods with flashlights to tell stories and watched a movie with them until they fell asleep. While I hung out upstairs with one boy who was crying to go home whose parents come get him!

We could have included girls in any of that. My discomfort comes from the fact that spun the bottle is reason we are inviting girls. That is, there was no mention of girls before the while spin the bottle thing. Like I said, maybe I'm the old fogey and it's all cute and harmless.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Any party for ten year olds needs to be supervised regardless of the gender mix.

It's absolutely irresponsible to invite young girls and then even consider playing a sexually oriented game. It's irresponsible to even consider playing a sexually oriented game with ten year olds period.

 

[DawnCt1]

I would not support or allow a sleep over coed party at any age. What is wrong with the day time? Early evening? Taking the group for pizza and roller skating? That was the best party for my kids. No spin the bottle. No coed sleep overs.

 

[Skywalker]

No way I would let my daughter go to a party if I knew she was only there to be a contestant in spin the bottle! Teach your husband and son to have more respect than that.

Why not just have the sleepover for the boys, and then invite the girls over the next day for lunch/cake/ or whatever and then they all go home at the same time.

Oh sorry, wanted to add one more thing. I think you would be putting a lot of girls in an uncomfortable position when a lot of them might not be expecting or wanting that. Then you would be putting them in a position to succumb to peer pressure too. This is not a good idea. They are only 10!

 

[KristinBelle]

No, it's not cute and harmless, it's just wrong.

 

[DawnCt1]

No way I would let my daughter go to a party if I knew she was only there to be a contestant in spin the bottle! Teach your husband and son to have more respect than that.

Why not just have the sleepover for the boys, and then invite the girls over the next day for lunch/cake/ or whatever and then they all go home at the same time.

Oh sorry, wanted to add one more thing. I think you would be putting a lot of girls in an uncomfortable position when a lot of them might not be expecting or wanting that. Then you would be putting them in a position to succumb to peer pressure too. This is not a good idea. They are only 10!

ITA. Nor would I let my sons, including the coed sleep over part.