Spin off- Vow Renewal?

[Skywalker]

Since this question is about me, I will tell you.

When DH and I got married, we wanted a Disney with only family and close friends. My mom would not have it, and since she was paying for it, she got her way. I got married in a church with abot 300 people present and it was just to much. While I appreciated that my parents paid for it, it was not what I wanted and a lot of those people that were there, I did not barely know. They were friends of my parents and friends of DH's parents.

After that day we said that on our 10 year anniversary we were going to do it our way.
Kristine

I hope you don't talk like that in front of your parents. It seems VERY ungrateful! They put the time, effort and money towards giving you a wedding in the first place. And now, ten years later, you are still going on about how it was not exactly what you wanted?

 

[TeresaNJ]

Really? Because I remember that weding pavillion being there for a VERY long time. I remember looking at it and the GF everytime I went to Disney and dreaming of getting married there. So please don't try and tell me what I have always wanted. The GF, to me, is a very important memory for me and I have always wanted to stay there. As a little girl it looked like a fairytale.

Kristine

Sounds like a lot of people are letting their green eyed monster take over when they reply to you Kristine. I wonder if these folks are as rude in real life. I doubt it. It's easy to act all big and tough on the internet. Anyway, congrats on your vow renewal. I think they're awesome, and it's even better when they are held at Disney. I can't wait to hear all about it.

 

[connorlevismom]

It was built in 1995-you married 5 years later

The GF was built in 1988. I remember looking at it from the boat going to MK when I was smaller. My DH and I took our first trip together in 1999 and we went to Disney and I remember seeing the Pavillion and wanting to get married to him there. Enough of an explination for you?

Kristine

 

[bellebud]

vow renewal - after 10 years seems WAY too soon to me. My dh wouldn't even watch our wedding video 10 years later (we've been married 18 years). When you have kids and just living day to day life, 10 years flies by. I don't think even the 20th is something to make a big deal about - and I'd definitely not invite other people besides our children. Who would want to see a couple who is married - get married again??? I don't get it. To me it seems like "come watch us - see how much we love each other?! See?? See??"

 

[Freyja]

It seems that most people equal a VR with a big celebration with friends and family present. Do you feel any different about very private VR, where only husband, wife (and maybe their children) are present?

I´ve never been to a VR (only one friends has had one and it was very intimate with only the couple and their children present) but I don´t have anything against them.
In many ways it makes much more sense to me to celebrate 10/15/20... years together than to have 200 people present when you say your original vows, maybe even without ever having lived together and therefore no way of knowing what you´re getting yourself into.

To each their own. Why do people have the need to put others down for wanting the celebration of their dreams, if they didn´t have one the first time around???

 

[powellrj]

To each their own. Why do people have the need to put others down for wanting the celebration of their dreams, if they didn´t have one the first time around???

I am only speaking for myself, but if you want to have a vow renewal, go for it, but don't expect me to go. I can understand if you are having one because you have overcome some obstacle in your life, but to have one because you didn't get your dream wedding and you want to have it 10 years after the fact, no thanks.

 

[cheermom1]

I don't understand all the judgement on here?? I'm married 16 years, some good, some not so good and some pretty bad. I'm not into vow renewal for myself and DH but I don't understand why people care about what others do. If you're not into VR and you get an invitation, don't go Seems pretty simple to me. I'm 40 years old, I no longer do things I don't want to. I got aninvitation for my cousins 5th wedding anniversary party with a request for a donation towards a gift they wanted I RSVP'd no, made a snarky remark to my DH and that was the end of it. If someone wants to celebrate their marriage with VR, then more power to them..congrats but I probably won't attend.

While I don't want a VR I am not going to tell someone else they shouldn't have one.

I am going to have a BIG party though!!!

 

[Scurvy]

First, I think if the idea of a vow renewal makes someone happy then they absolutely should have one. I'm not sure I would really want to attend, though.

Personally, I wouldn't want one. I hear "renewal" and I think of library books. "Oh, we need to renew our vows - they're about to expire!" I think that if you meant your vows when you said them and you haven't broken them, they don't need renewing. So the concept strikes me as a little bit silly. I think the idea of a wedding "do-over" is really silly. Once you've had your wedding (even if it wasn't the one you wanted) there's no reason to have a big pretend one. It serves no purpose; you're already married.

I think it's different if you become religious after a civil ceremony and also want to be married within your new religion, or if you live somewhere that doesn't legally recognize some religious ceremonies. In those cases having more than one ceremony (one civil, one religious) makes sense.

I can also understand why a couple whose vows have been broken might want to make vows to each other again, but to me that seems like it ought to be a private thing between the couple and an officiant if they want one. I certainly wouldn't want an audience for that.

Call me cynical, but if I got an invitation to a vow renewal for a couple who have been married less than 25 years, I'd probably think that either they really wanted attention (and gifts) or that one of them cheated. Of course I know some women who spend most of their lives planning their wedding and so I guess I wouldn't be too surprised if some of them started planning renewals as soon as their weddings were over.

 

[Desnik]

Wow I really can't believe some of these responses. I can understand why some people may not want a vow renewal but to pass judgement like some of you have is really crazy to me. If someone wants to renew their vows how does that effect you? If you are invited to one and don't want to go then don't go. I think it's great when a couple wants to celebrate their love any way they want. With divorce so common shouldn't we be supportive and happy for a couple who renew their commitment to each other?

I have only been to one vow renewal and that was for my grandparents 40 year anniversary. It was at their church with a small dinner after. It was beautiful.

My Dh and I renewed our vows at Disney in Nov. We are together 16 years, married for 12 years. So it wasn't for a special anniversary. For us we did it for a couple of reasons. We never had a wedding the first time. DH and I along with our 2 kids had a horrific car accident and all almost lost our lives. We had a tough road to recovery along with a lot of other stresses. Through it all we stood strong and our marriage is better because of all we overcame. We originally planned a small event with just myself, DH and our 2 kids. When family members found out about it they all wanted to be apart of it. They love us, have seen our struggles and thought of it as a loving, joyous event. We were overwhelmed and so happy they felt that way. We had 47 of our family members at WDW with us to celebrate our love, live and family. It was an amazing day and worth every penny. I had my 83 year old grandfather get to see me in a wedding dress! He was so emotional and happy to get to be there for me.

My point in sharing my reasons is that not everyone does it to be the center of attention, or get gifts. Everyone doesn't do it because they have/had a crappy marriage.

Personally for DH and I we loved having the opportunity to express/show our love in front of the people who mean the most to us. Especially in front of our children. It really was a wonderful moment for DH and I.

 

[TiggerStac]

My hubby and I were originally planning a vow renewal for our 10th anniversary (the end of last year). We had our 3rd child mid year, so decided to put it off until our 15th.

Our reasoning....I really, really wanted to get married at Disney, my father pretty much guilted me out of it. Saying that not all of our family/friends would be able to go, etc...meaning his friends, mine would have been there. Anyways, when I gave up my dream of getting married at WDW (and yes we had met w/disney twice and were working on a date) we said we would renew our vows there for our 10th anniversary. I have several family members that were planning on attending. As soon as I found out I was prenant, we decided to hold off and told the family who was going to join us.

Everone has their own reasons...mine to have what I really wanted!

 

[connorlevismom]

Wow I really can't believe some of these responses. I can understand why some people may not want a vow renewal but to pass judgement like some of you have is really crazy to me. If someone wants to renew their vows how does that effect you? If you are invited to one and don't want to go then don't go. I think it's great when a couple wants to celebrate their love any way they want. With divorce so common shouldn't we be supportive and happy for a couple who renew their commitment to each other?

I have only been to one vow renewal and that was for my grandparents 40 year anniversary. It was at their church with a small dinner after. It was beautiful.

My Dh and I renewed our vows at Disney in Nov. We are together 16 years, married for 12 years. So it wasn't for a special anniversary. For us we did it for a couple of reasons. We never had a wedding the first time. DH and I along with our 2 kids had a horrific car accident and all almost lost our lives. We had a tough road to recovery along with a lot of other stresses. Through it all we stood strong and our marriage is better because of all we overcame. We originally planned a small event with just myself, DH and our 2 kids. When family members found out about it they all wanted to be apart of it. They love us, have seen our struggles and thought of it as a loving, joyous event. We were overwhelmed and so happy they felt that way. We had 47 of our family members at WDW with us to celebrate our love, live and family. It was an amazing day and worth every penny. I had my 83 year old grandfather get to see me in a wedding dress! He was so emotional and happy to get to be there for me.

My point in sharing my reasons is that not everyone does it to be the center of attention, or get gifts. Everyone doesn't do it because they have/had a crappy marriage.

Personally for DH and I we loved having the opportunity to express/show our love in front of the people who mean the most to us. Especially in front of our children. It really was a wonderful moment for DH and I.

What a beautiful story. What you have been through is truly amazing.

I think that a lot of people here think people do it to be the center of attention or for gifts. Sometimes maybe they do, but I don't think most do. For us, we want to celebrate with those we love most, in the place that we love most. What is so wrong with that, really? While I appreciated my first wedding, I did not feel like I could really celebrate with those who are most important to me. There were just so many people there that it was hard to talk to someone for more than 5 minutes. It is funny because I remember a lot of the day but looking at the pictures and video, I realised that I miss so much that went on! For the VR we want it nice and small so that we can have the people there that we care about most with us to celebrate. Some probably won't come and that is totally fine with me. I will not be hurt if someone does not want to spend the money to come to Disney for it. I understand it completely. Just like I understand so many people here would not go to one.

I too, was surprised when we were just talking about doing it how many people wanted to be there with us. We just mentioned that we were thinking about it (for just us and our 2 kids) one day when a bunch of us were sitting around talking and people wanted to be a part of it. Our "save the date" email just went out yesterday and we have 19 people already who want to come. So obviously in our cases (yours and mine), people do not think they are such a horrible thing and are excited to be there.


I guess the fact of the matter is that people who want to do them, don't have to have a reason why they want to do them. It really is not anyones business and I just do not see what the huge issue is. Is it that actual VR ceremony that has people undies in a bunch or it something else? Would it be different if people wanted to throw a big party at WDW and invited a bunch of people?

Kristine

 

[connorlevismom]

My hubby and I were originally planning a vow renewal for our 10th anniversary (the end of last year). We had our 3rd child mid year, so decided to put it off until our 15th.

Our reasoning....I really, really wanted to get married at Disney, my father pretty much guilted me out of it. Saying that not all of our family/friends would be able to go, etc...meaning his friends, mine would have been there. Anyways, when I gave up my dream of getting married at WDW (and yes we had met w/disney twice and were working on a date) we said we would renew our vows there for our 10th anniversary. I have several family members that were planning on attending. As soon as I found out I was prenant, we decided to hold off and told the family who was going to join us.

Everone has their own reasons...mine to have what I really wanted!

Oh boy, now your going to get it. I have the exact same reason and all of a sudden I became this demon who wanted a wedding "do-over" because I did not get what I wanted the first time.

Don't worry, I get EXACTLY why you want to do it and I think it is great.


Kristine

 

[Scurvy]

\
For us, we want to celebrate with those we love most, in the place that we love most. What is so wrong with that, really?

(snip)
I guess the fact of the matter is that people who want to do them, don't have to have a reason why they want to do them. It really is not anyones business and I just do not see what the huge issue is. Is it that actual VR ceremony that has people undies in a bunch or it something else? Would it be different if people wanted to throw a big party at WDW and invited a bunch of people?

Kristine

I think celebrating something with people you love, in a place you love, is great. But I guess I figure that's what parties are for. I think parties are great, and they are more about showing hospitality to your guests and less about asking your guests to pay attention to you. To me, re-doing the vows seems like sort of a "look at me" thing, as a previous poster mentioned. I (personally) don't see any need to re-do vows in front of other people. But of course I also don't see the need to re-do vows if you meant them the first time. It just isn't my thing, I guess.

But I do think if the couple wants a vow renewal they have every right to have it, if it will make them happy.

 

[connorlevismom]

I think celebrating something with people you love, in a place you love, is great. But I guess I figure that's what parties are for. I think parties are great, and they are more about showing hospitality to your guests and less about asking your guests to pay attention to you. To me, re-doing the vows seems like sort of a "look at me" thing, as a previous poster mentioned. I (personally) don't see any need to re-do vows in front of other people. But of course I also don't see the need to re-do vows if you meant them the first time. It just isn't my thing, I guess.

But I do think if the couple wants a vow renewal they have every right to have it, if it will make them happy.

Maybe some vow renewals are different that what we are planning. It will be a very short ceremony that plans to incorporate all the families that are joining us. There will be no formal gowns or tuxes, probaly not even any floral at all with the exception of decorations at the reception site. So no bridal bouquet or anything like that, no rose petals being thrown, no fanfare. I am even reconsidering the wedding pavillion because I really do not want an oganist and that is built in the price. The only reason I really wanted it there was because it was indoors and I am afraid it will be hot outside. I will not be arriving in the carraige or even a fancy car. I will probably arrive on the same bus that everyone else takes there. We will not say the same wedding vows as we did at our wedding we plan on saying something different so I guess I don't see that as re-doing our vows because we really are not.

The majority of this "renewal" is a party. After the "ceremony" we plan on taking everyone to a great meal with lots of chatting and fun and maybe a visit from M&M for the kids. Then after that, we plan on having everyone go to Epcot for a Dessert party to finish the night. No wedding cake or anything like that. I think the variety of desserts will be better. So for us, it really is most about the party. Maybe some people are different and that is what your thinking of. And some people want that big ceremony and that is great! It is just not me really. I hate standing up in front of people. I almost had to take valium for my wedding because I had to stand up in front of 300 people.

Kristine

 

[samshane]

My DH is currently deployed and he asked me to renew our vows when he returns. He wants it just to be us and our children - nothing extravagant or involving other people. I had thought about it in the past - but there really seemed no reasoning to it. He told me he has ideas for vows and everything - which I found to be very romantic. As my parents live in Vegas - we might do it there... though I was thinking of maybe Disney as well. We're still planning...

It has been a long and trying year for our relationship - but with 4 months left, I think we are going to make it

 

[Handbag Lady]

Since this question is about me, I will tell you.

When DH and I got married, we wanted a Disney with only family and close friends. My mom would not have it, and since she was paying for it, she got her way. I got married in a church with abot 300 people present and it was just to much. While I appreciated that my parents paid for it, it was not what I wanted and a lot of those people that were there, I did not barely know. They were friends of my parents and friends of DH's parents.

After that day we said that on our 10 year anniversary we were going to do it our way. Now we are coming up on that 10 years and we are able to do it, so we are. We want only family there, but only family who wants to come. I do not expect anyone to go, but will apprciate those who do. It is not about attention, it is about having the wedding that we wanted to have.

I do not understand people who say that your relationship much be rocky if you need to do a vow renewal. How do you have any idea? Maybe they just want to do something really special to them.

Kristine

I completely agree with you. I hope you have a great time and I'm really sorry you didn't get the wedding you wanted in the first place.

My reasons for being interested in a renewal are funny. We are in our 40's. Friends and family members have been married 2-5 times, and yes, I've been to all of their weddings (plural each).

I think we deserve some reward for staying married! Plus, I want to buy a nice dress and have cake again. If you don't like it, don't come. (PS- I would never register for gifts and we have too much stuff already.)

 

[SmallWorld71]

Since this question is about me, I will tell you.

When DH and I got married, we wanted a Disney with only family and close friends. My mom would not have it, and since she was paying for it, she got her way. I got married in a church with abot 300 people present and it was just to much. While I appreciated that my parents paid for it, it was not what I wanted and a lot of those people that were there, I did not barely know. They were friends of my parents and friends of DH's parents.

After that day we said that on our 10 year anniversary we were going to do it our way. Now we are coming up on that 10 years and we are able to do it, so we are. We want only family there, but only family who wants to come. I do not expect anyone to go, but will apprciate those who do. It is not about attention, it is about having the wedding that we wanted to have.


I do not understand people who say that your relationship much be rocky if you need to do a vow renewal. How do you have any idea? Maybe they just want to do something really special to them.

Kristine

Have a wonderful time!

 

[SmallWorld71]

I've only ever been to one vow renewal, my brother's, and I thought it was lovely! It was a great way for the family to get together, their children were lovely standing up with them and DD had a great time being a "flower girl." I did not get the impression at all that it was about gifts or attention. In fact, it was a lot more relaxed and enjoyable than most weddings I've been too with and it was not expensive. DH and I have not done one, but I don't think there is anything wrong with the idea. Won't be inviting most of those on this thread if we decide to do one, though!

 

[SmallWorld71]

Wow I really can't believe some of these responses. I can understand why some people may not want a vow renewal but to pass judgement like some of you have is really crazy to me. If someone wants to renew their vows how does that effect you? If you are invited to one and don't want to go then don't go. I think it's great when a couple wants to celebrate their love any way they want. With divorce so common shouldn't we be supportive and happy for a couple who renew their commitment to each other?

I have only been to one vow renewal and that was for my grandparents 40 year anniversary. It was at their church with a small dinner after. It was beautiful.

My Dh and I renewed our vows at Disney in Nov. We are together 16 years, married for 12 years. So it wasn't for a special anniversary. For us we did it for a couple of reasons. We never had a wedding the first time. DH and I along with our 2 kids had a horrific car accident and all almost lost our lives. We had a tough road to recovery along with a lot of other stresses. Through it all we stood strong and our marriage is better because of all we overcame. We originally planned a small event with just myself, DH and our 2 kids. When family members found out about it they all wanted to be apart of it. They love us, have seen our struggles and thought of it as a loving, joyous event. We were overwhelmed and so happy they felt that way. We had 47 of our family members at WDW with us to celebrate our love, live and family. It was an amazing day and worth every penny. I had my 83 year old grandfather get to see me in a wedding dress! He was so emotional and happy to get to be there for me.

My point in sharing my reasons is that not everyone does it to be the center of attention, or get gifts. Everyone doesn't do it because they have/had a crappy marriage.

Personally for DH and I we loved having the opportunity to express/show our love in front of the people who mean the most to us. Especially in front of our children. It really was a wonderful moment for DH and I.

What a nice post! So glad you and your family are O.K.

 

[tinkerfan1]

I think some of the posters had great reasons for vow renewals. If somebody does it for attention getting, then that's their "issue." I think it is a personal thing and a wonderful idea for a lot of people for various reasons, not for anybody else to judge. I think it would be pretty neat to do that. We did not get to go to DD's wedding, so I would love to renew our vows and have them renew them at the same time. Just our family. That's just a thought in my head...not a plan. And, where is there a more magical place than Disney World.