Spin Off of "Are we being punished..."

[CathrynRose]

On this same note - my b/f and I have been living together for 4 years.

We're perfectly happy living together, and plan on doing so *forever*. Marriage - for us - is just a piece of paper...

BUT - it's a piece of paper which would allow him to be covered under my insurance. He works for a small company (actually owned by his brother) and doesnt have any insurance.

How fair is this? We're now kicking aorund getting married - simply for this. Doesnt seem right.... when many companies would include him on my insurance if he were a she.

 

[sorcerormickey]

OMG - we are going thru the EXACT SAME THING right now!!

We have been together for going on 12 years now. As you said, marriage is just a piece of paper - what would it change?

We work for the same company - he is full-time, I am part-time. He has great insurance - I have really, really basic insurance (all that is offered for PT). I am going thru some medical stuff that I really need to be on his insurance for, but they only allow SAME SEX domestic partners. His old company (Marriott) allowed domestic partners of any combination, so I was on his insurance there.

I think it is crazy to have to get married just because of insurance, but that might be the only possibilty for us.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

If it's "just a piece of paper", and you plan on being together forever, then what difference does it make? What "doesn't seem right" about it, if you feel that way? I don't get it. It's sad that people these days have this view about marriage and committment by not taking it seriously.

 

[luvmydogs]

Gay men and women don't have the same option to be in legally recognizable marriages from which they would receive the same benefits as heterosexual couples. Companies are recoginizing the importance, relevance and integrity of same-sex relationships, and offering these benefits as a result.

I always wanted to just live together with my dh--he was the one who really wanted to get married (and 12 years later, I'll admit I'm glad I gave in ), but the lack of benefits we'd receive as opposed to a married couple were certainly things of which I was aware, understood and agreed with.

A marriage license may be just a piece of paper to you (and I'm not *in the least* saying that your relationship is not as valid or committed as a married couple), but it makes your relationship a legal one, if nothing else, and allows you the many benefits that come with this legal recognition.

 

[lulugirl]

No, I don't think you are being punished. With marriage comes benefits and risks, it sounds like you want the benefits w/ out the risks. JMO.

 

[phorsenuf]

May I ask a question and please do not take this the wrong way, but if you are planning to stay together "forever" and it's "just a piece of paper" than whats the big deal about getting married if you want the benefits. I guess I just don't understand.

If the paper is no big deal then you can have the paper and get what you want or not have the paper and get nothing.

I guess I have never understood the mentality behind "it's just a piece of paper" excuse.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I feel for you guys!

It is a benefit though and benefits are not rights. You are not one entity, therefor, they do not need to offer coverage to both.

Some employers do allow domestic arrangements in either case which is a fare thing to do.

I would assume that if the laws changed and they did have domestic gay marriage, then they would at that time be legally obligated to offer the coverage for both domestic situations or neither of them at all.

So in Massachusetts, for example--the conditions you describe would be discrimination as anyone can get married to whomever they choose.

I disagree that marriage is just a piece of paper. If it was "just a piece of paper"--then acquiring it, really wouldn't be that big of a deal. As far as the law is concerned...unless you live in a state that has common law marriage--you sadly are nothing more than roommates.

Good luck to you guys!

My sister's hubby worked for Northwest and they were allowed to declare a domestic relationship without being married. This allowed gay or straight to get certain perks and benefits for their partners without being married.

 

[tandrjohn]

No, I don't think you are being punished. With marriage comes benefits and risks, it sounds like you want the benefits w/ out the risks. JMO.

 

[experiment626mom]

Do you have common law marriages in your state?? I would look into that as an option.

 

[CathrynRose]

If it's "just a piece of paper", and you plan on being together forever, then what difference does it make? What "doesn't seem right" about it, if you feel that way? I don't get it. It's sad that people these days have this view about marriage and committment by not taking it seriously.

It *doesnt* make a difference - thats the point. Nothing "doesnt seem right" about it. We feel we're a couple, married or not.

We do have a commitment to each other - neither of us are religious, so *in our opinion* (only only ours...) marriage would be done through a Church.

Please dont say it's "sad" the views people have on commitment, by not taking it seriously. We've been together longer then some people have been married! Longer then *I* was married, previously....

We are commited - kind of the whole point of "Why cant he be on my insurance"?

 

[dadto1girl]

Marriage is more than a piece of paper, its a legally binding piece of paper. Sounds like the above poster stated. I want the benefits, but not the responsibility.

 

[CathrynRose]

No, I don't think you are being punished. With marriage comes benefits and risks, it sounds like you want the benefits w/ out the risks. JMO.

I dont see how wanting ONE benefit (insurance) but not wanting the risks is an argument - when we own property together, as well as other "risks" married couples have...

 

[CathrynRose]

OMG - we are going thru the EXACT SAME THING right now!!

We have been together for going on 12 years now. As you said, marriage is just a piece of paper - what would it change?

QUOTE]

We're obviously in the minority....

 

[dcgrumpy]

The difference is you have the option of getting married and choose not to. A gay couple isn't choosing not to get married like you are, they can't.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

We are commited - kind of the whole point of "Why cant he be on my insurance"?

B/c legally you have not declared your commitment.

Legally you are not declared one entity.

Legally--you are owed nothing for that relationship.

For all your company knows--legally--he's nothing more than a roommate...if he even appears on the lease to begin with (if you were in an apartment).

There is no legally way for a same sex couple to declare a legal domestic partnership. They are offered the benefit of insurance for their partners--probably as an additional perk to keep the employees who fall under that bracket or to entice future employees that your company would be a good one to come to.

You are not being treated unfairly until the day that a same sex partnership can be made legal via marriage in your state...and then and only then if they insure the married partners and continue to insure the same sex but not married partners and do nothing for heterosexual unmarried but committed couples.

You might check the laws in your state--as there are many other things that you and your partner are not each entitled to unless it is expressed in a legal form of writing.

That piece of paper that you feel is so much nothing--is everything.

 

[JMD]

you sadly are nothing more than roommates.

Exactly. If they extend insurance benefits to you, then they would have to extend them to all people who just live together. What is the difference?

 

[lil mermaid]

There are lots of companies out there that offer benefits to "domestic partners", whether they are of same sex or not. Maybe you should go work for one of them. I was eligible for benefits through DH's company before we were married (I still kept my own through my job, though because it was less expensive that way.)

I agree with the others - if it is "just a piece of paper," what is the big deal?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I dont see how wanting ONE benefit (insurance) but not wanting the risks is an argument - when we own property together, as well as other "risks" married couples have...

Insurance is for dependents! Your boyfriend is not your dependent--in legal mumbo-jumbo-speak!

And a benefit is a benefit. Your company doesn't have to offer insurance at all.

 

[Laura]

I agree that you should have the option of health care coverage with or without a marriage licence. And I understand how you can be committed without a wedding; I definitely felt "married" to my DH before our ceremony. I got the piece of paper simply because I wanted us to be legal. I didn't think much about the benefits/perks of legal marriage.

So it's really up to you, how important the insurance is and if you want to get married to have it. I didn't find that getting a piece of paper changed my relationship with my DH, and I imagine that marriage mostly likely won't change your relationship, either. It's all in how you look at it.

 

[phorsenuf]

We do have a commitment to each other - neither of us are religious, so *in our opinion* (only only ours...) marriage would be done through a Church.

I don't understand this part. My DH and I went to a justice of the peace. You don't have to get married in a church for it to be recongnized.

Go to town hall, get the piece of paper, say I do and you're done.

Now you can have all the benefits you want.