My dd is 23. She never had a boyfriend in high school...she was more than a little dorky, with low self-esteem. Well...she got to college, and bloomed. And of course, fell for the first guy to show an interest (2 months after starting classes!). She has been with him ever since! She is a beautiful young lady...far from her former dorky self!! This young man flamed out of college, fall of his senior year. He has severe anxiety issues. He has worked summer jobs only, at a nearby theme park. He has allowed his parents to basically support him. Dd moved to Orlando to do the College Program at WDW. She knew she wasn't coming home, since she graduated college last May. Okay, we're good with that. The boyfriend moved down in mid-Jan. Hasn't worked yet!!! He just got a job at US/IoA, starting in June. Dd has an interview there this week...she's been done with the DCP for about 2 weeks now.
This relationship looks serious...and we are not pleased. This young man shows no ambition whatsoever. He stays up until 3am, playing video games, sleeps until 2pm!! He has the social graces of an amoeba!!! He is obviously uncomfortable with us (rightfully so at the moment!!). But, we have tried including him, buying him gifts when suitable. Never a thank-you..for anything. We took him to DL, as part of dd's graduation gift, last May. When my dd thanked us, at the airport when leaving CA, he quickly said 'Yeah, thanks!'. He has allowed our dd to pay for whatever he wants in Fl...leading to her inability to pay her bills.
Now...before anyone 'goes there'...we get it. She's an adult and can make her own choices. And she has. And they have been pretty crappy ones so far. While we blame her for allowing this to go on (she should have been telling him no, I can't afford to do that), we put some of the blame at his feet. He should have gotten a job when he got there and contributed to the expenses. But he didn't. Mommy and daddy paid his rent and car payment!!
So, I can well understand the OPs feelings. It's so hard to see our kids making bad choices. Especially when we know that they are going to lead to disaster. While I understand that there are 19 y/o's out there who are mature enough to marry and make a go of it, to think that a young woman, who has had no relationships what-so-ever, and met someone online, only to meet and get engaged, shortly after meeting in person? Then to cut her dad out of her life because he told her how he felt? I'm sorry. That's wrong. I've been brutally honest with my dd...she knows that no one in her family cares for her boyfriend, and the same goes for the majority of her friends. So, if she continues down this path, and gets hurt, she has no one to blame but herself. The same with OP's dd. But man, it's hard to sit by and watch. The only redeeming thing I can see happening is that the marriage will end badly. Dad and step-mom can be there to help pick up the pieces (with no I told you so's!!), and then be there when dd matures and is in a healthy relationship.
No one has said, but how old is the groom-to-be?
Tough one for sure; I'm also not one that can easily sit idle while somebody I love runs head-long into trouble. I don't expect them to automatically do what I tell them but it just doesn't seem right to at least not try to talk sense.
