Spending money...

[STAYC18]

Actually, your question was


It didn't becaome about gifts for mom until people called you out on the original question. You don't even know if Mom wants them to bring back gifts. For all you know she will tell them not to worry about her just go and have a good time.

And you answered my question. No, your husband does not send extra money when their mom takes them places on the weekend. By your standards he really should just in case they want to buy him something. Child support isn't used for things like that.

excuse me...post #3 i reposted to exactly what i meant...cuz post # 2 said Wouldn't the father handle that and thats what made rephrase what i wanted to convey... if you missed it not my fault... you should of seen that, and said to yourself oh she reposted and that's what she meant... don't think you did...

 

[tyzzle]

for a monent regarding your christmas...

ok two kids age 7/11 close in age right...

the 11 year old wants a: Ipod Touch -$200

the 7 year old wants a barbie 10$, cd $15, justin beiber $25, polly pocket $20pillow pet $20, roller skates $20...-$200

same amount $ spent on each kid, 1 gift vs. 6 gifts

equal or not equal...

my response to this is you are getting older and the things you want are going to be alot more expensive then what your sister wants... therefore that is why you have one and she had six...



What about

its a tough one...

I spent about $250 on my five year old for Christmas, this was for three expensive things, I bought a pile of gifts for my one year old and it cost $75. By no means equal, but completely fair considering their ages.
Quit digging your hole. For all we know when with the girls you could be a wonderful mom, but you obviously feel resentment on some level, and that is all that is coming through tight now. Justifying your need to withhold things from your daughters is sad. You need to let go.

 

[Alesia]

for a monent regarding your christmas...

ok two kids age 7/11 close in age right...

the 11 year old wants a: Ipod Touch -$200

the 7 year old wants a barbie 10$, cd $15, justin beiber $25, polly pocket $20pillow pet $20, roller skates $20...-$200 sorry math is off but you get the point...

same amount $ spent on each kid, 1 gift vs. 6 gifts

equal or not equal...

my response to this is you are getting older and the things you want are going to be alot more expensive then what your sister wants... therefore that is why you have one and she had six...

its a tough one...

Equal isn't the point. The scenario you described above is fair. Fair doesn't necessarily mean equal. You need to treat all of the kids fairly, and that means that you won't always be able to treat them equally.

Here's another scenario for you: say you had an 8 year old and a 17 year old. You set an 11:30 curfew for the 17 year old. Do you think the 8 year old should also have an 11:30 curfew? Of course not. Deciding that they should have the same curfew because they should be treated equally would be preposterous. You make decisions based on what is fair, taking each child's individual circumstances into consideration.

 

[STAYC18]

Where did the $100 life sized Mickey come from?

thats what one child choose she wanted for a souvenir...

 

[tyzzle]

thats what one child choose she wanted for a souvenir...

Just another insane hypothetical situation.

 

[Nancyg56]

for a monent regarding your christmas...

ok two kids age 7/11 close in age right...

the 11 year old wants a: Ipod Touch -$200

the 7 year old wants a barbie 10$, cd $15, justin beiber $25, polly pocket $20pillow pet $20, roller skates $20...-$200 sorry math is off but you get the point...

same amount $ spent on each kid, 1 gift vs. 6 gifts

equal or not equal...

my response to this is you are getting older and the things you want are going to be alot more expensive then what your sister wants... therefore that is why you have one and she had six...

its a tough one...

It really is not tough. My children are all about two years apart. They were all very different and their needs and wants were all different. Their Meme had always made a practice of spending the same amount of money on each of her children and giving the same amount of gifts. As a result the siblings were always keeping score. I made up my mind that would not happen to mine.

It seemed every year one of the kids got more than the others. It was not intentional, it just happened. The next year it happened to another. As they grew older if one needed or wanted something special I got that, eventually it all evened out. They are 32, 34 and 36 now and to this day they are generous with each other and never begrudge if I do something for one but not all. They know there will come a time I step in for them.

Your analogy would be a little off in my home. No one would get one 200 dollar gift while the other got 25 smaller gifts. I would take the $600 allocated for shopping and get a few little things to go with the expensive gifts and the little one would still be getting plenty. Just not necessarily the exact dollar amount.

Once again my opinion regarding the difference between "fair" and "equal".

 

[declansdad]

They have their own money (received from birthdays) and money you are going to give them (your post #3). Their own money and money from a parent yet you have gone on and on about this for 17 pages.

Keep telling us that this is about the money because evetually we'll all believe you.

 

[PebblesMK]

now your taking this a bit overboard...

so what if my son was 10 years old....he still gets less cuz he doesn't have another family

or he might get more stuff cuz my sister and my mother are there... (which he's not but i'm just making that point)

same amount= no hurt feeling, or resentment toward their siblings...

I think you're getting a little bit confused. As the mom of an 11 year old, and an aunt of a 15 month and 3 year old, I can tell you there is a big difference.

The differences between a 7/11 year old and a 15 (20) month old is huge. Giving your son the same amount is not smart. At that age, anything shiny will cause him to want the item. You'd have his money spent before you leave the airport. As a parent, you have control to say no. His "wants" aren't really wants.

I see the point in wanting to be fair, but it just isn't that way when the ages are so different. And let's face it, the older girls get, the more expensive their taste.

Unlike others, I do think a set limit is a good thing. It will teach them responsibilty with their money. However, you and your husband need to explain a few things to them. Look at the Disney website, let them know things are pretty expensive there and the money will be gone quickly if they're not careful. If they choose to buy something for their family (with or without their help), they need to be told how sweet they are to think of others before them. You already said that they won't be walking away with nothing, as you will buy all the kids a few things.

Last night my niece, daughter and I made "Disney banks" and decorated them. They both know that if they want a bit of extra money while there, they can help out around the house to EARN money before we go. Since the girls are older, offer them the opportunity to make some money to bring so there's even more for them to work with.

It sounds as though there will be plenty of Disney trips in the future, so you don't need to go crazy with souvenirs. But given the amount you're spending on the trip, don't let a few dollars upset you.

 

[Magic Mom]

excuse me...post #3 i reposted to exactly what i meant...cuz post # 2 said Wouldn't the father handle that and thats what made rephrase what i wanted to convey... if you missed it not my fault... you should of seen that, and said to yourself oh she reposted and that's what she meant... don't think you did...

Oh, I didn't miss it. I just know that if that's what you meant, that's what you would have posted. You changed your story after things went south.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

when with their mother their step-dad is their financial responsibilty plus my husband child support...

Let's just not even go here. But I can't say I'm surprised that you chose to.

 

[ccgirl]

thats what one child choose she wanted for a souvenir...

Huh? The 15 month old choose that or did someone choose it for him? I'm sure the 15 month old would "pick" anything put in front of him such as a $20 Mickey.

 

[marmalade]

Huh? The 15 month old choose that or did someone choose it for him? I'm sure the 15 month old would "pick" anything put in front of him such as a $20 Mickey.

I am pretty sure it was one of the daughters that wants this. However even if my one of my kids wanted this, there would be no way in H E double hockey sticks I would allow them to spend $100 on a life sized Mickey Mouse.

 

[STAYC18]

It really is not tough. My children are all about two years apart. They were all very different and their needs and wants were all different. Their Meme had always made a practice of spending the same amount of money on each of her children and giving the same amount of gifts. As a result the siblings were always keeping score. I made up my mind that would not happen to mine.

It seemed every year one of the kids got more than the others. It was not intentional, it just happened. The next year it happened to another. As they grew older if one needed or wanted something special I got that, eventually it all evened out. They are 32, 34 and 36 now and to this day they are generous with each other and never begrudge if I do something for one but not all. They know there will come a time I step in for them.

Your analogy would be a little off in my home. No one would get one 200 dollar gift while the other got 25 smaller gifts. I would take the $600 allocated for shopping and get a few little things to go with the expensive gifts and the little one would still be getting plenty. Just not necessarily the exact dollar amount.

Once again my opinion regarding the difference between "fair" and "equal".

and that is what i think, if the older wants and expensive gift either save up some money from birthday and christmas and me and dad will help you with what ever you need to complete the transaction...if they both wanted one then diffterent story...which now at the ages they are they both pretty much want the same thing... i told my husband if they both want Nintedo DS's than thats what they get...not 20 other things to make it look like they have tons of presents to open... besides they get gifts from their mom, her parents, the step dads family, my husbands parents, his sisters, my mother and my sister...which is significantly enough...

 

[ccgirl]

I am pretty sure it was one of the daughters that wants this. However even if my one of my kids wanted this, there would be no way in H E double hockey sticks I would allow them to spend $100 on a life sized Mickey Mouse.

Oh, I thought it was the baby. I COMPLETELY agree with you if that's what the older child wanted...no way!!!

I always tell my kids that I have veto power. Besides, how the heck would I get that back on the plane???

 

[marmalade]

Oh, I thought it was the baby. I COMPLETELY agree with you if that's what the older child wanted...no way!!!

I always tell my kids that I have veto power. Besides, how the heck would I get that back on the plane???

Not only the plane, but I know I would give myself a heart attack if I went into my kids room at night and saw a life sized anything in their bed.

 

[DisneyMomma81]

I am pretty sure it was one of the daughters that wants this. However even if my one of my kids wanted this, there would be no way in H E double hockey sticks I would allow them to spend $100 on a life sized Mickey Mouse.

I'm thinking that's another assumption on OP's part.

OP ~ no, if my children were going somewhere with their dad *doesn't happen* I would not expect something nor would I send money with them in order for them to purchase something for me.

I hope you all enjoy your visit!

BTW - my kids are "on" their 2nd step mom, she's expecting a baby in Oct. She's already not taking on the role of step mom very well *IMO* I worry how things will be when baby *her 1st* shows up. I'll hope for the best. My ex told me - "If their wasn't a baby on the way, we'd probably have already split up"!!! They got married on 2/29/12

 

[STAYC18]

Oh, I didn't miss it. I just know that if that's what you meant, that's what you would have posted. You changed your story after things went south.

how did i change it after things went south... all i saw before i fixed what i meant to say...the second post was

Wouldn't their dad take care of that?

I'd encourage them to save up some money if they wanted extra spending money...

nothing from that post had any intention of "going down south"

what made me change it... was her saying wouldn't the dad take care of that and from my first post i new i needed to try and word it better...

#3--no we are giving them spending money but when it gone ....but i would hate for them to use their spending money to buy their mother, step dad, and 2 siblings souvieres (sp)...thats all... i think it would be rather nice if their mother gave them $$ and said pick us out something...

maybe i could of worded that differently too, but how anybody got out of that i resent my step children, their mother, and that i hate them to no end, and thinking i"m the most evil person on this earth...is beyond me... yeah its hard to write what you actually think or mean to say but you all could of asked me nicely what i was trying to say if you didn't understand my question...

 

[STAYC18]

thats what one child choose she wanted for a souvenir...

really no one can tell i'm kidding... it was about being able to purchase one thing or being able to make several resonable purchses with their spending money...

 

[STAYC18]

I'm thinking that's another assumption on OP's part.

OP ~ no, if my children were going somewhere with their dad *doesn't happen* I would not expect something nor would I send money with them in order for them to purchase something for me.

I hope you all enjoy your visit!

BTW - my kids are "on" their 2nd step mom, she's expecting a baby in Oct. She's already not taking on the role of step mom very well *IMO* I worry how things will be when baby *her 1st* shows up. I'll hope for the best. My ex told me - "If their wasn't a baby on the way, we'd probably have already split up"!!! They got married on 2/29/12

thank you...

 

[declansdad]

how did i change it after things went south... all i saw before i fixed what i meant to say...the second post was

Wouldn't their dad take care of that?

I'd encourage them to save up some money if they wanted extra spending money...

nothing from that post had any intention of "going down south"

what made me change it... was her saying wouldn't the dad take care of that and from my first post i new i needed to try and word it better...

#3--no we are giving them spending money but when it gone ....but i would hate for them to use their spending money to buy their mother, step dad, and 2 siblings souvieres (sp)...thats all... i think it would be rather nice if their mother gave them $$ and said pick us out something...

maybe i could of worded that differently too, but how anybody got out of that i resent my step children, their mother, and that i hate them to no end, and thinking i"m the most evil person on this earth...is beyond me... yeah its hard to write what you actually think or mean to say but you all could of asked me nicely what i was trying to say if you didn't understand my question...

It wasn't that statement that led people to believe you have issues with your step-daughters. It was most of the others you posted.