Spending money...

[ccgirl]

And the 15 month old needs to have the same amount of money gifted to the older children.............................

By being fair yes...

I treat all my kids fairly...

I don't think a 15 month old and an 11/7 year old is the same thing. The 15 month old does not understand the concept of money and cannot understand the concept of picking out gifts for others.

I really hope you just drop this and enjoy them as it sounds like you do on the weekend. Do you expect her to send money with them every weekend?

In this situation, no I would not give them money. Heck, I don't give them (my own children) money now. They are expected to earn it. We have the talk on the first day about how when it's gone it's gone so choose wisely. I would do the same for them...Suzie and Annie you each have $40. You can spend it as you like but when it's gone it's gone so choose wisely.

The biological mother should not have come into play at all since it's the biological dad that's taking them. When the mom takes them to day trips to the zoo, the mall whatever - does your DH send money?

 

[crashbb]

Fair doesn't mean equal.

Exactly. Each child will have different needs at different times. A 15 month old does not need his own spending money on a trip in order for things to be fair.

 

[STAYC18]

Fair doesn't mean equal.

Ok so if I give them an extra $20 i need to give my son an extra $20 so its equal...

 

[STAYC18]

Exactly. Each child will have different needs at different times. A 15 month old does not need his own spending money on a trip in order for things to be fair.

well maybe with that extra $20 can pick something out for his Great gandmother and his auntie, that is looking after great grandmom while were gone...

 

[Nancyg56]

oh and also people keep saying have their father take care of it and pretty much for me to butt out... but i'm not since THEIR my children too...

either I accept and treat them like i would do with my own son (which are rules, disipline and structure) or stay out of it and let their father make the rules for them only..

which is it?

I believe the post that is showing here is yours, not mine.

You are comparing apples to oranges if you want to compare a 15 month old baby to 7 and 11 year old children. What is appropriate for one may not even apply to the other. In this case your baby does not have siblings left behind while he vacations. He does not need to choose how to spend his money. DO you withhold something from the older ones because the baby cannot have it? DO the older children have to stay off of attractions not appropriate for the baby?

I believe that you are trying to justify a decision that you have already made. Folks here are trying to tell you that the kids are with their father. He is responsible for their financial needs on the trip. If they go with their mother she is responsible for their financial needs. Period. I know that I feel that there is a vast difference between the life of your own child and that of your husbands children and while I do not believe in overcompensating I do think that allowances should be made when there are extenuating circumstances.


You want to justify a petty decision by saying you are just trying to make all the children the same you are entitled to do so but don't think that you are fooling anyone. No one here believes a baby should have the same rules, money and structure of older children. That makes not one bit of sense.

 

[crashbb]

well maybe with that extra $20 mason can pick something out for his Great gandmother and his auntie, that is looking after great grandmom while were gone...

How? He's 15 months old. He is unable to pick up something for his Gradmother and his auntie.

Seriously, now you are just being stupid on purpose.

If you really don't get the difference between "fair" and "equal", you've got a lot of learning to do as you tackle parenting. I'm sorry for everyone involved.

 

[Nancyg56]

Ok so if I give them an extra $20 i need to give my son an extra $20 so its equal...

I give up.

 

[declansdad]

Ok so if I give them an extra $20 i need to give my son an extra $20 so its equal...

No that isn't what that means. The needs and wants of your 15month old son at WDW will be completely different from the two girls. For one, the girls will remember the trip and appreciate what is going on.

Treating the the same doesn't mean they all get the same amount of money. What exactly is your son going to tell you he wants? The girls will see souvenirs they would like to have for themselves and possibly for their other loved ones. They will have a greater need for more money than your son. If you give them all the same amount and they spend it all, it will be you that is spending your son's money not them.

Do you expect to treat them exactly the same in all things? For example, I would think your son's bedtime (and possibly naptime) would be very different than the two girls.

 

[STAYC18]

I believe the post that is showing here is yours, not mine.

You are comparing apples to oranges if you want to compare a 15 month old baby to 7 and 11 year old children. What is appropriate for one may not even apply to the other. In this case your baby does not have siblings left behind while he vacations. He does not need to choose how to spend his money. DO you withhold something from the older ones because the baby cannot have it? DO the older children have to stay off of attractions not appropriate for the baby?

I believe that you are trying to justify a decision that you have already made. Folks here are trying to tell you that the kids are with their father. He is responsible for their financial needs on the trip. If they go with their mother she is responsible for their financial needs. Period. I know that I feel that there is a vast difference between the life of your own child and that of your husbands children and while I do not believe in overcompensating I do think that allowances should be made when there are extenuating circumstances.


You want to justify a petty decision by saying you are just trying to make all the children the same you are entitled to do so but don't think that you are fooling anyone. No one here believes a baby should have the same rules, money and structure of older children. That makes not one bit of sense.

ok so what do i do when my son still has money left and i keep buying him things that he likes and the girls are all out of their money...and they say well we want something too its not fair... well it is fair/equal because you choose to buy that $100 life size Mickey...

when with their mother their step-dad is their financial responsibilty plus my husband child support...

 

[ccgirl]

well maybe with that extra $20 can pick something out for his Great gandmother and his auntie, that is looking after great grandmom while were gone...

Right...but you would be picking it out not your DS.

 

[marmalade]

ok so what do i do when my son still has money left and i keep buying him things that he likes and the girls are all out of their money...and they say well we want something too its not fair... well it is fair/equal because you choose to buy that $100 life size Mickey...

when with their mother their step-dad is their financial responsibilty plus my husband child support...

Where did the $100 life sized Mickey come from?

 

[declansdad]

ok so what do i do when my son still has money left and i keep buying him things that he likes and the girls are all out of their money...and they say well we want something too its not fair... well it is fair/equal because you choose to buy that $100 life size Mickey...

when with their mother their step-dad is their financial responsibilty plus my husband child support...

Your son is 15 months old, he will say "I want" to everything.

Your last sentence is not a sentence and makes no sense.

 

[tyzzle]

ok so what do i do when my son still has money left and i keep buying him things that he likes and the girls are all out of their money...and they say well we want something too its not fair... well it is fair/equal because you choose to buy that $100 life size Mickey...

when with their mother their step-dad is their financial responsibilty plus my husband child support...

What the hell does child support have to do with any of this

 

[ccgirl]

ok so what do i do when my son still has money left and i keep buying him things that he likes and the girls are all out of their money...and they say well we want something too its not fair... well it is fair/equal because you choose to buy that $100 life size Mickey...

when with their mother their step-dad is their financial responsibilty plus my husband child support...

What you are not seeing is that it is your spending money and you are choosing to spend it on him. A 15 month old is too young to have a set amount of $$ to spend since he doesn't even understand the concept. If you are purchasing the $100 life size Mickey then, yes, you should purchase them something in kind.

Lets not go there with child support. You said when with their mother the step-dad is their financial responsibility along with your DH's child support. I guess using that analogy, you as the step mom are financially responsible during the trip along with the money the mom pays while the children are in her care. Therefore, she should not be expected to have to help at all.

 

[mjkacmom]

Ok so if I give them an extra $20 i need to give my son an extra $20 so its equal...

NO! I know you were thrown into a family with kids of different ages, but no, just because older children have $20 to spend doesn't mean the baby gets $20 to spend to make it fair. That's insane. When my twins were babies, I certainly didn't spend the same amount on them at Christmas that I did for older kids. If dd7 got a ds, I'm not going to spend hundreds of dollars on fisher price toys, especially since they'd be happy with the box.

Fair and equal are not the same when it comes to siblings. Some kids will have more expensive hobbies, some more expensive medical expenses. I would try to give the same amount of gifts at Christmas, but I certainly didn't spend the same amount - little kids have no idea how much you spend on them.

A month after your ds gets home from vacation, it will probably be forgotten. Those girls will remember it for years. You can't compare toddlers with older kids.

You are coming into the parenting game late when it comes to older kids - take your lead from their biological parents, who've been at this longer.

 

[STAYC18]

No that isn't what that means. The needs and wants of your 15month old son at WDW will be completely different from the two girls. For one, the girls will remember the trip and appreciate what is going on.

Treating the the same doesn't mean they all get the same amount of money. What exactly is your son going to tell you he wants? The girls will see souvenirs they would like to have for themselves and possibly for their other loved ones. They will have a greater need for more money than your son. If you give them all the same amount and they spend it all, it will be you that is spending your son's money not them.

Do you expect to treat them exactly the same in all things? For example, I would think your son's bedtime (and possibly naptime) would be very different than the two girls.

now your taking this a bit overboard...

so what if my son was 10 years old....he still gets less cuz he doesn't have another family

or he might get more stuff cuz my sister and my mother are there... (which he's not but i'm just making that point)

same amount= no hurt feeling, or resentment toward their siblings...

 

[declansdad]

now your taking this a bit overboard...

so what if my son was 10 years old....he still gets less cuz he doesn't have another family

or he might get more stuff cuz my sister and my mother are there... (which he's not but i'm just making that point)

same amount= no hurt feeling, or resentment toward their siblings...

If your son was 10 years old your way of thinking would make some sense but he is not 10 years old, He's 15 MONTHS old. He wont even have a concept of what WDW is let alone what he wants to buy.

Does he do all his own shopping now?

 

[STAYC18]

NO! I know you were thrown into a family with kids of different ages, but no, just because older children have $20 to spend doesn't mean the baby gets $20 to spend to make it fair. That's insane. When my twins were babies, I certainly didn't spend the same amount on them at Christmas that I did for older kids. If dd7 got a ds, I'm not going to spend hundreds of dollars on fisher price toys, especially since they'd be happy with the box.

Fair and equal are not the same when it comes to siblings. Some kids will have more expensive hobbies, some more expensive medical expenses. I would try to give the same amount of gifts at Christmas, but I certainly didn't spend the same amount - little kids have no idea how much you spend on them.

A month after your ds gets home from vacation, it will probably be forgotten. Those girls will remember it for years. You can't compare toddlers with older kids.

You are coming into the parenting game late when it comes to older kids - take your lead from their biological parents, who've been at this longer.

for a monent regarding your christmas...

ok two kids age 7/11 close in age right...

the 11 year old wants a: Ipod Touch -$200

the 7 year old wants a barbie 10$, cd $15, justin beiber $25, polly pocket $20pillow pet $20, roller skates $20...-$200 sorry math is off but you get the point...

same amount $ spent on each kid, 1 gift vs. 6 gifts

equal or not equal...

my response to this is you are getting older and the things you want are going to be alot more expensive then what your sister wants... therefore that is why you have one and she had six...

its a tough one...

 

[Magic Mom]

my question was... Would you send your child with money to have them purchse you, their step dad, and two other siblings souvenirs...

and their mother does not tell my husband anything in advance what she does with the kids... and if we knew they were going to Disney or anyother lavish trip, I (we) would give the girls money to have them pick us out a magnet/ornament for us and something small for their brother and what ever was left buy yourself something... have a great time... kiss and hugs and see ya when you get back...

Actually, your question was

STAYC18
Mouseketeer

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: TAUNTON, MA
Posts: 263

Spending money...

Question: if your children are going to Disney with their dad would you send them with spending money....

It didn't becaome about gifts for mom until people called you out on the original question. You don't even know if Mom wants them to bring back gifts. For all you know she will tell them not to worry about her just go and have a good time.

And you answered my question. No, your husband does not send extra money when their mom takes them places on the weekend. By your standards he really should just in case they want to buy him something. Child support isn't used for things like that.

 

[Nancyg56]

when with their mother their step-dad is their financial responsibilty plus my husband child support...

...............and here it is. I figured if you rattled around trying to make your case long enough we'd see this come out.

What the hell does child support have to do with any of this

It was always about the child support. OP figures Mom gets support for the children and if she wants her children to be able to buy gifts for their siblings she can did it out of the child support Dad sends. IF she does not then the kids can make their own choices on how to spend money doled out my their stepmother.

same amount= no hurt feeling, or resentment toward their siblings...

The 15 month old cannot even think about this so leave the baby out of it. You are the one filled with resentment so own that. I would have had more respect for you if you just came out with this in the beginning.

"I married a man who had children. He is obligated to give their mom money towards their support. This money has a negative impact on my own child so I expect that their mother will make sure that if she wants them to be able to buy souvenirs for her side she can take it out of the child support. If not the kids are on their own."

I would not have agreed but I would have respected that you were honest.

You made a conscientious choice to marry a man who had children. There was never going to be equality between all the kids, yours is 5 years younger than his. You have confused "fair" with "equal" and have allowed all of your resentment to spill out here. If you have hidden it from the kids, that is good. You did not bury it here. Again, some of us remember how you did not want to include the children on this trip and your reasoning for that. I commend you for reconsidering that decision but you still have a ways to go before you really can say you have accepted these children.