Spending money...

[Magic Mom]

OP, are you the poster that wanted her stepkids to ask people to give them Disney gift cards for their birthday so they could use them for spending cash?

Did you do that for your own child?

 

[STAYC18]

OP, are you the poster that wanted her stepkids to ask people to give them Disney gift cards for their birthday so they could use them for spending cash?

Did you do that for your own child?

why yes I did...and when the girls have their birthday party with their dad.. their grandparents and an aunt, and my mom and sister (which are going on the trip too) are gonna give them some cash along with their dad and I... and for my son he is only 15 months old and I did put his cash he got for his 1st birthday aside for this trip...

 

[Magic Mom]

why yes I did...and when the girls have their birthday party with their dad.. their grandparents and an aunt, and my mom and sister (which are going on the trip too) are gonna give them some cash along with their dad and I... and for my son he is only 15 months old and I did put his cash he got for his 1st birthday aside for this trip...

So they are using THEIR money for their mom's gift?

 

[STAYC18]

So they are using THEIR money for their mom's gift?

and thats fine they can use THEIR money...i just think she shouldn't want them to use THEIR money on her, husband and other siblings (which maybe they won't even think about getting them something)... they should spend THEIR money on themselves and the things THEY want... and if THEY want to spend THEIR money on buying souvenires for MOM and everyone else, they are more than welcome too, i am by no means discouraging that...but when they ask for something for themselves and they had spent all THEIR money...sorry but you spent all YOUR money, maybe next time when we come you can get it... simple... they get what they get and don't get upset....

 

[Nancyg56]

So they are using THEIR money for their mom's gift?

I have always gotten the impression from the OP posts, especially those from that trainwreck of a thread I remembered when she was upset that she needed to include the stepchildren, that she just was being petty about money that she could not control. It is clear that these children are not hers, not biologically, not emotionally. THis was never about money. IT was about control and petty nastiness.

I used to work with women like this one. They dated men who had kids, looooooooved the kids. Right until they got married and began "their own" family. I remember asking one woman about the children and her answer was that the kids lived with their mother. Never thought about the very real possibility that the children would be a part of her family and they they may end up living with their father.

Kids are so often used in relationships. "I love your kids! I want your kids!" And then that all changes when they no longer fit into the program. "Why should I give them money, that is what child support is for." "Why should we take them with us, my own child should benefit from our money, their mother can do it." " Why should I fund their purchase of a trinket for Mom.....let her pay for it!"


I get so angry when I see threads like this one. AS I said upthread, I have three children from a previous marriage and the vast majority of my DH family never saw them as family. I am pretty sensitive to this kind of animosity toward children. Two weeks ago DH Mom passed away and I had several of his cousins for lunch and told one how lovely her granddaughters were. I was told she did not have any. Those young ladies are not her grands, they are her sons daughters And she wonders why that son has next to no contact with her. I could not help pointing out that my son, who was having a very nice conversation with her was not Buddy's bio son either but he was real all the same.

The Op may not even realize how she begrudges these kids but the reality is that she does and they know it.

 

[Alesia]

Stacy - You'll be dealing with your husband's ex-wife until your step kids are grown (and maybe longer.) That's the commitment you made when you marred your husband - whether you realized it at the time or not. The next couple of decades are going to go a lot more smoothly if you learn to pick your battles. $50 or so in spending money isn't even something to bad an eyelash at.

 

[Magic Mom]

and thats fine they can use THEIR money...i just think she shouldn't want them to use THEIR money on her, husband and other siblings (which maybe they won't even think about getting them something)... they should spend THEIR money on themselves and the things THEY want... and if THEY want to spend THEIR money on buying souvenires for MOM and everyone else, they are more than welcome too, i am by no means discouraging that...but when they ask for something for themselves and they had spent all THEIR money...sorry but you spent all YOUR money, maybe next time when we come you can get it... simple... they get what they get and don't get upset....

So you're saying that if your stepchildren generously use the birthday money they got (because you insisted they get Disney spending money for their birthday from their aunts and grandparents) on gifts for their other family, you would refuse to give them any extra money because they should have thought about that BEFORE they bought their mom a gift?

wow, wow, wow, incredible.

 

[Nancyg56]

and thats fine they can use THEIR money...i just think she shouldn't want them to use THEIR money on her, husband and other siblings (which maybe they won't even think about getting them something)... they should spend THEIR money on themselves and the things THEY want... and if THEY want to spend THEIR money on buying souvenires for MOM and everyone else, they are more than welcome too, i am by no means discouraging that...but when they ask for something for themselves and they had spent all THEIR money...sorry but you spent all YOUR money, maybe next time when we come you can get it... simple... they get what they get and don't get upset....

Earlier you wondered why folks got all fired up. This tone is why. This was never about money. It is about how you are ready to punish those kids if they choose to buy their family gifts from their spending money. Instead of being recognized for their generosity they will be told "Sorry little interloper, you spent your money on your Mother so go without!"


You better hope that your husband is not taking notes from you on how children from previous marriages should be treated. You may think giving the kid some spending money is the answer but the reality is that it is not. You can give your kid money but you will not be able to ensure that your child is really accepted in the new family and before you tell me that you and your DH are a forever couple............he and his previous wife thought that as well. Before the divorce. AND their kids were just along for the ride it seems.

You say that Mom never takes them on vacation but you cannot even manage to have any compassion for the children who are your child's siblings. like it or not. Not to mention those siblings who never get to go on a vacation. So if your stepchildren want to give souvenirs to kids who would never otherwise get them they will be made to go without.


You really want to be a positive person in their lives? You offer to take them to choose special gifts for those at home. You make them understand that you love them and understand that it is a good thing to think of their siblings. You won't though because you cannot get past the fact that their mother is your DH ex.

You can continue to try to change your story here as you have in several previous posts but then you come back and make a statement like the one I quoted and the veil is lifted and we all see you.

 

[STAYC18]

So you're saying that if your stepchildren generously use the birthday money they got (because you insisted they get Disney spending money for their birthday from their aunts and grandparents) on gifts for their other family, you would refuse to give them any extra money because they should have thought about that BEFORE they bought their mom a gift?

wow, wow, wow, incredible.

no...they will only have so much money WHEN ITS GONE ITS GONE....Same with my son....

gotta keep it even..RIGHT?

 

[Alesia]

and thats fine they can use THEIR money...i just think she shouldn't want them to use THEIR money on her, husband and other siblings (which maybe they won't even think about getting them something)... they should spend THEIR money on themselves and the things THEY want... and if THEY want to spend THEIR money on buying souvenires for MOM and everyone else, they are more than welcome too, i am by no means discouraging that...but when they ask for something for themselves and they had spent all THEIR money...sorry but you spent all YOUR money, maybe next time when we come you can get it... simple... they get what they get and don't get upset....

There's a pretty good chance that your child will have a step mother some day. I hope you'll go back and re-read your posts and think about how you would feel if it was coming from your kid's step mother instead of you. If you're any kind of mother at all, the idea of someone speaking about your child this way will break your heart.

 

[marmalade]

no...they will only have so much money WHEN ITS GONE ITS GONE....Same with my son....

gotta keep it even..RIGHT?

Why is there so much speculation? Why don't you set a dollar amount and then discuss with the girls who they want to buy for and help them purchase things for everyone leaving money for them to get something for themselves. It seems you are trying to make this a HUGE issue when really it is pretty petty.

 

[Magic Mom]

no...they will only have so much money WHEN ITS GONE ITS GONE....Same with my son....

gotta keep it even..RIGHT?

I have no doubt that things aren't ever going to be even for those kids, unless dad puts his foot down (and that doesn't seem likely.)

 

[STAYC18]

Earlier you wondered why folks got all fired up. This tone is why. This was never about money. It is about how you are ready to punish those kids if they choose to buy their family gifts from their spending money. Instead of being recognized for their generosity they will be told "Sorry little interloper, you spent your money on your Mother so go without!"


You better hope that your husband is not taking notes from you on how children from previous marriages should be treated. You may think giving the kid some spending money is the answer but the reality is that it is not. You can give your kid money but you will not be able to ensure that your child is really accepted in the new family and before you tell me that you and your DH are a forever couple............he and his previous wife thought that as well. Before the divorce. AND their kids were just along for the ride it seems.

You say that Mom never takes them on vacation but you cannot even manage to have any compassion for the children who are your child's siblings. like it or not. Not to mention those siblings who never get to go on a vacation. So if your stepchildren want to give souvenirs to kids who would never otherwise get them they will be made to go without.

You really want to be a positive person in their lives? You offer to take them to choose special gifts for those at home. You make them understand that you love them and understand that it is a good thing to think of their siblings. You won't though because you cannot get past the fact that their mother is your DH ex.

You can continue to try to change your story here as you have in several previous posts but then you come back and make a statement like the one I quoted and the veil is lifted and we all see you.

and thats why i think their mother should give them some money to get those gifts so they don't have to go without...

 

[Alesia]

and thats why i think their mother should give them some money to get those gifts so they don't have to go without...

You really don't get it, do you? At first I thought you were just being spiteful, or that you were a troll, but I'm actually starting to believe that you really don't know any better.

Yes it will be nice if their mom sends them some spending money (and I still don't know why you're so sure that she won't,) but to make this big of a deal over $50 is so beyond petty.

 

[Nancyg56]

and thats why i think their mother should give them some money to get those gifts so they don't have to go without...

and yet you are willing to let them go without if they want to be generous to their siblings. Over less than 100 dollars.

You cannot control how that the mother is not going to give the kids money to enjoy on a trip with the two of you. I don't understand that either but I imagine it has a great deal to do with how she feels about you and her ex. Again, not fair to the kids but at this point they don't seem to matter in the battle of principles between the adults in their lives.

I understand that you resent her, fine. I would probably think her priorities are off kilter too. What I cannot ever justify is how that resentment is spilling onto the children. These innocent children are going to have to make the choice to buy a souvenir for themselves or to spend their money on the children who probably would never get the opportunity to travel to Disney. You are using "Even Steven" to be mean to those kids and that is was is disgraceful IMO.

I asked my DH about this last night and he was shocked that this was even a blip on your radar. His first instinct was to worry about the kids not going. You know...........that other family your children are a part of. He said that he would buy for all the kids and the mother so that the children could enjoy their trip.

 

[STAYC18]

You really don't get it, do you? At first I thought you were just being spiteful, or that you were a troll, but I'm actually starting to believe that you really don't know any better.

Yes it will be nice if their mom sends them some spending money (and I still don't know why you're so sure that she won't,) but to make this big of a deal over $50 is so beyond petty.

so when they have a set amount to spend, i"m suppose to give them more...

i guess money grows on trees where your from...

 

[Magic Mom]

and thats why i think their mother should give them some money to get those gifts so they don't have to go without...

Their father is taking them on vacation. It is his resposibility to give them spending money. She did not get to decide on the plans, so why should she fund any of it? Does your husband send them spending money for the things they do with their mom? If they go to the zoo, does he send cash? If they go to ChuckieCheese (sp?) does he send money so they can play extra games?

 

[declansdad]

and thats fine they can use THEIR money...i just think she shouldn't want them to use THEIR money on her, husband and other siblings (which maybe they won't even think about getting them something)... they should spend THEIR money on themselves and the things THEY want... and if THEY want to spend THEIR money on buying souvenires for MOM and everyone else, they are more than welcome too, i am by no means discouraging that...but when they ask for something for themselves and they had spent all THEIR money...sorry but you spent all YOUR money, maybe next time when we come you can get it... simple... they get what they get and don't get upset....

How old are the girls that will be going with you?

 

[Alesia]

so when they have a set amount to spend, i"m suppose to give them more...

i guess money grows on trees where your from...

This has nothing to do with money. The fact that you can't see that is frightening.

 

[ccgirl]

Why is there so much speculation? Why don't you set a dollar amount and then discuss with the girls who they want to buy for and help them purchase things for everyone leaving money for them to get something for themselves. It seems you are trying to make this a HUGE issue when really it is pretty petty.

GREAT post!

and thats why i think their mother should give them some money to get those gifts so they don't have to go without...

Umm...what about dad??? Mom is not going on the trip with them and not responsible for a thing as far as I'm concerned. Make sure when you use money for *your* son it comes out of *your* money and don't use any of your DH's.

Their father is taking them on vacation. It is his resposibility to give them spending money. She did not get to decide on the plans, so why should she fund any of it? Does your husband send them spending money for the things they do with their mom? If they go to the zoo, does he send cash? If they go to ChuckieCheese (sp?) does he send money so they can play extra games?

Exactly!

OP - how old is your son?