Speaking of affairs......

[trip]

Would you want to be told?

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

Yes - but only if the person had proof. I don't want to hear second hand stories or theories.

You should post a poll...

 

[edandcolleen1995]

Of course. Why in the world would you not want to know?

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

It depends.

If my DH "slipped" one night on a business trip, regretted it, and it never happened again, I'd rather not know. If he were having an on-going affair, then yes, I'd rather be told.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

It depends.

If my DH "slipped" one night on a business trip, regretted it, and it never happened again, I'd rather not know. If he were having an on-going affair, then yes, I'd rather be told.

I voted yes because to me the term "affair" means an on-going relationship over a period of time. Now I agree if it were a one night fling while out of town, no I don't want to know.

 

[MAKmom]

I voted I would rather remain in the dark.

If my DH had an affair or one night stand I would not want him to tell me to make HIM feel better.

Now if I was in an unhappy marriage & paranoid that he was having an affair & my friend new it to be true it would be kind to tell me

 

[Handbag Lady]

Yes, I would want to be told.

Even if it was a one-night "slip" I would want to know so that I could file for divorce. I don't believe in slips, by the way.

My marriage is based on love and trust and monogamy. If either of us have an affair, the whole thing would be ruined and I would want out.

 

[trip]

I voted yes because to me the term "affair" means an on-going relationship over a period of time. Now I agree if it were a one night fling while out of town, no I don't want to know.

How many one night fling while out of town would it take for that to be a problem for you?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I would want to know. A one night slip wouldn't change my love for my wife one bit. A relationship would leave me searching for answers, but if our love was still alive, I would fight to hold onto her.

If I found out that a friend or family member knew and did not tell me, I would never speak to that person again...

 

[NMAmy]

Yes, I'd want to be told--no matter if it's one time or an ongoing thing.

My ex did have an affair and I was actually devestated to find out that a good friend knew about it and hadn't told me. It was like being betrayed twice. The friend came to me later and apologized and told me that he just didn't know what to do--he wasn't sure if I'd hate him for being the bearer of the news. I think a lot of people feel this way and I did forgive the friend.

For this very reason, even if the person who was the betrayed spouse got angry with me about it, I would tell if I knew their spouse was having an affair. That's just not the kind of information I would keep to myself regardless of the consequences.

 

[Acklander]

Another one who wouldn't want to know if it was a one night stand, but would want to know if it was ongoing. To me, a one night stand is a slip up - just a physical thing, but an ongoing affair would mean he probably fell in love with someone else.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

How many one night fling while out of town would it take for that to be a problem for you?

Only one...I'm assuming that knowing my DH he would be remorseful and it wouldn't happen again. If it was happening every time he was out of town that would be a different story.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

Another one who wouldn't want to know if it was a one night stand, but would want to know if it was ongoing. To me, a one night stand is a slip up - just a physical thing, but an ongoing affair would mean he probably fell in love with someone else.

Yes, as I've gotten older, I've found that I am much more understanding than I used to be about the concept of a slip-up (although as far as I know, neither DH nor I ever have). Although I wouldn't be happy about it, I could much easier accept a physical betrayal than an emotional betrayal. I think my relationship could get past the first, but I would have a hard time forgiving the second (mostly because that would mean my DH isn't the man I think he is).

 

[Zandy595]

Told by whom? A friend/family member or your spouse? It's humiliating either way.

I would want to find out on my own. At least I would feel like I had some control in the situation.

Wow, I am amazed at the people who would rather be left in the dark about a "slip". I will not be made a fool of. In my opinion, once a cheater always a cheater. I would never trust the person again.

 

[EthansMom]

If the teller had first-hand information, I'd want to know. If they are speculating or "heard through the grapevine", then I don't think it's appropriate for them to stir up drama.

And cheating, whether it's a one night stand or a long-term fling, is cheating, in my book.

My DH and I both agree that fidelity is a matter of trust and respect and that we respect each other enough that we'd discuss it AHEAD OF TIME if one of us wants to check out the grass on the other side of the fence.

 

[MAKmom]

Told by whom? A friend/family member or your spouse? It's humiliating either way.

I would want to find out on my own. At least I would feel like I had some control in the situation.

Wow, I am amazed at the people who would rather be left in the dark about a "slip". I will not be made a fool of. In my opinion, once a cheater always a cheater. I would never trust the person again.

I understand what you are saying. But I have such a happy life I cannot imagine my Dh having a slip...I would be devastated & not recover. If he was a cheater our marriage would have been a lie....so I can not even wrap my head around it. I would rather not know & remain happy at this point in life. What if it was 20 years ago?

 

[LuvOrlando]

OF course this is obvious, but I would prefer to not even remotely consider the possibility.... even wondering about it makes me a little ill.

 

[sbell111]

It depends.

If my DH "slipped" one night on a business trip, regretted it, and it never happened again, I'd rather not know. If he were having an on-going affair, then yes, I'd rather be told.

Agreed.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

It depends.

If my DH "slipped" one night on a business trip, regretted it, and it never happened again, I'd rather not know. If he were having an on-going affair, then yes, I'd rather be told.

Yanno, I had never thought about it this way... but I think I agree....
I could forgive a 1-time physical relationship, I don't think I could forgive an emotional connection with someone else.

If the teller had first-hand information, I'd want to know. If they are speculating or "heard through the grapevine", then I don't think it's appropriate for them to stir up drama.

And cheating, whether it's a one night stand or a long-term fling, is cheating, in my book.

My DH and I both agree that fidelity is a matter of trust and respect and that we respect each other enough that we'd discuss it AHEAD OF TIME if one of us wants to check out the grass on the other side of the fence.

I'd want it to be my SO to tell me, not someone else. And, my DBF and I had this conversation too...if we ever even remotely thought it'd be a possibility that we would cheat, we'd tell each other ahead of time that it's obviously not working with us...

 

[Arielle22]

Dh and I both feel any cheating is a deal breaker. I understand the concept of "it's only physical" but then I think, "So if it is only physical why didn't you say no?"

I have always said "If you cheat she better be good because it won't be me again".