Now that we were set up in our luxurious accommodation our remaining days in Vegas all followed a similar pattern. Breakfast of cereal in the room (Deb and Alexandra had called in to Walgreens and picked up supplies plus bowls, spoons, etc. the night before) followed by an hour or so at the pool and then out and about before coming back to get ready for the evenings entertainment. Consequently it is hard now to remember exactly what happened each day so instead I will take you through the highlights, which may or may not be out of sequence.
The Pool at Caesars
The pool complex is a grand affair that is very well themed but is currently spoil by the building work that had woken us up our first night here. There are three pools; a round one and two rectangular ones, although one of them was adults only i.e. topless or European as the Americans tastefully call it. And no, I didn't check it out. We settled on the round pool which I think had a little more shade and was closer to the hotel so not so far to reach the safety of the air conditioning once we started to overheat. This usually took somewhere between an hour to an hour and a half. One day Deb actually looked like the proverbial lobster and I worried that she might pass out before we got inside. It was that hot. I don't think we ever stayed down at the pool beyond midday so it was never overcrowded or full of poseurs. The kids and I had fun in the pool but then we always manage that regardless of whether we are in an expensive setting like this or a budget hotel in Florida. Give us a water ball or a game of tag and that's all we need to keep us entertained.
One day, possibly our first, I was approached by a guy in the pool who wanted to know how I was able to take photographs under water with my camera. I explained that it was waterproof and gave him a demonstration, which impressed him greatly. We got talking and he asked us where we were from, if we liked Manchester United, the typical stuff you get asked when people know you are from the UK. He had an olive complexion and I had assumed he was from somewhere in the Middle East. I asked where he was from and he told me to guess. What do I say? I didn't want to offend him. It was bad enough when I once asked a New Zealander what part of Australia he was from. I was considering which country would get me in to the least amount of trouble when he started pulling a really strange face and saying 'can't you guess?' When placed under that kind of pressure my first thought is to panic, which is another hereditary flaw of mine and probably where Charlotte gets it from, sorry again dear. He looks like he really needs to go to the bathroom and I wonder how that helps me guess his nationality when I suddenly twig. Like when you stare at one of those 3D pictures for ages and it suddenly emerges. He's doing Marlon Brando from the Godfather and the resemblance is uncanny. How didnt I see it before? Of course this means that he's Sicilian. Birthplace of the you know what. And we are in Vegas which was built by the you know who. I wonder if he is one of them but think better of asking. How do you broach a subject like that in any case and what would I do if he said yes? He seems too friendly and too open to be a made guy and happily poses for photographs with us. In fact he insists and under the circumstances I am reluctant to say no. He takes a nice picture of us all as a family and then asks me to email him details about the camera as he wants one now. I wonder if what he is really saying is that he wants me to give him mine. Having never been in this situation before I don't know what to do. He asks to borrow the camera to show his wife and family so I hand it over and part of me is resigned to the fact that it may not come back. It's only a camera after all, not worth having my legs broken. He tells me his name and email address and then asks me to repeat it. No bloody chance. When it comes to names I have the memory of a goldfish and the second it leaves his mouth I know I'm in trouble. He has to say his name several times over and is beginning to look at me like I'm an idiot. In the end Alexandra bails me out by writing it down and thankfully we are able to go about our business. I never did send him the details though... probably 'cause I couldn't get the bloody laptop to connect to the internet or possibly because I didn't want my name suddenly appearing on the FBI's wanted list or being asked to perform a favour for his cousin back in London if you know what I mean?
Before we leave the pool I must talk about the waitress service. Mostly mature ladies although not as mature as the ones in the Casino itself (who were quite shockingly ancient, sorry girls) wearing gold bikinis with little wraparound skirts. These were not exactly tasteful but still quite nice to look at. There was one however, who I was quite taken with and I'm not sure why exactly although the female members of our party would probably beg differ. Perhaps it was because she had a little more meat on her than the others - she would have been considered skinny in the 50's if you know what I mean? She has a touch of the Burlesque about her if that helps paint a better picture. Now there's a thought I probably shouldn't have conjured at seven o'clock in the morning. Let's just say she was a bit on the curvy side. And I, quite possibly, fell head over heels in lust. Whenever she walked past she'd smile and say 'can I get you something hon?' I am ashamed to admit that even though I am in my mid 40's I occasionally have the mind of a horny teenager. I am sure I blushed every time she looked my way and hoped that she didn't notice. I could have easily spent a fortune on drinks most days but my bladder thought better of it plus we had places to go and things to do and being inebriated wouldn't help (it was also only around 9.30 or 10 oclock in the morning). It's true what the experts say about sunshine and heat. It does make you randy. Note to wife, I don't think I should ever be allowed in Vegas on my own. Moving swiftly on...
Blue Man Group
Thursday I visited the Concierge desk and asked him if he could get tickets for shows at other hotels. No problem, he said. What would you like to see? Nick, Lucy and I had decided earlier that we wanted to see the Blue Man Group at the Venetian while Deb and Alexandra preferred the idea of shopping at the large mall a little further down the strip. A quick phone call and we were sorted. Good tickets as well front and centre in the last row of the first block of stalls. Deb dropped us off and it felt quite strange walking through the hotel with just the two kids in tow. Typically the theatres were located at the very back of the casino in what looked like a street with entrances to each one. There was a comedian (cant remember who) and Phantom of the Opera as well as the Blue Man Group. We got drinks and went in. The venue filled quickly and the show started promptly at 7:30. It was LOUD so much so that I wondered if Lucy would be able to cope. Luckily she managed fine and it was only loud while there was music, which is only part of the show. How do you describe the Blue Man Group? Even now, several months after the event I still couldnt summarise it easily but it still makes me smile whenever I think about it. I would happily go again as I am sure would Nick and Lucy. There were some real laugh-out-loud moments and a gross one that I dont like to think about too much. At one point, when the Blue Men were climbing over the back of our seats to find someone to help them out I wondered if Lucy would be okay. I could feel her shrinking and grabbing my arm but luckily they kept their distance and found their victim several rows behind us. The music and visuals were great and the hour and 45 minutes flew by. The ending was particularly memorable with the paper being pulled over the heads of the entire audience back to front. It was really heavy and later Nick and I discussed how we thought that Charlotte might have had a panic attack had she been with us.
Right at the very end Lucy turned to me and said that she needed the toilet and was busting. This is where being seated in the last row really paid dividends as Nick jumped over the back of his seat and took her to the bathroom. Hes a good boy. They came back in just as the show was ending but they didnt miss much and had experienced the best bit so I was glad about that. I dont know exactly what Deb and Alexandra got up to so Ill leave it for them to tell you. I know it involved boots and jeans and lots of money, Thank God the credit crunch hadnt hit back in August is all I can say. Deb: Yes youre right it did involve boots for Alexandra and jeans for the both of us, but they are the best jeans in existence called Not Your Daughters Jeans. The Fashion Show Mall was really quiet and it was lovely to go shopping. Back to Mark now - Unfortunately the show had lasted longer than we had anticipated so I wasnt surprised that the girls had been circling the strip for quite some time. We saw them just as they were about to pull off for another lap and happily got in and headed back to the hotel.
A Well Earned Rest
Friday was the one day where we had nothing planned for the evening. The previous two nights had been brilliant and I think we all felt happy to play things by ear today because Saturday and Sunday were all about Cirque. Needless to say I cant remember what we did. I know what we didnt do and that was go visit the Red Rock canyon or Hoover Dam as the kids didnt seem to be in the least bit interested which was disappointing. I get the feeling we could have driven all the way to the Grand Canyon and they would have gone oh look, its a big hole in the ground. Is there a swimming pool?
There is a good chance that we visited yet another Wall-Mart in search of more underpants for our son. I think he may have been wearing two pairs at a time given the rate hes been going through them. I hate to think how many pairs he actually packed in his case to come away with cause I swear weve been buying pants for him every few days from the moment we landed two and a half weeks ago. On our way back from wherever I fancied something to eat and the decision was made to have a quick drive-thru at McDonalds. I pulled up to the window to collect the order and then froze when I saw a huge insect moving down the wall right next to us. I dont know what it was exactly but a cricket on steroids would be a reasonably close approximation. The girl at the window looked equally horrified when I pointed it out and asked her what it was. So much so that she called her friend over and then quickly shut the window. I wasnt taken any chances either as I swear it was looking at the open window and preparing to join us for lunch. For a fleeting moment I imagined the effect it would have on the kids hopping around them in the van, and then I remembered that I would also be screaming with them and so quickly grabbed the drinks and parked up around the front for the food to be delivered. The Latino girl who had served us came out with the food a short while later. When she had given me the drinks Id noticed that she was very pretty, in the classic girl next door way, but when she smiled it was something else even in her McDonalds uniform and without any trace of make-up. She was a natural beauty and I still cant believe that of all the places we went in California and the array of women we encountered on our travels, a girl working in McDonalds was far and away the prettiest one we saw and had the most radiant smile. As we drove out of the restaurant car park Deb wanted to go back and tell her. I suspect it would have either made her day or made her call the police and for that reason I decided we had other places to be. I do hope she gets a better job at some point but doesnt end up being sucked into the Vegas glitz and all that entails.
This is probably an appropriate time to mention the billboard sign that you see as you take the freeway to the airport which offers ladies $500 to stay an extra night in town. Providing they are happy to appear in an adult video of course. I dont know whether this is exclusively for the internet or if it will end up on a DVD that you can rent or purchase (as a keepsake) at some point in the future. I looked across at Deb on our last day but the expression on her face told me that she already knew what I was thinking and that for the sake of my general wellbeing Id be better off keeping any ideas I had about extending our vacation to myself.
We shopped for me while we were in Vegas and one afternoon in particular we had one hell of a thunderstorm with water literally gushing down the streets. When we got back to the hotel they said on the news that there had been serious flooding in Henderson, which was a town between the strip and the Hoover Dam. So in a way it may have been fortuitous that we had not gone there that afternoon. The shopping was pretty poor to be honest in comparison to other years. There wasnt much that really grabbed me so we concentrated on finding a pair of black trousers for work and that was pretty much it. Ok, there were a few other bits and pieces but not as much as I was expecting.
We also saw a fair bit of the Olympics on TV first thing in the morning and while we were getting ready to go out at night. The coverage was typically American i.e. only cover those sports where an American was guaranteed a medal, preferably a gold one. The fact that this was the opening week and the swimming was in full swing tells the tale perfectly. It was Michael Phelps this and Michael Phelps that. Now I am not knocking the blokes achievement or their interest in it BUT I am sure there were lots of other events taking place. And here is one of the reasons why I think Americans have such a hard time outside of their own country. They dont care about anywhere or anyone else. Have absolutely no interest in them whatsoever which I acknowledge could be regarded as either arrogant or ignorant or a combination of the two. Now you could argue that the fault lies squarely on the shoulder of the American media and their blinkered coverage but I suspect that it is more a cultural thing and if the likes of NBC, ABC, CBS and FOX extended their view of the world people would either turn off or complain. In fact Id bet that would be their argument for keeping things the way they are. Thats enough of the social commentary. Next topic...
One evening Deb and Alexandra went for a walk around the Forum shops to find out if there was an entrance to the Mirage hotel where we were going to see LOVE on Sunday night. I dont know what they did apart from finding an impressive bendy escalator and the aforementioned entrance. Deb: we didnt do anything else just had a look at what shops were there and found the exit/entrance.
Wide Shoes
At some point during our first two days in Vegas we saw the wide-fitting foot store and made a mental note to visit on our return from Hollywood. Of course we didnt know that we would spend $650 on shoes including three pairs for Alexandra at the outlet stores in Camarillo. So I am not sure what made us head there apart from curiosity and a subconscious, some would say pathological, desire to spend the remainder of our money. I cant say I was expecting too much as we pulled up outside. The store front was large enough but the area it was in had seen better days and there werent many other cars, maybe one in fact, parked out front. The minute we walked in a very nice lady smiled and asked us if we needed any help. Now I could go into a rant here about how we are always ignored by the staff whenever we walk into a shop in the UK but I understand that some English people like it that way and hate the American approach, so I will refrain. However, in my experience if you tell an American salesperson that you are fine and are just looking 9 times out of 10 they will back off and leave you to get on with it. Id rather be acknowledged than feel like I am putting someone out by asking them a question which happens to me regularly when we are at home. I probably didnt refrain at all did I? Oh well its good to get things off your chest every once in a while and the so called service we get in the UK bugs the hell out of me, in case you hadnt realised.
Buying shoes for Alexandra is very frustrating as almost nothing ever fits because the poor girl has been cursed with the oddest shaped feet. Not that you would notice from a cursory glance. They look perfectly normal but try to put them inside a shoe, any shoe or boot for that matter, and thats when the fun starts as I can almost guarantee you it wont be possible. Its not just that they are wider than average, its far more complicated than that but I cant tell you exactly why. Instead I suggest you have a look yourself the next time you see her and then perhaps you can explain it to me along with the dodgy ankle and more recent, soon to be diagnosed (hopefully), cheese ball complaint.
Anyway, I was upfront with the sales lady and presented her with the gruesome facts, which she took onboard without flinching whatsoever. No problem she smiled, show me what type of shoes you like and Ill head out back to get see what options we have for you in that style. The only other customer in the store looked over to me and said I come here all the time and they will find something, dont worry, theyre very good. And she wasnt wrong and the choice was very impressive. No matter what style of shoe we looked at they had plenty of options to choose from and although not all of them fitted, the majority did. I dont think I have seen my daughter so happy. It actually brought a tear to my eye. Especially as when we had tried to find her some new shoes online earlier in the year the hideous selection we were presented with had her in tears. I felt so bad that I promised her we would find something in America but I had no idea we would stumble on such a goldmine. Needless to say we got carried away but given the circumstances it would have been criminal not to. I like shopping in the States. Im not such a fan of the malls but I like the idea of pulling up to a shop and then going in and spending as long as it takes. And we must have taken a good hour or so. Deb even got in on the act when she actually found a decent (i.e. hot) pair of boots that fitted her calves perfectly. Of course we had to persuade her to buy them as per usual because they were too expensive but she gave in eventually and would have regretted leaving them behind for sure. We headed back to the hotel knowing that Alexandra was now kitted out for practically any occasion. What an incredible result. The manager handed me their business card with website address and assured me that they ship worldwide. Buying shoes online is risky though which means well have to come back here in the next couple of years and, providing the recession doesnt turn into a full-scale depression, I dont have a problem with that.
Our second and final Taco Bell was in Vegas and the hot chili chicken wrap that had gone over so well on our way back from LA was a little too fiery this time around. So much so that Deb had to remove the green chilis one by one as she encountered them and although I stuck with it as best I could my eyes were watering to the point of tears. My bottom would pay for it later no doubt. When we first sat down in the restaurant we were approached by a young girl who asked for some change so that she could call someone. We duly obliged but instead of going to find a phone she went back and sat with her boyfriend and proceeded to do nothing. I wondered if it was a scam but if it was it wasnt going to make them rich. We were then approached by someone who was deaf and dumb and wanted to sell us a flag pin for a small donation. It was bizarre and uncomfortable and I wondered who we would encounter next. Feeling a little exposed we decided to leave as quickly as possible. I now understand why the drive thru is so popular over here.
We also encountered beggars at traffic lights during the day in the heat which really isnt funny. One day a van in front of us handed the guy yoghurt and a spoon which he took gratefully. We didnt have any food or water (which would have been even better) so handed him a dollar instead. Later I read that these poor people were controlled by gangs who took most of the money they made but allowed them to work their patch. I hate it but what can you do?
O
Saturday afternoon was spent in the room preparing for the evenings entertainment. We all took turns in the enormous tub and on more than one occasion the bubbles threatened to spill onto the bathroom floor. Suitably dressed up for a night out we headed back over the bridge into the Bellagio for O. On our first trip to Vegas this was the show that blew Deb and myself away and so we were super excited to be able to take the kids. There is something electric about going to the theatre anywhere but that feeling is amplified in Vegas I think. Our seats were perfect, front and centre, although quite some way back from the 5th row seats wed had on our first visit.
The show starts with a procession of performers coming through the audience and they were an odd looking bunch but the kids are used to Cirque shows and so took it in their stride. From our vantage point we could see a lot more of the opening than we had seen before and my initial impressions were that this might be an even better experience. However it didnt take long to realise that something was missing and I think it was more about our vantage point than my familiarity with the show, although I am sure that played a part. Being down the front was a more involving experience, I felt like we were part of the dream before whereas this time we were merely observers. Dont get me wrong, the show is still a phenomenal work of art and I would happily recommend it to anyone as a must-see event but when the show ended tonight I was left feeling underwhelmed and I think Deb felt the same way. Even the kids were muted in their enthusiasm and I wondered if it was my fault, that my prior enthusiasm for the show had created unrealistic expectations for them. We wandered from the theatre and out into the heat of the strip to watch the fountain show. It was packed out front and we struggled to find a good spot. Frank serenaded us with Luck be a Lady while the water squirted and spurted, swayed and swooshed in time with the music. It was an impressive spectacle that was over too soon but Illuminations still gets my vote.
All you need is L.O.V.E.
Sunday was our last full day in Vegas and tonight we are going to see L.O.V.E. next door at the Mirage. Originally we had planned to see O on our last night but they didnt have the tickets available so we had to swap nights. I wondered at the time whether our last night might turn out to be an anti-climax because of this, knowing how good O was and not knowing how Cirque and the Beatles would work as a piece of theatre. We walked through the Forum shops, down the windy escalator (impressive), across the road and into the Mirage, which was buzzing. I expect every weekend in Vegas is like this and I can see how this place could become addictive as pure escapism from the daily grind of our regular lives. I could easily spend a week in Vegas just visiting the different hotels, taking them in and deciding which ones I like the best. Deb and Alexandra queue for drinks in the theatre bar while we wait for the doors to open. Before long we are shown to our seats in the strangest theatre I have ever seen. Is it square or round or something else entirely? Im not sure. The stage is in the middle and it looks like the view will be good from any seat in the house. We are quite central which I am happy about. People are taking photographs left, right and centre with their digital cameras and I spend an entertaining few minutes watching the ushers do their best to prevent them from doing so and then have the cheek of bringing over an official photographer to take their picture instead. We dont have a camera so dont get told off but I decline their offer in any event. The tickets were expensive enough.
It turns out they were worth every penny (or dime). I was quite literally blown away by the experience. It was a visual and musical feast that I cant begin to describe. We tapped our feet, sang, laughed and gasped at various points through the show. The stage had a life of its own changing shape regularly, ticker tape rained down during All You Need is Love and I wondered if this is what a good trip felt like, man. It was certainly a very surreal, dreamlike experience that was totally immersive. I really didnt want it to end but like all good things, when the end came I could take comfort in the fact that I filed out into the foyer on a complete high. It was absolute genius and the perfect end to a wonderful holiday. I will definitely see it again and so must you.
Home
In the morning we packed and checked out reluctantly as I really didnt want to leave. We headed up the strip towards the airport and stopped at the outdoor shopping mall that we had visited on our first morning to buy my football magazines almost three weeks ago. Why does time go so fast when you are having fun? Who had the idea of having an open mall in Vegas? It must have been well over 100 degrees. The layout of the mall was unusual as the shops were set in small streets. We parked behind a row of shops and found some more tops for Charlotte and a t-shirt for Nick. I dont think we had the room in our luggage for anything more. We ate our last meal in a very quiet burger restaurant just outside the airport. Rather than us all taking the van back and then struggling to get our luggage on a coach for the airport I decided that it would be better to drop Deb and the kids off at McCarren and then I would take the van back on my own. The temperature outside of the terminal building read 114 degrees and I could believe it. The dry heat does make it more bearable though. The queue at the check-in desk was pretty small but obviously Deb couldnt check in until I got back. Alexandra decided to accompany me and we find our way without too much trouble although getting to the Dollar parking area was a bit of a trial. Inside the terminal we got stuck behind an English couple who we had seen park up in the wrong place (which they knew) and so not get a ticket from the Dollar guy and were now complaining that there was nobody in the car park to give them a ticket. I so wanted to point out their blatant lie but somehow bit my tongue. Luckily someone stepped in and served us before I reached breaking point. Flying home is stressful enough for me at the best of times.
We arrived back at the airport 45 minutes later and typically the queue had now grown and Deb was almost at the exit waiting for us. We snaked our way around and eventually made it to the front where we met the biggest idiot of the trip. And he worked for Virgin. I wont bore you with the details but he was the most rude and unhelpful person I have ever met in that capacity. I still have no idea what his problem was but he was clearly having a bad day. After that I think we all just wanted to get on the plane and go home. The departure lounge here is a joke and I am sure there is even less here than there was the last time. We had a delay before take-off and were sitting on the plane away from the terminal for over an hour, it was very hot and I think a lot of people were going to ask if we could get off when we carried on to taxi. The take off was not as bumpy as the landing but it wasnt far off it and that set the tone for the rest of the flight pretty much. I dont think there was an hour when the seat belt sign wasnt on. The route home took us right across America for some reason and Deb nudged us all as we flew over Chicago and the view of the Windy City at night was truly spectacular. I dozed rather than slept as per usual and promised myself (again) that one day I would experience what it is like to actually sleep on a plane.
Early morning Gatwick is always a shock to the system but at least our rides home were waiting for us. We loaded the cars and made our way home to a stack of bills, 473 unread emails (mostly junk) and 10 suitcases of dirty clothes that will take days to wash and iron. Id like to say its good to be home but Id be lying. We had a great time but still left with things to see and do so there has to be a next time and thats what makes being home bearable.
Whether we manage to go away in 2009 very much depends on how the New Year starts job wise. Its not looking good with the BBC reporting more gloom and doom every day and the value of Sterling being at an all time low doesnt help much either. I want to visit Texas soon and California again. I also want to see New York and go back to Florida, maybe to experience another Christmas there. The fun never ends its just a shame the money does.
Heres hoping the New Year is better than expected.
The Pool at Caesars
The pool complex is a grand affair that is very well themed but is currently spoil by the building work that had woken us up our first night here. There are three pools; a round one and two rectangular ones, although one of them was adults only i.e. topless or European as the Americans tastefully call it. And no, I didn't check it out. We settled on the round pool which I think had a little more shade and was closer to the hotel so not so far to reach the safety of the air conditioning once we started to overheat. This usually took somewhere between an hour to an hour and a half. One day Deb actually looked like the proverbial lobster and I worried that she might pass out before we got inside. It was that hot. I don't think we ever stayed down at the pool beyond midday so it was never overcrowded or full of poseurs. The kids and I had fun in the pool but then we always manage that regardless of whether we are in an expensive setting like this or a budget hotel in Florida. Give us a water ball or a game of tag and that's all we need to keep us entertained.
One day, possibly our first, I was approached by a guy in the pool who wanted to know how I was able to take photographs under water with my camera. I explained that it was waterproof and gave him a demonstration, which impressed him greatly. We got talking and he asked us where we were from, if we liked Manchester United, the typical stuff you get asked when people know you are from the UK. He had an olive complexion and I had assumed he was from somewhere in the Middle East. I asked where he was from and he told me to guess. What do I say? I didn't want to offend him. It was bad enough when I once asked a New Zealander what part of Australia he was from. I was considering which country would get me in to the least amount of trouble when he started pulling a really strange face and saying 'can't you guess?' When placed under that kind of pressure my first thought is to panic, which is another hereditary flaw of mine and probably where Charlotte gets it from, sorry again dear. He looks like he really needs to go to the bathroom and I wonder how that helps me guess his nationality when I suddenly twig. Like when you stare at one of those 3D pictures for ages and it suddenly emerges. He's doing Marlon Brando from the Godfather and the resemblance is uncanny. How didnt I see it before? Of course this means that he's Sicilian. Birthplace of the you know what. And we are in Vegas which was built by the you know who. I wonder if he is one of them but think better of asking. How do you broach a subject like that in any case and what would I do if he said yes? He seems too friendly and too open to be a made guy and happily poses for photographs with us. In fact he insists and under the circumstances I am reluctant to say no. He takes a nice picture of us all as a family and then asks me to email him details about the camera as he wants one now. I wonder if what he is really saying is that he wants me to give him mine. Having never been in this situation before I don't know what to do. He asks to borrow the camera to show his wife and family so I hand it over and part of me is resigned to the fact that it may not come back. It's only a camera after all, not worth having my legs broken. He tells me his name and email address and then asks me to repeat it. No bloody chance. When it comes to names I have the memory of a goldfish and the second it leaves his mouth I know I'm in trouble. He has to say his name several times over and is beginning to look at me like I'm an idiot. In the end Alexandra bails me out by writing it down and thankfully we are able to go about our business. I never did send him the details though... probably 'cause I couldn't get the bloody laptop to connect to the internet or possibly because I didn't want my name suddenly appearing on the FBI's wanted list or being asked to perform a favour for his cousin back in London if you know what I mean?
Before we leave the pool I must talk about the waitress service. Mostly mature ladies although not as mature as the ones in the Casino itself (who were quite shockingly ancient, sorry girls) wearing gold bikinis with little wraparound skirts. These were not exactly tasteful but still quite nice to look at. There was one however, who I was quite taken with and I'm not sure why exactly although the female members of our party would probably beg differ. Perhaps it was because she had a little more meat on her than the others - she would have been considered skinny in the 50's if you know what I mean? She has a touch of the Burlesque about her if that helps paint a better picture. Now there's a thought I probably shouldn't have conjured at seven o'clock in the morning. Let's just say she was a bit on the curvy side. And I, quite possibly, fell head over heels in lust. Whenever she walked past she'd smile and say 'can I get you something hon?' I am ashamed to admit that even though I am in my mid 40's I occasionally have the mind of a horny teenager. I am sure I blushed every time she looked my way and hoped that she didn't notice. I could have easily spent a fortune on drinks most days but my bladder thought better of it plus we had places to go and things to do and being inebriated wouldn't help (it was also only around 9.30 or 10 oclock in the morning). It's true what the experts say about sunshine and heat. It does make you randy. Note to wife, I don't think I should ever be allowed in Vegas on my own. Moving swiftly on...
Blue Man Group
Thursday I visited the Concierge desk and asked him if he could get tickets for shows at other hotels. No problem, he said. What would you like to see? Nick, Lucy and I had decided earlier that we wanted to see the Blue Man Group at the Venetian while Deb and Alexandra preferred the idea of shopping at the large mall a little further down the strip. A quick phone call and we were sorted. Good tickets as well front and centre in the last row of the first block of stalls. Deb dropped us off and it felt quite strange walking through the hotel with just the two kids in tow. Typically the theatres were located at the very back of the casino in what looked like a street with entrances to each one. There was a comedian (cant remember who) and Phantom of the Opera as well as the Blue Man Group. We got drinks and went in. The venue filled quickly and the show started promptly at 7:30. It was LOUD so much so that I wondered if Lucy would be able to cope. Luckily she managed fine and it was only loud while there was music, which is only part of the show. How do you describe the Blue Man Group? Even now, several months after the event I still couldnt summarise it easily but it still makes me smile whenever I think about it. I would happily go again as I am sure would Nick and Lucy. There were some real laugh-out-loud moments and a gross one that I dont like to think about too much. At one point, when the Blue Men were climbing over the back of our seats to find someone to help them out I wondered if Lucy would be okay. I could feel her shrinking and grabbing my arm but luckily they kept their distance and found their victim several rows behind us. The music and visuals were great and the hour and 45 minutes flew by. The ending was particularly memorable with the paper being pulled over the heads of the entire audience back to front. It was really heavy and later Nick and I discussed how we thought that Charlotte might have had a panic attack had she been with us.
Right at the very end Lucy turned to me and said that she needed the toilet and was busting. This is where being seated in the last row really paid dividends as Nick jumped over the back of his seat and took her to the bathroom. Hes a good boy. They came back in just as the show was ending but they didnt miss much and had experienced the best bit so I was glad about that. I dont know exactly what Deb and Alexandra got up to so Ill leave it for them to tell you. I know it involved boots and jeans and lots of money, Thank God the credit crunch hadnt hit back in August is all I can say. Deb: Yes youre right it did involve boots for Alexandra and jeans for the both of us, but they are the best jeans in existence called Not Your Daughters Jeans. The Fashion Show Mall was really quiet and it was lovely to go shopping. Back to Mark now - Unfortunately the show had lasted longer than we had anticipated so I wasnt surprised that the girls had been circling the strip for quite some time. We saw them just as they were about to pull off for another lap and happily got in and headed back to the hotel.
A Well Earned Rest
Friday was the one day where we had nothing planned for the evening. The previous two nights had been brilliant and I think we all felt happy to play things by ear today because Saturday and Sunday were all about Cirque. Needless to say I cant remember what we did. I know what we didnt do and that was go visit the Red Rock canyon or Hoover Dam as the kids didnt seem to be in the least bit interested which was disappointing. I get the feeling we could have driven all the way to the Grand Canyon and they would have gone oh look, its a big hole in the ground. Is there a swimming pool?
There is a good chance that we visited yet another Wall-Mart in search of more underpants for our son. I think he may have been wearing two pairs at a time given the rate hes been going through them. I hate to think how many pairs he actually packed in his case to come away with cause I swear weve been buying pants for him every few days from the moment we landed two and a half weeks ago. On our way back from wherever I fancied something to eat and the decision was made to have a quick drive-thru at McDonalds. I pulled up to the window to collect the order and then froze when I saw a huge insect moving down the wall right next to us. I dont know what it was exactly but a cricket on steroids would be a reasonably close approximation. The girl at the window looked equally horrified when I pointed it out and asked her what it was. So much so that she called her friend over and then quickly shut the window. I wasnt taken any chances either as I swear it was looking at the open window and preparing to join us for lunch. For a fleeting moment I imagined the effect it would have on the kids hopping around them in the van, and then I remembered that I would also be screaming with them and so quickly grabbed the drinks and parked up around the front for the food to be delivered. The Latino girl who had served us came out with the food a short while later. When she had given me the drinks Id noticed that she was very pretty, in the classic girl next door way, but when she smiled it was something else even in her McDonalds uniform and without any trace of make-up. She was a natural beauty and I still cant believe that of all the places we went in California and the array of women we encountered on our travels, a girl working in McDonalds was far and away the prettiest one we saw and had the most radiant smile. As we drove out of the restaurant car park Deb wanted to go back and tell her. I suspect it would have either made her day or made her call the police and for that reason I decided we had other places to be. I do hope she gets a better job at some point but doesnt end up being sucked into the Vegas glitz and all that entails.
This is probably an appropriate time to mention the billboard sign that you see as you take the freeway to the airport which offers ladies $500 to stay an extra night in town. Providing they are happy to appear in an adult video of course. I dont know whether this is exclusively for the internet or if it will end up on a DVD that you can rent or purchase (as a keepsake) at some point in the future. I looked across at Deb on our last day but the expression on her face told me that she already knew what I was thinking and that for the sake of my general wellbeing Id be better off keeping any ideas I had about extending our vacation to myself.
We shopped for me while we were in Vegas and one afternoon in particular we had one hell of a thunderstorm with water literally gushing down the streets. When we got back to the hotel they said on the news that there had been serious flooding in Henderson, which was a town between the strip and the Hoover Dam. So in a way it may have been fortuitous that we had not gone there that afternoon. The shopping was pretty poor to be honest in comparison to other years. There wasnt much that really grabbed me so we concentrated on finding a pair of black trousers for work and that was pretty much it. Ok, there were a few other bits and pieces but not as much as I was expecting.
We also saw a fair bit of the Olympics on TV first thing in the morning and while we were getting ready to go out at night. The coverage was typically American i.e. only cover those sports where an American was guaranteed a medal, preferably a gold one. The fact that this was the opening week and the swimming was in full swing tells the tale perfectly. It was Michael Phelps this and Michael Phelps that. Now I am not knocking the blokes achievement or their interest in it BUT I am sure there were lots of other events taking place. And here is one of the reasons why I think Americans have such a hard time outside of their own country. They dont care about anywhere or anyone else. Have absolutely no interest in them whatsoever which I acknowledge could be regarded as either arrogant or ignorant or a combination of the two. Now you could argue that the fault lies squarely on the shoulder of the American media and their blinkered coverage but I suspect that it is more a cultural thing and if the likes of NBC, ABC, CBS and FOX extended their view of the world people would either turn off or complain. In fact Id bet that would be their argument for keeping things the way they are. Thats enough of the social commentary. Next topic...
One evening Deb and Alexandra went for a walk around the Forum shops to find out if there was an entrance to the Mirage hotel where we were going to see LOVE on Sunday night. I dont know what they did apart from finding an impressive bendy escalator and the aforementioned entrance. Deb: we didnt do anything else just had a look at what shops were there and found the exit/entrance.
Wide Shoes
At some point during our first two days in Vegas we saw the wide-fitting foot store and made a mental note to visit on our return from Hollywood. Of course we didnt know that we would spend $650 on shoes including three pairs for Alexandra at the outlet stores in Camarillo. So I am not sure what made us head there apart from curiosity and a subconscious, some would say pathological, desire to spend the remainder of our money. I cant say I was expecting too much as we pulled up outside. The store front was large enough but the area it was in had seen better days and there werent many other cars, maybe one in fact, parked out front. The minute we walked in a very nice lady smiled and asked us if we needed any help. Now I could go into a rant here about how we are always ignored by the staff whenever we walk into a shop in the UK but I understand that some English people like it that way and hate the American approach, so I will refrain. However, in my experience if you tell an American salesperson that you are fine and are just looking 9 times out of 10 they will back off and leave you to get on with it. Id rather be acknowledged than feel like I am putting someone out by asking them a question which happens to me regularly when we are at home. I probably didnt refrain at all did I? Oh well its good to get things off your chest every once in a while and the so called service we get in the UK bugs the hell out of me, in case you hadnt realised.
Buying shoes for Alexandra is very frustrating as almost nothing ever fits because the poor girl has been cursed with the oddest shaped feet. Not that you would notice from a cursory glance. They look perfectly normal but try to put them inside a shoe, any shoe or boot for that matter, and thats when the fun starts as I can almost guarantee you it wont be possible. Its not just that they are wider than average, its far more complicated than that but I cant tell you exactly why. Instead I suggest you have a look yourself the next time you see her and then perhaps you can explain it to me along with the dodgy ankle and more recent, soon to be diagnosed (hopefully), cheese ball complaint.
Anyway, I was upfront with the sales lady and presented her with the gruesome facts, which she took onboard without flinching whatsoever. No problem she smiled, show me what type of shoes you like and Ill head out back to get see what options we have for you in that style. The only other customer in the store looked over to me and said I come here all the time and they will find something, dont worry, theyre very good. And she wasnt wrong and the choice was very impressive. No matter what style of shoe we looked at they had plenty of options to choose from and although not all of them fitted, the majority did. I dont think I have seen my daughter so happy. It actually brought a tear to my eye. Especially as when we had tried to find her some new shoes online earlier in the year the hideous selection we were presented with had her in tears. I felt so bad that I promised her we would find something in America but I had no idea we would stumble on such a goldmine. Needless to say we got carried away but given the circumstances it would have been criminal not to. I like shopping in the States. Im not such a fan of the malls but I like the idea of pulling up to a shop and then going in and spending as long as it takes. And we must have taken a good hour or so. Deb even got in on the act when she actually found a decent (i.e. hot) pair of boots that fitted her calves perfectly. Of course we had to persuade her to buy them as per usual because they were too expensive but she gave in eventually and would have regretted leaving them behind for sure. We headed back to the hotel knowing that Alexandra was now kitted out for practically any occasion. What an incredible result. The manager handed me their business card with website address and assured me that they ship worldwide. Buying shoes online is risky though which means well have to come back here in the next couple of years and, providing the recession doesnt turn into a full-scale depression, I dont have a problem with that.
Our second and final Taco Bell was in Vegas and the hot chili chicken wrap that had gone over so well on our way back from LA was a little too fiery this time around. So much so that Deb had to remove the green chilis one by one as she encountered them and although I stuck with it as best I could my eyes were watering to the point of tears. My bottom would pay for it later no doubt. When we first sat down in the restaurant we were approached by a young girl who asked for some change so that she could call someone. We duly obliged but instead of going to find a phone she went back and sat with her boyfriend and proceeded to do nothing. I wondered if it was a scam but if it was it wasnt going to make them rich. We were then approached by someone who was deaf and dumb and wanted to sell us a flag pin for a small donation. It was bizarre and uncomfortable and I wondered who we would encounter next. Feeling a little exposed we decided to leave as quickly as possible. I now understand why the drive thru is so popular over here.
We also encountered beggars at traffic lights during the day in the heat which really isnt funny. One day a van in front of us handed the guy yoghurt and a spoon which he took gratefully. We didnt have any food or water (which would have been even better) so handed him a dollar instead. Later I read that these poor people were controlled by gangs who took most of the money they made but allowed them to work their patch. I hate it but what can you do?
O
Saturday afternoon was spent in the room preparing for the evenings entertainment. We all took turns in the enormous tub and on more than one occasion the bubbles threatened to spill onto the bathroom floor. Suitably dressed up for a night out we headed back over the bridge into the Bellagio for O. On our first trip to Vegas this was the show that blew Deb and myself away and so we were super excited to be able to take the kids. There is something electric about going to the theatre anywhere but that feeling is amplified in Vegas I think. Our seats were perfect, front and centre, although quite some way back from the 5th row seats wed had on our first visit.
The show starts with a procession of performers coming through the audience and they were an odd looking bunch but the kids are used to Cirque shows and so took it in their stride. From our vantage point we could see a lot more of the opening than we had seen before and my initial impressions were that this might be an even better experience. However it didnt take long to realise that something was missing and I think it was more about our vantage point than my familiarity with the show, although I am sure that played a part. Being down the front was a more involving experience, I felt like we were part of the dream before whereas this time we were merely observers. Dont get me wrong, the show is still a phenomenal work of art and I would happily recommend it to anyone as a must-see event but when the show ended tonight I was left feeling underwhelmed and I think Deb felt the same way. Even the kids were muted in their enthusiasm and I wondered if it was my fault, that my prior enthusiasm for the show had created unrealistic expectations for them. We wandered from the theatre and out into the heat of the strip to watch the fountain show. It was packed out front and we struggled to find a good spot. Frank serenaded us with Luck be a Lady while the water squirted and spurted, swayed and swooshed in time with the music. It was an impressive spectacle that was over too soon but Illuminations still gets my vote.
All you need is L.O.V.E.
Sunday was our last full day in Vegas and tonight we are going to see L.O.V.E. next door at the Mirage. Originally we had planned to see O on our last night but they didnt have the tickets available so we had to swap nights. I wondered at the time whether our last night might turn out to be an anti-climax because of this, knowing how good O was and not knowing how Cirque and the Beatles would work as a piece of theatre. We walked through the Forum shops, down the windy escalator (impressive), across the road and into the Mirage, which was buzzing. I expect every weekend in Vegas is like this and I can see how this place could become addictive as pure escapism from the daily grind of our regular lives. I could easily spend a week in Vegas just visiting the different hotels, taking them in and deciding which ones I like the best. Deb and Alexandra queue for drinks in the theatre bar while we wait for the doors to open. Before long we are shown to our seats in the strangest theatre I have ever seen. Is it square or round or something else entirely? Im not sure. The stage is in the middle and it looks like the view will be good from any seat in the house. We are quite central which I am happy about. People are taking photographs left, right and centre with their digital cameras and I spend an entertaining few minutes watching the ushers do their best to prevent them from doing so and then have the cheek of bringing over an official photographer to take their picture instead. We dont have a camera so dont get told off but I decline their offer in any event. The tickets were expensive enough.
It turns out they were worth every penny (or dime). I was quite literally blown away by the experience. It was a visual and musical feast that I cant begin to describe. We tapped our feet, sang, laughed and gasped at various points through the show. The stage had a life of its own changing shape regularly, ticker tape rained down during All You Need is Love and I wondered if this is what a good trip felt like, man. It was certainly a very surreal, dreamlike experience that was totally immersive. I really didnt want it to end but like all good things, when the end came I could take comfort in the fact that I filed out into the foyer on a complete high. It was absolute genius and the perfect end to a wonderful holiday. I will definitely see it again and so must you.
Home
In the morning we packed and checked out reluctantly as I really didnt want to leave. We headed up the strip towards the airport and stopped at the outdoor shopping mall that we had visited on our first morning to buy my football magazines almost three weeks ago. Why does time go so fast when you are having fun? Who had the idea of having an open mall in Vegas? It must have been well over 100 degrees. The layout of the mall was unusual as the shops were set in small streets. We parked behind a row of shops and found some more tops for Charlotte and a t-shirt for Nick. I dont think we had the room in our luggage for anything more. We ate our last meal in a very quiet burger restaurant just outside the airport. Rather than us all taking the van back and then struggling to get our luggage on a coach for the airport I decided that it would be better to drop Deb and the kids off at McCarren and then I would take the van back on my own. The temperature outside of the terminal building read 114 degrees and I could believe it. The dry heat does make it more bearable though. The queue at the check-in desk was pretty small but obviously Deb couldnt check in until I got back. Alexandra decided to accompany me and we find our way without too much trouble although getting to the Dollar parking area was a bit of a trial. Inside the terminal we got stuck behind an English couple who we had seen park up in the wrong place (which they knew) and so not get a ticket from the Dollar guy and were now complaining that there was nobody in the car park to give them a ticket. I so wanted to point out their blatant lie but somehow bit my tongue. Luckily someone stepped in and served us before I reached breaking point. Flying home is stressful enough for me at the best of times.
We arrived back at the airport 45 minutes later and typically the queue had now grown and Deb was almost at the exit waiting for us. We snaked our way around and eventually made it to the front where we met the biggest idiot of the trip. And he worked for Virgin. I wont bore you with the details but he was the most rude and unhelpful person I have ever met in that capacity. I still have no idea what his problem was but he was clearly having a bad day. After that I think we all just wanted to get on the plane and go home. The departure lounge here is a joke and I am sure there is even less here than there was the last time. We had a delay before take-off and were sitting on the plane away from the terminal for over an hour, it was very hot and I think a lot of people were going to ask if we could get off when we carried on to taxi. The take off was not as bumpy as the landing but it wasnt far off it and that set the tone for the rest of the flight pretty much. I dont think there was an hour when the seat belt sign wasnt on. The route home took us right across America for some reason and Deb nudged us all as we flew over Chicago and the view of the Windy City at night was truly spectacular. I dozed rather than slept as per usual and promised myself (again) that one day I would experience what it is like to actually sleep on a plane.
Early morning Gatwick is always a shock to the system but at least our rides home were waiting for us. We loaded the cars and made our way home to a stack of bills, 473 unread emails (mostly junk) and 10 suitcases of dirty clothes that will take days to wash and iron. Id like to say its good to be home but Id be lying. We had a great time but still left with things to see and do so there has to be a next time and thats what makes being home bearable.
Whether we manage to go away in 2009 very much depends on how the New Year starts job wise. Its not looking good with the BBC reporting more gloom and doom every day and the value of Sterling being at an all time low doesnt help much either. I want to visit Texas soon and California again. I also want to see New York and go back to Florida, maybe to experience another Christmas there. The fun never ends its just a shame the money does.
Heres hoping the New Year is better than expected.
