Sorry I can't attend your Friday afternoon wedding, but WHY ARE YOU MAD ABOUT IT?

[horseshowmom]

I completely agree with you. Our wedding cost a fortune and we paid for it because it was what we wanted. We never expected a dime and were very surprised and appreciative of how generous people were. Of course we didn't care if you came with a gift or not. We wanted you there to celebrate with us!!!!

And that's the way it should be!

 

[Kath2003]

I would bring a gift, but that gift would be of a value representative of how close we were to the couple. Sister = big gift. Old highschool friend = not so big. It would have absolutely nothing to do with the cost of the wedding. If my sister got married at McDonalds and we were served a happy meal, her gift would still be of a significantly higher value than if my old highschool friend got married at the Ritz and served caviar and Kristal.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

While this sounds like a wonderful menu - one should not choose it if you cannot afford it without having to plan on collecting the plate fee at the door.

If you cannot afford to throw this party on your own, don't throw it. You should NEVER expect your guests to have to fund your over-the-top extravagance. And yes, I live in the NY/NJ area, so do know what the "trend" is.

Just because it is the trend does not make it in good taste or even close to good manners. It is more of a reflection of the me/me/me generation of mothers and the brides and grooms. I want it big, I want it lavish, I don't care if I can't afford it, so I will whine when people don't help me pay for it by demanding that they give me a donation (notice it is no longer a gift) to help pay for it.

I do have to give the previous poster some chops though. Not many people would come on a busy, international discussion board and admit their blatant greed. That the wedding was solely for greed and that they actually expected and kept track of how much each person ponied up for their son's wedding. And then had the audacity to complain when they had to carry gifts home.

For those that expect guests to gift the price of their extravagant greed - I have a question. When you host a dinner party at your home, do you demand your guest pay for their portion of the meal?

If the bride and groom are that desperate that they can't finance their wedding without the donations of their guests, at least set up a 501c3 charitable organization just for the reception so that I can at least deduct my donation from my taxes.

You said this better than I would, and I agree 100%. A gift is just that, a gift, and any guest should only give what they are comfortable with and can afford.

We all choose the type of wedding we are going to have, and have the ability to control the costs. I don't care if I'm being served burgers or lobster, my gift is based upon my relationship with the couple and what I feel it appropriate to give.

Also, I think it is beyond tacky to track gifts, I just don't understand that logic at all.

 

[ead79]

I agree that it's tacky but I was wondering if I had missed the memo about the rule change or something, because in the last 3 or 4 years I have not been invited to a wedding, a wedding shower, or a baby shower for which there has not been included registry information with the invitations. Is it beginning to be considered acceptable? I really hope not because it just seems so greedy.

For the most part I really tried not to dwell on it, but I think it really changed the way I think about one of the girls. Her wedding shower and then her baby shower were 4 hours of present openings. There was nothing under $50 on the registries. She married a pretty successful guy and could buy what she wants, but her friends and relatives are not so well off. I thought it was a disgrace, to tell you the truth. I don't think I'll go to any more of her showers if she has more children.

Here's my two cents on the issue. I'm putting on my flame-proof suit, LOL!

No, it is not becoming more acceptable. What is becoming more common/acceptable is a complete lack of knowledge or choosing to ignore etiquette rules. In the past (especially in the South, where I am from), most ladies would be very familiar with the rules of etiquette, and adhering to them was of the utmost importance. They were there for the comfort of your guests and to help you know what is proper as a hostess.

The rules of etiquette cover *many* questions that people seem to ask these days such as wedding attire for a guest (dictated by the time of day of the wedding according to etiquette), proper occasions to bring a gift, and not mentioning gifts on wedding invitations. I realize that in other areas of the country, adhering to the etiquette rules is not as important, and some guidelines do change over time. But in my opinion, which I realize not everyone shares, it's still important to have a basic understanding of the major etiquette guidelines.

While I'm sure most people put gift/registry info on invitations in order to try to help guests know where they can purchase a gift if they'd like to, I think it unfortunately seems as though you are asking for a gift. I think the reason that registry info has become more common on baby shower invitations is because it's not the mother-to-be that is hosting the shower. I think the shower hostess most likely feels that it's OK since it's her mentioning gifts, not the mom-to-be herself. Etiquette-wise, registry information should only be given to guest when they ask, that way you're not implying that a guest has to bring a gift to the shower.

 

[horseshowmom]

Here's my two cents on the issue. I'm putting on my flame-proof suit, LOL!

No, it is not becoming more acceptable. What is becoming more common/acceptable is a complete lack of knowledge or choosing to ignore etiquette rules. In the past (especially in the South, where I am from), most ladies would be very familiar with the rules of etiquette, and adhering to them was of the utmost importance. They were there for the comfort of your guests and to help you know what is proper as a hostess.

The rules of etiquette cover *many* questions that people seem to ask these days such as wedding attire for a guest (dictated by the time of day of the wedding according to etiquette), proper occasions to bring a gift, and not mentioning gifts on wedding invitations. I realize that in other areas of the country, adhering to the etiquette rules is not as important, and some guidelines do change over time. But in my opinion, which I realize not everyone shares, it's still important to have a basic understanding of the major etiquette guidelines.

While I'm sure most people put gift/registry info on invitations in order to try to help guests know where they can purchase a gift if they'd like to, I think it unfortunately seems as though you are asking for a gift. I think the reason that registry info has become more common on baby shower invitations is because it's not the mother-to-be that is hosting the shower. I think the shower hostess most likely feels that it's OK since it's her mentioning gifts, not the mom-to-be herself. Etiquette-wise, registry information should only be given to guest when they ask, that way you're not implying that a guest has to bring a gift to the shower.

No flames here, I agree completely!

 

[helloirishkitty]

When/If I ever get married, it's going to be a destination wedding for all of the people closest to me...

My mother lives in Ireland.
My father lives in the same town as me, but spends 6 months a year in Ireland with my mother.
My sister lives in Vancouver, BC.
My aunts/uncles/cousins are split between California, Western NY, Ireland, England, Germany, South Africa, and Texas.

I can't make anyone happy in that mix so wherever my future DF and I decide to have the wedding will have to do. I would love to profess my love in front of my loved ones, but if it's too difficult for them, that's fine. I don't care if it's future DF, me, and a reverend, as long as I get to marry the love of my life. I won't expect everyone to come, because after it's all said and done, the only thing that matters is that I've found someone that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.

 

[keishashadow]

Perhaps you should pick up an etiquette book and look up the words, "invite", "hostess" and "gift".

actually, I have several; have worked as a large corporate event planner off & on for years (freelance). Donate my services to many charites too. While there are business & corporate etiquette differences, being gracious applies to both guest & host.

Additionally, many of the grande dames differ in their perception as to "the rules". Morseso that blindly following the perhaps outdated rules (think an old Disney guidebook ), what is socially acceptable/the norm in the area/circles you frequent is what guests expect. IMO, it's an imposition NOT to provide where/email of the registry to the guests; last thing i want to do is spend precious time hunting that information down.

What is de regieur for a country club formal wedding for mostly family & intimate friends obviously is not the same as an outdoor afternoon cake & tea reception.

In Pittsburgh, you can still obtain a sit-down dinner & full cash bar for less than $100 pp; not including the venue/entertainment.

Did it ever occur to you that said couple don't always want everyone that is on the list (provided by parents, grandparents) at their wedding in the 1st place? Whittling down that massive list is an exercise in diplomancy.

In our area, bridal showers are even more intimate. You do not invite everyone on the wedding list. So, to not provide a modest shower present because you're going to give a wedding present or vice-a-versa is quite odd to me. Perhaps, a regional or ethic custom?

Again, no one is forced to attend a wedding. If you don't want to go; decline. If you don't want to give an average gift (and most prudent people know what that would be ) don't. Either way, it's your personal choice; just don't be surprised if your child gets the same treatment when they marry.

as to the poster who offered me condolences for being a pack-mule for "my" presents....they were my childrens gifts. FYI, the items they didn't need were donated to charity...so i guess it all worked out...happily every after.

 

[LadyShiva]

Here's my two cents on the issue. I'm putting on my flame-proof suit, LOL!

No, it is not becoming more acceptable. What is becoming more common/acceptable is a complete lack of knowledge or choosing to ignore etiquette rules. In the past (especially in the South, where I am from), most ladies would be very familiar with the rules of etiquette, and adhering to them was of the utmost importance. They were there for the comfort of your guests and to help you know what is proper as a hostess.

The rules of etiquette cover *many* questions that people seem to ask these days such as wedding attire for a guest (dictated by the time of day of the wedding according to etiquette), proper occasions to bring a gift, and not mentioning gifts on wedding invitations. I realize that in other areas of the country, adhering to the etiquette rules is not as important, and some guidelines do change over time. But in my opinion, which I realize not everyone shares, it's still important to have a basic understanding of the major etiquette guidelines.

While I'm sure most people put gift/registry info on invitations in order to try to help guests know where they can purchase a gift if they'd like to, I think it unfortunately seems as though you are asking for a gift. I think the reason that registry info has become more common on baby shower invitations is because it's not the mother-to-be that is hosting the shower. I think the shower hostess most likely feels that it's OK since it's her mentioning gifts, not the mom-to-be herself. Etiquette-wise, registry information should only be given to guest when they ask, that way you're not implying that a guest has to bring a gift to the shower.

Seconded! Granted, I'm Southern, too--born in Jackson, MS and married there, too!

Do you think, though, that the rules of etiquette are changing? I know I have never worn kid gloves in my life, never curtsied, or been a debutante (and for shame, I even went to Ole Miss!), but there are some rules that are non-negotiable to me, and some that even my Grandmother thought were silly (Gram thought it was more proper to TELL someone thank you when you got the gift than to write a note saying thank you). I also hold to the old ways of manners (my MIL is always Miss Firstname, as is any Southern elder lady I hold in high regard).

What do you think?

Brandie

 

[dhcoffey]

ETA: I may be in the minority here, but as far as I'm concerned, the wedding shower gift IS the wedding gift. Until I read it on these boards, I had never heard of anyone giving a shower gift and then a separate wedding gift. I even read one thread that talked about an engagement gift, a shower gift, and then a wedding gift. Not me, sister!

I really agree with this part of your post. Where I live, the brides have, no kidding, at least 20 showers, teas, sip and sees before the wedding. That's where I give the gift. We've never brought a gift to the actual wedding. The only people who would do that is if they're from out of town and didn't make it to any of the numerous showers, teas, etc.

Heather

 

[keishashadow]

While this sounds like a wonderful menu - one should not choose it if you cannot afford it without having to plan on collecting the plate fee at the door.

If you cannot afford to throw this party on your own, don't throw it. You should NEVER expect your guests to have to fund your over-the-top extravagance. And yes, I live in the NY/NJ area, so do know what the "trend" is.

Just because it is the trend does not make it in good taste or even close to good manners. It is more of a reflection of the me/me/me generation of mothers and the brides and grooms. I want it big, I want it lavish, I don't care if I can't afford it, so I will whine when people don't help me pay for it by demanding that they give me a donation (notice it is no longer a gift) to help pay for it.

I do have to give the previous poster some chops though. Not many people would come on a busy, international discussion board and admit their blatant greed. That the wedding was solely for greed and that they actually expected and kept track of how much each person ponied up for their son's wedding. And then had the audacity to complain when they had to carry gifts home.

For those that expect guests to gift the price of their extravagant greed - I have a question. When you host a dinner party at your home, do you demand your guest pay for their portion of the meal?

If the bride and groom are that desperate that they can't finance their wedding without the donations of their guests, at least set up a 501c3 charitable organization just for the reception so that I can at least deduct my donation from my taxes.

hmmm, how many weddings have you given for your children? Don't be so quick to judge if you don't have personal experience; it's a different perspective when you aren't the bride & groom

Yes, I did indeed check on the gifts given by my inlaws, just so I can not embarrass them in the future with what must surely be an exagerated display of largess via my gifts....all about making everyone comfortable.

If you had to haul home a mountain of gifts after a very long day in a foot of snow; perhaps you might think differently too. Why anyone would not just have the store ship them or deliver them beforehand (mentioned in several books as correct form) is beyond me. Who wants to haul a box to a wedding?

As for expected to be compensated for hosting a social event (only if i am the planner lol); otherwise YES I do expect to be compensated - via a return invitation when they host an party. I do accept bottles of wine & chocolate in a pinch.

 

[LadyShiva]

In Pittsburgh, you can still obtain a sit-down dinner & full cash bar for less than $100 pp; not including the venue/entertainment.

In our area, bridal showers are even more intimate. You do not invited everyone on the wedding list. So, to not provide a modest shower present because you're going to give a wedding present or vice-a-versa is quite odd to me. Perhaps, a regional or ethic custom?

Excuse me while I tell a tiny joke... Ah ha! So you're a Northerner! NO WONDER we don't agree on manners!



I think you're right in pointing out the regional or ethnic customs differences. I think religious differences are also coming into play here. My family was more comfortable in having weddings with a JP or at the hearth of a home (Scotch/Irish + Baptist), whereas my DH's family preferred a church wedding with their preacher (Southern Baptist, German). No alcohol was preferred from both sides of the aisle. Weddings on both sides were also small, family affairs.

My MIL did a "pay-back" church bridal shower where she noted who gave what to me (not a joke, but thankfully not in writing) and mentioned that due to all the presents she had given over the years, she (therefore I) better get gifts. I got an AMAZING amount of gifts from her Sunday School class (which I had only attended 3 times) and was profuse in my thanks at the moment of opening the gifts. I followed up with Thank You notes quickly. I did not register for china because I had inherited my china. The one piece of crystal I wanted (which I did not register because it cost too much!!) I was given by sheer chance, and lemme tell you, I still am amazed to see it on my mantel years later! I got every size of Crockpot there is. Even the dip warming one!

I took my DH's last name, but my maiden name is now my middle name.

We paid for our own wedding, but we also held it in my in-laws front yard, versus my mother's. I still snuck in a chuppah, and we stood under that. My mom was fully aware of my sneakiness and supported me blending Jewish traditions with our ceremony. My mother and grand-mother walked me down the aisle.

I DID NOT promise to obey DH, and I did not strangle the Southern Baptist preacher while going through the mandatory marriage counseling, despite his best efforts to rile me.

If someone had wanted to "cover their plate" for the reception, we could have given them change for their $20. The only constants with other Southern weddings was probably the cake (which was made by my mom and fell because I was too cheap to pay $50 for the plastic columns to hold it up--but tasted just fine!), and the flavored pecans.

From what I have seen over the years, something somewhere above has differences from somebody else.

Brandie

 

[RVGal]

And we're running into lots of regional differences again.

Etiquette is not a fixed institution. That is like saying the English language is a fixed instition. Sure, it takes a LONG time for words fall out of use (anyone say "thouest" anymore?) and some words are used for such a short span of time that it hardly makes a difference, but it does change. I see the same thing happening with etiquette. It's not a quick process, but it does change.

The problem is, when a younger generation of brides embraces changes in etiquette (or tries to forge new ones themselves), you've got to remember there is an older generation who are still expecting the old rules to be followed.

I'm not saying who is right, who is wrong, or anything like that. I'm just saying that you are going to continue to stomp on somebody's toes.

Something that bugs me because of how and/or where I was raised. When did we stop writing Thank You notes? I have had numerous wedding gifts that I've sent out over the past few years that went unacknowledged. I'm left scratching my head months later thinking, "Well, gee... I hope they got it..."

But I've learned to let it go. They got it or they didn't. They appreciated it or they didn't. I know what I did and I hope it meant something, but I'm not going to get my undies in a bunch over it.

I try not to get my undies in a bunch over things as often as possible. It's dang uncomfortable!

 

[ead79]

Seconded! Granted, I'm Southern, too--born in Jackson, MS and married there, too!

Do you think, though, that the rules of etiquette are changing? I know I have never worn kid gloves in my life, never curtsied, or been a debutante (and for shame, I even went to Ole Miss!), but there are some rules that are non-negotiable to me, and some that even my Grandmother thought were silly (Gram thought it was more proper to TELL someone thank you when you got the gift than to write a note saying thank you). I also hold to the old ways of manners (my MIL is always Miss Firstname, as is any Southern elder lady I hold in high regard).

What do you think?

Brandie

Yes, I think some rules have and will become outdated and fall by the wayside. The only time I've ever worn gloves was at cotillion, and I certainly don't curtsy. Some things I think will always be in good taste, however. It's always polite to be a good hostess, and it's always rude to imply you're expecting a gift. Those etiquette guidelines should never fall by the wayside, IMHO. I was LOL about the debutante comment--I was so bummed that we weren't high society, and thus I couldn't be a deb, LOL!

 

[LadyShiva]

And we're running into lots of regional differences again.

Etiquette is not a fixed institution. That is like saying the English language is a fixed instition. Sure, it takes a LONG time for words fall out of use (anyone say "thouest" anymore?) and some words are used for such a short span of time that it hardly makes a difference, but it does change. I see the same thing happening with etiquette. It's not a quick process, but it does change.

The problem is, when a younger generation of brides embraces changes in etiquette (or tries to forge new ones themselves), you've got to remember there is an older generation who are still expecting the old rules to be followed.

I'm not saying who is right, who is wrong, or anything like that. I'm just saying that you are going to continue to stomp on somebody's toes.

Something that bugs me because of how and/or where I was raised. When did we stop writing Thank You notes? I have had numerous wedding gifts that I've sent out over the past few years that went unacknowledged. I'm left scratching my head months later thinking, "Well, gee... I hope they got it..."

But I've learned to let it go. They got it or they didn't. They appreciated it or they didn't. I know what I did and I hope it meant something, but I'm not going to get my undies in a bunch over it.

I try not to get my undies in a bunch over things as often as possible. It's dang uncomfortable!

My grandmother (born in 1920's) thought Thank You notes were silly and pretentious. Farm family, everybody saw everybody at school or church, and you opened the present with the person there, and therefore THANKED the person at the moment you opened the present. No reason to spend money on stationary when you needed the money for staples. Depression-era type.

And yes, we could still be feeding a family of 4 from what she saved in the deep freeze!

That's my opinion--you thank the person IN person or on the phone. I don't agree with writing a note in formal language thanking the person. I find it very inpersonal and pretentious, and only necessary in certain situations, such as dealing with people who prefer the thanking happening in a note (I have a friend who believes in Thank you notes, so she gets thank you notes AFTER I personally tell her thank you for the gift!).

YMMV.

Brandie

 

[keishashadow]

Lady Shiva - well put

my DHs family is from the south, traces lineage back before the civil war (and they told me every chance they gotcomplete with charts ).

i'm 2nd generation; my peeps came over steerage and all ate out of the same pot (again, as my in-laws so charmingly put it; course everything sounds better with a drawl).

I am RC; have a great recollection of the kindness of a Baptist minister (don't put me on the spot & ask what branch "Open Bible"?). After I waited out my 2-year no fault divorce, I was then awaiting a very long and audurous annullment in the eyes of the church and didn't want a civil ceremony. He was the only pastor who would deign to marry DH & me. Took time out of his Valentine's evening (Friday night ) and we had the tiniest wedding @ a friends' "wedding chapel" aka house. We put our heads together & pulled a charming buffet together in less than a month.

Believe it or not, we had to be @ work the next day and we returned home with my oldest 2 DS in tow. Still think it was the greatest wedding ever and i treasure the memory of course, DH still owes me a honeymoon 15 years later.

 

[LadyShiva]

Yes, I think some rules have and will become outdated and fall by the wayside. The only time I've ever worn gloves was at cotillion, and I certainly don't curtsy. Some things I think will always be in good taste, however. It's always polite to be a good hostess, and it's always rude to imply you're expecting a gift. Those etiquette guidelines should never fall by the wayside, IMHO. I was LOL about the debutante comment--I was so bummed that we weren't high society, and thus I couldn't be a deb, LOL!

*grin* My grandmother was -appalled- by what she saw and heard when she'd visit me at Ole Miss... *chuckle* I still remember her being absolutely shocked at the price of a 5 lb bag of sugar at Kroger's... She mumbled about that for years! Now, bear in mind, I was putting myself through college, so she was mad about how much things cost for me.

She overheard a girl getting her total at a dress shop. The girl was with her parents and the price for a week's worth of sorority-pledge dresses would have paid for my tuition!!!

Funny funny...! My grandmother was God-mother to a State Governor and I am related to -everyone- in the state of Mississippi, but there was no way on God's Green Earth I would spend the money to be a pledge. Gram would have -skinned me alive.-

And talking about manners, when I have guests, they get fed. Period. Whether or not they're hungry, they have to eat something to leave.

*twinkling eyes*
Brandie

 

[RVGal]

My grandmother (born in 1920's) thought Thank You notes were silly and pretentious. Farm family, everybody saw everybody at school or church, and you opened the present with the person there, and therefore THANKED the person at the moment you opened the present. No reason to spend money on stationary when you needed the money for staples. Depression-era type.

And yes, we could still be feeding a family of 4 from what she saved in the deep freeze!

That's my opinion--you thank the person IN person or on the phone. I don't agree with writing a note in formal language thanking the person. I find it very inpersonal and pretentious, and only necessary in certain situations, such as dealing with people who prefer the thanking happening in a note (I have a friend who believes in Thank you notes, so she gets thank you notes AFTER I personally tell her thank you for the gift!).

YMMV.

Brandie

That's fine. In my situation(s), I received an invitation to a wedding I couldn't attend, I went to their bridal registry, sent a gift off it and...

nada.

No phone call. No note. No nothing.

These are not people I see regularly or casually. For the most part, they were my cousins' kids. Without a note, like I said, I'm left wondering if they even got what I sent.

My mother, born in 1931, taught me that thank you notes were a personal touch... not a formal one. She was South Georgia born and raised... and from the wrong side of the tracks, no less! Yes, there were literally train tracks that ran through the town and split the more affluent from the poor. It was the Great Depression, so you could hardly have referred to anyone as wealthy. There were those that had supervisor positions in the cotton mills (my father comes from that side) and those that worked in the cotton mills (that'd be my mom's family).

Different spins on the same stuff. Even within regions, there is still room for individual interpretation I suppose.

 

[LadyShiva]

keishashadow: Re: the way things are said... I don't have "big feet," I have a "solid foundation." Women never sweat, we "perspire" or "glow!" Oh, and my absolute, absolute favorite from marriage counseling: "Our women don't PUMP GAS."

We also had to be at work on Monday after a Saturday wedding. Hubby got sick the night of the wedding. When we went back to his parents' house to finish cleaning up, I told them about him getting ill, and was told, "Well, you married him, you can't give him back now!!!"



Oh man, do I miss Southern humor. *sigh* We are the tookiest, most eccentric people alive! And we eat well, too. *sigh*

Brandie

 

[poohandwendy]

actually, I have several; have worked as a large corporate event planner off & on for years (freelance). Donate my services to many charites too. While there are business & corporate etiquette differences, being gracious applies to both guest & host.

Additionally, many of the grande dames differ in their perception as to "the rules". Morseso that blindly following the perhaps outdated rules (think an old Disney guidebook ), what is socially acceptable/the norm in the area/circles you frequent is what guests expect. IMO, it's an imposition NOT to provide where/email of the registry to the guests; last thing i want to do is spend precious time hunting that information down.

What is de regieur for a country club formal wedding for mostly family & intimate friends obviously is not the same as an outdoor afternoon cake & tea reception.

In Pittsburgh, you can still obtain a sit-down dinner & full cash bar for less than $100 pp; not including the venue/entertainment.

Did it ever occur to you that said couple don't always want everyone that is on the list (provided by parents, grandparents) at their wedding in the 1st place? Whittling down that massive list is an exercise in diplomancy.

In our area, bridal showers are even more intimate. You do not invite everyone on the wedding list. So, to not provide a modest shower present because you're going to give a wedding present or vice-a-versa is quite odd to me. Perhaps, a regional or ethic custom?

Again, no one is forced to attend a wedding. If you don't want to go; decline. If you don't want to give an average gift (and most prudent people know what that would be ) don't. Either way, it's your personal choice; just don't be surprised if your child gets the same treatment when they marry.

as to the poster who offered me condolences for being a pack-mule for "my" presents....they were my childrens gifts. FYI, the items they didn't need were donated to charity...so i guess it all worked out...happily every after.

I guess I will just agree to disagree.

I have always felt my role is more to set an example of graciousness, than to keep score for whatever petty reason. That gifts are to be appreciated, regardless of the value. Hopefully, I have instilled this with all of my children because I firmly believe weddings should be a celebration of the marriage, not a social etiquette chess game.

I have always been very generous when gifting for weddings/showers, etc. Not because of any rule, frankly I am not interested in 'grande dames' or what is or is not 'de regieur'. IMO, gifting is only appropriate when it comes from genuine care for the people I am honoring. It never occurred to me to consider reciprocation when gifting. I am fortunate to be surrounded with people who are not that petty.

And I will gladly transport gifts, in the snow or otherwise, for my children when they are married...just as I did for birthdays/graduations or any other time they were honored by people who were thoughtful enough to choose a specific gift for them. Someone please smack me when I decide that hauling gifts is a burden, because surely I have lost perspective.

 

[LadyShiva]

That's fine. In my situation(s), I received an invitation to a wedding I couldn't attend, I went to their bridal registry, sent a gift off it and...

nada.

No phone call. No note. No nothing.

These are not people I see regularly or casually. For the most part, they were my cousins' kids. Without a note, like I said, I'm left wondering if they even got what I sent.

My mother, born in 1931, taught me that thank you notes were a personal touch... not a formal one. She was South Georgia born and raised... and from the wrong side of the tracks, no less! Yes, there were literally train tracks that ran through the town and split the more affluent from the poor. It was the Great Depression, so you could hardly have referred to anyone as wealthy. There were those that had supervisor positions in the cotton mills (my father comes from that side) and those that worked in the cotton mills (that'd be my mom's family).

Different spins on the same stuff. Even within regions, there is still room for individual interpretation I suppose.

Now that's just rude of your cousin's kids. *tsk tsk tsk* You have to express thanks some way, and not expressing thanks... Wow. That's some gumption.

Now, talking about your family history... Do you have a deep freeze, and if so, how empty is it?

My mother and grandmother didn't consider me married until I had a deep freeze!

Brandie