Son is really upset, help!

[ndgqccmiller]

I know this is Disney boards but I need help. We found out my 10yr old son did not make his allstar baseball team. He has played on this team since he was 6. We are all very disappointed unlike my daughter ds life is baseball. He is always trowing a ball, practicing, playing ball with friends. He is very competitive, but very sensitive.
The hardest part of this is that his best friend made the team and it was his first year playing. He has always played soccer and my ds has always played baseball. His mom called me this morning to tell me my ds didn't make it. It was so hard not to cry and tell her it was fine not to worry.
When I told my son he was crushed. Our baseball team is like our family we travel all summer with these people and have all been friends for years. It has been a really hard day. Please help me get him through.

 

[JerJan]

Not to sound harsh but, winning isn't everything, and always "being the best" isn't so good either....kids should learn that it's OK to lose and not get everything they want.

I'm sorry that your son didn't make the team, but it's better to learn that it's OK to not have it all now as opposed to learning that lesson later in life........ tell him as long as he tried his best that you are very proud of him and maybe he'll make it next year.....

 

[Micka Mouse]

I am so sorry for your DS . When we were younger, my brother played, and it was just as you described...a family. Can you call the coach and ask what happened? If he has been on the team for years, you should be able to call and ask. I would word it, "ds was crushed about not making the team. Is there something in particular he needs to work on for next year?" Let the coach explain why he didn't make it.

However, I am curious. Why did his friends mom call and give you the news? It seems that you should've been called by the coach, especially since it's the friends first year, and your ds has been on the team for several years. Is the coach closer to the friends mom? That part does not sit well with me.

Lots of hugs to your sweet boy

 

[MoeFam]

I too am sorry for your son.

I agree with PP- maybe ask the coach if there is something to work on for next year etc.

In the meantime, can you refocus your summer plans? Work together on a list of possible summer projects and then chose a few to work towards? Might give him something else to think about...

Would he be interested in playing for a different team if that was possible?

 

[Hannathy]

However, I am curious. Why did his friends mom call and give you the news? It seems that you should've been called by the coach, especially since it's the friends first year, and your ds has been on the team for several years. Is the coach closer to the friends mom? That part does not sit well with me.

Lots of hugs to your sweet boy

I was wondering about that to. It is very curious. Shouldn't all the kids be notified the same way? How did she find out first and why was it her job to call you? I'd do some checking. I am also very confused how a boy who never played baseball before made an all-star team and a child who lived ball and sounds like he had some talent didn't. Sounds fishy, I'd want some more info.
Nothing you can do now will help your poor little guy and it will hurt you as much as him,sorry it is rough. It is a hard lesson in life to learn that sometimes being good at something just isn't enough for one reason or the other and life isn't always fair. (but I'd still like the coach or commissioner to explain to me how a complete rookie makes an allstar team, yes you need raw talent but baseball is also a skills game that you HAVE to learn)

Is there a rec league he could play on and then try out again next year. He may get a good coach and feel important when he will probably be the "star" of the team with his skills.

 

[ndgqccmiller]

Okay let me answer some of these questions...

The coach actually works w/ ds bestfriends mom. we promised each other we would call when we heard the news. She was actually very upset over this too

I did talk to the coach he said he had to take the top ten out of 30. We usually have 11 kids on the team but this year the team will only have 10, he said my son was ranked 11. Who knows. Also the only reson my husband and I can figure ds bf was ranked higher is his bat. Not strong in the field but does is a good hitter. They may just use him as a desinated hitter. But don't have to put him in the field. Plus my son is a pitcher and a 1rst baseman so we would expect him in the field.

To the poster who said it is a lesson. Life is a learning experience. God didn't put us on this earth to want whats here. There are better things out there. Our family knows what hard is. My sister has MS and my other is in stage 4b cancer. This is not the end of the world. I explained that this is only a blip in what is his life and there will be better things and worse things. But as his mom I just want to hold him and take care of him and protect him! That's my job the world can treat him bad, but I will be there to make it better and let him cry. At the age of 10 when all of your close friends including you're best friend are all together and you're not involed its hard and I want to know how to make it better.
Thank You everyone!

 

[TheDizMom]

I totally sympathize with you. My DS is the same age and not at all gifted athletically. He is very pigeon toed and trips over his own feet when he runs a lot, so ends up falling all the time. It breaks my heart to see him struggle every year at things like field day and not be able to do anything about it. It absolutely kills me when I hear the other boys tease him about it. I just do what you said you wanted to do, hug him, let him know I am proud of him anyway, and listen when he wants to talk about it. I just support him and let him know we love him and he will get through it. It's hard because at their age they still need us to do that, but they don't want us to either because they don't want people to think they are being babies. That's really the only thing you can do. He is going to be upset and hurt for a while, but in the end he'll come out ahead and stronger for it. I hope he is able to work on his skills this summer so he can be on the team next year!

 

[JerJan]

Okay let me answer some of these questions...

To the poster who said it is a lesson. Life is a learning experience. God didn't put us on this earth to want whats here. There are better things out there. Our family knows what hard is. My sister has MS and my other is in stage 4b cancer.

I'm sorry to hear that....just so you know my husband has been battling stage 4C colon cancer (it has now spread to his liver) for the past 3 1/2 yeards , he is now (48 years old) we have 2 daughters ages 7 and 15. I do know what is important in life and I wasn't trying to be harsh.....sorry if you took it that way.

 

[jenrein]

He will get through it...I know it stinks. I have an 11, 8 and 6 yr old who are in so many different sports- hockey, lacrosse, dance, soccer. I am actually happy that they havent yet picked "the one" sport. Other than my youngest who is destined to be a ballerina they are all open minded. I sometimes wish they wanted to commit to the one sport but its reasons like yours that I stay happy with average competitors. Isnt that terrible? But seriously- if hes that upset maybe he could volunteer to help out with the team so he still has an excuse to be there all the time and still be exposed to practicing and training.

 

[minniebeth]

I know how disappointing this can be. I have 2 children in this age range involved in activities that the are passionate about. This is as disappointing to you as a parent as it is for your son! I agree that however hurtful it is, disappointment is a part of life and it can be used as a growing/character building experience. Put aside how the issue was handled, this may be an opportunity for him to have a different experience which was perhaps meant to be. My philosophy is when a door is shut, a window opens. Perhaps in the future this may be looked back on as it was meant to be to make way for something else. Acknowledging his disappointment and then trying to be optimistic about the future will be great. It still stinks!

 

[MSSANDRA]

Poor baby... I might have the soft heart but I think this is much worse than just not making a team. it is a team that he has poured his heart and soul into for 3 or 4 years. I am sure he is crushed and so are your and your DH. The bad thing is that 10 is about the age that sports shift from a fun, family focused event where the chilcren learn and work together as a team, to the highly competive where only the best of the best can make it. So sad but ture.

My DS LOVES sprots but he is just not good at them. (Please do not think I am saying your DS is not, 11th is great, but I want to make a point.) It was about this age we knew tht YMCA ball and soccer was just about to the end and that all the tournament and school teams were just not an option for him. We first tried to look at teams that the Y still had up to the 7th grade and also looked for church teams that encouraged skill and team work rather than dog eat dog. Upward Bound is a great choice. We also tried to steer him toward other less competive activites. We found scouts were a perfect fit for him.

I think that this will be a hard summer as his best friend will be tied up in what he wanted to be doing. I would try hard to find him a team, and fill his summer with as many fun activities as possible.

MsSandra

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I can totally understand how you feel. We love our kids so much. Have you looked at having him participate in a bb clinic? They usually get to work on all their skills and they usually have great coaches teaching. Good luck as I know how hard it is to be the Mom and see your little one so upset.

 

[dfarner]

I can sympathize w/ you. I am dreading the days (my dds are young)when my girls start getting rejected from things. I come from a family where sports are everything and I married an athlete so I'm around it all the time. A lot of it is political, but I'm sure your son doesn't understand that quite yet. Just try to keep him as positive as possible.

 

[badblackpug]

I'm sorry for your son. That is a very difficult age to be left out. I wouldn't give him anything to "work on." I am of the opinion thay sports at this age should be FUN and that the bigger lessons learned while playing (teamwork, sportsmanship, dedication) are more important than being "the best." *pet peeve alert* I am very irritated by parents who push their kids to be the best athlete the star, I think it takes the fun out of the game, kids should be allowed to just play and enjoy. (I am not saying you do this, I am putting this out as a general comment) I would tell him that you are proud of him, that he worked hard, that he is a good friend and teammate that he had a good time playing, and that that is the thing that is most important to you. Let him "mourn" a bit. I am sure he is hurt. Maybe as a treat to say "I am proud of you." Take him and his friend to a major league game. I am sorry for the little guy!

 

[ndgqccmiller]

Hey Everyone,
Thank you to everyone who has been responding. My son is doing much better. He went to his other friends house(who also made the team) yesterday. They really got his mind off of it. We talked after the little ones went to bed and he seems better, but he did say he wasn't ready to talk to his bf yet. My husband was there rec ball coach and he called and told him good job. We have looked into a couple camps and a select travel team coach called today and asked if my ds wanted to try out for his team they are looking to pick up some players and heard from another coach he wouldn't be playing allstars.

We are not sure about travel, it is more intense and what if he doesn't make this team. That would be a hard blow. So we'll see the try outs are Tues night so we have a couple of days to think about it. We also made a list like a p poster recommended of things we want to do this summer. We are always so busy w/ ball we never get to swim (coach doesn't like you swimming before a game bc it can tired you out), movies in the park, drive in, amusement park. All our time and money goes into baseball for our son and swim for my daughter. Now my son can come and cheer on our dd at her swim meets. It is a good thing but it's just really hard!

THANKS EVERYONE FOR LISTENING. I JUST REALLY NEEDED TO VENT MY FEELINGS!

 

[Gillian]

It sounds like it's going to be ok! I can relate to your son's situation. One of my DS's best friends recently started karate with my son and he's quite a bit better already (place first in competition, was top in belt testing, etc). Although it's more fun for DS to have a close friend in class, it adds a competetive element that wasn't really there before. And because DS is not as naturally gifted (not saying this about your son!), he will probably never be as good as his friend no matter how hard he works.

I bet some good things will come of it, now that he/you will will have more free time.

 

[Hannathy]

I'm glad, it must make him feel good that other coaches are calling and recognizing his talents. It also helps give him the feeling of control so if he decide to not play on a team this summer it was HIS decision not because he was cut. I think it hurts us longer than it does them.

 

[ndgqccmiller]

It sounds like it's going to be ok! I can relate to your son's situation. One of my DS's best friends recently started karate with my son and he's quite a bit better already (place first in competition, was top in belt testing, etc). Although it's more fun for DS to have a close friend in class, it adds a competetive element that wasn't really there before. And because DS is not as naturally gifted (not saying this about your son!), he will probably never be as good as his friend no matter how hard he works.

I bet some good things will come of it, now that he/you will will have more free time.

The coach does not have to pick according to rank. He explained the main reason our son did not make the team was bc during last summer he made us all sign an agreement that all the kids would have to sit according to there baseball number 2 innings each time their number was up and no matter whos turn it was they would have to sit. Well my son plays first and so does the coaches son. Last year ds was ranked higher on skill (29) the coaches son was ranked (22) This is out of possible 35 points. In one tournament he sat my son 17 innings out of 40. My husband asked for a sit down. When he talked to him and reminded him of the agreement he said he didn't realize he had sat him that much. He promised to play him. He never made it back to first base the entire season.

He told my husband on the phone the other night that after last year he didn't think it would work out well this year. It felt like a jab. But everyone is in it for their kid and since he can coach and my husband can't (he's a firefighter and works 24hrs at a time and the coach has to be at every game) Then he has the choice of who makes it. The #11 was an excuse I think. Our son is a good player. We are not expecting to go to college on this, he goes to a acedemic school, one that puts books before sports. We could have sent him to the school down the road that one of our really good friends is the highschool coach. But we send him to this school for his acedemics. His school only has a few sports, baseball being one of them and the middle school coach has asked us many times if we are planning on staying so he can play baseball or are we going to a prep school. We are playing on staying. Our ds knows grades come first. I think the % of kids playing baseball in college is .003%. I just want him to be well rounded sports, grades, violin, church, and socially. His best friend is a good hitter and I sure his fielding will improve, but his family is new and probably never speack up about how much play time he gets. And if they do the coach will explain that it is his first year give it time. I know I am rambling but he is my first born and I just think he is the Best kid along with my other two. I am truley IN LOVE with my kids and husband. So kill me.LOL!

 

[ndgqccmiller]

My husband took me and the kids to dinner and we were planning on going golfing, but we ended up walking around the mall. He purchased my son a new ball glove, to use at his baseball camp we signed him up for. My daughter a pair of shoes she has been wanting. He said for their grades but I know he was wanting to make him feel better. But then he took me to the jewelers and purchased a beautiful saphire and diamond ring with a diamond channel band to go w/ it both set in white gold. I have been looking at rings since before our 10th anniversary almost 2 years ago. My son was so excited, my husband had told him that we could splurge a little since we weren't traveling with ball. My son said it was worth it. I love it! Everything going well!

 

[ndgqccmiller]

My son got picked up by a select team this week. Practiced with them and coach called and asked him to join the team. Some travel nothing crazy. Really like the coach a lot. Thanks to all diser for your help!