Son got teased at the playground.

[loves to dive]

My son used to always get in fights because someone was picking on someone else. I pulled up to day care once to see him sitting on another kid. I went over to the director and kind of casually asked why my son was sitting on the other kid. She told me the other kid had been picking on my son's best friend and he wasn't having any of it. I asked her how long she was planning letting it go on, and she told me she'd make him get off in a minute but the other kid was a bully and she wasn't allowed to touch him and since my kid didn't hit him, just sat on him, it was fine. Well, all righty then. Of course, when we got home I had a long talk with my son but it didn't really make any difference, he would still jump in any time he saw someone being picked on. I can't tell you how many times I got called to the principle's office during his school years over it. He is grown up now and still does it.

 

[Magpie]

Well done, to both boys!

I was bullied viciously in elementary school - punched, chased, spit on, kids swearing into our answering machine, vandalizing my bike... it was brutal.

My daughter was born with a large haemangioma on her upper lip. It pushed her nose up and dragged her mouth down. I remember saying, "It's okay, because all her life, if someone teases her, she'll believe it's because of her birthmark." I had been an ordinary-looking little girl, and when they teased me the part that cut the deepest was knowing that they hated me not because I was different and not because I wore glasses or talked too much or was too clever, but because I was just being me. I desperately wanted to believe it wasn't really true, but I knew it was - I was a dork, a geek, a loser, just like they said.

A birthmark, though? That can be dealt with. Teasing someone over something they were born with just reflects badly on you, not them.

My other thought on the issue was glasses or no glasses, birthmark or no birthmark, kids will find a weakness and exploit it. So, build up your child's defences. Be kind, be reasonable, don't tease! Let them make decisions for themselves, and respect their opinions. Don't bully them. Don't browbeat them. Don't humiliate them. When they come across these things in school, they should know deep in their core that it isn't right. And how will they know that? Because these things - bullying, teasing, power plays - won't exist in their homes.

We bully-proof our children by never bullying them ourselves.

It also really helps if you have a good, sensible school system with excellent leadership. In the end, we lucked out. Great teachers, strong anti-bullying initiatives, student involvement... actually this story basically says it all:

Ninth grade, my daughter began bickering with another ninth grader in the locker room. They were the youngest girls there. The others were older - juniors and seniors, and they were ignoring the two girls. There were no teachers in the room. It got heated, and the girl said to my daughter, "Yeah, well... you're ugly!" Immediately, the older girls turned around, as a group, saying, "You can't SAY that!" My daughter came home completely amazed that girls she didn't even know would step up to defend her like that.

I'm very happy to say that both my kids had a much better public school experience, than I did.

 

[Poohforyou]

I love when a kid is put in his/her place by another kid without any adult involvement. It has a much more lasting affect IMO.

 

[low-key]

A friend who sticks up for you is a friend you need to keep for life

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Sometimes its nice to have a good friend willing to do bad things for you.

This need to be in the deep thought thread

 

[Bluestars]

It's sounds like you have a very sweet son and he has an awesome friend. That's a nice story.

 

[fly girl]

Sometimes the wrong thing is actually the right thing.

In my mind, this is one of those times.

Love that the bully didn't win.

 

[King Schultz]

This need to be in the deep thought thread

It should, and now it is.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

It's nice to have a friend who will stand up for you, however...we need to be really careful these days about rewarding a child for punching another. Schools have "zero tolerance" for physical violence. We hear too many stories about schools calling the police on kids who punch, kick, bite, etc. It's sad that typical squabbles between kids have turned into so much more in terms of punishment. Then you have litigious parents who will sue you if your child lays a hand on theirs. It's sad, but it's currently the climate in which we live.

Bullies want attention. They feel badly about themselves, so they try to make other people feel the same way. Bullies need to be ignored. Completely. Act as if they're not even there. No snappy comebacks, no punching. Just pretend as if they don't exist and go on with your business or walk away. That's the worst thing you can do to a bully because it's the opposite of what they want.

 

[King Schultz]

It's nice to have a friend who will stand up for you, however...we need to be really careful these days about rewarding a child for punching another. Schools have "zero tolerance" for physical violence. We hear too many stories about schools calling the police on kids who punch, kick, bite, etc. It's sad that typical squabbles between kids have turned into so much more in terms of punishment. Then you have litigious parents who will sue you if your child lays a hand on theirs. It's sad, but it's currently the climate in which we live.

Bullies want attention. They feel badly about themselves, so they try to make other people feel the same way. Bullies need to be ignored. Completely. Act as if they're not even there. No snappy comebacks, no punching. Just pretend as if they don't exist and go on with your business or walk away. That's the worst thing you can do to a bully because it's the opposite of what they want.

This was on a playground, not a school, and I would think getting punched in the nose and knocked down is the opposite from what a bully wants.

JMHO.

 

[Twilight Sparkle]

I am normally not pro-hitting, but this was awesome! I love that both your son and his friend stood up to this bully - each in their own way. I hope they always keep that self-knowledge and strength of character.

 

[King Schultz]

And these are 6 and 7 year olds. . . it's not like they can do any real physical damage with just a punch.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

This was on a playground, not a school, and I would think getting punched in the nose and knocked down is the opposite from what a bully wants.

JMHO.

Very true, but how do you teach a 6-year old that it's ok to punch on the playground but not at school? And yes, I agree that a bully doesn't want to get punched in the nose. However, a bully who is only using words needs to be ignored. If he touches his victim, then all bets are off.

 

[jevs]

It's nice to have a friend who will stand up for you, however...we need to be really careful these days about rewarding a child for punching another. Schools have "zero tolerance" for physical violence. We hear too many stories about schools calling the police on kids who punch, kick, bite, etc. It's sad that typical squabbles between kids have turned into so much more in terms of punishment. Then you have litigious parents who will sue you if your child lays a hand on theirs. It's sad, but it's currently the climate in which we live.

Bullies want attention. They feel badly about themselves, so they try to make other people feel the same way. Bullies need to be ignored. Completely. Act as if they're not even there. No snappy comebacks, no punching. Just pretend as if they don't exist and go on with your business or walk away. That's the worst thing you can do to a bully because it's the opposite of what they want.

No. Bullies need to be knocked to the ground. Otherwise they grow up to be big bullies.

 

[King Schultz]

Very true, but how do you teach a 6-year old that it's ok to punch on the playground but not at school? And yes, I agree that a bully doesn't want to get punched in the nose. However, a bully who is only using words needs to be ignored. If he touches his victim, then all bets are off.

You tell them don't hit anyone at school unless they hit you first.

But if it's at a playground and I'm there to give you the nod, let it fly.


It's not complicated.

 

[Magpie]

You tell them don't hit anyone at school unless they hit you first.

But if it's at a playground and I'm there to give you the nod, let it fly.


It's not complicated.

I told my daughter in first grade - when she was in trouble for chasing and kissing a boy who didn't want to be kissed - that school is your workplace. Then I asked her what she thought might happen to Daddy if he behaved like she'd just behaved. She was horrified, and easily understood that something that might be funny at home isn't at all funny at "work".

Different environments have different codes for behaviour. Even at five or six, children can understand that concept!

 

[King Schultz]

I told my daughter in first grade - when she was in trouble for chasing and kissing a boy who didn't want to be kissed - that school is your workplace. Then I asked her what she thought might happen to Daddy if he behaved like she'd just behaved. She was horrified, and easily understood that something that might be funny at home isn't at all funny at "work".

Different environments have different codes for behaviour. Even at five or six, children can understand that concept!

Exactly!

And if they mess up, use it as a teaching moment while supporting them.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

To each his own. I still would never advocate telling a child it's ok to hit over words.

 

[fly girl]

To each his own. I still would never advocate telling a child it's ok to hit over words.

OP stated the child who threw the punch was immediately scolded and removed from the park.

I wouldn't advocate either, and I think many on here agree with your statement.

But out of kids eyesight we're proud the kid stood up to the bully for his friend.

 

[Realfoodfans]

To each his own. I still would never advocate telling a child it's ok to hit over words.

I have to disagree - words can hurt as much as a physical punch - ask any victim of mental abuse. It can lead to such feelings of unworthiness that the person being abused may take drastic action to escape it.