Sometimes ya win and sometimes ya lose

[hentob]

In any event, if the 5-6 year old is the one the OP is referring to, then I agree with the majority - if, as a parent, you're going to cut off your D's nose to spite YOUR face and deny her the opportunity to play because you don't agree with the league's no-keeping-score policy, then this is the first of a lot of events she'll sit out because Dad can't call the shots and set the policy.

 

[Tink888]

I posit you can do both. I think not worrying a final score defeats the purpose of playing.

And yes, he had tryouts and no he didn't make the best teams, but he strived to make them next time. I realize that not all kids are going to make the best teams, but striving for being the best is what is important and that includes scoring AND the fundamentals of the game.

I see it all around and in coming up what I call the wussification of America. Gymnastics where everyone gets a medal, swimming where everyone gets a trophy and on and on.

But to me and my family it IS about winning and losing and how to handle each and neither be a sore loser NOR a sore winner. Without points, the game is quite literally pointless!

Well then it sounds like a more competitive league is where you should put your DD. You never did answer as to her age and I'm also curious as to the age group of your step-son's team that you coached. I'd say that most posters have been of the assumption your DD is 5 or 6 and a first time player. Had she been playing for several years, I think you would have received very different answers.

FWIW neither of my kids really remember the scores of any of their games in any of the sports they've played except for some truly memorable ones. Some trophies were earned and there are some early ones that were handouts, some seasons there were none. Both boys learned to win and lose gracefully, both have a competitive drive. Neither have been "wussified" and both love and know their respective games.

It's great to win and it stinks to lose but personally I think just playing is pretty fun. It's the love of the game that still gets me out on the basketball court now and then. Good exercise too.

 

[sahd2one]

If you are only worried about the final score, the only people who get the ball are the good players.

As it should be.

If you are only coaching to win, you will make sure that only your best players gets the ball.

As it should be.

You are missing the opportunity to develop other players who may become better than the little johnie/sally that is a great player at the age of six.

That is the function of playing at home in less formal circumstances, but when playing on a league, the purpose is to be the winner and not have some namby pamby little "let's make sure no one get's their feelers hurt" pretend game. If the kids are keeping score and no who the winners are, it creates this false sense of inclusion when "everyone is a winner". Boy are they going to be in shock then they find out that is so not the case.

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

Wussification of America, eh. Do you base all your parenting decisions on things Hannity and Limbaugh say?

That is the function of playing at home in less formal circumstances, but when playing on a league, the purpose is to be the winner and not have some namby pamby little "let's make sure no one get's their feelers hurt" pretend game. If the kids are keeping score and no who the winners are, it creates this false sense of inclusion when "everyone is a winner". Boy are they going to be in shock then they find out that is so not the case.

If you really think that I feel incredibly sad for any child you might coach. My little cousins competitive soccer team just won the state championships this past season. At age 6 she was the kid who loved soccer but was far from the best on the team. Had she had coaches who thought it was just about winning and that it was namby pamby to nuture her love of the game and put effort into developing her skills she would not be a state champion now (and likely future college and pro player). She is one of the best of the best for her age now, but she wouldn't have gotten there if at age 6 her coach only cared about winning and only played the best players.

At ages 5 and 6 its about building skills, functioning as a team, learning the positions. Surprisingly kids every year are able to then make the transition to the next level where scores are kept... and without any major shock or trauma. Often the kids with the hardest transition are those who excelled when they were younger without much effort, who suddenly find themselves having to fight for their position as other kids (who've been used to working/trying that much harder all along) have their motor skills catch up or suddenly have the game "click" in their head.

Coaches for select teams will often not even go for the "best" players who score the most points, but rather the players that are good and show a willingness to learn, and a desire to put effort in to continually improve their game. The "best" player that won't show up for practice, or thinks they know everything and doesn't want to be taught, or give 100% at practice is no good to a team. Valuing practice and developing skill, being part of a team has very little to do with keeping score and winning/losing. It is important to develop those things so they have a solid base in teamwork and valuing the effort put in so that when they do get to winning and losing, it is based upon something real. Winning at age 6 when half the other team is sleeping, picking their nose, or shooting into the wrong goal is as meaningless as not keeping score.

 

[JennaTX]

I dont think the OP ever posted the age of their child? I know it was asked many times, but I never saw it answered.

So OP if you want your kids to only play in competetive sports, then go ahead. You are the parent, it is your decision!

I'm not quite sure how your 4 year old will do with soccer or your 5 year old with football or your 6 year old with basketball....but by all means put them in a competitive league at that time, and see how they do.

 

[Bobbles]

As it should be.


As it should be.


That is the function of playing at home in less formal circumstances, but when playing on a league, the purpose is to be the winner and not have some namby pamby little "let's make sure no one get's their feelers hurt" pretend game. If the kids are keeping score and no who the winners are, it creates this false sense of inclusion when "everyone is a winner". Boy are they going to be in shock then they find out that is so not the case.

As usual, you amaze and amuse!

Will you ever answer any direct questions that are posted to you? I know you haven't answered questions that were asked in some of your previous threads.

 

[SHAYMARAYSMOM]

As usual, you amaze and amuse!

Will you ever answer any direct questions that are posted to you? I know you haven't answered questions that were asked in some of your previous threads.

No I do not think the OP will. But he does like to stir it up.

 

[Mickey Fliers]

Sahd - You would absolutely hate our soccer coach. My DS is on a competitive travel soccer team that lost just about every game for the first 2 years. Our boys were not allowed to pass the ball. Gasp, you say. Well, his philosophy is that you wouldn't assemble an orchestra when no body knows how to play an instrument. Same thing with soccer. The first two years were spent completely on ball control and ball skills. After the boys mastered the fundamental 42 moves, they then proceeded to passing/gaming skills and pretty much dominated the league.

So, while I agree that kids need to understand that not everyone wins (heck, I dealt with a son who lost every week), I also learned that winning isn't everything. My son is the better player for it.

 

[sahd2one]

I dont think the OP ever posted the age of their child? I know it was asked many times, but I never saw it answered. .

Someone already answered how old my child is. I do not need to read the thread for you. I have seen so many kids playing informal games where a score is kept and there is a winner and a loser and the "losing" kid or team just gets crushed because no one has bothered to teach them about winning or losing. And not young kids either. This non-scoring business is something made up to help parents think that their kids feelings should NEVER be hurt ever. I truly feel sorry for those children.

 

[sahd2one]

Wussification of America, eh. Do you base all your parenting decisions on things Hannity and Limbaugh say?

I don't know who those people are. Are they some kind of "child-care" expert?

 

[tmarquez]

I agree with you. BUT...DD(6) plays soccer in a non-competitive league...and they don't "officially" keep score, but the coaches do AND the kids do too. If you ask any of the kids on the team, they all know how many games they've won/lost. They even know the records of the other teams.

I don't think they start competitive soccer until 10...and if we held her out until she was 10, by then DD would be so behind in skills she probably wouldn't make the team.

DW wants to put DD on a soccer league this spring. I found out they do not keep score. I said no thanks, but not interested. It is like those "sports" where everyone gets a trophy.

Yuck!

 

[mum4jenn]

This non-scoring business is something made up to help parents think that there kids feelings should NEVER be hurt ever.

That would be THEIR kids.

 

[mum4jenn]

"let's make sure no one get's their feelers hurt"

Feelers??????

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Okay- not to pick a side here but I can see things from both angles. However, for those saying that the score shouldn't be kept because they are learning skills, don't your kids have practices? I know that many sports have practices every week and then a game. Aren't they learning the skills to play a game at a practice?
Just a thought......

 

[Uuaww]

If the kids can play positions and not bunch ball, they can keep score.

Reminds me that competition is good, me and my friend were huge jacka.... in high school and needed some good volunteer work for college applications. We choose to coach soccer. After the organizers of the league met us and sized us up, she choose us to coach a special needs team since we had both worked with the kids before teaching swim lessons so it was an obvious fit.
Now we were maybe too into it, yelling (mostly at the refs). We struck fear into the hearts of the refs and parents. We showed up in trucker hats that said "World Champion" and "Record Holder" with 64oz double big gulps from 7/11... And coached that team all the way to a 2nd place finish in the league. Competition made us better coaches... even if we each got red carded by the refs once.

 

[3jsmommy]

Someone already answered how old my child is. I do not need to read the thread for you. I have seen so many kids playing informal games where a score is kept and there is a winner and a loser and the "losing" kid or team just gets crushed because no one has bothered to teach them about winning or losing. And not young kids either. This non-scoring business is something made up to help parents think that there kids feelings should NEVER be hurt ever. I truly feel sorry for those children.

This post just shows how much real experience you have in sports!
It doesn't matter how much a kid, teen or adult has been "taught about losing, if they are a true athlete they will be crushed when they lose!
My DH played & coached sports through hs & college, he played for tough coaches, my FIL being the worst (think Duvall in the Great Santini) My DH was crushed even in college when they lost. I've seen grown men cry & fall down in defeat. It's not because they are whoosified (sp ) it's because their sport is a part of who they are.
I am all for encouraging your child, but you need to teach them the basics, let them find a sport they love & the desire to win & the passion will be automatic!
That's not going to happen by pre-k so they are just learning the basics & being encouraged to try their best. No one is going to benefit from soccer boot camp at 5!

 

[disneymyway]

It doesn't matter how much a kid, teen or adult has been "taught about losing, if they are a true athlete they will be crushed when they lose!

Of course they are crushed, but they (hopefully) have learned how to be a good sport. (and that's the point.)

This isn't just about sports. This is learning that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose but either way you do your best and there is always next time.

I avoided those stupid "everybody wins" situations for my daughter. They just give kids the false belief that everything is always going to be fair.

 

[Sandy V.]

Someone already answered how old my child is. I do not need to read the thread for you.

Yeah, that was me who had to look it up because you weren't polite enough to give us the information, despite repeated inquiries.

Honestly, you do make a few good points along the way, but HOW you deliver your viewpoint is never going to win you many supporters. But then again, I suspect that was your intention all along. Some people are just born to be pot-stirrers.

Have a pleasant day, and I hope that your DD gets to play soccer somewhere, if that's what she wants to do. But like I said before, she's probably in kindergarten or first grade, and speaking from experience, this is just the first of many endeavors in her young life where Dad isn't going to be able to completely call the shots. So you're going to have to learn to adjust. Or you DD is going to have to get used to being the one to "sit out" and not particpate in activities because they don't fit your version of how they "should" be organized and implemented.

 

[declansdad]

As it should be.


As it should be.


That is the function of playing at home in less formal circumstances, but when playing on a league, the purpose is to be the winner and not have some namby pamby little "let's make sure no one get's their feelers hurt" pretend game. If the kids are keeping score and no who the winners are, it creates this false sense of inclusion when "everyone is a winner". Boy are they going to be in shock then they find out that is so not the case.

I hope your daughter is the best player because she won't develop in your system. She will have no hope of ever making a competitive team.

 

[declansdad]

Someone already answered how old my child is. I do not need to read the thread for you. I have seen so many kids playing informal games where a score is kept and there is a winner and a loser and the "losing" kid or team just gets crushed because no one has bothered to teach them about winning or losing. And not young kids either. This non-scoring business is something made up to help parents think that there kids feelings should NEVER be hurt ever. I truly feel sorry for those children.

These kids don't get crushed, heck they forget about the game shortly after the last whistle. It is the parents that get upset.

I really think you should go out and coach to see how you make out.