Something I just don't get......

[taximomfor4]

We keep certain things in the house that are always available for snacking. Then, there are things that are "treats" or "dessert." The kids do tend to ask first,for a snack, and are only told "no" if it's almost mealtime.

They never just grab things out of the cupboard or fridge...probably stems from when they needed me to help them. But I don't tell them it's open season on the yogurt or carrots, because I like to veto the snack idea right before dinner or whatever. Even Easter/Halloween candy is out for the grabbing, but they always ask first. They aren't really limited, but tend to only eat one or 2 pieces of candy at a time. Mostly, we end up throwing some away as the next "candy" holiday approaches.

DH grew up in a house where junk food was always available, and he could grab what he wanted whenever. I grew up in a house where there was NO snacking between meals at all, and pop (soda), ice cream, chips, etc were only for the grownups.

Basically, we don't have a hard and fast rule...but my kids ask before grabbing a snack. Even my 10th grader. She knows I won't say she can't have an apple but she still always asks.

Beth

 

[dogluva]

I used to let my kids just raid the refrigerator. It was just getting to be too much snacking. They would eat snack after snack, sometimes two fisted. Then they wouldn't eat meals. So this summer I set some ground rules. Ask me. That way I can monitor it. I am flexible and not the refrigerator gastapo but I want to have an idea of what they are eating and where the snacks are going.

I let them help themselves to drinks but don't really keep anything but juice or milk.

 

[lulugirl]

Dd is 8, she can take what she wants from the fridge/pantry. I always have fresh fruit, yogurt and relatively healthy snacks on hand that she helps herself to.
The rule in my house is one treat per day, so if you decide to eat a Twinkie at 10 in the morning, fine but no more junk for the rest of the day.
With Dd (8) we've never had to endure any food battles, she's always been a great eater and usually makes healthy choices w/ out any prodding.
3 yr. Ds is completely different, he would eat candy all day if I let him.
So, while my kitchen isn't on lock down I do understand that in some homes it may be necessary if you have a child who will just snack on junk all day.

 

[disneymom3]

Lulugirl--isn't that funny? My middle DS wouldn't eat candy if you set it in front of him and he was starving. My youngest one would have chips for breakfast! The other day we were at a friend's and the kids were playing outside. Middle DS came in and asked if he could have some water and my friend told him there was some Kool Aid. He looked kind of worried and they said "May I please just have some water?" His brother on the other hand, perked up his little ears when he found out there was Kool Aid. It is like it is born in them or something.

 

[maiziezoe]

My kids have always asked for snacks... I don't remember teaching them to ask. I kind of always thought they asked because they are so polite.


But, now that I think about it, it probably stems from when they were little and asked for stuff because they couldn't reach it. They never got out of the habit.

I'm glad they ask... otherwise I would never know what to buy at the grocery store.

 

[PrincessHeart]

When my dd was little (2-3), we had to lock the pantry b/c if you turned your back she was in there eating something. Then she wouldn't eat meals. Once she got into the habit of asking for snacks - the locks came off. I even have a special cabinent for anytime snacks. The chldren are free to take what they want - as long as they ask first. You just don't want them to eat snacks and then not eat meals. I think a small amount of junk food is healthy. The kids need to learn moderation. We have a neighbor child who is only allowed "healthy" foods. I mean nothing remotely junky is allowed. Well, when she goes to other people's houses, she gets in thier pantries and raids them for junk. I have seen her scarf down three helpings of ice cream and cake at B-day parties. It's a terrible relationship she has developed with food. You are the parent and you have to help your kids learn good habits. Ok, off my soapbox now.

 

[shelly3girls]

We do what many parents have mentioned about unlimited healthy snacks and asking permission for unhealthy snacks. Our big problem is that the kids do not make sure the refrig or freezer door are shut all the way. We have the bottom freezer and french doors on top. They always seem to find the exact position where all the cold still escapes but the door is not open enough to set the alarm off.

 

[LisaZoe]

I think by rationing it and forbidding it kids never learn to ration themselves and make good choices. I can always tell when kids are visiting which kids have to ask permission and are limited because they always take and eat more than the other kids and usually grab many cookies at a time instead of eating 1 and coming back.

Please keep in mind that some kids CAN'T ration themselves. My friend's daughter seems to have no internal signal to tell her she's full. She's been that way since she first moved in with them at 2 and still is after 8+ years. She would eat virtually non-stop if she wasn't monitored. At first I felt bad saying No when she'd ask for something to eat when she came to visit. However, after she stayed a few days with me once, I really saw that she didn't know when she'd had enough so I HAD to monitor it for her. Hopefully as she gets older she'll be more able to keep it in check herself.

As for my own DD (almost 6), she is expected to ask before she gets something to eat. Usually I'm OK with her choice but the answer isn't always yes if a meal time is close or her choice isn't one I'd let her have at that time, like chips at breakfast. I do want her to learn to make her own choices and do so wisely but I will continue to monitor her choices until she's consistently making good choices. She's not a big one for candy so we usually end up throwing away Easter and Halloween candy after it's been around a few months. She isn't good about portion control with some things, like chips, so when we have some, I don't let her help herself.

 

[SplashMountainMama]

What I never get when I read these threads is how some people don't seem to grasp that not all kids are the same and so different families function in the way that works best for them. Must there always be criticism attached?? I swear, moms can be the worst at trying to make other moms feel bad. I have 5 kids and some of them would eat junk all day if I let them have open access to the fridge/cupboards, others would forget to eat unless I made it for them. Just like some adults have a sweet tooth so do some kids and you can't expect a 4 or 5 yr. old to "just know" how to curb a craving. I don't believe in keeping junk food from kids, but I do believe it's our job to teach kids healthy eating habits. Just because someone does it differently than you doesn't make it wrong or worse than you...it just makes it different.

 

[Redbudlover]

I read the other thread too and decided to keep out of it - but - I agree with the writer. I believe my home is also my kids home and as such they should have access to food in their own house. I just think of human nature. Don't people always want more what they can't have? That is not to say you want kids to pig out all the time on candy and junk, but in that case, just don't buy it. If it is not there, they won't be tempted. I have certainly told my kids to wait on snacks or food if a meal time was approaching, but it is when food is doled out that I believe you create people who crave food.

 

[dogluva]

What I never get when I read these threads is how some people don't seem to grasp that not all kids are the same and so different families function in the way that works best for them. Must there always be criticism attached?? I swear, moms can be the worst at trying to make other moms feel bad. I have 5 kids and some of them would eat junk all day if I let them have open access to the fridge/cupboards, others would forget to eat unless I made it for them. Just like some adults have a sweet tooth so do some kids and you can't expect a 4 or 5 yr. old to "just know" how to curb a craving. I don't believe in keeping junk food from kids, but I do believe it's our job to teach kids healthy eating habits. Just because someone does it differently than you doesn't make it wrong or worse than you...it just makes it different.

This is what I was thinking, different families, different rules. Also, all kids are different, sometimes you have to parent them differently as well. Even my own kids understand this. I read a lot of threads where it seems that if you do something differently, you are doing it wrong. Different does not mean wrong. It is like the calling people Mrs./Mr. thread. Some want to be called a certain way and people should respect that.

I shouldn't have even responded to why I don't allow my children to just eat whatever the want. Not something I should have to explain to a stranger. I don't understand why it is so difficult to figure out the reasons.

 

[NotUrsula]

DH and I disagree on this, and now we're paying the price. We've got a 10 yo who won't lift a finger to feed himself because DH was such a hardliner about him *never* going into the fridge or pantry when he was little.

With DH it's more about messes -- he grew up with a mother whose home was sacred, and spilling food while scavenging for munchies was cause for major punishment. He's also really a hardliner about toothbrushing, which DS hates to do, so DH wants to know any time sugar passes DS' lips, so that he can force him to brush his teeth ASAP.

Of course, there was that time (DS was 5) when I was working at home during Xmas vacation and went to vacuum the living room, only to find an enormous number of candy wrappers under the couch. DS had decimated an entire *case* of chocolate truffles in an hour while I was upstairs working, and had attempted to hide the evidence. I was tempted to hide *him*, and I mean that in the English sense of the word. He certainly got yelled at, and was made to break open his piggy bank to pay back the cost of the candy, which had been meant as Xmas gifts.

My rule is that self-service is fine if you only take ONE serving of whatever it is. If you want to eat more than that, you need to check with a parent first, because it may be time to eat a meal if you're that hungry.

Now if I could just get DH to let the kid use a knife on his own ...

 

[Mouse House Mama]

This is what I was thinking, different families, different rules. Also, all kids are different, sometimes you have to parent them differently as well. Even my own kids understand this. I read a lot of threads where it seems that if you do something differently, you are doing it wrong. Different does not mean wrong. It is like the calling people Mrs./Mr. thread. Some want to be called a certain way and people should respect that.

I shouldn't have even responded to why I don't allow my children to just eat whatever the want. Not something I should have to explain to a stranger. I don't understand why it is so difficult to figure out the reasons.

I am the OP. I hope you aren't referring to me. I was just genuinely curious. I don't think one way is neccesarily better or worse. I was just curious as to everone's reasoning. Nothing wrong with that I hope.

 

[DisneyAprilFool]

It's one thing to be genuinely curious- which I hope the OP actually was- and it's another to judge other families.

I once posted on another site asking for ways to help curb my son who was 10 at the time from eating ALL of the school snacks before school- in effect, eating everything sweet and leaving both my daughter AND himself with no snacks for school. I was given a verbal lashing by more then one person for trying to limit my own child from eating 8-12 sweet snacks a day! Give me a break!

So in our home- I have a snack cupboard that is LOCKED. Before school in the morning, I go in there and I get a juice box and snacks to go in the kids' boxes. Then it's relocked and I hide the key. Why? Because my kids- BOTH OF THEM- cannot self regulate.

Someone on here bragged about their kids still having Easter candy left over- well, that's great. I'm glad your kids can stop- mine don't. Each Halloween AND Easter, I've always allowed free access to their candy- they usually polish it off within 1-2 days. I used to keep a candy jar filled on my counter- it too would be polished off within 2-3 days. Is that HEALTHY for a child?

Nay, I daresay, it is NOT healthy. If a child cannot self regulate their junk food intake or simply chooses NOT to- what's a parent to do?

My kids have access to healthy snacks- but even then, I prefer they pipe up and ask. Sure, they can have an orange or an apple- BUT I'd prefer it NOT be 5 minutes before I place their dinner in front of them.

To each their own, I suppose, but until my children prove to me that they can handle the responsibility of limiting their junk food intake- I'll limit it for them.

(As far as kids who have imposed limits taking more when they are at your house- that makes perfect sense to me- of course, kids that are already loaded up on junk and sugary snacks at home may not see the novelty of snagging as much junk food as they want at someone else's home! Self regulated does not mean WELL regulated in and of itself.)

 

[dogluva]

I am the OP. I hope you aren't referring to me. I was just genuinely curious. I don't think one way is neccesarily better or worse. I was just curious as to everone's reasoning. Nothing wrong with that I hope.

Well, I am referring to you. YOu asked in a very judgmental tone such as referring to monitoring the snacks as "kitchen police thing" and asked the question with "what is that all about?" which sounds to me like you find it wrong and you also referred to monitoring as "rationing".

Asking out of curiosity is one thing, presenting it like you find it child abuse is another.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Well, I am referring to you. YOu asked in a very judgmental tone such as referring to monitoring the snacks as "kitchen police thing" and asked the question with "what is that all about?" which sounds to me like you find it wrong and you also referred to monitoring as "rationing".

Asking out of curiosity is one thing, presenting it like you find it child abuse is another.

Well I am sorry you took it that way but I assure you that if you spoke to me in person you would not think that was the "tone" I was taking. I was genuinely curious what people's reasons were. I also never stated one way or another what we do in our home so you have no idea what I think is wrong or right. I also preciously stated that I don't think one way is necessarily right or wrong. Every situation is different. I also never mentioned at all that I thought it was child abuse. If you took it that way then perhaps it is you that has issues with it. I however do not. Everyone has a reason for their rules and I was curious as to why others had this particular rule besides some of the obvious ones. Again- you cannot know someone's "tone" on the computer but thanks for deciding how I was asking. - Yes that is in a "tone".

 

[taximomfor4]

Someone on here bragged about their kids still having Easter candy left over- well, that's great. I'm glad your kids can stop- mine don't.

I stated previously that we still have Easter candy left. At Halloween, we throw away leftover Easter candy. Around Easter, we throw away leftover Halloween candy. On my part, it is definitely not bragging. It was to illustrate that although my kids don't have problems self-limiting their junkfood intake, I STILL choose to have them ask for snacks. I don't think I came across as bragging, and apologize if it rang like that.

To be honest, I don't remember ever "teaching" them to ask for snacks, though. Like a pp on here, I think it just continued from way back when they couldn't reach/open things on their own. I just let it continue, because while I don't ration, I do monitor.

 

[dogluva]

Well I am sorry you took it that way but I assure you that if you spoke to me in person you would not think that was the "tone" I was taking. I was genuinely curious what people's reasons were. I also never stated one way or another what we do in our home so you have no idea what I think is wrong or right. I also preciously stated that I don't think one way is necessarily right or wrong. Every situation is different. I also never mentioned at all that I thought it was child abuse. If you took it that way then perhaps it is you that has issues with it. I however do not. Everyone has a reason for their rules and I was curious as to why others had this particular rule besides some of the obvious ones. Again- you cannot know someone's "tone" on the computer but thanks for deciding how I was asking. - Yes that is in a "tone".

I don't have issues with it at all-I know you don't think it is child abuse but it seemed like you thought it was wrong. Maybe you don't. Came across like you did.

By the way, if I did allow my oldest daughter to snack whenever she liked, she would weight 300 lbs. by now. That to me, is child abuse.

 

[DisneyAprilFool]

Sorry- perhaps I misread what you wrote- I thought you meant you had Halloween/Easter candy and the kids could take without asking and you STILL had some left over! Us- we only end up with the gross stuff left over and that's just because we DO allow them free reign over their candy during those holidays

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't have issues with it at all-I know you don't think it is child abuse but it seemed like you thought it was wrong. Maybe you don't. Came across like you did.

By the way, if I did allow my oldest daughter to snack whenever she liked, she would weight 300 lbs. by now. That to me, is child abuse.

I completely agree.

As for our house, my kids do ask but mainly because they are young and can't reach too many things. (the treats anyway!) They can reach things like fruit, carrots, yogurt etc. They still ask but they can have that stuff. I try not to buy too much junk and I do limit what they have because I want them to be healthy. I don't veto stuff or make a huge issue of it because
1- I don't want them to have issues with food and eating
2- I don't want them going to someone else's house and eating every snack they can get their hands on because they are not allowed to have it at home.

I am more of an everything in moderation person. My kids all have different eating styles as well. One likes large servings. One will eat small servings all day long. One is a mixture - it depends on what we are eating. I take this into consideration. I am just trying to create a healthy attitude towards food. Growing up we had cake and coffee after lunch and dinner every day. (we're Italian!) We sat and ate 3 good meals a day and also snacked but not too much. None of us were overweight etc. I am trying to recreate that for my kids. Right, wrong I don't know. I am just trying to do what I think works like I imagine we all are.