Wishing on a star
DIS Legend
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2002
- Messages
- 19,066
OP, I understand that you are 'venting' here in your original post.
But, this is not about VENTING at this point.
Not if you are asking for real input and help and opinions.
Some of the others are right....
You have to come at this from the correct angle, and stay on the right track.
Everyone here is just warning and hoping that you don't come off in any conversation the way you are coming off here.
Nobody is trying to be hurtful.
I am just trying to be nice and helpful when I say that, from your posts, you are coming of as 'emotional', and not 'professional' and 'factual'.
While you were venting in your original post, at this point, you should be seeing this thread as a practice in handling this in a professional and unemotional and non-petty way.
And, realize, that from your original post, we didn't have enough true and professional sounding phrases and examples. Just words like 'WIERD' and general negative emotional feedback. So, remember that this is where some of the prev. posts are coming from.
Unfortunately, even venting here on the DIS... this was not a good way to start off.
There is a fine line here...
This person, who I imagine, is in a position above yours, has asked for your 'professional opinion'. This is an example where you, as an employee, have been officially asked to do something that would be helpful to this person and the company.
So, I wouldn't exactly sit idle. You can and should do/say something.
But, there is a fine line here.
You have to be VERY careful to not let your personal opinions and feelings of negativity show in any way at all.
If you can set a time to speak with this person in private, and can bite your tongue when it comes to any personal negative feelings and judgments. Then this is what I would advise that you do. If you can't control the emotion and bite your tongue... then you might want to think this thru a little further.
Some of the posts here are beginning to give you some good advice...
Reference things like "She seemed to be hesitant to interact with others and to work with the other employees as a team to resolve issues". "Did not seem to be effective at stepping up to the plate, as her position in HR and employee leadership, would have required." "Positive and effective communication skills." etc....
Use words like 'SEEM'...
And, 'From my, perhaps limited, experience/perspective..'
Do not issue any statement that assumes that everything is just as YOU seem to see it. (Even thought, it probably 99% was!!!)
It 'SEEMED' as if....
From my 'PERSPECTIVE'....
Don't issue any statements that sound like 'judgements'.
Offer your 'limited perspective'.
It is likely that this person will then pick up on where you are going, and ask you for more. this is where a few, simple, and UN-emotional examples might serve you well. Have one ready... And limit this... Don't get pulled into conversation and example after example... Or your feelings will show thru, and could likely come off, as others mentioned, as 'immature, emotional, petty, female, etc....'.
If this person presses for more personal thoughts and feelings, just let them know that you simply want to pass on the basics, and just leave it there. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
And, last but not least, while it pains you to do so... you will be seen more professional and unbiased if you BEGIN with one or two positives.
Surely you can come up with some simple, but not opinion swaying positives...
But, this is not about VENTING at this point.
Not if you are asking for real input and help and opinions.
Some of the others are right....
You have to come at this from the correct angle, and stay on the right track.
Everyone here is just warning and hoping that you don't come off in any conversation the way you are coming off here.
Nobody is trying to be hurtful.
I am just trying to be nice and helpful when I say that, from your posts, you are coming of as 'emotional', and not 'professional' and 'factual'.
While you were venting in your original post, at this point, you should be seeing this thread as a practice in handling this in a professional and unemotional and non-petty way.
And, realize, that from your original post, we didn't have enough true and professional sounding phrases and examples. Just words like 'WIERD' and general negative emotional feedback. So, remember that this is where some of the prev. posts are coming from.
Unfortunately, even venting here on the DIS... this was not a good way to start off.
There is a fine line here...
This person, who I imagine, is in a position above yours, has asked for your 'professional opinion'. This is an example where you, as an employee, have been officially asked to do something that would be helpful to this person and the company.
So, I wouldn't exactly sit idle. You can and should do/say something.
But, there is a fine line here.
You have to be VERY careful to not let your personal opinions and feelings of negativity show in any way at all.
If you can set a time to speak with this person in private, and can bite your tongue when it comes to any personal negative feelings and judgments. Then this is what I would advise that you do. If you can't control the emotion and bite your tongue... then you might want to think this thru a little further.
Some of the posts here are beginning to give you some good advice...
Reference things like "She seemed to be hesitant to interact with others and to work with the other employees as a team to resolve issues". "Did not seem to be effective at stepping up to the plate, as her position in HR and employee leadership, would have required." "Positive and effective communication skills." etc....
Use words like 'SEEM'...
And, 'From my, perhaps limited, experience/perspective..'
Do not issue any statement that assumes that everything is just as YOU seem to see it. (Even thought, it probably 99% was!!!)
It 'SEEMED' as if....
From my 'PERSPECTIVE'....
Don't issue any statements that sound like 'judgements'.
Offer your 'limited perspective'.
It is likely that this person will then pick up on where you are going, and ask you for more. this is where a few, simple, and UN-emotional examples might serve you well. Have one ready... And limit this... Don't get pulled into conversation and example after example... Or your feelings will show thru, and could likely come off, as others mentioned, as 'immature, emotional, petty, female, etc....'.
If this person presses for more personal thoughts and feelings, just let them know that you simply want to pass on the basics, and just leave it there. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
And, last but not least, while it pains you to do so... you will be seen more professional and unbiased if you BEGIN with one or two positives.
Surely you can come up with some simple, but not opinion swaying positives...