Rajah
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Aug 17, 1999
- Messages
- 9,632
"a kid at heart" posted these last year, and I found them while searching the archives. Thought they were funny enough to post again since we could use the laugh. 
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do
> not walk ahead of me,
> for
> > >I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either.
> Just leave me the hell
> > >alone.
> > >
> > >2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
> broken fan belt and a
> > >leaky tire.
> > >
> > >3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're
> going to steal your
> > >neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
> > >
> > >4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you
> aren't getting any.
> > >
> > >5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be
> replaced, you can't be
> > >promoted.
> > >
> > >6. No one is listening until you fart.
> > >
> > >7. Always remember you're unique. Just like
> everyone else.
> > >
> > >8. Never test the depth of the water with both
> feet.
> > >
> > >9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try
> missing a couple of
> car
> > >payments.
> > >
> > >10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk
> a mile in their shoes.
> > >That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile
> away and you have their
> > >shoes.
> > >
> > >11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is
> not for you.
> > >
> > >12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
> Teach him how to fish,
> > >and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
> > >
> >
> > >13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that
> person again, it was
> > >probably worth it.
> > >
> > >14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to
> remember anything.
> > >
> > >15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are
> the windshield.
> > >
> > >16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first
> time.
> > >
> > >17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and
> a lot of that comes
> from
> > >bad judgment.
> > >
> > >18. The quickest way to double your money is to
> fold it in half and put
> it
> > >back in your pocket.
> > >
> > >19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
> > >
> > >20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light
> side and a dark side,
> and
> > >it holds the universe together.
> > >
> > >21. There are two theories to arguing with women.
> Neither one works.
> > >
> > >22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
> when your lips are
> > >moving.
> > >
> > >23. Experience is something you don't get until
> just after you need it.
> > >
> > >24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
> > >
> > >25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get
> slapped on our *** ...
> > >then things get worse .
> > >
> > >The most wasted day of all is one in which we
> have not laughed.
>
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do
> not walk ahead of me,
> for
> > >I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either.
> Just leave me the hell
> > >alone.
> > >
> > >2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
> broken fan belt and a
> > >leaky tire.
> > >
> > >3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're
> going to steal your
> > >neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
> > >
> > >4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you
> aren't getting any.
> > >
> > >5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be
> replaced, you can't be
> > >promoted.
> > >
> > >6. No one is listening until you fart.
> > >
> > >7. Always remember you're unique. Just like
> everyone else.
> > >
> > >8. Never test the depth of the water with both
> feet.
> > >
> > >9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try
> missing a couple of
> car
> > >payments.
> > >
> > >10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk
> a mile in their shoes.
> > >That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile
> away and you have their
> > >shoes.
> > >
> > >11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is
> not for you.
> > >
> > >12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
> Teach him how to fish,
> > >and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
> > >
> >
> > >13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that
> person again, it was
> > >probably worth it.
> > >
> > >14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to
> remember anything.
> > >
> > >15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are
> the windshield.
> > >
> > >16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first
> time.
> > >
> > >17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and
> a lot of that comes
> from
> > >bad judgment.
> > >
> > >18. The quickest way to double your money is to
> fold it in half and put
> it
> > >back in your pocket.
> > >
> > >19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
> > >
> > >20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light
> side and a dark side,
> and
> > >it holds the universe together.
> > >
> > >21. There are two theories to arguing with women.
> Neither one works.
> > >
> > >22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
> when your lips are
> > >moving.
> > >
> > >23. Experience is something you don't get until
> just after you need it.
> > >
> > >24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
> > >
> > >25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get
> slapped on our *** ...
> > >then things get worse .
> > >
> > >The most wasted day of all is one in which we
> have not laughed.
>
