Some Ramblings About Raising Teens (I Need Some Help)

[The Mystery Machine]

Anyone have a child like this?

Uh, since birth??? We made my 14yodd sign a written contract this year because I could not stand it (chores and priviledges).

As far as the clothing....she complains & complains about nothing to wear. (Her clothes do need to be updated, this is true.) However, I told her I wanted to go thru her closet and drawers give me a list of what she wears/needs.
This was 3 months ago...has NOT done it. So when she complains about clothes I say have you got that list for me?

 

[Dislifer]

My daughter fits into this category too! She tells me "I just don't understand!" She said NO ONE in her classes does ANY housework...so I guess that she would fit in well here.
She said to me..."I made supper last night!!!" Yes, she did...a frozen pizza! Geez!
Then she says she she has no clothes and she has a massive amount of clothes that can't even fit into her closet or drawers.
One time I asked her to do laundry and then maybe one other thing and she told me that I treated her like a slave!!! Unbelievable!!!

 

[Alice Sr.]

Thats my son, too.

And, did you notice she's awfully nice when she wants something, and becomes downright rude if you ask her to do anything??? Thats my son, too.

I even got him out of bed one evening, to pick up a wrapper he had left on the ottoman. He wasnt yet asleep - just laying there watching TV. That &^%&*^% had the nerve to say "why cant YOU do it????"

AHHHH! The veins in my forehead popped out and I believe I blew a few blood vessels in my brain from that one.

We are all stuck in the same stinking boat.
Christine honey I sooooo feel your pain. Just to keep myself from going crazy I think of it as an illness. Think back, weren't they all great just a few years ago? Then Wham Bam something happened, in our case it was overnight. She went to bed normal one night and woke up the next morning wench from haddie. All I can say is breath a lot. Re-examine everything you're getting bent about and stick to your guns if you know it is an important lesson and let it go if it's not a core issue. I'm starting to see the end of the tunnel on one and the beginning of the tunnel on the other.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

She sounds like my 9th grade DD. Fortunetly, she got a big baby-sitting a few months ago. So she's been buying all her Abercrombie, Hollister, AE clothes herself. I l managed to get to save money and open a savings account.
She keeps making plans for her sweet 16 next year that I just laugh about!

 

[mickeysgal]

We are all stuck in the same stinking boat.

We all may be stuck in the same stinking boat but I sure am glad I found all of you! Sometimes you think you're the only one.

 

[MagicalMom]

My lovely son decided to go sit on the roof Friday night. Yes, the roof. We still dont know why.

OMG! My 14 yo DD just said, not even an hour ago :

"I wish I had a roof outside of my window so I could sit on it at night!" Roof sitting must be the new *in* thing!

 

[Soccermom-Cheri]

I want my baby baaaaaack!!!!!!
I remember when I swore I (or he) wouldn't live past the "flippin' fours" ...

DD(7) sees DS's attitude and thinks she can follow suit. And she was born with a teenage attitude!

maybe we could all charter the Magic and just come back when they're 18 and WE are smart again ya think?

 

[mamacatnv]

!I remember when I swore I (or he) wouldn't live past the "flippin' fours" ...

maybe we could all charter the Magic and just come back when they're 18 and WE are smart again ya think?

Flippin 4's Oh so very true!! Love it - Then there is the negative nasty 8's & 9's, and everyone makes a big deal of 2, 2 was a piece of cake!

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don't think we will be smart again until they are much older than 18

As a mom of a teen and a 7 yr old drama queen it is so nice to know I am not alone and my kids are not some freak of nature even if they can change moods like mother nature can change the weather

I think also, that we all should print these out and put on the fridge, on their doors, pasted to their mirrors and even on the inside of their lockers so that our poor picked on kids will see that they are not alone and will stop feeling soooooo isolated!

MamaCatNV

Oh yeah, and I want a Mini Cooper too, what do they think we LLLOOOOVVVEEE driving our mini vans or whatever mom mobile that most of us have that we wouldn't want some cute little 2 seater that doesn't have a car seat in it, even if only for a day!

 

[Disney Doll]

Tell her she can have those things.....when SHE pays for them.

Sorry you're going through this. I don't have any teens, yet, but it's looming on the not too distant horizon. My 8 year old DD has been throwing around a teen attitude lately, and I just won't put up with it. She complains about the way I do things like laundry, so I won't do hers anymore. She knows how to load the machine, how to put in the detergent, etc., so I don't touch her clothes. If she wants clean clothes, she does them herself. She ran out of clothes once, and was positive that I would do a load in the middle of the night so she could have clothes for school, but I wouldn't. I told her she could go to school naked, or stay home. And if she stayed home, she would have to stay in her room, since I don't have time to babysit her, and normally don't see her from 9-3:30. Morning came, no clean clothes, and DD had to stay in her room. She has no TV or Radio in her room, so it was a very long day. Suffice it to say, she does her laundry in a timely manner, now.

As to cooking, I invested in some cooking with kids books, and once a week she chooses something to make for dinner, could be a side dish or dessert or a main course. Then we have "cooking school". I stay on the sidelines, and just advise when she gets stuck. A side benefit from this is that her math grade has gone up significantly.

Good luck and if you find the "magic pill" let me know!

You sound like you went to the same "mother school" as my mother.

 

[Nancyg56]

OMG! My daughter has been reincarnated! Or maybe not seeing how she's alive and well and 29 years old now. But what you wrote could have been written by me 15 years ago.

Now she's out on her own, making her own money, cooking her own food and paying for her own clothes.

It will happen in your case too even though they'll be days when it seems like it will never happen. If it's any consolation, nothing I did or did not do changed her one bit. It just happened as the the years added up.

Best wishes. I wouldn't go back to the time my kids were teens for all the money in the world!

Exactly what I wanted to say! My DD is 28, and I still remember her teen years, mostly because we were able to keep rerunning them with my nieces! I can still remember that I really did not like my DD at 15, and still was so proud of her, and I can hear my sister saying the same about her DD's. Now her oldest is 21, and only a few years to go with the youngest. All I can add is that it will get better, and that you can only wait it out. I was so happy when my DD had a baby girl whose personality was mirrored her Mom's. There is justice in this world.

 

[Sandy V.]

I was so happy when my DD had a baby girl whose personality was mirrored her Mom's. There is justice in this world.

Ah . . . the Mother's Curse. I have given it both both of my teens! It will be SO much fun to sit back and watch them as parents, although hopefully I still have a lot of time until then.

 

[CathrynRose]

OMG! My 14 yo DD just said, not even an hour ago :

"I wish I had a roof outside of my window so I could sit on it at night!" Roof sitting must be the new *in* thing!

Apparently so! I hadnt known about the cool-ness of the roof until my son was climbing off of it, Friday night! How foolish I am!

 

[agnes!]

Ah . . . the Mother's Curse. I have given it both both of my teens! It will be SO much fun to sit back and watch them as parents, although hopefully I still have a lot of time until then.

I have always called it "Grandma's Revenge" .

agnes!

 

[ckay87]

Just a note to say I'm with ya sister. My older DS is just like that. Motivated by nothing.

Then my younger DS is always figuring out new and creative ways to embezzle money out of us. I made a challenge...for fun...and said to the boys "5 bucks for the first kid to spot a robin." You know, something to get them noticing nature, excited about spring.

13 year old: "I don't think so"

9 year old (next day): "mom, I counted 14 robins today." This is the kid who plucks teeth from his mouth to "sell" to the tooth fairy.

Hey I'll be watching this thread to see if you get any earth-shattering solutions to this age-old problem (ya right!) Hang in there.

 

[Nancyg56]

Ah . . . the Mother's Curse. I have given it both both of my teens! It will be SO much fun to sit back and watch them as parents, although hopefully I still have a lot of time until then.

It is fun! My DD is a wonderful mother, and her DH is a lot easier than she is, so they make good parents. My DH and I enjoy watching her try to reason with her 4 year old, and have watched the little one turn the table on her Dad, smiling all the while. So to the OP: hang in there, because it is all worth it.

 

[Christine]

It is fun! My DD is a wonderful mother, and her DH is a lot easier than she is, so they make good parents. My DH and I enjoy watching her try to reason with her 4 year old, and have watched the little one turn the table on her Dad, smiling all the while. So to the OP: hang in there, because it is all worth it.

Yeah, well how come my mom is not reaping these rewards. My mom always tells everyone what an easy child I was and she did not have all the *issues* I'm having. So why am I being punished?

 

[EthansMom]

Just a few thoughts:

I agree with the other posters who said, "give an allowance that isn't tied to chores." Personally, I would give two pots of money -- one amount for clothes and one amount for entertainment, school lunches, and snacks, etc. Your DD will learn real quickly why you don't spend $70+ on jeans when she doesn't have the money in her budget for them. Give the same amounts each week or month and maybe some extra in the fall/spring for new clothes.

Also, the 9 year-old, 11 year-old, and 14 year-old are all old enough to each have one day a week where they "help" make dinner and one day a week where they "help" clean up after dinner. It's a good learning experience and a good time to bond one-on-one. So, for dinners, I would give each child their own day and talk to them ahead of time about what meal they might like to cook (tacos, meatloaf, pizza...all come to mind). You could teach them to (1) plan a meal, (2) do preparation ahead of time, (3) cook, and (4) clean as they go.

Also, the kids are old enough to start washing, folding, and putting away laundry. If DD isn't motivated to wash laundry, then she'll have to go to school in dirty clothes.

As for expensive stuff, just don't buy it. Maybe she'll eventually stop asking.

Good Luck!

 

[mamacatnv]

Then my younger DS is always figuring out new and creative ways to embezzle money out of us.
This is the kid who plucks teeth from his mouth to "sell" to the tooth fairy.

 

[belle_of_the_ball]

Thank you for your perspective!!! How did you get the money for your Coach purse? What did you do for it?

As for her drama--she does audition. She "aced" her mid-term exam with a monologue that she picked and she's tried out for Little Women, The Wizard of Oz, and some other things. Right now, she is a "swing" Munchkin for The Wizard of Oz. She went to one of the department's one-act plays this weekend. One of her friends (a freshman) was in it. I said "How did HE get in a play--I thought freshman didn't get in?" She told me that she did not try out for it because "I don't really like one-act plays and I was still waiting to hear about The Wizard of Oz." She definitely still seems interested in drama but I think she just doesn't like the competition. Actually, she never has been competitive at all, so this might be it for her.

I am a babysitter..but my work comes and goes, Ive also gotten paid for parts. But Im not one for keeping my room clean so each day I kept it clean I got a dollar. I also had to clean bathrooms in my house and do work that I didnt usually do. My mom posted pictures of the purse that I wanted on the bathroom doors, the dishwasher, the washing machine and dryer to motivate me.....and it did!!! But mainly taking up more babysitting and helping ut in the house

 

[caitycaity]

some thoughts... and i guess here is where i need to give the boilerplate "i don't have kids" caveat.

materialism: i think all teens are materialistic to an extent, just because there is such a need to fit in. also, i think that excessive materialism is a function of this area of the country. people here (obviously this is a generalization, but in most suburban middle class neighborhoods i have found this to be true) seem to have so much more disposable income than where i grew up. when i first came to this area, i was SHOCKED by the whole new world that existed... going out for dinner multiple times in a week. designer clothes that i never knew "real" people wore. college kids driving sports cars that cost more than my parents' annual combined gross salary. etc. etc. etc. not to excuse your daughter, but i know in college i had a very hard time fitting into this new world of wealth since i (and my parents) did not have a lot of money. sometimes when i travel to more rural parts of america for work, i worry about how living here for so long has totally warped my sense of perspective on money.

also....teenagers are a wierd breed, as i'm sure you know. in high school/college my younger sister was the "perfect" child and i was always the one in trouble and causing my parents grief and frustration. strangely enough, i seemed to grow out of it when i turned 22. when my sister turned 22 she seemed to hit the teenage rebellion that she never had. now she worries my parents to no end since she seems to be making some very...strange life choices. ones that i don't understand at all. so there is hope that your daughter could get this all out of her system and grown up to be the person you want her to be.