Some leftover drama from yesterday.....should I be mad?

[NHdisneylover]

I would never marry an ex-con, active heroin user in the first place, let alone have children with him.

I still stick with my original statement. If I trusted the man enough to marry him, then I would trust the man enough to keep our child(ren) safe. If I couldn't trust him enough to keep them safe then there is no way in hell I would ever marry him. If he changed after I married him and became an idiot, then I wouldn't be staying married to him for 23 years like the OP.

This--exactly. And, since it comes up later on, if by chance I somehow got duped into so doing I would be out of there as soon as I learned of the deception.

I would say he should be trusted with the children just as much as she should be trusted with them since she's obviously an idiot with no common sense.

 

[PaulaSB12]

LOL I think you might want to read thru the thread I am not arguing with anyone
I actually am now finding this thread amusing

You originally wrote this

npmommie's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 5,112



dh went for an exercise walk yesterday and took our dd with him. she is 10 yo. my rule is to stay in the neighborhood, not to walk out on the 2 lane ( 50 mph) roadway.
so yes you guessed it. ..........he went out on the roadway with her, about 2/10 of a mile, to loop around and come home.
I specifically told him not to go out there since she was with him.
it makes me nervous, but he did it anyway.

So its your rules and thoughts that count with your ofspring your husband's wishes do not. It says more to the marriage that you think anyone that disagrees that only you care for you child is being funny. It also explains why divorce is so common why stay with a spouse who thinks you are an idiot and by saying that because you have the right to order him to do something with his daughter he is unable to be trusted with your daughtery ou are saying he is an idiot.

 

[aprilgail2]

No you have another henpecked husband who feels that he will need to apologize in order to have his wife speak to him again. Even when he wasn't the one in the wrong.



Apparently you missed the part where she said it was her rule.

I agree! The first thing I thought of when I read he apologized was - poor guy, he is henpecked! I guess he finds it easier to just apologize than to argue with a person with issues.

Well I don't think it is anxiety when I don't want my child walking on a 2 lane 50 mph road that has a small shoulder. I call it common sense.

So he has no common sense?? You really either need to get some marriage counseling to work on the trust thing with your husband or get some therapy for your own unrealistic anxiety issues or you will be paying for it down the line.

 

[luvsJack]

Well I don't think it is anxiety when I don't want my child walking on a 2 lane 50 mph road that has a small shoulder. I call it common sense.

We live on a country road that we walk all the time, just to be clear, if there is only a small shoulder, what is on either side of the road?

And I just have to ask to clarify one more thing, do you really and truly NOT think your husband is capable of keeping your dd safe? Is that what you want him to believe you think? Because, that is certainly what it sounds like.

 

[Hannathy]

Oh my goodness, I go out shopping, and now this thread is up to 11 pages!!!!


and for the record, my dh is not henpecked, far from it
I never said I was not speaking to him. that is not the kind of childish game I would play.
I can say what I feel and so can he.
I also never used the word forbid.


carry on

Thanks for the chuckle!

OK you want to play semantics, no you never typed the word forbid but what would you like to call "I specifically told him not to go there" ?

He can say whatever he wants , as long as he DOES what you tell him, nice.

I would like to do a poll- Has anyone ever met a woman with a henpecked husband who ever admitted to having a henpecked husband?

 

[Freyja]

No, I would not be mad. I would not have told DH where he is allowed to walk with his own child either.

Same here!

 

[npmommie]

I guess the issue for me is don't you feel your DH has the same sense when it comes to the safety of his own child? I can understand your fear. .but seriously if your DH said that there was no traffic and he thought it was fine. . .then don't you trust his judgment as somebody that loves that child just as much as you do?

yes I agree with this. I do feel he has common sense, and he would never knowingly on purpose put our kids in danger.
I felt for myself it was not a good idea to walk out there.

You originally wrote this

npmommie's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 5,112



dh went for an exercise walk yesterday and took our dd with him. she is 10 yo. my rule is to stay in the neighborhood, not to walk out on the 2 lane ( 50 mph) roadway.
so yes you guessed it. ..........he went out on the roadway with her, about 2/10 of a mile, to loop around and come home.
I specifically told him not to go out there since she was with him.
it makes me nervous, but he did it anyway.

So its your rules and thoughts that count with your ofspring your husband's wishes do not. It says more to the marriage that you think anyone that disagrees that only you care for you child is being funny. It also explains why divorce is so common why stay with a spouse who thinks you are an idiot and by saying that because you have the right to order him to do something with his daughter he is unable to be trusted with your daughtery ou are saying he is an idiot.

no no no........you mistook what I meant.
i am finding it funny that somehow everyone is talking about heroin addicts and other extreme things.
don't know where that came from

We live on a country road that we walk all the time, just to be clear, if there is only a small shoulder, what is on either side of the road?

And I just have to ask to clarify one more thing, do you really and truly NOT think your husband is capable of keeping your dd safe? Is that what you want him to believe you think? Because, that is certainly what it sounds like.

there is a small area, not quite as big as a breakdown lane. on the side. if a car pulled over they would still be right on the line of traffic.
I guess i was referring to that as a shoulder. probably wrong.
then in the area they walked, there are woods, then a couple of houses, set way back off the road.


and when I said I specifically told him.............as I explained upthread in one of my earlier posts,
I really didn't get all bossy. It really was a reminder since he goes out there alone all the time.
I guess that is why he is more relaxed about it than I am. He is used to it.
but my feelings are that if he goes alone fine, but I didn't want him walking with her out there, it just seems too dangerous to me.

and no we are not headed to divorce court. we are solid.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Are you saying your husband lacks common sense? If that is so, he shouldn't be allowed to be alone with the children at all.

This is what always gets me about these type of threads. You asked for an opinion..."should I be mad?" ... and then you argue when people don't give you the answer you want to hear.

Here is the answer. NO. Your husband should be. You treated him like a child. You have belittled him by basically saying that he is not competent to make a decision regarding the safety of his own child. Here is my opinion again. It is anxiety. She is not alone, she is with her father who loves her and would give his life to protect her, this is a man you chose to marry, chose to have children with, and chose to remain married to. You should trust him with your child. If you are married to man with whom you cannot trust with your child then you need to leave him and provide a safe environment for your child.

Again, you have no right to tell a grown person what they are and are not allowed to do. I would NEVER dream of telling my husband where he could or could not take OUR kids, but again, I trust him and I know he would never put them in harm's way.

Exactly!

 

[kirstenb1]

We live in a rural neighborhood. About 1/2 a mile up the street is a state highway, one lane in each direction, 55 mph speed limit. In central Virginia, you're either on the road, or down in a 3 ft ditch. Very little to no shoulder.

Anyway, there's a kid who does yardwork for our neighbor. The kid lives off the state highway. He started walking home the other day. I flew out of my yard, and yelled to ask if he wanted a ride. So I guess I'm a very overprotective mom to kids who aren't even my own!

Anyway, I always cringe when I see walkers or cyclists on that road.

 

[goofyernmost]

And yet, grown up people jog down a busy road or street, mostly with their backs to traffic, with the sense of security of a new born babe. It's like they are thinking...they won't hit me, I have the right of way. Bicyclist have the same attitude. Almost no one has hit a pedestrian on purpose, it is always an accident. Why don't people think of that when they are out jogging for their health. It seems like it could end up quite ironically.

Walking along the side of a road is not dangerous if you're alert and cautious. In fact, almost nothing is overly dangerous, in that vain, as long as you don't take your safety for granted. A good lesson to teach your children is to not assume that everyone is guaranteed to be fully alert, protect yourself.

 

[horseshowmom]

Thanks for the chuckle!

OK you want to play semantics, no you never typed the word forbid but what would you like to call "I specifically told him not to go there" ?

He can say whatever he wants , as long as he DOES what you tell him, nice.

I would like to do a poll- Has anyone ever met a woman with a henpecked husband who ever admitted to having a henpecked husband?

That's exactly what I was thinking about the two women I mentioned. Both of them would say exactly what the OP said about her husband being far from henpecked.

And for what it's worth, I don't think anybody has said anything about anybody being headed for divorce court. I know the two couples I have in mind aren't, but I also know that their friends and families know exactly what goes on, and I've heard several remarks regarding it (including from their OWN children who are older now). Like I said before, I feel sorry for the husbands. They just learned a long time ago that it was easier to agree to keep the peace.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Too funny about men 'admitting to being henpecked'!
I think I have heard a very few men make commes, like, "Gotta keep the wifey happy"...

I guess I am still not seeing enough red flags here to start throwing around words like henpecked.

One parent can have a higher level of concern and fear about certain situations, and that doesn't make their spouse henpecked.

IMHO, this sounds like it is not really a good safe place for a 10 year old.
IMHO, this is a reasonable call to be made by one of the parents. (without throwing around labels like 'henpecked'.)
IMHO, this is clearly a problem that is caused by BOTH parents, because parents should learn to discuss things and make decisions, and respect each other - providing a united front with their kids. And it doesn't sound like that happened here, especially with the husband.)

My husband is the complete opposite of 'henpecked'.
He has 110% control.
I am the one who does the bending.
But, when it comes to a few certain issues (and especially regarding our son) yes I have had to state my views/boundaries.