Some days its hard to be a good friend. small vent

[texasthree]

Does anyone else every have days when its hard to be a good friend?

My very good friend called me last night very upset and even crying at points because her youngest son needs glasses. Now, she has 4 perfectly healthy, happy boys with no medical/health problems. This little thing, a pair of glasses is throwing her into a depression. Its hard for me to listen to since I have so many fertility issues. I would do anything to have 2 happy healthy children and shes lucky enough to have 4.
I am a very good friend to her and I love all of her children dearly But, somedays its hard to listen to the most minor problems be such an issue. Am I just being a bad friend or does this seem like a very small problem to be so upset over. I wish there was a way for her to realize how lucky she is to have them.

 

[AprilShowers]

I think you have a very insensitive friend. First, she has no idea what it's like to suffer with infertility, and she's crying about GLASSES????
Give me a break.
Secondly, if she ever DID have to deal with something catastrophic, those glasses would seem like a knee scrape.
I don't know if it's worth it or not, but maybe you could remind her that she has 4 happy healthy children, and this is just a small bump in the road.
Maybe then she will realize that she's being ridiculous. I think we all need to be grateful for our blessings, and not go off the deep end when something small goes wrong.
Just think, her son could be BLIND!! I always try to remember that someone else has it much worse than me.

 

[mickeyboat]

I understand completely.

Personally, I think she really has no clue what kind of effect something like that might have on you. I think she has lost perspective on how fortunate she really is. You are being a great friend because you didn't give her a piece of your mind. But if I were you, I might gently remind her of the fact that she should be thankful for the blessings she has.

As a matter of fact, I am taking my 6 year old to the eye doctor this weekend, and have been lamenting her having to have glasses. It's not the end of the world, and I think she would look pretty cute in them.

Denae

 

[minkydog]

I understand this from both sides. I suffered with infertility for years and I have a child with major disabilities. As minor as this seems to you, it obviously is a crisis for her. You & I don't have to agree with her about that, but it's enough to let her cry and say, "I'm sorry you're having a rough time." I have no idea what her background is, whether she is just a shallow person, what her prior losses may have been. Some people just get bent out of shape when anything goes against their plan.

I remember when my oldest child was diagnosed with a learning disability at 7. I cried my eyes out--until I went to work that night in the Children's Hospital. In the NICU. And saw there wasn't a parent in there who wouldn't trade my child's problems for theirs. It didn't lessen the enormity of my son's disability, but it did put it into perspective for me.

And then I had Christian...well, let me just say, I don't complain about the "little things" any more.

 

[azgal81]

Doesn't at least half the world have glasses?? I don't think that's something to be so upset about. Then again I was pretty sad when I learned I had to get them at 13.

 

[jennyl772003]

It is a very small problem to be that upset over. It is especially callous of her to be crying about it to you. I am sure she doesn't mean anything by it, but she does need to get a grip.

 

[jennyl772003]

Just wanted to add that you should maybe mention to her about not freaking out in front of her child about the glasses. It will just make things harder for him.

My DS has been wearing them since he was 3, and he has been just fine with them. (doesn't have them on in pic below cuz the patch wouldn't fit right otherwise)

 

[texasthree]

Thanks everyone! I was hoping I wasnt just being overly sensative to the situation. I am going to have to find a nice way to tell her to get over it. She has hurt my feelings may times over the years we have been friends and I havent said anything so it may be time to start speaking up. I have been thinking I might need to distance myself a bit from her anyways.

The other thing shes has done in the past few months was also very frustrating. I have watched her kids while they went on vacation. I have taken care of her animals, etc. I drove all the way up there in the fall because she needed a root canal and her husband was out of town. I dont mind these things at all, most of the time I have volunteered before being asked. Well during the winter we were forced to evacuate during a hurricane scare. We live south of corpus and she lives in san antonio so no brainer, we would just go stay with them for a night or 2. Keep in mind that most of the evacuues from rita were in houston and san antonio and everyone from houston to corpus was trying to evacuate so we couldnt find a hotel or a dog kennel to take our 2 dogs. I called and asked if we could come up and bring the dogs. She said we couldnt bring the dogs. I told her we would bring the kennels and put them in them all the time except to potty.(by the way, she also has a dog) She said her husband wouldnt like it. HELLO? We had no where to go. We were driving towards san antonio with no where to go. Anyways, thankfully for us the hurricane switched directions and we ended up being able to turn around and go back home. Also, let me mention we are military and were ordered to evacuate, we didnt want to but we had no choice.

Anyways, theres all my vents. There have been times, of course that she has been a good friend to me as well. Just somedays the bad out weighes the good. Thanks for all the good advice.

 

[SC Minnie]

She is waaayyy over reacting.

She should be happy to have healthy children period. People that have children that are born without birth defects do not realize how fortunate they are. DD was born with a cleft palate and for the first couple of days I was a basket case until I finally realized it was not that big a deal because it could be corrected. What if she had heart problems or worse?????

 

[MBeds]

Upset over her child having to wear glasses??!!!! That's insane...That is nothing to get upset over...For crying out loud...

My daughter has been wearing glasses for about 3 years now and she has the cutest frames i have ever seen...She gets compliments left and right about them...
THey have the nicest frames out there now for kids...
I remember when i was a kid and had to get them...They only had Harry Carey size frames at that time...yeah, that was attractive...

 

[canwegosoon]

As someone who frequently seems to go over the edge(Imo)..I think it is sometimes that your friend can not handle another thing...maybe she's doing more than she can reasonably handle, perhaps there are other issues, and the glasses just puts it all off balance. I have family problems that come out in the weirdest ways. As far as your infertility I am sure it is not at her forethought. SHe probably thinks of you as a great friend with no problems, or certainly not the problems she is facing with 4 children. Could this be financial related? Or maybe she's afraid that her son will be teased.

I also had infertility issues, and really get depressed about not having another child..but I am so lucky to have the 2 I have(twins) even with the problems they have. I hope you do have the chance to have another child.

Final comment is my best friend, also with similar issues too, has heart and thryoid problems(and both of her parents are dead from heart problems). Do I think of that every time I am on the phone with her....no. Does that make me less of a friend...no. Anyone of us could be gone tomorrow-I think it is great that you have a friend that feels so close to you-I hope you share your burdens with her even if doesn't envolve crying hystericaly.
All the best to you

 

[Stacey2grls]

I'm sorry, but I had to laugh when I read your friend cried when she found out her child needed glasses. Well, I did that too! But, my situation was different it was a "straw that broke the camels back thing". We had already gone through years of our younger daughter (who has special needs), issues, therapies, evualuations, etc., that I just basically cried my eyeballs out when I found out my older daughter needed glasses. I rarely cry, so when I did it was long time coming, so even the smallest thing triggered it I guess. But onto your friend. I think she is being extremely insensitive to your needs. This is basically the last thing you need to hear. That is why I try to look at things differently now, and I feel grateful for all that I have.

 

[AllyandJack]

I've been there....and, finally decided that I can only communicate with my best friend through text messages. That way, it's on my terms. I had to listen to her complain about being pregnant - she has to pee all the time, she can't sleep, she's fat...blah, blah. Now, I have to listen to her complain that her son cries. Who knew babies cry? Last week, she told me "motherhood is overrated".

Take a break. I'm not saying cut off all contact, but there is no need to answer the phone all the time when it's her.

I've learned lots of tricks. First, talk to her in the car (with a headset, of course). That way, when she says something stupid, you can say, "Wait...wait....I'm losing service...stupid phone!" and hang up. Work a lot....well, say you're working a lot. There is some big project going on and they need you there a lot. Finally, you're taking trips....lots of weekend trips. You didn't answer your cell phone because you were somewhere with no service.

Some people have no tact and are so over-consumed with their own lives that they can't see that, maybe, other people need some consideration and the whole world doesn't revolve around them. If they need to talk about these things, have some sense and talk to someone else.

 

[pearlieq]

Seriously? Glasses? Holy get a grip, lady!

That sounds like pretty big letdown during the evac. Honestly, with friends like that...

Maybe it's time for some space?

 

[Mary Ellen]

I think you'd be better off with one less 'friend'.

 

[Sparx]

the kid isn't blind. its a piar of glasses. she needs a reality check.

And whats wrong with glasses anyway? I wear glasses.

 

[christineann]

I would have trouble being a good friend, too. My son was in a serious accident when he was in 3rd grade (head and facial injuries), and for a few weeks I had to feed him Carnation Instant Breakfast with a baby spoon. I thanked God that this was only a temporary situation for us - there are people who face this every day.

Maybe your friend's anguish over the glasses was an isolated event, but she sounds very self-involved. I hope her son is not going to be self conscious about the glasses, given the fuss being made about it.

 

[cats mom]

Some people have no tact and are so over-consumed with their own lives that they can't see that, maybe, other people need some consideration and the whole world doesn't revolve around them. If they need to talk about these things, have some sense and talk to someone else.

Yep, had a friend over the other day and she was going on and about her poor son and how he broke his arm and would have to sit out the rest of his sports season. She was in tears a time or two as well.
It was a very minor fracture and he will be good to go for next year. The kid is only in middle school.

She knows my DD has a chronic medical condition, lost feeling/some use of her arm and had to give up her much loved sport completely because of it. No fix for my DD's condition and it could get much worse.

Some people just don't think.

 

[texasthree]

SHe probably thinks of you as a great friend with no problems, or certainly not the problems she is facing with 4 children. Could this be financial related? Or maybe she's afraid that her son will be teased.

She can afford the glasses shes just upset over him having to wear them. You make some very good points about this just being the thing that put her over the edge and maybe not what she really so upset about. She is parenting alone while her husband is deployed and the kids were sick last week so maybe the glasses issue was the one more thing that she couldnt handle. I did listen and offer advice but sometimes its hard to be supportive of such small things.

 

[texasthree]

She did call today and I just didnt answer. I need a day or two to get over it all and put my happy face back on! I have decided if she continues being so upset over it, I am going to kindly remind her of how lucky she is.
Thanks for all the replys. It makes it easier to just vent to the dis! My husband thanks you!!