It is not scary at all. My dd4 just hit the mark this last trip. The trip in May her head hit the bar but because they could move her head under the bar she could not go on it. It is now her favorite ride. We rode it 7 times last week.
My DD turned 3 in June. She rode Soarin twice and loved it. I wouldn't consider it scary unless she has a fear of heights. My DD is actually 39", but with regular tennis shoes she met the 40" requirement.
My DN3 just went to WDW and he was allowed to ride the first time he tried. He was just @ 40 inches. The next time he wanted to ride, the CM told his dad he was standing "too straight" so his 40 inches wasn't good enough. He was so upset, and so was everyone else in line. "Too straight"? Make sure your DD is 40" without standing "too straight"
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