so your feelings on a teen's baby shower?

[shortbun]

What is a shower for? It's for the friends of the future mom to fete her and help her out. Why would we punish them because their age was inappropriate in our opinion? These girls need to bond together so they can see how hard it is. If we hide the pregnant girl away-like they did until now-no one will see how different her life has become. I don't think a party for baby gifts glamorizes the pregnancy.

 

[Colleen27]

It is more than one reality, it is THE reality the vast majority of the time.

Do you have a source for that? Because that certainly hasn't been my experience. At most it is a snapshot - relying on family or assistance (or both) for a time and then moving on to self-sufficiency, not the grandparents raising the child while the teen does who knows what.

 

[Burnedout]

Glorifying people through parties. I didn't feel glorified when I had my shower. None of my friends went out and got impregnated. Of course I was thirty.

A party or pictures are not going to make a girl decide to get pregnant. Significant emotional and familial problems are the backdrop to those needy feelings. But you all don't want to hear truth. You want to make suppositions based on lifetime TV movies.

I'm wondering when it is ok for the teen mom to admit she likes her baby?

 

[shortbun]

What makes you think that? Friends complain to one another, and I'm sure hers will hear plenty about the bad times.

It sounds to me like you have a real problem with a family supporting their pregnant teen, but what is the better option there? Kicking the child out to fend for herself? Punishing mother, child, and grandparents alike with some sort of forced austerity and hands-off attitude that they'd never take towards a planned grandchild?

Yeah! I spent several nights with a single friend when she became a mom and was having trouble nursing. I hadn't ever nursed but we read and called for help. She finally got her baby son nursing and we felt like we could lick the world! Women, young and old, traditionally help each other. Again, it's not too early for these girls to begin making those bonds.

 

[Burnedout]

Yeah! I spent several nights with a single friend when she became a mom and was having trouble nursing. I hadn't ever nursed but we read and called for help. She finally got her baby son nursing and we felt like we could lick the world! Women, young and old, traditionally help each other. Again, it's not too early for these girls to begin making those bonds.

Absolutely. Women supporting and mentoring would make one hell of a lot more difference than "shaming" them. But change and bettering the situation is apparently NOT the goal.

 

[gwynne]

Absolutely. Women supporting and mentoring would make one hell of a lot more difference than "shaming" them. But change and bettering the situation is apparently NOT the goal.

It's good to remember that reaching out, caring, teaching, supporting and mentoring is how change happens. It's empowering for the mentor(s) and for the mom and baby. I think it's the right thing to do.

 

[mhfrau]

Some of these posts make me feel like we are back in the 50's. I guess the bottom line is if you don't want to attend a baby shower for a pregnant teenager, then don't, but it seems kind of ridiculous to not attend because you have moral issues with it THEN send a gift... but only something something practical to drive home your disapproval. Geez, I'm awfully glad stoning has gone out of favor in most of the world!

 

[Hannathy]

I think what is getting missed is there is a big difference in shaming and not condoning or approving of it, or congratulating someone for something.


giving a baby gift is for the baby who is innocent in all of this, throwing a party is for the mother only.

 

[Burnedout]

Some of these posts make me feel like we are back in the 50's. I guess the bottom line is if you don't want to attend a baby shower for a pregnant teenager, then don't, but it seems kind of ridiculous to not attend because you have moral issues with it THEN send a gift... but only something something practical to drive home your disapproval. Geez, I'm awfully glad stoning has gone out of favor in most of the world!

It isn't as though it stopped pregnancies back then either. I guess that as long as they felt terrible it was better.

 

[mrsklamc]

So should we prohibit teens from going to ALL baby showers? I mean, we wouldn't want them getting ideas....

 

[sam_gordon]

I think what is getting missed is there is a big difference in shaming and not condoning or approving of it, or congratulating someone for something.


giving a baby gift is for the baby who is innocent in all of this, throwing a party is for the mother only.

So it's ok to give a gift, you just can't have a group of people giving gifts at the same time?

 

[Hannathy]

So it's ok to give a gift, you just can't have a group of people giving gifts at the same time?

Yep if it is a party for the mom telling her how great this is. Congratulating her on getting pregnant. Indirectly saying this was a wonderful idea.

A gift for the innocent child is not throwing her a party.

 

[WowLookAtThat]

To me a teen mom, no matter her predictament, is still a mom. She already knows her life is going to change and perhaps not for the better and that things are going to be hard. She has faced the disapproval of her family and even some of her friends. She is in for a long and hard time with her child being a child herself. I state once again, a baby shower is for the baby. The mother is going to go through pain like all moms do. To already scorn her for the decision she made to keep her child is upsetting.

Maybe this is a bitter subject with me because I was the result of a teenage pregnancy. I had to deal with my family stating my mom could have did more if not for me. I had to be in the situation where I was the end result of my parents' bad decision. It sucks. My mother did have a baby shower (I saw the pictures) and even though it was a sad time it was also a time for her family and my dad's to get to know one another better. Was it the ideal situation? No, but shaming her or throwing out the "you shouldn't celebrate" crap was not the way to go.


If teens see a baby shower and then say "Oh I want one!" and get pregnant. They were never that bright to start with. If adults see a baby shower for a teen and say that this is an indirect way of stating that it is wonderful way for her to celebrate being pregnant, leave your disapproval at home because a teen mom is already facing a lot of it without you.

 

[alaskanabbott]

I'm trying to think of the most politically correct way to say this- I am by no means judging anyone who has made other decisions- but maybe you can think of the baby shower as a way to celebrate this teen moms choice to give this baby life. This is a hard decision to make at a young age, and her doing so is beautiful.
I was a teen mom, and so were my 3 closest friends. Three of us became friends right around the time we became teen mothers, and have stayed friends for over 20 years. The other friend I have that was a teen mom made the very difficult choice to allow another family to raise her precious child.
All 4 of us are very successful adults.
The world judged us, some of our family judged us, strangers judged us. You know as soon as you see that positive sign that no matter what choice you make your life is changed, and there is now a stigma attached to you- our modern day Scarlet Letter- TEEN MOM.
Everyone expects you to fail. Teachers, friends, family, (again, strangers). Everyone expects you to go on welfare, have dirty children, a dirty house and more unplanned pregnancy's.
So when you have those few in your life who chose not to look down on you, those who help build you up and make you feel that just because you made one choice in life, that your entire life isn't ruined- those people become hero's.
It's easy to judge another person, it's much harder to love them through their hardships and trials. I am blessed that I had many people who loved me, and while no one ever said "Wow, that's awesome your a teen-mom", I had several who said, "it's going to be hard, but if you need anything let me know." Those were the people who came to my baby shower. The people who loved me and wanted to see me succeed, because now more than ever it was imparative for me to do so. I wouldn't have wanted the other ones there, anyway.
Those are also the people who made it possible for me to finish school, then go on to get to post grad degree's.
All of my friends who were teen moms were successful because of the support they had from their friends and family.
Please remember that when passing judgment.

 

[gwynne]

Yep if it is a party for the mom telling her how great this is. Congratulating her on getting pregnant. Indirectly saying this was a wonderful idea.

A gift for the innocent child is not throwing her a party.

I think if someone is very bothered, maybe it's best to stay away. There are plenty of kind, understanding people who are able and willing to be a friend and mentor to the mom and baby. Sometimes that relationship starts at a shower.

 

[pixiewings71]

I had a baby when I was 16, she's now 26, has a great job, is married to a great guy, has a beautiful 5 year old, owns a home...... I did my best to raise her well and it apparently worked. I was given a baby shower by my choir teacher, we didn't glamorize me being pregnant, I told all my friends and classmates how hard being pg was, I was very honest and open about the whole thing. No one else in my school got pg when I was there. I don't understand the judgements and rudeness of people towards teen pregnancy, no it isn't easy, but it can be done and teen parents can raise responsible adults. I'd give a shower if one of my girls got pg.

 

[canadianjovigirl]

I see nothing wrong with it...........and refuse to pass judgment on a teen mom.

Challenging things happen to good people and bad things as well. Just remember no family signed on for parenthood with the visions of their teen being a parent anymore then they signed on for their teen to be challenging. Good families can have a teen pregnancy just as easy as "bad" families.

I would offer any and all support that I could to the teen and her child - I may not be able to change the world but I can make the world easier for somebody one person at a time, even if its small gestures. And while I am buying all those cute baby things I would also include something for mom as she deserves it if the world we live in is as condescending towards her as some of these attitudes here.

And imagine the horror that I am the mom to 2 teen girls aged 13 and 19 and a 15 year old boy...........

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Yep if it is a party for the mom telling her how great this is. Congratulating her on getting pregnant. Indirectly saying this was a wonderful idea.

A gift for the innocent child is not throwing her a party.

How about this, what if people at the shower think it "is"'a wonderful thing?


Or, maybe we look at it from another angle. Kid A is a teen mom. Kid B isn't. Kid B racks up $100,000 in student loans pursuing a degree with no practical application. Kid B then has a graduation party. But, why should we celebrate such a poor decision?

Or, more back on topic, should we throw showers only when the baby is born to married, adult parents who are financially stable? After all, statistics show those are the kids with the best chance of a good life. Therefore, a child born under any other circumstances is not to be celebrated. Correct?

 

[Hannathy]

How about this, what if people at the shower think it "is"'a wonderful thing?


Or, maybe we look at it from another angle. Kid A is a teen mom. Kid B isn't. Kid B racks up $100,000 in student loans pursuing a degree with no practical application. Kid B then has a graduation party. But, why should we celebrate such a poor decision?

Or, more back on topic, should we throw showers only when the baby is born to married, adult parents who are financially stable? After all, statistics show those are the kids with the best chance of a good life. Therefore, a child born under any other circumstances is not to be celebrated. Correct?

If you felt that way about the graduation party then sure, don't go. Same idea. If you don't think it is appropriate then don't go.

People ARE allowed to have different opinions!

 

[tar heel]

For those of you putting a scarlet letter on the teen mom -- you know who you are -- when do they get to remove it? Or do they ever? If you can't condone a teen pregnancy, are you okay with an abortion?

I think a teen mom needs all the support she can get. Raising a child is hard and having a bunch of judgmental busybodies looking down their noses at you certainly doesn't help the mother or the child.

For the record, I was 26 and married when my first child was born. While my mother was a teen (19), she had been married a year.