So, who HAS or IS an Only Child?

[Shellipoo]

I am an only child and have an only child. I've pretty much heard all of the comments out there....people can be so rude and so nosy!! My daughter is an only child by circumstance, not by choice...so I find all those not so lovely comments down right hurtful!!!

While my family size may not be what I had planned for....I've found that having an only has wonderful benefits!! And no she is not spoiled rotten......

 

[Laurajean1014]

I have one son and he's the best.

When people ask me if or why I had one, I tell them "I stopped at perfection."

 

[jennyf917]

I am not an only, but my sister and brother are 14 and 16 years older than me, so I might as well have been! I don't remember being lonely as a child, although I'm still not much into sharing. My DS will be an only, as well. I get all kinds of remarks about that one! People say "Just wait, you'll change your mind," and "You HAVE to have a sibling for him!" So I'm supposed to have another child solely for him to have a playmate? GMAB!! I have zero desire to have more children, my DS is everything to me and I cannot imagine having any more. I respect everyone's choices as far as family size, I always wanted 10 kids when I was a kid. Then I had my one and revised my opinion People seem to put their noses in the most inappropriate places these days. I can't tell you the amount of times I was asked when DS was an infant how long I would be nursing for! Gee, I don't know, are you waiting for a turn?!?! People are outrageous.

 

[all4fun]

My ds is an only too. Here's an article I found about onlies that I thought some of you might enjoy reading:

Myth's about Only Children

DH was always happy with just one and I had hoped for at least one more but with the health problems (Preeclampsia, HELLP syndrome) I had with ds we've decided to stop with one. I am lucky that I don't get too many comments about it. The people who know me know it's not a subject to be talked about. There have been a few occasions where the subject has come up with virtual strangers and when I explain to them what happened to me and that we've decided the risk is too great that it could happen again, they still question our decision to not have any more. So I guess it doesn't matter what your reason's for only having one are, or for having any number of children, for that matter. It seems some people just think they know better than you do!

 

[3kidsmommy]

Only child here, too...and I HATE that now that I am an adult. I was raised by a wonderful single mom, whose husband (my sperm donor) left her while she was pregnant with me. I never even met him--he later died when I was about 6 or so. Spoiled? No, not really. My mom loved me, set guidelines that I had to follow, and was too poor to spoil me with "things". I was, however, spoiled with hugs and kisses! My grandparents did the same, and also saw to it that I didn't NEED (note: not want, but need) for anything. So, as a child, being an only wasn't too bad. Then came adulthood. It first struck me how alone I was when I started having my children. There are no aunts or uncles to come help out, no bonding time with them...and the thought that taking care of my mother as she ages all by myself is always in my mind. I, of course, dont' care to do this, but it would be so much easier to share that responsibility with a sibling..much as my mom and aunt and I share the responsibilites of taking care of my aged grandparents. Anyway...I ended up having 3 children...2 biological, 1 adopted. I wish we could have one more, but that is just not meant to be. One thing I am certain is that my children will always have each other. My oldest child, a girl, and my youngest, a boy, are being raised to understand that their brother, who has autism, will forever need care. We are ensuring his financial needs will be taken care of and have hope that our children will be his physical custodians when teh time comes. I have no doubt that they will--because that is what family is for. Even though I would have never had an only myself, I definatley do NOT pass judgement on those that do. Who am I to tell them what is right for their families?

 

[DVC Sadie]

So, sorry for the rant, but who else here is an only or has an only child? Did you like being an only (I did)? What insensitive comments have you heard being an only or having an only? Let's share!

Labdogs, We also have two labs, one chocolate and one yellow and a boxer. They are all like my kids . The rudest comment I ever heard in regards to having only one DS was at his funeral. I couldn't believe that someone actually said this to me; It would have been so much easier on you if you had had another child". All I wanted to do was scream! Just realize that people say horrible things and don't let it get you down. Also consider the source.

 

[NHmomof2boys]

I'm an only child. The worst I've ever heard is from my DH...every now and then I'll do or say something and he'll say "That's the only child in you coming out." Whatever that means.

Right now we only have one child, our 2.5 year old DS. We do plan on having at least one more child. I DO NOT want DS to be an only. I was fine as a child, but now I wish I had siblings. I started feeling that way in 2000, right before I got married. I still feel that way.

I too am an only. My mom and dad always said that they got it right the first time

Skuttle, my DH makes comments like that too when I pout if I don't get my way.

 

[all4fun]

So, as a child, being an only wasn't too bad. Then came adulthood. It first struck me how alone I was when I started having my children. There are no aunts or uncles to come help out, no bonding time with them...and the thought that taking care of my mother as she ages all by myself is always in my mind. I, of course, dont' care to do this, but it would be so much easier to share that responsibility with a sibling..much as my mom and aunt and I share the responsibilites of taking care of my aged grandparents.

I just wanted to say that having siblings doesn't guarantee anything. Lots of people have siblings that they aren't close to, and who aren't helpful at all. And then there's the "greener grass" syndrome that DH has. He's the youngest of four and wishes he were an only!

The rudest comment I ever heard in regards to having only one DS was at his funeral. I couldn't believe that someone actually said this to me; It would have been so much easier on you if you had had another child". All I wanted to do was scream! Just realize that people say horrible things and don't let it get you down. Also consider the source.

DVC Sadie I'm so sorry for your loss. That comment was beyond insensitive IMO. That's like saying if you had more than one child the other children would somehow replace the one you lost. I don't think so...

 

[jwfla422]

I have 1 dd, she's 7 1/2! She's my "whole" world and sometimes she thinks she's my boss too

But, she is it, and I'm very happy with that. I sometimes feel like I missed out on not having that 2nd and sometimes she asks for a brother or sister, but it took a lot to get her into this world. It took a long time to get pregnant and the pregnancy and delivery was a rollercoaster (and scarey at times).

She was a NICU baby, born via emergency c-sec with her umbilical cord around her neck AND meconium staining. She had bad reflux during her first year and delayed speech, but you never know now as she has certainly more than made up for that speech delay...she constantly yapps!! LOL!!

Love taking her to WDW on a regular basis (we are so lucky we can do this)...she still doesn't know how lucky she is as she's been going to WDW since she was 2, she doesn't know any different. Heck, I would have been thrilled to stay on property when I was 12!!

all4fun, thanks for posting that site with that wonderful article about "only" children.

And, yes I agree having a sibling doesn't guarantee anything. I guess it would be nice to know you have family when you grow up but my mom has a sister and they don't see eye to eye about things...and I have a brother, while sometimes I feel close to him other times he makes me feel like I owe him the world for "being there" for me.

 

[lorli]

This is a wonderful post, and brought up a lot of memories and thoughts. I am the eldest of 5 and DH is the youngest of 5, so only was never in our vocabularies. However, dd (4) is being raised an only, she is not our only but our other dd would be 2 is in heaven looking down on her family. As we were aging and I too had a lot of health problems (preeclampsia and diabetes, she was in the NICU for 4 months with a whole list of health problems herself) with second dd, having another child is not a possiblity. We have looked into adoption, but we have decided if it doesn't work out we have a beautiful daughter to love and cultivate. People are very hurtful in their comments. What I wouldn't have given to have had a healthy second child to grow up and have a chance to be friends with her sister, it wasn't meant to be. I love both my children, but can only love one in person. May God be with all mothers.

 

[TiggerStac]

My DH and I are both 1 of 3. I have 2 brothers and he has 2 sisters. We have on DS who is 4.5. We have been trying since he was about 2 to have another and have gone thru several (5) infertility treatments at this point. We both wanted one more...but are not sure if it will happen or not. We have just had surgery to try and "fix" our problem but there is a 40% success rate of that...so we need lots of pixie dust!!

I am one who also hated...and still does, so when are you having another one...I just so wish I could scream out...2 years ago, if I could have. It's so hard...you just try and laugh it off, you really don't need to go into it with everyone.

 

[KristinU]

I just wanted to say that having siblings doesn't guarantee anything. Lots of people have siblings that they aren't close to, and who aren't helpful at all. And then there's the "greener grass" syndrome that DH has. He's the youngest of four and wishes he were an only!

Very true - my DH is also the youngest of four and all four of them live in different states and are not in terribly close contact...I have one SIL who we *think* got re-married several years ago, but nobody knows for sure! We have a neice (my BIL's daughter) who is 6 that we've never met, but plan to do so this summer at WDW. We see everyone basically at weddings and funerals (well, not SIL's wedding ) Although, I do have to say that we have been absolutely blessed with wonderful friends who we are close with. As far as taking care of parents - I'm prepared to handle that when the time comes, but I also have my DH who has been my parents' son since the day we got married, so I guess I don't feel like I'm in it alone at all.

 

[KristinU]

OK, I can't help myself...I notice that there have been several posters who have only children by chance and not by choice...I just have to add a plug for adoption here We're an adoptive family and for us adoption has been a joy and a blessing and a wonderful way to add to our family (I always considered DH and I to be a family before DS or even before our "first" furbaby).

 

[Kahana-ri]

I have to say that DS will be two in April. At first we had planned to have our second child so that they would be three years apart. Now that July-the month to start to try to conceive for another is right around the conor, I don't think I am ready.
I am fine with a four year or even five year gap too. Plenty of times I have been asked, so when is the next one? Older adults really push 'he needs a brother or sister.' When did just one not become enough?
He has friends, extremely well-adjusted and friendly. He is the most charismatic person I have ever met. At times, I am perfectly fine if we just had him. I loved a previous post that said -We stopped at perfection! I am going to remember that.

 

[Melissa]

Our Dd is an only- our choice. For us we feel we have the time and $ to really enjoy her. Her best friend has 3 siblings and we are always taking the friend to activities and picking up the slack for her parents. That isn't only b/c they have more kids - it is just how they are- but our dd notices and has commented she is glad to be an only b/c we have time for her. Is she spoiled? In some ways- she is I guess. She has all our attention and has everything she needs and most of what she wants with in reason. Riding lessons and riding camps, yes. Horse of her own, no. Tons of WDW trips. But she is appreciative and does not act spoiled or entitled. I don't think it is what you have that makes you spoiled it is an air of entitlement that the world revolves around you. We have gotten all those comments too- whatever, it works for us. I do think about how much I enjoy having a sister and feel badly sometimes that she does not have that.

 

[DVC Sadie]

This is a wonderful post, and brought up a lot of memories and thoughts. I am the eldest of 5 and DH is the youngest of 5, so only was never in our vocabularies. However, dd (4) is being raised an only, she is not our only but our other dd would be 2 is in heaven looking down on her family. As we were aging and I too had a lot of health problems (preeclampsia and diabetes, she was in the NICU for 4 months with a whole list of health problems herself) with second dd, having another child is not a possiblity. We have looked into adoption, but we have decided if it doesn't work out we have a beautiful daughter to love and cultivate. People are very hurtful in their comments. What I wouldn't have given to have had a healthy second child to grow up and have a chance to be friends with her sister, it wasn't meant to be. I love both my children, but can only love one in person. May God be with all mothers.

AMEN and God Bless. My heart goes out to you and I am truly sorry for your loss. Sincerely,Lori

 

[hnws2000]

My husband is an only child sort of he has step brothers and sisters but not til he was a teen. I have one daughter 4yrs old and im done! I love her to pieces and yes she is a bit spoiled but so what? shes spoiled with my time and undived attention not just what were able to buy. Perfect example we are taking her to disney for a week and yes I could take two kids to disney and she would have someone to play with but wait... She can hang with her mom and dad. My family doesnt understand either but its your choice!

 

[cruiserkaren]

I am an only child and I only have 1 DD who is 20 months. I almost always get a sarcastic "only child" comment, especially about my DD. One of the worst I ever heard was "You should have more kids because if something ever happened to her, you'll have others to fall back on. You won't be lonely." What the he!!? Do people think that kids are an insurance policy?!?! I do plan to have more, but no matter if I have 1 or 10 kids, the loss of ANY child is devastating. I can't believe that people actually have that sick attitude.

Isn't that the weirdest thing? I swear I have heard that about 3 times in the last 2 weeks. Dh was talking to coworkers about kids and he said quite a few that have an only told him if they had to it do over again, they'd have more or none b/c of the reason you stated! WTH? I was flabbergasted the first time I heard it. There is just something wrong with that thinking.

I'm an only and right now DD2.5 is an only. We haven't decided if we're going to have more. But I'm so sick of people asking me about it!!!! Quit already!!!!

 

[Samantha'sDad]

I have an only DD (9 years). I sometimes think she may get the shaft not having someone to play with all of the time. I had 2 brothers to entertain me growing up On the otherhand my world revolves around her, so she is spoiled rotten.

We do get the "I can't believe that you don't want to have another one" comment all of the time as well. Hey we only wanted one, besides I could never afford to spoil 2.

 

[Mom to Jordan]

DS, now 13, is also an only by chance. His being 24 weeker and us almost loosing him , and the DR not being able to tell us why he was so early made having another scary. When we had an oops, we discovered that we really wanted another one. After loosing this child, we decided to try for a second child but it was a really hard time and it just did not happen. We really wanted another child but were scared to death of being pregnant! WE decided another bio child was not in the picture. We tried adoption but after a failed attempt, we just pretty much have stoped any active persuit of another child. I have no trouble sharing my story of why DS is an only but really take issue with people's assumption that all only children are spoiled brats. In our case it could not be futher from the truth. DS is an amazing caring child that always goes out of his way to do for others. He donates his time and money to others. He is well disciplined, polite and makes straight A's.
Is he perfect... No way but he is really good kid because I refused to raise a bratty kid.

Now he does , like some only children, prefer adults to other children, is very close to his parents and is wise beyond his years.

He really likes being an only child!!!!! He asked for a sister when he was about 5 so we got him a dog!!!Best investment we ever made.

Only children are so very special, I sure adore mine!!!!!!

Jordan's mom