So, who HAS or IS an Only Child?

[labdogs42]

I was reading the thread about having a third baby and it made me realize that people make insensitive comments no matter what choices you make in life. I am an only child (32 years old) and people (including my MIL ) make comments that I must have been spoiled as a child, etc...all the time. How irritating!

Also, I currently have 1 DS, 1 year old. It irritates ME when people ask, "When are you going to have another?", as if he isn't all I need. Like I NEED a DD or another DS to make my life complete! I'm not sure that I want another child. If I do decide to have another one, it won't be for a few years. I want to take my time and enjoy this one and that's my choice! I think it is great that people have 3 kids, 10 kids, 1 kid, whatever works for you. It bugs me to death when other people think they know better than you what you might want.

So, sorry for the rant, but who else here is an only or has an only child? Did you like being an only (I did)? What insensitive comments have you heard being an only or having an only? Let's share!

 

[PixiePop]

I have an only son who is 6 years old. People- even complete strangers- ask when I am going to have another one. It drives me crazy, I am a very private person and don't feel like I should have to explain the many reasons why we can't have another child. I have started to just ignore the question.

 

[mylilnikita]

Hi
I am both and only child and I have a wonderful DD which will be my only child. I got the same comments about being spoiled, I was to an extent, but my parents and I never did the types of things I do with my DD. I have been asked if I am going to have another one, but I have been separated from husband for years and there is no way I would have another child with him! And since I am legally married, I can't go out and have another child and appear in divorce court with another man's child. People have told me that my DD will be lonely-she has more of a social life than I do! I am 38 and I didn't mind being an only child-at age 3 my Mom almost died from a miscarriage so they didn't try anymore. I wanted to have 2 or 3 kids when I was younger, but it didnt' turn out that way. To all those who have more than 1, more power to you, do what you like. Tell people it is none of their business.

 

[momofdbsdc]

I am an only child and only grandchild on both sides, so I always get the spoiled comment!!! I went on to have 6 children of my own and now hear "God Bless You", "Are you crazy!!!" or "I hope your done now", or "Are you done now!!?" constantly, to which I smile and reply one of 2 ways "Thank you, I can take all the blessings that I can receive, including the 6 that I already have! or "You never know!!!" Either way, no matter what you do, somebody has a comment about something! Can't make them all happy! Oh, well, as long as we're haappy with our choices, that is all that matters!!

 

[mary's mom]

I have an only child, DD, 13 yrs. She is the apple of our eyes. I think about having another child, but then I think I would not have the energy level it takes to have more than one child with all the demands of this day and age. I am a full time working mom. I just adore my child and would not change anything. Don't worry about what people say,if you are happy and your child is happy then that is all that matters.

 

[mytwotinks]

People just say the dumbest things!

When my first dd was born with a life threatening birth defect, someone said to me as I stood over her in the NICU "at least you didn't take her home and get to know her, it would be a lot harder to lose a baby that you were used to."

When she came home and started to get a little older many people said to me "you need to have another one so you know what it is like to have a normal baby." As if my child were abnormal!

Now that we have 2 dd's people say to me "I can't beleive that you aren't going to try to have a boy." Should I have been disappointed when my 2nd child was a healthy baby girl?

I don't get people. I am dealing with one child with major health concerns and another with a speach delay. I get really sick of having to convince people that we can have a full and content life without having a son!

 

[KristinU]

labdogs42 - I could have written your post almost word for word! OK, except I'm 34 and my DS is 2 (and I have an only lab - it looks like you have two )

I admit, I thought of the same exact things you did in reading the 3 kids thread. I loved/love being an only child and right now I'm thrilled with one child...and my family building is nobodys business, just like the folks with 3 or 7 or 10 or whatever. DH were child-free by choice for many years so I got sick to death of the questions then.

My favorite thing is when somebody gossips to me about somebody's snotty/selfish/unfriendly/introverted/insert-any-other-only-child-stereotype-here behavior and blames it on that person being an only child...I love the tap dancing they do when I tell them that I'm an only child.

 

[Minnie824]

I was an only child. I often heard stuff about being spoiled. It bothered me more when I was younger...no one was an only child hardly in my school...I remember being friends with one other girl who was. Was I spoiled? yeah. That didn't make me 'bratty'. You don't have to be an only child to act like that. I did not like being an only child. My best friend went on vacations with us alot, but I always wanted someone to be there all the time. I knew from early on there was no way I was having only one child. That was my decision...I would never suggest other people need to have more than one child, but based on my experience, its what I wanted. I have 2 DDs now and I'm so happy they both have a sister to grow up with. Now onto the questions of 'are you gonna try for a boy?' People ask dumb questions like that all the time...unless you have a boy, a girl, a dog a cat and a fish, apparently you're not a happy family. Its kindof annoying, but don't let it bother you...you just need to do whats right for your family and tell everyone else to mind their business.

 

[TravelinGal]

I get that too. I tried to get pregnant for 10 years. I was 38 (2 months away from 39) when DS was born. When people ask if we are having another and we say no, they always have to pry and/or make rude comments.

I feel like I have to tell them my whole story - and it's really none of their business.

We get a lot of the "you NEED a second child" with the variations of "for his sake" tagged on to the end of that.

Besides the physical aspect of it, we feel our family is complete. We love to travel, and working as a travel agent for 10+ years, I saw how many people had to give up their trips because of the cost when they just had 3 kids! (as anyone with 3 or more kids know, you cannot find many hotel rooms or cruise line cabins that allow 5 in one room.)

We don't plan on spoiling our son in the sense of him getting everything he wants, but I don't want to have to buy his clothes from goodwill because we have more kids than fits our income range. (It's a whole 'nother story to get something there because I found an awesome deal - I mean I don't' want to HAVE to shop at resale stores...) {and no, that is in no way intended as a slam for those who like to or need to shop at goodwill etc!! Just part of my reason for not having more than one}

 

[skuttle]

I'm an only child. The worst I've ever heard is from my DH...every now and then I'll do or say something and he'll say "That's the only child in you coming out." Whatever that means.

Right now we only have one child, our 2.5 year old DS. We do plan on having at least one more child. I DO NOT want DS to be an only. I was fine as a child, but now I wish I had siblings. I started feeling that way in 2000, right before I got married. I still feel that way.

 

[meloneyb21]

I am an only child and I only have 1 DD who is 20 months. I almost always get a sarcastic "only child" comment, especially about my DD. One of the worst I ever heard was "You should have more kids because if something ever happened to her, you'll have others to fall back on. You won't be lonely." What the he!!? Do people think that kids are an insurance policy?!?! I do plan to have more, but no matter if I have 1 or 10 kids, the loss of ANY child is devastating. I can't believe that people actually have that sick attitude.

 

[welovedis]

Our DS (9) is an only child, by chance, not by choice. We endured years of fertility treatments to get pg the 1st time and lost our DD at 31 weeks. We were blessed with DS & tried for years to have a second child, but it was not meant to be.

At first we struggled with the idea of his being an only child, I'm one of 3, DH is one of 5, however, we've come to terms with it and enjoy the fact that our family is now complete with the 3 of us.

As I posted on the other thread, a family's choice on how large it becomes is their business & no one else's-period!

 

[Ellester]

I'm also an only child. My mom tells people, "when you make one perfect, you can stop". The downside growing up wasn't much, I was spoiled (but not bratty either). However, now I am the only family my mom has (my parents divorced 30 years ago, when I was 6). Usually not a problem, but it does make holidays tricky since my mom and my dad don't get along. My dad gets shafted on that deal, but my mom would be all alone if I left her for Christmas while my dad has my stepmom and her kids and grandkids. I have three kids and while I certainly wouldn't give them back, we can no longer stay in one room at a value!

 

[Cynt]

I'm the second of seven and I agree with what someone else mentioned above...everyone's life experiences are different and will determine how many children they want. I respect everyone's decision. I'm single, 35 and wish I already had my 3 or 4 kids...but since I'm not getting any younger two or three children sounds fine. I couldn't imagine only having one. I would think they would be so lonely but that's because I grew up with a houseful of kids. I always had a playmate, someone to get in trouble with, swap clothes and go shopping with. I couldn't imagine it any other way. But I also respect those who were only children and/or only want only one child. I work with children at church and there's just as many spoiled only's as there are spoiled kids w/ siblings. It's all about how you're raised.

 

[labdogs42]

labdogs42 - I could have written your post almost word for word! OK, except I'm 34 and my DS is 2 (and I have an only lab - it looks like you have two )

I admit, I thought of the same exact things you did in reading the 3 kids thread. I loved/love being an only child and right now I'm thrilled with one child...and my family building is nobodys business, just like the folks with 3 or 7 or 10 or whatever. DH were child-free by choice for many years so I got sick to death of the questions then.

My favorite thing is when somebody gossips to me about somebody's snotty/selfish/unfriendly/introverted/insert-any-other-only-child-stereotype-here behavior and blames it on that person being an only child...I love the tap dancing they do when I tell them that I'm an only child.

Wow -- my soul sister, right here on DIS boards! I do have two labs and you should have seen how guilty I felt about bringing home a "little brother" for my first born "child"! I did get the second dog for my first dog's sake, so he wouldn't be lonely all day while we were at work (I even had mommy angst with my dogs -- how crazy am I?). The two dogs are great, but some days I wonder if I should have just stuck with one. I wouldn't want to feel like that about my kids.

I managed to stave off a lot of the kid questions for a while by telling people I would have kids after I turned 30. I got pregnant one month before my 31st birthday -- how's that for timing?

I know the dance you speak of! Oh, but you don't act like that! I dicn't know you were an only! blah blah blah...

 

[TmnsnMD]

I was an only child and DH & I have only 1 son. He is 16 and we never really thought about more. DH comes from a family of 5 boys - he said he did not want the live thru all the fights again.

I do have a foster sister - she came to us when I was about 7 and lived with us for a couple of years before she was moved to live with her sister. We always kept in touch, she IS my sister and Mom and Dad ARE HER MOM & DAD. We never had the fights that sisters do just all the love. I am soooo glad I have her if not then, Now! I was a spoiled child (I got what I wanted and needed), but I did not act like a spoiled child - I knew better.

I am so glad we only have 1 DS - we can give him everything he needs and wants. He has friends over all the time and has never asked for a brother or sister. And believe me he has been asked (by in-laws).

We have a large extended family (by adoption and marriages). So when we feel the need to have a young child around we can pick from the growing list in our family.

I have heard some "stupid" comments, but so does one of our friends (DS best friend family) they have 7, soooo you just have to ignore the comments and laugh things off.

Enjoy your family - BIG or small.

Have a great day
TmnsnMD

 

[KTSMOM]

I have only one child and we have no plans for anymore. I've had several people make comments to me about having more children in the future. My DH and I are choosing not to have any more children but there are some people who try to have another child and cannot..that's when those questions can be hurtful.
I am actually reading a good book right now called, You and Your Only Child by Patricia Nachman. It's a great book that tells you all the positive things about having or being an only child! It debunks the myths that only children are spoiled and selfish and lonely.

 

[momtimesone]

Im a young single mother of one very special 6yr old boy. I had him when i was 19 my son is the world to me and where buds i have all the time in the world to make sure he grows up heatlhy and happy and yes there are times when i think about the future and mabye having more kids but as for now i wouldnt change a thing. There are lots of peaple out there that say he needs brothers and sisters but because hes an only child hes getting to do things more bigger xmas bigger birthdays and our first ever trip to disneyworld I dont think i would be able to do half the stuff we do together if i had more kids. If you have lots of kids or just one as long as you love them and care for them then bravo to all the parents out there. As for my son he always says he doesnt want brothers or sisters because he gets mommy all to himself.

 

[alisonbestford]

I'm an only child and, can honestly say, I never gave it a thought until I left school and started work
Then I made friends with people with siblings and began to feel sad for what I thought I'd missed

However, I was a very shy, child so I believe that much of the way I felt was down to my finding it difficult to mix

I vowed to never have an only child (if I could possibly help it ) and now have 3

Saying that, DD (7) is, effectively, an 'only child' as her big sister will be 22 next month (and has been living in S America for the last 2 years) and her brother is almost 19 and lives with his dad on the other side of town

DD would agree with momtimesone's son that she doesn't want to 'share' mummy with anyone else and is quite happy to make do with her childminder's children who she regards as her 'little brother and sister' :love

 

[dylansmom1]

I can't tell you how many times I've been asked if I'm ever gonna have another child. My DS is 7, he's the only one and I like it that way. My DH is also an only child, he also likes only having 1 child. My son is not super spoiled by us (but Maybe by grandma!). We figure that it is much easier to financially support 1 rather than 2 or 3. We can save for his college more easily and definitely save more on food, clothes, toys etc than folks with more than 1 child. I don't knock people who have a "ton" of kids. We have friends that have upwards of 7 children (Yeah, 7! all boys) It's all about personal/lifestyle choice and for us it is best with just one. DS kinda likes it that way too.

We also have pets, which are like our children too.

Jane