So now I'm *spoiling* him..(warning..mild rantage..very mild)

[TheOtherVillainess]

DH came to me the other night and asked me if, when alone with DS, I ever put him down. I said well,no of course not unless he's asleep or I have to go to the bathroom or something. I hold him all the time,why? DH said his mother (who I guess is doing this in the name of 'constructive criticisim' ) said I'm 'spoiling' him..he hasn't learned to entertain himself. She said if she put him down for even a minute while he's awake (and didn't put him in the swing which he loves to death..we have matching swings),he starts to cry.

Am I spoiling him? I didn't know that at 2 mos (well..almost 2 mos..he'll be 2 mos old on June 1)that they were supposed to be able to entertain themselves. I'd feel better about putting him down in the crib or bassinette if he could grab a rattle or a toy and whack himself on the head...er..I mean play with it. I don't think I'm spoiling him but then again..seeing as I'm almost never home with him except on my days off..maybe I have the RIGHT to spoil him.

He's so cute when he's asleep. *big awww*He's sleeping in the basinette next to me right now cuz I can't stand to have him even if a different room from me if he's asleep at the moment.

TOV

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No you are not spoiling him. It's a baby not a toddler. If he were 2 years old, well ok, but not 2 months old.

Anyway I loved holding my babies too. I am glad I did because it went by in a blink of an eye.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Maybe she just THINKS he's a toddler because he's almost 24 inches long now and weighs close to 10 lbs!

TOV

 

[momof2inPA]

You can't spoil a baby that young, and there is no such thing as holding a baby too much.

All that interaction will help him develop, physically and mentally.

How are you feeling? Better?

 

[dumboiu]

You are his Mommy........you know what is best. Please know that people will always tell you the best way to raise your child......but in reality, YOU know what is best. So...........trust your judgement.

By the way, I too always held my babies and they have grown up to be wonderful, caring, competent young adults. You can't spoil a child with love.

Enjoy your beautiful baby!!!!

 

[coliebird]

I held my daughter all the time. She is now almost 2 and very independent so no, you are not spoiling him. Don't listen to the "experts", do what feels right for you.

 

[antkim]

I don't think your'e spoiling him BUT to make your life a bit easier down the road-you might want to let him get used to being put down a bit. I've taken care of kids for over 12 years now and I can honestly say kids that are held all the time tend to be a bit more "needy" as they grow. They do need some "alone" time and more important they NEED floor time to develope-any pediatrician will tell you that-especially tummy time. They need to strenghten their neck muscles and at 2 months this is when it really begins-believe it or not!! It's so easy to hold them ALL day long though! LOL
Kim

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Well..as to how I"m feeling..that's another thread entirely at the moment.

And by the time DH gets home in the evening with him after work and I get home from work, all DS wants is to take a bottle and then go right to sleep. So I don't get to see him or play with him as much as I'd like except on the days I have off from work. I don't see the harm in playing with him and singing and talking to him as much as I can when I get the chance, tbh. I think my MIL is a little if ya ask me and her methods of childrearing are way different than mine. I am not MissCleo but I predict many battles in the future over how DS is being raised.

*edited to add* antkim..we started him on 'tummy time' when he was a month old. For no more than 15-20 min at a time at various intervals throughout the day, DH and I will lay on the couch with him on our chest, face down. He's gained some control over his neck..not a great amount, but enough to pick his head up, turn it to the opposite side and put it down again. And he seems to be gaining control over his legs too. This morning after I fed and bathed him, I gave him about 20 min of tummy time and he scooched his legs up underneath his belly and tried really hard to scoot forward. I kind of laughed and said he was too little for crawling yet..he had to learn to use his neck first.DS kinda gave me this look like "Well, alright Mom. If you say so..."

TOV

 

[piglet too]

I agree with the others, you can't spoil a little baby like that. I used to even take a nap with all three as babies...held them as they slept across my chest, there was nothing more relaxing than that for me. Some ideas though on not "holding" him as much. Have you tried to lay down on the floor with him? Or placing him on your knees and give him his toys or just talking goofy and playing with him yourself?

 

[Cruise04]

But one thing you can run into a problem with if you get into a "routine" and that is all they know, they know no other way to take care of things. For example, if you always rock the baby to sleep or always rock them to stop crying, that is the only way they will know. So as they get older, they expect to be "rocked" or they can't get to sleep. Same with if you rub their back or their heads to get them to sleep. They have a harder time when they get older getting to sleep on their own because they are use to that stimulation to make them fall to sleep.

It's the stimulation, not spoiling, that can be a problem later. Of course you want to hold them, but if you constantly hold them then they won't know later that they aren't suppose to always be held.

I loved holding my daughter too but I also loved having her sleep in her crib and be in her swing. At 2 months old all they do is sleep and so in order for me to get things done, I never held her constantly because a lot of times that was when I could sleep, or do laundry, or go the bathroom/take a shower. I guess I was a bad mom because I didn't always hold her.

There are those toys that are eye stimulating for them that you can put near them that helps them to develop eye coordination and eye/hand coordination. Them reaching for their toes at a young age helps to develop those muscles. When they are constantly being held those muscles don't get a chance to move like they could, can't stretch.

I'm sure that's what she was getting at but she should have told you that. People think that babies, even at 3 days old, don't need that type of stimulation but they do.

 

[antkim]

OOps!! Other posts came in while I was writing that and it seems that I was going against what they said-I'm not!! I totaly agree that you can't spoil an infant but it's not terrible to put him down a bit either! It will give you a bit of time and it will give him time to explore as well-he'll be learning to roll soon!! Hope you know I wasn't going against your decisions!! I also didn't realize you were back to work!!

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

But one thing you can run into a problem with if you get into a "routine" and that is all they know, they know no other way to take care of things. For example, if you always rock the baby to sleep or always rock them to stop crying, that is the only way they will know. So as they get older, they expect to be "rocked" or they can't get to sleep. Same with if you rub their back or their heads to get them to sleep. They have a harder time when they get older getting to sleep on their own because they are use to that stimulation to make them fall to sleep.

And see..this is where DH and I are going to run into trouble later on. His bassinette has a vibration function we sometimes use to get him to fall asleep. His crib (being a normal crib) doesn't have the vibration function of course and I'm worried that when he's big enough to go in there, he won't be able to fall asleep because the mattress isn't shaking. We don't use the vibration function ALL the time..just some of the time. About 1/2-1/3 of the time now, when at first it was 100% of the time.

TOV

 

[4greatboys]

You cannot spoil a baby by holding them. Babies have needs and can only be made known by crying and being held is a need babies have.
I used to get so tired of x grandma asking me if I was spoiling my oldest by holding him. Ummmm no, just giving him love and comfort. Of course she used to also try to get me to take his pacifier out so he would cry--in turn develope his lungs (which btw were developed when he was born).

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

And by the time DH gets home in the evening with him after work and I get home from work, all DS wants is to take a bottle and then go right to sleep. So I don't get to see him or play with him as much as I'd like except on the days I have off from work. I don't see the harm in playing with him and singing and talking to him as much as I can when I get the chance, tbh.

I can't see how you could possibly be spoiling him if you are at work all day and have to wait until your husband gets home to spend time with him.

 

[shortbun]

Hold your baby as much as you can. When he's 8, almost 9, he'll be pulling away from you and swatting you if you try to hug and
kiss him too much! LOL!
I love this saying about advice, "take what you need and leave the rest". Most of the time, I managed to smile and thank the
person imparting unsolicited advice. Remember this phrase too-
"every generation has their own way of doing things." I used that one on DMIL a few times and she got the hint.
Enjoy your DS whenever and however much you want. They are
only infants once.

 

[Cruise04]

TOV - don't worry much about that vibration thing. It sounds like you don't use it constantly. Those are good when they are constipated and cranky and just need something soothing. But if you use it all the time, then you could run into problems. One of my sil has one of those bouncy chairs with a vibration in it and has come in handy when the babies were really cranky and just were overtired. But as long as you don't use it all the time, you shouldn't have much problems.

 

[Pete's Mom]

ITA with shortbun! As for your MIL, mine was the same way but she was from the children should be seen and not heard generation.

 

[soccerchick]

My niece used to say "I'm not spoiled, I'm loved."

Kiss, hug, hold, and get down on the floor with your baby! My Ds is 9 months old and crawls everywhere and is trying his hardest to walk!! I miss my little baby that I could just hold and hold and not have him squirm out of my arms! This time in their lives is so short, enjoy it!

 

[Sleepy]

Originally posted by Cruise04
Same with if you rub their back or their heads to get them to sleep. They have a harder time when they get older getting to sleep on their own because they are use to that stimulation to make them fall to sleep.

You got that right. Hubby had this wonderful idea of patting our son on the back to get him to sleep. It caused a slight bouncing effect. He would stand for close to 20 minutes everytime the kid went to sleep. He created a monster and one day decided he did not want to do it anymore. Told him not to look at me....... He started it, he got to finish it.

 

[jipsy]

Originally posted by Sleepy
You got that right. Hubby had this wonderful idea of patting our son on the back to get him to sleep. It caused a slight bouncing effect. He would stand for close to 20 minutes everytime the kid went to sleep. He created a monster and one day decided he did not want to do it anymore. Told him not to look at me....... He started it, he got to finish it.

When my son was a baby, his father used to do this. It was the only way we could get him to sleep. People told me he was "spoiled".

Guess what. He outgrew having to be patted on the back to go to sleep. He's 22 and a normal man.

I wouldn't worry about what your MIL says TOV. Enjoy every minute of time with your baby. Soon, he too will be 22 and a normal man. And all the time you held him in your arms will just be a sweet memory.