"So how much DO you make?"

[Dismom+two]

"My usual rate is $500/night, but your wife just offered me $1000, so my income may be up this year..."

OH so funny!!! My husband always jokes with me about "working the corner" to help with bills!! He will either say I need to change corners or raise my prices!! It's all in fun.....I play along.

 

[marlasmom]

Someone asked my dh at a party how much he made. He had this totally dumfounded look on his face. I quickly gave her a figure that was $100,000 over what he made and she bought it. Served her right.

 

[EthansMom]

The question posed to DH at a dinner gathering this evening was, "So how much DO you make?" I think DH was stunned as he was just staring at this person, so I piped up and said I think that is rather personal. To which the person said, "Well I need to know so I can better plan for our retirement (from the military)."

I'm trying to figure out how the questioner knowing your DH's salary would help plan THEIR retirement?????? Salary doesn't necessarily tell you how much money someone is saving/investing or how much they spend on living expenses or how much money their investments are making.

I know several people who probably have higher incomes than ours, but aren't necessarily any closer to having enough money saved for retirement. Their spending (bigger homes on the water, new cars every couple of years, more expensive vacations, boats/RVs, eating out often, fancy brand clothes for the kids) most likely makes up the difference between our household incomes.

 

[skiwee1]

I don't go around asking strangers, mere acquaintances, or typically even my friends how much they make, but why on earth have Americans concluded that how much money one makes is such a hush-hush, secretive, taboo topic even among friends ? I never have understood why it is considered a thing so personal that one would be aghast to be asked about it. I mean it would be awkward to just be asked about it out of the blue, or in front of a group of people. Or if you were obviously living in poverty or obviously REALLY rich. But I can think of several other things I'd be more embarrassed to be asked about by a friend than how much money I make (or don't make).

ITA. I don't see the big deal in it unless one is ashamed at what they make. No one I know asks what the other makes but as a clse group of friends we all know. It just comes up in our many discussions of life in general.

 

[Stacerita]

I'm trying to figure out how the questioner knowing your DH's salary would help plan THEIR retirement?????? Salary doesn't necessarily tell you how much money someone is saving/investing or how much they spend on living expenses or how much money their investments are making.

I know several people who probably have higher incomes than ours, but aren't necessarily any closer to having enough money saved for retirement. Their spending (bigger homes on the water, new cars every couple of years, more expensive vacations, boats/RVs, eating out often, fancy brand clothes for the kids) most likely makes up the difference between our household incomes.

This is what I was thinking too. It doesn't matter how much a person makes, what matters for their retirement is how much they are saving for their retirement. Now, I dont know how much my parents make, but they have both been in their job fields forever, my father has been with his company for almost 26 years, my mom with hers for just over 15. So I know that they both make more than enough. Lots more than I. But I know that when it comes time to retire, I will be better off then they are because I started planning and saving much earlier than they did. Im lucky that when I first started working that planning for my retirement was something that was discussed and suggested right from the start. When my parents entered into the work force, it just wasn't pushed back then. So me knowing how much they make or not has not bearing on whats in both our retirement funds.

What your friend asked at dinner was kinda rude.

 

[Stacerita]

I don't go around asking strangers, mere acquaintances, or typically even my friends how much they make, but why on earth have Americans concluded that how much money one makes is such a hush-hush, secretive, taboo topic even among friends ? I never have understood why it is considered a thing so personal that one would be aghast to be asked about it. I mean it would be awkward to just be asked about it out of the blue, or in front of a group of people. Or if you were obviously living in poverty or obviously REALLY rich. But I can think of several other things I'd be more embarrassed to be asked about by a friend than how much money I make (or don't make).

One reason I dont talk about what I make to friends is that I have quite a few good friends who work in the same field as I do. We all have a general idea of what the pay scale is for a certain job, but asking what each other makes is rude. It can put each other on the spot. Once by accident a friend let it slip how much she made to someone, then in turn I was told. I was shocked that she made so much less than I did. Especially since she had told me about the opening in the company and had been there much longer than I. Its not a big deal since she and I didn't have the conversation about salary so she doesn't know I know. But if we did talk about it, can you see how awkward that would be? Just my $.02

 

[clarabelle]

If the guy needed to know something about the salaries of a certain position he could have asked it in a different way.
Something along the lines of "Do you know the salary RANGE for a certain position? Do you know a ballpark figure of what a person usually makes when they are just starting out doing such and such?"
He didn't have to make it personal.

 

[Ava83]

Someone asked my dh at a party how much he made. He had this totally dumfounded look on his face. I quickly gave her a figure that was $100,000 over what he made and she bought it

The same person that asked me the dh money question, ask both me and my girlfriend (with husbands right next to us) how big our homes were and how much we spent on them. So all 4 of us lied. My friends house was double what she really paid and we went about 1000 feet smaller (DH) just to mess with them. (they were averaging square feet to get the "biggest house")

They do this stuff to try to one up people (this couple) we do not really talk any more. Sad thing is I have known her since I was little.

 

[wide awake]

I don't see what the big deal is. If people want to know it is easy enough to find all of the above info on the internet...if they're like me I'd rather save myself some time and just ask. I never mind telling people stuff like that...I'm 44, 5'11, 145 lbs, last year DH and I made $150,000...our house is 1780 sq ft, paid $167,000 for it 6.5 years ago, now worth $480,000.

 

[RitaZ.]

This is the way I see it, DH isn't supposed to discuss his salary with co-workers, it's considered confidential and proprietary information. So, I go by that.

We just don't feel the need to go around telling people how much we have or asking them how much they make and have.

 

[azgal81]

I usually tell the people that ask me that question that I make enough but I'm always open to more money. Because well who isn't!

 

[KristaTX]

One reason I dont talk about what I make to friends is that I have quite a few good friends who work in the same field as I do. We all have a general idea of what the pay scale is for a certain job, but asking what each other makes is rude. It can put each other on the spot. Once by accident a friend let it slip how much she made to someone, then in turn I was told. I was shocked that she made so much less than I did. Especially since she had told me about the opening in the company and had been there much longer than I. Its not a big deal since she and I didn't have the conversation about salary so she doesn't know I know. But if we did talk about it, can you see how awkward that would be? Just my $.02

I can see how that would be awkward and how you might want to keep salary secret among fellow workers. However, do you do exactly the same job as that person? If so, shouldn't the company be paying you both the same amount but with an increase per # of years worked? I am not sure how that works, but I always thought it was "Equal pay for equal work". It's one thing if your higher pay has to do with your performance being much better than hers. But if she started working years before you, does the exact same job, and does it just as well as you, then it's not fair for her to be paid less than you. If that is the case and if it were my friend, I'd say something not to my friend, but to my higher ups on her behalf. Perhaps by employees not speaking up, some people are being taken advantage by the company?

But I have always worked in the educational system where salaries are pretty well spelled out on a schedule. There are definitely flaws in the system, but in education everyone with the exact same qualifications, job, and years of service make the exact same salary. I guess that's just what I'm used to.

 

[raammartin]

There's a difference in someone asking the question and you answering the question. I'd never ask someone questions such as that, nor would I ever answer questions such as that. It just seems rude to ask. If someone asks and you don't have a problem answering than more power to you. That's your business. I grew up in a household where it was rude to ask about these things. I still to this day don't know what my parents make, but it must be enough. Their house is paid for, they have lots of investments, and they travel frequently. Just my .02!

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

Mentioning pay ranges is better.
The secrecy about pay perpetuates pay inequalities.

 

[Stitchfans]

very rude. I'd be so embarrase to admit how much I make. And I work full time. My response would of most likely just been, "how rude" and then I would walk away.

 

[Keli]

Wow, I can't believe someone would just come right out and ask your dh that at a dinner party. I'm really surprised they didn't realize how crass that was.

I don't know how I would respond in that situation. I wouldn't want to be rude back to them but I certainly wouldn't be giving out information that personal either. I guess I'd just have responded "I'm sorry, that is too personal a question and I don't feel comfortable answering it".

 

[rt2dz]

Standard, fairly polite answer: "not enough. It's never enough, is it?" Same good reply when you paid for something: "Probably too much."

You just shouldn't ask those kind of questions or answer them. It's private and personal. It's like asking how frequently you have sex and what positions you enjoy. BUT, you don't want to be outwardly rude to anyone. Some people were just never taught the right manners. If you just don't care and you know the person you are asking doesn't care, then it can be ok, but if you are unsure of the others feelings on the subject, best to keep silent.

It is very ackward for people if they make more, or less, than the people around them. People shouldn't be speculating into others lives. If someone is curious about the things they have, they should know more plays into things than income. Savings, investments, debt, bargain shopping, etc.

If someone needs to know how much a certain job pays, it is easy to look up pay scales/ranges on any position (especially military).

 

[katerkat]

Is your husband still military or retired? If he's still in, duh, anyone can look up military pay rates! If he's retired, I could maybe see someone trying to figure out, "OK, he retired as a colonel with 32 years, so what's his pension?" in order to figure out how long they should stay in. I still wouldn't ASK, but I definitely wonder. (Percentages, like military retirement, confuse me!)

 

[Michelle2]

This is the way I see it, DH isn't supposed to discuss his salary with co-workers, it's considered confidential and proprietary information. So, I go by that.

We just don't feel the need to go around telling people how much we have or asking them how much they make and have.

This is exactly how DH and I feel too. They could actually get in big trouble at work for mentioning what they make or what bonuses they get (if they get them). We even stopped telling our own families (parents) a LONG time ago, because they actually use it against us!!!

 

[Lyn5]

Did you have dinner with my relative? I do find it embarressing and rude when she will flat out ask someone what they are paid. This is something I don't feel comfortable doing, mainly because I would be uncomfortable with someone asking me (like my relative does ).

However, I do think that for the younger generations it will be more and more common. At least from my day-to-day life, people are talking about their homes and how much they paid and what their mortgage is and their rates and appreciation, etc. Now, more and more people are open to how much debt they have and/or how much or little they have for retirement. I think it will evolve to where you will talk about pay. If a group is already talking about ways to pay down debt or qualify for a house, income may come up since that effects spending.