So FRUSTRATED! Some "FRIEND"... A Vent...

[NHdisneylover]

There is NO need to blow it so out of proportion...

I/we haven't been asking DAILY, relax.

I don't need to explain, but since you spent SO much time writing your interpretation, I will...


First, there isn't a whole heck of a lot that our "friends" do as favors for us, like you said or seem to think that they do. That is fine, that isn't why we are friends with them... but they sound nicer in your fantasy.

We fly for free, so it's only a matter of making hotel reservations... planning two weeks out works just fine.

DH originally asked 6 months (or so) ago when they put in their bids. I knew I had the first week off.

He asked again a few weeks ago while we were with them both (the wife), and she mentioned to me that she didn't understand why he was so unwilling.

He asked again yesterday because HIS vacations came out yesterday, and MY August schedule came out the day before... I ALSO got the SECOND week of August off, so that is what prompted the asking again.

Think what you want, I know, I am a terrible friend. My husband does, and has offered to do a bunch of things for this man and his wife. Next up on the list was helping lay sod and removing some awnings from their house... I will urge my husband to change his mind on these two things. I just guess YOU (and a few others on here) are the kind of people who think doing favors for people is a one-way street.

Goodness the drama (ETA--rereading this does not sound so nice--sorry, I have "drama" on the brain as it is the subject of a couple of other threads I have been reading)--seriously it was pointing out how the other side of the story could be equaling compelling. Your husband's coworker/friend could see things very differently than you do.

I am sure it would be frustrating not to be able to match your vacation schedules--it would bug me a lot. I just wouldn't blame it on my co-worker or expect him to switch (in spite of what someone else said--if you feel you should end the friendship or not do anything nice for him any more--like helping with the sod--if he does not switch I would see that as an expectation). And, I really do feel that if you were told NO once you should not have questioned why or asked again. I think doing so was rude. Clearly you disagree. I also think it will hurt your chances of getting anyone to switch next year if needed/wanted--no one wants to give in to a pest. I know you do not see yourselves that way and I really do not have any idea not being there--but many places I have worked if someone asked and was told no and asked why and then asked again twice after that word would get around and no one would even entertain the idea of doing whatever it was in the future. Maybe I have just worked with mean people. I think it would be different if you needed that week to attend a close relative's wedding in a distant locale or something.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I'll suggest again that you try to keep out of your DH's relationship with his co-worker. If he cancels on those two things then he WILL be the petty and childish one in the relationship and that may make working with the co-worker very difficult. Of course, any future requests are fair game.

I see your point... like, be the bigger person?

Goodness the drama (ETA--rereading this does not sound so nice--sorry, I have "drama" on the brain as it is the subject of a couple of other threads I have been reading)--seriously it was pointing out how the other side of the story could be equaling compelling. Your husband's coworker/friend could see things very differently than you do.

I am sure it would be frustrating not to be able to match your vacation schedules--it would bug me a lot. I just wouldn't blame it on my co-worker or expect him to switch (in spite of what someone else said--if you feel you should end the friendship or not do anything nice for him any more--like helping with the sod--if he does not switch I would see that as an expectation). And, I really do feel that if you were told NO once you should not have questioned why or asked again. I think doing so was rude. Clearly you disagree. I also think it will hurt your chances of getting anyone to switch next year if needed/wanted--no one wants to give in to a pest. I know you do not see yourselves that way and I really do not have any idea not being there--but many places I have worked if someone asked and was told no and asked why and then asked again twice after that word would get around and no one would even entertain the idea of doing whatever it was in the future. Maybe I have just worked with mean people. I think it would be different if you needed that week to attend a close relative's wedding in a distant locale or something.

This situation has me feeling VERY dramatic. I am taking it way too serious, but it's just the disrespectful/intimidating way he DENIED my husband that bothers me. I am standing by that. At the same time, I see your point now. Was it childish and pesky asking three times? Probably. But it's done and over with and there is no going back. We will just know going forward not to expect favors from this friend, and to be careful when we do favors for him that make us go out of our way or above and beyond.

 

[PaulaSB12]

She doesn't EXPECT him to switch one week of vacation. She would APPRECIATE it if he would. Especially in light of the fact (and I accept it as fact, not speculation) that he has no plans.

There is a big difference in expecting a favor and appreciating one. The coworker has no duty to switch the week and they have no right to demand it. But considering they have done some favors for this coworker in the past that have saved him some pretty substantial money, it would not be unreasonable for him to return the FAVOR by switching one week of vacation....and he could still have two consecutive weeks off. That's what decent, thoughtful people do. They return favors and kindnesses.

But you've just been given insight into the coworker's character. Favors and acts of kindness are a one way street with him. Remember that the next time his car breaks down. The one way street should never again head in the direction of your DH's tool set. Just tell him you don't have any other plans that day, but repairing his car isn't something you feel like doing......And point him in the direction of an expensive repair shop that makes him pay for his own beverages. Tough beans, Mr. Seniority. Don't ever "expect" a favor again if you're going to be so stingy handing them out.

But she is expecting him to do that if she started making plansfor a holiday before finding out if they could get the time off at the same time. Not to mention they have been asking for weeks the man is probably fed up of the nagging.

 

[Darsa]

I imagine, AKL_Megs, I would feel the same exact way in your shoes. And if nothing else, this thread has given me a chuckle as to the way people are dissecting and microscopically examining everything you said, not to mention the rempant assumptions being made. But, as soon as I read your OP, I knew it would happen because that's the CB for ya!

I hope you and DH get *some* time together for alone time! Yesterday DH and I went for a hike up a mountain, and it was wonderful and nobody else was around. Not a whole week's vacation, but better than nothing!

 

[Hidden_Mickey]

What a royal jerk. All I can say is karma is a witch with a B.

 

[PaulaSB12]

What a royal jerk. All I can say is karma is a witch with a B.

No he is not the op expects him to change his holiday to fit in with the op's plans why are her holidays more important than his.

 

[AKL_Megs]

No he is not the op expects him to change his holiday to fit in with the op's plans why are her holidays more important than his.

When on here did I EVER say that? Can you show me?

I don't think his "plans" are more important. We asked a question, and considering he circumstances, I am very turned off by the things he said. It was never about the fact that he WON'T do it, but rather, HOW HE SAID HE WON'T.

I never said I EXPECT it. Would I have appreciated it, yes.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I would be "cooling" this relationship as much as possible without hurting your DH as work.
I certainly wouldn't be doing him any favors, that's for sure.

This! He will eventually need a favor, and I would just say no from now on. I have been there, and done that, it does feel great! LOL!

 

[Mr Nice Guy]

Some people are just one way.

 

[fenrir58]

Would it have been nice if co worker switched weeks? Yes.

Does it make him not nice for not switching weeks? No.

Have you read half the posts? It's not the saying "no," it's the way he said it. It could have been, "Sorry, I really want this specific time off. I hope you find some other way."
He didn't have to be all "I'm gonna tell you I could, but I won't, because that's how I feel and my job position is sooo much better than yours"(in my opinion, that's how this guy's coming off, why would you throw seniority at your friend, it was an unnecessary thing to add)

 

[OceanAnnie]

Have you read half the posts? It's not the saying "no," it's the way he said it. It could have been, "Sorry, I really want this specific time off. I hope you find some other way."
He didn't have to be all "I'm gonna tell you I could, but I won't, because that's how I feel and my job position is sooo much better than yours"(in my opinion, that's how this guy's coming off, why would you throw seniority at your friend, it was an unnecessary thing to add)

Yeah. And add to that the guy has said repeatedly he has no plans! Talk about rubbing it in!!! Who does that???

Even if I had some loose plans that didn't really matter that much to me, I'd consider changing a week for a friend. But no plans? That's a no brainer. I certainly wouldn't rub their faces in the fact I had a week that they didn't! That's a nutty buddy for you.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I see your point... like, be the bigger person?

This situation has me feeling VERY dramatic. I am taking it way too serious, but it's just the disrespectful/intimidating way he DENIED my husband that bothers me. I am standing by that. At the same time, I see your point now. Was it childish and pesky asking three times? Probably. But it's done and over with and there is no going back. We will just know going forward not to expect favors from this friend, and to be careful when we do favors for him that make us go out of our way or above and beyond.

Thanks for not being offended by the sue of the drama term
Okay, I seriously wish (and know this would be impossible and probably illegal and NOT good for a job--this is just random wishful thinking) that you had a recording of him saying no you could post a link to--I DO know some people can convey nastiness with tone like you wouldn't believe

 

[fenrir58]

When on here did I EVER say that? Can you show me?

I don't think his "plans" are more important. We asked a question, and considering he circumstances, I am very turned off by the things he said. It was never about the fact that he WON'T do it, but rather, HOW HE SAID HE WON'T.

I never said I EXPECT it. Would I have appreciated it, yes.

It's called DISboards' magic. Things that there is no proof of you saying can be claimed to have been said. That pixie dust falls and : poof: stuff that wasn't left in between the lines is magically there.

Oh and it might've been annoying to ask multiple times, but I know when I get desperate I end up repeating myself to stress a point. I don't think it was an intentional "nag," just hoping he would change his mind. I had the same person ask me 3 times if i could trade days with them for work, the first two times I just said no, the 3rd time I explained how I was going to be gone the day she wanted to trade. I wasn't annoyed by that, but I had too many other things to be annoyed with at work...

 

[jrmasm]

Have you read half the posts? It's not the saying "no," it's the way he said it. It could have been, "Sorry, I really want this specific time off. I hope you find some other way."
He didn't have to be all "I'm gonna tell you I could, but I won't, because that's how I feel and my job position is sooo much better than yours"(in my opinion, that's how this guy's coming off, why would you throw seniority at your friend, it was an unnecessary thing to add)

Yeah I read and I still don't think he the bad guy.

Did you read that he was asked MULTIPLE times and his wife was approached too??? Sounds to me based on the OP's words that he was being nagged.

Once was enough. After the first refusal, the subject shouldn't have been brought up again.

 

[JessicaR]

When on here did I EVER say that? Can you show me?

I don't think his "plans" are more important. We asked a question, and considering he circumstances, I am very turned off by the things he said. It was never about the fact that he WON'T do it, but rather, HOW HE SAID HE WON'T.

I never said I EXPECT it. Would I have appreciated it, yes.

That's the way I read it!

This! He will eventually need a favor, and I would just say no from now on. I have been there, and done that, it does feel great! LOL!

Exactly.

Some people are just one way.

Yes, they sure are.

Have you read half the posts? It's not the saying "no," it's the way he said it. It could have been, "Sorry, I really want this specific time off. I hope you find some other way."
He didn't have to be all "I'm gonna tell you I could, but I won't, because that's how I feel and my job position is sooo much better than yours"(in my opinion, that's how this guy's coming off, why would you throw seniority at your friend, it was an unnecessary thing to add)

Again, I agree. I have seniority is a sucky answer.

Yeah. And add to that the guy has said repeatedly he has no plans! Talk about rubbing it in!!! Who does that???

Even if I had some loose plans that didn't really matter that much to me, I'd consider changing a week for a friend. But no plans? That's a no brainer. I certainly wouldn't rub their faces in the fact I had a week that they didn't! That's a nutty buddy for you.

Agree!

It's called DISboards' magic. Things that there is no proof of you saying can be claimed to have been said. That pixie dust falls and : poof: stuff that wasn't left in between the lines is magically there.

Gotta love that magic!

 

[Magic Mom]

First, there isn't a whole heck of a lot that our "friends" do as favors for us, like you said or seem to think that they do. That is fine, that isn't why we are friends with them... but they sound nicer in your fantasy.

If they aren't reciprocating the friendship and you've tried and tried, then I can see your frustration. I've been there.

 

[Darsa]

No he is not the op expects him to change his holiday to fit in with the op's plans why are her holidays more important than his.

Classic example of between-line-reading and rampant assumptions being made!

 

[Bren's Mom]

OP, that situation really stinks. And I hope that man asks your dh for work on his vehicle soon, and that your dh says 'Oh, man, I have the skills to do it, but I won't. Sorry.'.

 

[OceanAnnie]

OP, that situation really stinks. And I hope that man asks your dh for work on his vehicle soon, and that your dh says 'Oh, man, I have the skills to do it, but I won't. Sorry.'.

 

[AKL_Megs]

OP, that situation really stinks. And I hope that man asks your dh for work on his vehicle soon, and that your dh says 'Oh, man, I have the skills to do it, but I won't. Sorry.'.

Hillarious.