So FRUSTRATED! Some "FRIEND"... A Vent...

[SKWDW]

OP, that situation really stinks. And I hope that man asks your dh for work on his vehicle soon, and that your dh says 'Oh, man, I have the skills to do it, but I won't. Sorry.'.

Best...response...yet!

 

[Darsa]

OP, that situation really stinks. And I hope that man asks your dh for work on his vehicle soon, and that your dh says 'Oh, man, I have the skills to do it, but I won't. Sorry.'.

Absolutely.

 

[Hidden_Mickey]

No he is not the op expects him to change his holiday to fit in with the op's plans why are her holidays more important than his.

Well why not do a nice thing for someone, especially someone who has hooked you up in the past? I just don't understand people who get off on being nasty just because they can. The power trip thing turns me way off. If I could help a family take a vacation together, I sure wouldn't mind taking a different week to lay around the house. Now if the guy had plans that he couldn't change, I could understand him not wanting to switch. Of course, there could be something he has to do that he thinks is none of the OP's business so he just didn't tell her. Who knows what goes on in some people's twisted heads and lives.

 

[ksjayhawks]

Op--your dh asked and he said no. Your dh asked again and he said no. You talked about it with his wife. The third time your dh he said no by adding in the part about the seniority. I really can't blame him. He had given your dh his answer and you guys didn't accept it. He probably added the seniority part just to get the point across to you that he was not going to change his weeks after he had already said no twice.

Those are his weeks, there is a reason he wanted them and he does not have to tell you what that reason is. Accept it and move on.

If your dh does not want to do any more favors for him, dh can be busy, only help a short time, or just say "no, it's not possible".

Does your husband work every day of the week or three or four long days? Is it possible to get away for a few days when you have time off? Surely he will be home some of that time and you can be together, go to a movie, for dinner, to a museum/show/etc or maybe even take a long weekend?

 

[Luvchefmic]

Megs I do remember when this first came up & I suggested seeing if someone could switch with him (I was a civilian PD employee and we did this all the time; don't know if you recall) sorry it didn't work out I have no further advice & you said you didn't want any anyway so that's all

Ruthie

 

[Wishing on a star]

DH originally asked 6 months (or so) ago when they put in their bids. I knew I had the first week off.

You are right Megs, there is NO need to explain.
We all know about the pious, judgemental DIS-police....

From your quote above, it sounds like, KNOWING that your husband and yourself were bidding and hoping and praying for these same weeks (or at least one frickin' week) this summer, he bid for both of the same weeks, KNOWING that his all important 'seniority' would guarantee that he, and not your DH would get those weeks.

If so,

Unfortunately, men can be boneheads and not even see these things... and you could make things way worse by making any big deal.... Unfortunately, those who say to stay one step back, and not be in the middle of your husband's relationship with his co-worker are correct.

It SUCKS... but you can't force your husband to see the light.

Your husband, of course, is free to do whatever he wants with his co-worker/friend.... But, personally, if there is any 'friendship' interaction that involves you and this coworkers wife, etc... I think I would have to be 'busy', or whatever. I wouldn't want to participate.

I am SO sorry that you and your husband can not have a few days to spend with each other.

No matter what flames others here may throw.... that deserves a big

 

[Belle Ella]

The situation stinks, it really does, but it reminds me a lot of a situation with my job and vacations that were dolled out last year according to when we submitted our requests and "seniority" in our department. I got the time off that I wanted, and it wasn't because I was planning a big vacation, but because I planned on doing absolutely nothing. I was exhausted and needed a break and that's what my vacation was for. I was at a point where if I had to go in that week I would have exploded. A girl n my team who wanted that same week off got very pissed off with me when I wouldn't switch my dates with hers when she found out I wasn't planning on doing anything substantial. I wasn't saying no to be mean, or just because I had the right to say no. I was saying no because I got my time off and I wanted to keep my time off and I needed my time off. Then again, I'm also the girl in our department who has taken less than 4 weeks of vacation in the 6 years I have been working with the company whereas the rest of my team takes vacations every other month it feels like (and calls in sick at least 3 times a month). I do feel like I'm a little more entitled to my time off for no reason, but I wouldn't deny them the same benefit either.

And I've also been on the other end of the stick too though. I wanted a weekend off for my Grandmother's 80'th birthday party but my direct supervisor was taking the weekend off to veg with her family and do nothing meaning I was required to work because she and I were the only two at the time who did our job. It sucked, but I certainly wasn't frustrated, upset or confused by it. We all work hard so we can enjoy our time off, even if 'enjoy' doesn't involve some big planned out event.

It's normal to feel disappointment if you had started to get your hopes up over maybe going on a vacation which to me it sounds like you did even if time off wasn't guaranteed. You were looking forward to the possibility. I just hope you don't take it out on your DH's co-worker/friend specifically because he didn't want to switch vacations. Hopefully your next vacation bids go smoother and you're still able to enjoy your time off in August!

 

[Mary•Poppins]

Wow ... you are a nice wife. I think I would have sat around the car and reminded my husband's "friend" of how wonderful he is .....

to you. People sometimes stink ...

 

[EMom]

My husband......has offered to do a bunch of things for this man and his wife. Next up on the list was helping lay sod and removing some awnings from their house... I will urge my husband to change his mind on these two things. I just guess YOU (and a few others on here) are the kind of people who think doing favors for people is a one-way street.

Seriously???? Hell would freeze over before my DH would help lay one square inch of sod for this user friend. Let him do his own manual labor or pay a day worker. Sounds like your DH is only his "good buddy" when he needs someone to do his grunt work. He's a pro at asking for favors, accepting them, and apparently EXPECTING them. But he sure does balk at returning favors, doesn't he?

No, let DH have something of pressing importance to do that day. Give you a foot rub, go see a movie, watch the clouds drift by, or take a nap.....whatever. Anything but do that guy ONE MORE FAVOR.

 

[cm8]

OP, that situation really stinks. And I hope that man asks your dh for work on his vehicle soon, and that your dh says 'Oh, man, I have the skills to do it, but I won't. Sorry.'.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Your DH's co-worker/friend sucks. Enough said.

This. This exactly.

 

[fenrir58]

I had a huge thing posted about "friend's response was still unreasonable even if annoyed because blah blah blah" and some other stuff and then I realized that I am getting way too involved in a debate when somebody just wanted to get something off her chest.

Sorry for "talking" instead of "listening"

Now how I think my original post should have gone:
"Wow OP, that stinks. I'm sorry things didn't go how you hoped. Maybe next time things will turn out better. Enjoy your vacation anyway."

 

[Carly_Roach]

When on here did I EVER say that? Can you show me?

I don't think his "plans" are more important. We asked a question, and considering he circumstances, I am very turned off by the things he said. It was never about the fact that he WON'T do it, but rather, HOW HE SAID HE WON'T.

I never said I EXPECT it. Would I have appreciated it, yes.

Yeah I read and I still don't think he the bad guy.

Did you read that he was asked MULTIPLE times and his wife was approached too??? Sounds to me based on the OP's words that he was being nagged.

Once was enough. After the first refusal, the subject shouldn't have been brought up again.

Exactly. When people start in on saying, "It wasn't what he/she said, it was the way he/she said it" I know there's something missing from the story. Kind of like how a kid will tell their friends that their mother's in a bad mood and she was really nasty when she said no to him/her.

What the kid won't tell you is that he/she asked the question 30 million times and the mother finally had enough and lost her temper. It's the 'losing her temper' part that gets relayed to the friends, not the repeated nagging that preceeded it.

Op--your dh asked and he said no. Your dh asked again and he said no. You talked about it with his wife. The third time your dh he said no by adding in the part about the seniority. I really can't blame him. He had given your dh his answer and you guys didn't accept it. He probably added the seniority part just to get the point across to you that he was not going to change his weeks after he had already said no twice.

Those are his weeks, there is a reason he wanted them and he does not have to tell you what that reason is. Accept it and move on.

Exactly.

If there's one thing life has taught me, it's to make sure you have confirmations before making plans to travel and, even then, don't really expect to go until the plane is actually in the air (or you've arrived at your destination). Planning a vacation before you actually have the vacation time locked in is a recipe for disaster as you've just found out.

Hopefully you've learned that lesson and have locked in your and DH's vacation time in February. In the meantime, any change in attitude or demeanor on your DH's part toward the coworker will be seen as...well, a lack of maturity in the least and outright hostility at the worst. It's OK for the partner's wife to be pissed at you. It's NOT OK for your partner to be pissed at you. Especially if you depend on that man to watch your back.

If DH had a younger partner who acted differently when DH refused to give up his vacation time, I suspect DH would first try to work it out with the partner. If that didn't work, then DH would be asking for a new one because he couldn't trust the 'miffed' one to back him up.

 

[Jennasis]

I had a huge thing posted about "friend's response was still unreasonable even if annoyed because blah blah blah" and some other stuff and then I realized that I am getting way too involved in a debate when somebody just wanted to get something off her chest.

Sorry for "talking" instead of "listening"

Now how I think my original post should have gone:
"Wow OP, that stinks. I'm sorry things didn't go how you hoped. Maybe next time things will turn out better. Enjoy your vacation anyway."

This may be the best post I've ever read in all my years on the DIS.

 

[MoniqueU]

As xomeone whos husband has worked for the same company for 12.5 years and is entiitled to 2 weeks vacation but hasn't even gotten 1 or the pay for it in about 3 summers and has missed fumerals and all sorts of stuff, I am sorry for you but this won't kill you. Most people I know can't even afford a weekend getaway. I guess knowing someone has it worse then you doesn't make your own situation better but you will get over this.

 

[Mimi1965]

As xomeone whos husband has worked for the same company for 12.5 years and is entiitled to 2 weeks vacation but hasn't even gotten 1 or the pay for it in about 3 summers and has missed fumerals and all sorts of stuff,.

I think that is illegal. Check on it
Employee should get double time if they work on a vacation week
If he has worked there that long wht doesnt he take vacation?

 

[aprilgail2]

If he has worked there that long wht doesnt he take vacation?

Usually in cases like that its the employee thinking they can't be done without for that time when in reality they can!

 

[aprilgail2]

I think its unfair to be so upset at this guy for refusing to switch. He bid, he won. It wasn't his decision to award the time, it was management's who reviewed the bids.

Where I work I had a week someone needed for their honeymoon-I was not doing anything so I was willing to switch but management says NO SWITCHES! The guy was mad at ME for a long time....sorry guy, I said yes, the company said no. His honeymoon was then 4 months after his wedding! Why plan your wedding for a month you KNOW you will never be able to get for vacation??? Even if I had not taken that week another person would have because there were about 30 people between him and I....which means if I did switch with him one of those other people would have said "hey thats not fair, I was next for that week, not that rookie!"
I get 6 weeks vacation and we pick by seniority- I am number one--I take 4th of July week, Thanksgiving Week, Christmas Week and 3 other summer weeks every single year....my first 10+ years there I couldn't hit anything in the summer after Memorial Day or any weeks kids were off from school....just wait patiently and eventually you will have the time to pick exactly the weeks you want!

 

[need2cruise]

I can relate with you! Dh is a police officer too, vacations are based on senority. There are 2 guys on the dept that have a lot of vacation to use and tend to take up most of the time that I can get off around my work schedule. So, we rarely get a vacation in the summer together, usually have to take it an off time.....(cruising is cheaper in the fall, so I guess it works out).

I would just tell this "friend" next time he wanted something, sorry, I don't have anything going on that day, but I just have to say no since my senority doesn't allow me the time I request off, I have to take the time I can get off and use it wisely. I know, harder said then done when they work so closely together and having animosity isn't the best since they put their lives in each others hands daily.

I would just take this extra 6 mths of planning and save and make this next vacation something special for you two instead of just doing the quick trip you were hoping to be able to do. Who knows, maybe it's a blessing in the long run!