So, DH went to psychiatrist today.....UPDATED POST 44

[browneyes106]

I'm sorry that DH had a hard time with that psych doc. I dealt with one like that in the past. I then changed to another one who is more sensitive and listens to me before she considers changing prescriptions. She doesn't do a lot of counseling or therapies but she is always willing to give patients extra time to tell her about how they feel.

I agree with others ask for a referral for counseling or a therapist.

 

[RadioFanatic]

I'm going to be different and say, although I understand your husband's position, I wish he could wait to see how the meds work for him before quitting his job. I know from experience because my dh was the exact same way, panic attacks about work, hating sundays so much it made him sick, etc. He ended up into inhouse treatment because of it. He has a psych for the meds and a counselor too. The counselor taught him coping mechanisms to help while waiting for the meds to kick in. The meds they put him on; however, have helped him tremendously and he can handle the job very well now. I'm really proud of him. We both knew the stress of not having a job and without benefits with a child would have been too much too.

Only you two know what he can do or not do, but I wanted to give you a little bit of a different story from one who had the same problems.

Good luck to you both!

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Questioning the patient is part of the initial visit.

The questions may seem insensitive, or even harsh, but the MD needs to get some basic information.

Psychologists have an excellent reputation for talk therapy, IF that is the therapy that will work for the patient.

There are many different modalities. CBT mentioned previously is just one. DBT is another, used most frequently for severe BP II D.

All that to say, regardless of what is being treated, a patient needs to have a good working relationship with the health provider. Period.

If that is not the case here, then do seek out another with whom your DH is more comfortable.

Drugs are not always the complete answer. However, talk therapy is not always the complete answer either. Usually it takes a combination of both and that combination is highly specific to the individual.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Radio, I understand what you mean. Now granted my dd is only 13 however she was in a depressed state, applying for her summer university thing and not quite top notch when she took the ACT in Dec., (which she did well on despite things).

Thankfully she was in counseling and as her mom, I had her push through it.

Here it is March, and she was accepted into the program. She tells me that avoiding the stuff would have crushed her.

So, OP what I am trying to get across to you is to be in tune with what you know your dh should be doing and not let him slide backwards further. At some point you have to decipher indulging his mental state and having him push thru it.

It is a bizzarre line to walk for sure. You do get better at figuring it out.

To an outsider you might say, why are you letting your dd strive for these high goals when she has anxiety. However I have to tell you that SHE is the one with the goals and I need to teach her how to attain them despite her anxiety.

OP, with the right meds and counselor, getting help is very doable.​

 

[rie'smom]

Radio, I understand what you mean. Now granted my dd is only 13 however she was in a depressed state, applying for her summer university thing and not quite top notch when she took the ACT in Dec., (which she did well on despite things).

Thankfully she was in counseling and as her mom, I had her push through it.

Here it is March, and she was accepted into the program. She tells me that avoiding the stuff would have crushed her.

So, OP what I am trying to get across to you is to be in tune with what you know your dh should be doing and not let him slide backwards further. At some point you have to decipher indulging his mental state and having him push thru it.

It is a bizzarre line to walk for sure. You do get better at figuring it out.

To an outsider you might say, why are you letting your dd strive for these high goals when she has anxiety. However I have to tell you that SHE is the one with the goals and I need to teach her how to attain them despite her anxiety.

OP, with the right meds and counselor, getting help is very doable.​

A case of depression requiring a hospital stay is a lot different than depression that can be "worked through" with meds and counseling. It's like telling someone with skin cancer to put on some Neosporin and a band aid. Unless someone has been this sick, the depth that depression can reach is truly unfathomable.

 

[npmommie]

We actually did discuss different options, but decided that it would be best for him just to be completely done with this job. Even if he was on disability for 12 weeks, he would not have been able to let it go.....he would've continue to dwell on the fact that he had to go back in 12 weeks. We just didn't feel he would be able to let go of it enough to focus on getting better. As it was, he spent a good deal of the week in the hospital as well as the week after dreading and worrying about going back.

He really would like to get back into retail/grocery. He worked that area for 17 years before the store he worked in closed. I think that is probably going to be his only "comfort" zone as far as working goes, quite honestly.

OP I may have missed it but what kind of job is he leaving?
I agree with the others, a combo of a psych for the meds and psychologist for some counseling.
I also agree with the others who said they ask questions sometimes to gauge a response.
hang in there, things will get better, sounds like he is on a good path.

 

[RadioFanatic]

A case of depression requiring a hospital stay is a lot different than depression that can be "worked through" with meds and counseling. It's like telling someone with skin cancer to put on some Neosporin and a band aid. Unless someone has been this sick, the depth that depression can reach is truly unfathomable.

if you read my post, my dh was in the hospital - for 2 weeks in fact. so I do know.

 

[rie'smom]

if you read my post, my dh was in the hospital - for 2 weeks in fact. so I do know.

I was addressing my post to the quote. I don't know your situation and wasn't applying it universally. Good for your DH that he was able to use some coping mechanisms while waiting for the meds to kick in- not everyone can. Some have to remain hospitalized for a month or longer until their bodies adjust or until the docs find the right medication and strength.

 

[a1tinkfans]

A case of depression requiring a hospital stay is a lot different than depression that can be "worked through" with meds and counseling. It's like telling someone with skin cancer to put on some Neosporin and a band aid. Unless someone has been this sick, the depth that depression can reach is truly unfathomable.

OP: wishing your husband better health really soon. Please continue the search to reach out for Good Qualified help....its so overwhelming and so difficult to muddle thru....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

A case of depression requiring a hospital stay is a lot different than depression that can be "worked through" with meds and counseling. It's like telling someone with skin cancer to put on some Neosporin and a band aid. Unless someone has been this sick, the depth that depression can reach is truly unfathomable.

I understand that the OP's situation is dire and know what you mean.

I guess I was meaning that she has to be "in tune" you know? It is a critical time for her dh right now and it must be overwhelming.

 

[rie'smom]

I understand that the OP's situation is dire and know what you mean.

I guess I was meaning that she has to be "in tune" you know? It is a critical time for her dh right now and it must be overwhelming.

Gotcha! It is hard on the significant other. My DH was great but I know that my illness was an emotional drain.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Gotcha! It is hard on the significant other. My DH was great but I know that my illness was an emotional drain.

Anytime someone is in mental pain is just so hard no matter what the circumstance.

My MIL is schizophrenic and is doing so well right now. I never thought I would see the day that she could function as a happy person. While I know it is rare to get a med to help someone in her state, it happened.

I did my share of support on my end. There is always hope that things can get better. I try to stay postive.

 

[bedillamouse]

Anytime someone is in mental pain is just so hard no matter what the circumstance.

My MIL is schizophrenic and is doing so well right now. I never thought I would see the day that she could function as a happy person. While I know it is rare to get a med to help someone in her state, it happened.

I did my share of support on my end. There is always hope that things can get better. I try to stay postive.

Not to digress from the OP but would you mind me asking you, Mystery Machine if your dd had anxiety from a young age and it got worse?? My DD 5 has high anxiety and we work on it but have often worried that with the teenage years if it will get worse.

OP - so sorry for your DH...I have done some work in the mental health field and agree with several of the posters that there are med docs and the other ones who roll up their sleeves and work on finding a solution to the problem. Good Luck!!

 

[DisneyJules]

Poor guy, that's terrible! Please encourage him to see someone else, there are MUCH better psychologists and psychiatrists out there.

 

[bumbershoot]

As I was reading what the psychiatrist said, I was thinking "well this might have been a well thought out question for a good reason", but it was the "in this economy" part that made me dump that thought in the trash. I can understand wanting to see where a person's head is, but the economy thing just seems to put so much more stress on a person. This man is feeling horrible. His job is causing him problems, he's been in the hospital, he KNOWS that the economy is weird right now... It just seems nearly cruel, to put that on him, even if the first part of the sentence was OK.

And maybe he's worried about being paid....

He really would like to get back into retail/grocery. He worked that area for 17 years before the store he worked in closed. I think that is probably going to be his only "comfort" zone as far as working goes, quite honestly.

If there are any Trader Joe's store near you, go for that. They treat their employees extremely well. DH had a coworker whose wife was a store manager...she made over 90K, and that is in Seattle around 6 years ago... I have talked to normal employees there, and they are just ecstatic about their jobs. Seems to be a really fun, bright, happy working environment.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Not to digress from the OP but would you mind me asking you, Mystery Machine if your dd had anxiety from a young age and it got worse?? My DD 5 has high anxiety and we work on it but have often worried that with the teenage years if it will get worse.

OP - so sorry for your DH...I have done some work in the mental health field and agree with several of the posters that there are med docs and the other ones who roll up their sleeves and work on finding a solution to the problem. Good Luck!!

Yes she did.

Now she is a perfectionist at school and has high goals for herself, so I will preface that. It was never a matter of not loving school or not wanting to do well, which made it very concerning for us.

When she was young, she would have "panic attacks" in crowds and it was hard for her to "be in a large group", even with big family parties. We used visualization/breathing techniques for her and they did help but most parties she could not be in the "group" for too long because it would be overwhelming for her.

We moved from TX back to MO and then she was in a brand new school for 6th grade. It was just too much for her. Her anxiety lead to depression. She is on Lexapro and then we did counseling.

The counselor gave her techniques for "retraining" her thinking. Which sounds so simple but yet it works.

The kicker here is she is great at public speaking and loves it. It just makes no sense. You would think she would crumble.

 

[RadioFanatic]

I was addressing my post to the quote. I don't know your situation and wasn't applying it universally. Good for your DH that he was able to use some coping mechanisms while waiting for the meds to kick in- not everyone can. Some have to remain hospitalized for a month or longer until their bodies adjust or until the docs find the right medication and strength.

I know, but that post was referencing me so I felt I should say something. I truly hope OP and her husband find the peace they deserve. I just wanted to let her know that it is possible to find a way to manage it and still work, even if the situation had gotten so bad that one has to be hospitalized, like it was in my dh's situation. Just trying to give her a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Disney Doll]

I have a friend who is going through a rough patch and I have to say, it is hard to talk to someone every day who is sobbing and negative. I understand the background behind it and I am generally a fairly optimistic person, but the constant "down" is difficult to deal with. Thankfully she has had some medication adjustments and so forth and is better.

But as the friend, you really do feel like "Good Lord, I can't listen to this again today" & then the feeling in the pit of your stomach comes when it's time to dial the phone...and then of course you feel guilty for not being a good freind...I can't imagine living with it.

 

[freddog]

Someone mentioned "overwhelmed". That is DEFINITELY what I'm feeling tonight. Last night, for some reason, I was particularly feeling that way. Just very tearful and wondering how we'll do.....how he'll do....if he'll ever be back 100%.....can I handle this? I try not to discuss too much of my thoughts and fears with him...I do to a limit, but I try not to add to his stress level. So, one particular nurse at work has been a wonderful listening ear for me! And, babbling on this anonymous internet bulletin board helps too!

The kids are doing much better than I thought they would. We talked to them about how we'll be tightening our belts, so the trip to Disney is off. They were like "Okay, well can we take just a little of the Florida money and buy a trampoline and Bonzai Falls?" LOL.

Anyway, I do appreciate everyone who has listened to me go on about all this because even though I don't "know" you, it truly helps to post about it and vent to someone.

 

[minkydog]

. Last night, for some reason, I was particularly feeling that way. Just very tearful and wondering how we'll do.....how he'll do....if he'll ever be back 100%.....can I handle this? I try not to discuss too much of my thoughts and fears with him...I do to a limit, but I try not to add to his stress level.

The kids are doing much better than I thought they would. We talked to them about how we'll be tightening our belts, so the trip to Disney is off. They were like "Okay, well can we take just a little of the Florida money and buy a trampoline and Bonzai Falls?" LOL.

It's normal to have fear and worries in a situation such as this. I know when I had my big breakdown last year I really thought I would never be able to work again. 32 years as a nurse, down the drain. Well, here I am 12 months later in a far, far better place. I took the time that it took to get better. I changed my diet, my thinking, got a good therapist and good psychiatrist. Took my meds right, started exercising, and I go to a support group every week without fail. Of course, I didn't accomplish my recovery in a couple weeks. We had several months of up and down emotions and anxiety. I've had one other bout of mania and a bout of depression in the last year. But you know? it's a process. Just like with dieting--you don't get from point A to point B in 3 weeks.

I have to tell you, my DH is thrilled with my progress. He was very worried about me in the beginning, of course (especially after I told him how I planned to kill myself) and it took him a long time to trust that I wouldn't go backward again. I can see now that I scared the starch out of him.

I agree with you that it's probably not a great idea to discuss your fears with him too much. He already feels afraid and worthless. If you need to talk, I would strongly suggest that you find a therapist for yourself so you can have a safe place to get it out and where it won't injure him further. I'd also suggest that you have a few family sessions, if you haven't done that yet. Kids are pretty resilient. My older 2 were extremely supportive(they're 17 & 23). DS23 was especially supportive--he hs bipolar disorder and he fully "gets" my emotions. We had 2 family sessions with the kids and then DH & I had 3 by ourselves. SInce then I have done private therapy, very successfully I might add.

I hope you will get through all this. It takes a long time, but keep your eyes on the prize. if your doctors are no good, fire them. Get some new ones. If they suck m fire them too and move on. I look at mental illness like I look at any other critical health situation. THe psychiatric hospital is the ICU of mental health, meant to avert crises. Just like in a hospital, they get you stabilized, start you one the meds you need and soon as you're able they ship you home where you start recovering. IF you have a heart attack, you don't expect to be fully well when they let you go 4 days later. Nobody expect that having a cast put on a broken leg will heal it in a week. Healing takes time, whether from a physical illness or a mental illness. I just wanted to let you know that I really do understand what you're going through and I wish you all the strength to get through to the other side.