so depressed, DH won't agree! (short vent)

[Sonya]

Michelle, thanks! But I bet you don't miss our weather.

TIdoublegaER, he has to go through the Grandview triangle so you know how happy he is about that.

hentob, you didn't come off as rude, I know where you are coming from, and yes there were a few tears. I know it's not that he doesn't want to be a father, it's that he doesn't like change (he works in the engineering field) and I threw this at him too fast. He will hopefully get over it in the 1st week. And thanks for the compliment! I'm not one to let people walk over me.

 

[hentob]

Thank you for not being offended...I almost deleted my post for fear of seeming rude.

I take things like this to heart, as I see it happen to my friends all of the time. Most of them don't give The Talk like you did and some marriages are not happy ones at this point.

I am glad things are fine now---

Hentob

 

[SuiteDisney]

I'm glad you were able to work things out with your DH. You might as well let him know that this is just the beginning. Everything changes when you have children. Sometimes the changes come so fast that all you can do is hold on and go with the flow. But it all works out and the kids are worth it.

Just wait until Sam is a teenager.

 

[cali2gagirl]

I sure hope your hubby does this!! I tried to go back to work full-time, and we attempted to put my 2.5 yr old DD in daycare...we tried daily for 2 weeks...and I ended up havingto stepdown to part-time around hubby's hours... My hubby reworked his hours to accomodate...because he was there in the awful tantrums that included "Please don't leave me" and "I wanna go with you" and tears and screaming at the top of her lungs BEGGING for Mommy and Daddy.. Let your husband see this one time...I guarantee he'd be HAPPY to take him to your friends house at 9Am!!!!!!!!!!

 

[cali2gagirl]

Ok...sorry...have to admit I HAD to post before finishing the thread just because it was such a time of turmoil for us, I couldn't wait to throw in my 2cents...
I'm glad your hubby compromised...and I hope your son is doing well in daycare
I guess I"m pretty lucky...I've been off work all summer, so being home with the kids has driven me nuts!! Hubby works 8am til 6 or 7 pm..and I am soo ready to just have 30 minutes to myself! Actually ...he lets me leave about half the time..even if it's just to the tanning bed...but he does complain on occassion that he'd like time too... Guess I need to be the understanding one now...LOL <grumblegrumble>

 

[CamColt]

Glad it all worked out for you Sonya!
I can understand him not being happy about the hour change, but Im sure he realizes it is for the best for everyone. And even while hitting traffic, 9-5 isnt too bad. I wish DH had those hours.

 

[Minniespal]

Sonya ~

Glad everything seems to have worked out for you.

 

[Mskanga]

Sonya I feel for you , I really do.
When we had dd1 who is now 10 years old , we were faced with the same thing, we had nobody to watch her so we had to put her in daycare but at least I was able to stay home with her the first year thanks to my employer laying everyone off while I was on disability from having surgery on my foot, long story short, I got pregnant while recovering from surgery on both feet , then I went straight into 9 months of unemployment.
We placed dd in daycare, she was miserable , always sick. The daycare place was 5 minutes away from dh's job, he was the one dropping off and picking up. HE was the one to tell me to quit my job one day when she got sick at daycare and they called him to go pick her up, he realized then that she couldn't be there when she was sick but he had to pay for it anyway, he wasn't happy about that.
The good thing about all this is that I didn't have to quit my job, my company started having serious financial trouble and laid off the last few people they hired , including me, so it worked out for me because that's when we bought the house and we figured , by the time I pay for gas, food , daycare and all , I was coming home with 1/3 of my paycheck. I decided once I moved I would look for a part time job, weekends. I did it honestly for my dd first so she wouldn't have to go to daycare, and second so that dh would know what it's like to deal with kids and he would get his share. I started working weekends not even six months later and was coming home with actually more money than before. Then DD2 came along, I continued to do the same thing, now dd2 is 6 years old, going into first grade which means she will be in school all day instead of half day like in kindergarten.
I do not regret at all having had to sacrifice working weekends all these years, my children didn't have to be placed on daycare plus daddy got to deal with them all alone for two days ( THAT was the best part ).
Now I don't work weekends anymore , but I will be working in the school cafeteria during hours that they will be in school, why? because I need to be home on snow days, holidays and vacations until they are older, this is the sacrifice I must make now. DH is not in the position to make changes, his job is not flexible but if it comes down to cut into his relaxing time, you bet that change is done.
It's not easy , specially if you don't have family or friends who can help out close to you, like it's my case.
Best of luck to you.

 

[Sonya]

Thanks everyone for responding. I wonder when he is going to realize that change is going to happen from here on out!

 

[becka]

Originally posted by Sonya
Thanks everyone for responding. I wonder when he is going to realize that change is going to happen from here on out!

Never!

Actually I was talking about something DS related to DH a few weeks ago and he mentioned something about it being difficult and it was all so "new". I told him that DS is 14 months old....when does he stop being "new"? According to him I am still new and we have been together almost 10 years.

 

[Mskanga]

Actually I was talking about something DS related to DH a few weeks ago and he mentioned something about it being difficult and it was all so "new". I told him that DS is 14 months old....when does he stop being "new"?

It never stops, every single phase that will come after this will require changes, and they are always new. It never stops! Boy are they in for a surprise, LOL.

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by Mskanga
It never stops, every single phase that will come after this will require changes, and they are always new. It never stops! Boy are they in for a surprise, LOL.

That's for sure it's constant change, but if you look at it from the right perspective it's awesome...I 've always explained fatherhood this way A child is the best toy a man could ever have..as a child you always get bored with a toy after a period of time.....with a child you never get bored..they are constantly changing each day brings something new..as they grow, you also grow, and learn a lot about yourself, with each year the fun grows, as they can do more and more..and if you take the time to be a good parent , nothing is more rewarding than the feeling of pride as you watch them grow into fine young adults..

 

[BrerMom]

I realize the thread is about your DH, but I picked up on this:

My best friend finally said she could do it,

Speaking as someone who talked a friend into taking care of DD only before school, please think twice about this if you value the friendship. Our friendship didn't survive the school year, partly because she agreed to do it for me and then became resentful later. Your DS will be there all day, which is much more of a commitment than my friend had.

 

[MAC3]

Originally posted by CamColt
If it were me, I would tell him if he cant make this small sacrafice then I cant work.

Not to beat up on your DH but this sounds right!


It's a tough adjustment but you'll both work it out and do what's best for Samuel.
Lisa

 

[Sonya]

BrerMom, I only asked her once, several months ago. I had, however, been telling her how hard it was to find a good place for DS. You know, just venting in our daily conversations. She came to me and offered. It was what I was hoping for but I NEVER pushed her into it. (at least it doesn't feel that way)

 

[BrerMom]

...sounds like you might be one of the lucky ones, then!

Good luck with the new school year and with getting your "homework" done.

 

[WebmasterAlex]

I'm thinking you guys might be being a little tough on sonya's DH...
We are talking 2 hours here... that's not a small change..and a LOT of extra time sitting in rush hour.
For example I am a TOTAL night Owl, I rarely go to bed before 2 am. I do work 9-5 and if I had to work 7-3 it would kill me!
We also all have our own things that are really important to us.
He may handle other things just fine!
Either way he is doing the right thing... even though he may be changing something very important to him. I don't see it as a big deal that he didn't do back flips and jump at it....

 

[lulubelle]

Sonya,
First of all, I have to tell you how abosutely adorable your little Samuel is, I have been meaning to post that for a while I see you post and smile at his picture everytime. DH is going thru the changing phase that comes with having children, and that is normal. He didn't want to change his schedule at first, but once he realized it was best for the family, he agreed. No need to criticize or bash Best of luck to all three of you!

 

[Sonya]

Thanks lulubell and Alex, for backing up my DH, he is a good guy, and for another view/opinion. That's the great thing about the boards! You get a good perspective.