So a happy birthday post on Facebook......after death

[ols386]

I think it is ok to keep the deceased person's FB page going, as a memorial.

I saw one deceased person's FB page where folks had wished them a happy birthday, knowing that they were indeed deceased.

 

[NewRVLady]

I messaged my deceased SIL friend and asked if she knew SIL has been decesed for a few years- she said she knew- this is what she wrote
HB Mary- hope you have great day and a great year"
!!!!!!!!
After I messaged her she changed it

 

[hopemax]

My Mom passed away in April, she has a FB page, but didn't use it much. But there were connections to family in the Midwest, friends where my parents used to live (Washington), and friends where they lived now (Florida) that we wouldn't have had if it were not for FB.. FB really was the easiest way to let all the acquaintances and people we hadn't talked to in years know what happened, she might not have been friends with everyone, but she was friends with somebody who could let others know (mostly former coworkers, and my early childhood friends). She was still pretty young, and her cancer battle was only a year, so friends from longer ago didn't even know she was sick. I did link to the obituary and I didn't have anyone think it was tacky, but did have people say that were grateful for the notice.

Her birthday was in June and a few friends and family posted "We miss you," or Angel birthday type messages or images. I thought it was nice. I don't use her FB for my stuff very often, but I did post on her birthday, because we went to her favorite ice cream shop in remembrance and we wanted to acknowledge the day.

 

[Hrhpd]

I understand some want to keep a loved one's Facebook page up as a memorial to their life, but what about when you see Happy birthday posts on the departed's page that make it clear that the poster has no idea they are deceased? Things like "Let's do lunch"........"I'll call you next time I'm in town" or "here's to many more Happy birthdays" etc.

I think it would be tacky to post a note or the departed's obit on their Facebook. But should I message the person who put up the post?
This has happened on 3 different pages in the past couple of months, and in all 3 cases, if you scroll down a page, there is a post from the family saying the person had passed away.

You don't have to go onto somebody's page to wish them happy birthday. So, it is very possible people did not see the post from the family.

 

[bumbershoot]

They're wishing happy birthday to a dead person. How close could they possibly be?

When my mom passed in 2000, we had her address book to go by. We tried to get to everyone. There still might have been people she knew from distant departments at work, or people she didn't write to but called every so often (and memorized their numbers, as we used to do), that we missed. And those people might have still considered themselves to be close. They just got missed by US, since WE weren't HER.

I thik that when people have certain sorts of friendships they forget that there are OTHER kinds of friendships that are just as valid. When I see my old friends it's like no time has passed. But I might see them every 10 years. I might not know what they had for lunch yesterday b/c I don't follow their Instagram page, but I know who they ARE, and they know me, and we are very dear to each other. If their distraught spouse or sibling etc didn't know to contact me (or what if their close family who knew me then have also died?), how could I know?

My mom passed away in 2009. She had a FB page that she hardly ever used. On her birthday the following year, I got the notification - which was sad. I contacted FB to have them delete the page - giving them my name, and details about her but they would only delete the page if I sent them a death certificate - which I was not going to do. So her page is still out there. They should make it easier for family of the deceased.

They do make it easier now. There are options now that weren't there then.

Social media makes that sort of news travel much faster.

But only if you're there to get it. Many people take breaks from it. I haven't checked FB since mid July. Just about anyone could have died in that time and their significant others might not have known how to contact me. When I go back I'm not going to go check the last x months on every friend's page (and I try to limit my FB friends to actual, real, friends from my past or present) to make sure no one has died. I might have missed something. FB moves fast, but only if you're there to see it.


tvguy I'm glad someone got to it.

My oldest friend's brother passed, suddenly and shockingly, this spring. Just 2 weeks later someone he knew saw his FB page with the messages of condolences for his wife (his wife doesn't have a FB page) and freaked out. I felt so bad for her. Missed it by 2 weeks and we got to "see" the emotional wound opened on someone, just as ours were starting to scar over.

 

[Ress76]

I have left my late husband's page active on FB. I think it does his kids and me good to see the birthday posts, or the "I miss you"s or the "Wish you could have seen". If anyone posted who wasn't aware, I would probably just message them from my own account and let them know.

 

[eliza61]

When my honey died, my sister in law, posted a message on his face book account saying he had lost his battle with cancer and that the page would no longer be monitored. I haven't looked at it since

 

[Kellykins1218]

My aunt wished my deceased uncle a happy birthday today on Facebook. I don't see anything wrong with remembering someone you love on their birthday.

 

[NHdisneylover]

They're wishing happy birthday to a dead person. How close could they possibly be?

We've lived in 6 different sates as well as Germany as adults. I stay in lose contact (mostly via facebook (with people I was once close to in each of those places, as well as with people I was close to in highschool in my hometown and two friends from the year I spent abroad in highschool.
None of those people live anywhere near me and many are not in circles with my other friends. If someone happened to be out of town or otherwise not online during the time of my passing, I could easily imagine that they would not realize it happened, but also maybe just think I was not on facebook much lately and not make the connection when my posts stopped.

Anyway, it sounds like OP's problem was solved by the nice post of someone else. Personally, I do not think it would be out of line to send someone a PM to let them know if it was clear thy were unaware--I am not sure why only family should do that, especially as it might be very painful to them.

 

[dollarmite]

My mom passed away in 2009. She had a FB page that she hardly ever used. On her birthday the following year, I got the notification - which was sad. I contacted FB to have them delete the page - giving them my name, and details about her but they would only delete the page if I sent them a death certificate - which I was not going to do. So her page is still out there. They should make it easier for family of the deceased.

I agree with the bolded.

My cousin set up a family Facebook page several years before she died. After her death it was decided I should be the one to maintain it from then on. However, without Cousin's log in and admin details that was impossible, and Facebook would only let someone else (ie. me in this case) take over if I provided a link to an online death notice or obituary (of which there are neither as per Cousin's request), or a copy of the death certificate. They were definitely not getting that - firstly it's not their business, and secondly, asking Cousin's mum for a copy of her only child's death certificate seems wildly inappropriate and callous, especially for something like this.

I ended up setting up a new family page, with 2 of my cousins as co-admins, and gave details of the passwords etc to my son, for when the worst happens.

 

[DawnM]

I have a few deceased friends on FB. I always acknowlege their birthdays. Others do too.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

DH's father's page is still up and his family posts on it for his birthday, Father's Day, or the anniversary of his death.

I just think it's a way for them to stay connected to him in some way. Social media is a huge part of so many people's lives now that it really shouldn't be that surprising when they do things like that.

 

[DebbieB]

I have a friend whose mom died suddenly. She was a big FarmVille player so she had a lot of friends who did not actually know her. They put a message on her page saying "we are sad to notify everyone that Carol passed away on......". It's still open 2 or 3 years later. People do post remembrances on her birthday.

 

[tvguy]

In one case, FB refused to take down the page because the deceased had the page in her married name, but the death certificate was in her maiden name. Her husband discovered that she had never changed with name with Social Security, despite using her married name for everything, including their taxes for over 25 years.

I guess if you don't want to send FB a death certificate, that's fine. But that's the kind of thing they are for. I sure sent out a bunch, close to 20 when my mom passed away 2 years ago. She was very organized and in her list of final wishes included a note to order at least 20 death certificates. I think I have like 3 left.

 

[ckay87]

They're wishing happy birthday to a dead person. How close could they possibly be?

You don't have to be "close" to be a Facebook friend. I mean, it's JUST Facebook. I use it as a tool to network with people who share a similar interest/hobby as I. It's a fantastic tool for those purposes, actually. If I died, many of those people may not know, and I wouldn't expect them to. I still like having them around to network with while I'm alive.

 

[3boymthr]

One of the issues may actually be caused by FB rules for shutting down a page. Unless you have the original page owner's FB password FB is extremely resistant to turning the page off. DH had this problem when his dad passed. He was trying to get the page shut off because FIL's girlfriend was using the page to solicit money from people pretending to be him (he died overseas and she was pretending to be him asking for funds to get home from the country where he lived when he died) but even when provided with copies of the death certificate FB wouldn't shut it down because someone (said deceptive girlfriend) was still logging on an using the page - so of course we must be lying about him being dead. After a year DH had to unfriend his deceased dad. The page is still there but the girlfriend has thankfully stopped using it.

What I find weird is a friend who died and her husband has started using her FB page to post pictures, news, etc. He used the page a lot to communicate when she was in the last stages of her illness and when she passed away. But now he uses it like it was his own page. DH thinks it's creepy. I wish he would get his own FB page. Though I see from posts here that he's not the only one who does this so I guess it's not as weird as I thought.

 

[MIGrandma]

I have 4 deceased friends on Facebook, and their accounts are still active and people do post on their birthdays. They are usually of the "we miss you" nature. I have seen a couple of those "we need to get together for lunch" type messages though and I find that very odd. If you're close enough to do lunch together, aren't you close enough that you would know they died?